My 75-Year Road Trip • Memoir and Musings

There are millions of "firsts" and "lasts" in our lives that affect us, become part of us, and influence who we become. Big and small. Doing this podcast was one of the biggies... Fifty-two weeks ago was my first podcast, and this one is my last..

Would listeners consider a memoir incomplete without at least a tidbit or two about the author's love life? Well, I don't know, but I had a lot of fun writing this story, and here it is....

The final of the 3 episodes about my experiences as a BC Marriage Commissioner.

Onwards with more Marriage Commissioner stories....

A requirement for becoming a Marriage Commissioner in British Columbia is that one has to be retired or semi-retired... so if we keep our eyes and ears open, there is still meaningful and interesting work available out there, just for us, in this Third Act. I officiated weddings for 9 VERY interesting years. This is the first of three episodes where I share my experiences.... did I already say?... it was VERY interesting.

Readers of my book and listeners to this podcast have asked me, "How did you do it?" So I' decided to add this special episode to answer that question. Heads up -- it's twice as long as my other episodes, but with good reason.

This is a fiction story about Rosa and Marilyn, but is based on a real once-in-a-lifetime experience I had in Mexico, thanks to an incredible woman named Jackie.

To stay as healthy and with it as you can as an Elder, it's a good thing, if not a necessary thing, to be active. Physically and mentally. One way to mentally keep fired up is by going to school --for fun, interest, curiosity, at the very least to get out of the house and off the couch.

Drug addiction and homelessness is a huge problem in our society and this harsh and debilitating situation offers little hope for a better life for the addicted. Our communities are trying to make things better for these folks but it's getting worse and seems hopeless.

This aging elder-woman experience is really something... every woman "in this place" will have their own unique trip and experiences travelling this particular road. I'm ticked that after all these years of life, with all this wisdom, with all my smarts, I still allow the "I'm not good enough as I am" message to (sometimes, somehow) creep into my thoughts. Jeez.

Girl unravels the "Why's?" of how she wound up in this crazy place with the Big Mistake. And feels awe and gratitude, if not some pride, at how much she has faced and dealt with. She finds her "I" and embraces her Self. Unbeknownst to her though, one more unexpected, ugly experience is on the horizon. But she will deal, with confidence, courage, and chutzpah.

Although supported by her friends, the "sisterhood," and by the RCMP, Girl discovers she really has to take care of things herself, be proactive. Some of her tactics are strengthening and some desperate, her actions and reactions range from brave to stupid, and some consequences are affirming, others not so much.

The interwoven, back-and-forth time-line continues. as Girl thought she'd ended this relationship from hell. Well, she had, but he hadn't.

In this and the next 3 episodes I tell the 3-year story of how an ordinary Girl got involved with a bad Boy... this is the one novelette in my memoir that wouldn't stop giving. My intention and hope is that this story with its ups and downs, and surprise ending, will be shared by listeners with other women they know who may be in a similar situation.

I'm not talking about the 1960s here! Warning -- this episode is about the experiences of solo seniors re-entering the dating world, and sex once again being on the table (or wherever.) It's more of a researched essay (lecture?) on this new place we can be in and the unexpected exploding increase in STDs as a result. But I then soften the tone with a story I've called "Penis Envy."

Yes, I know I'm a dinosaur, still resisting having a cell phone.... I try not to be so sensitive to what I see around me with how technology and the use of cell phones has affected us all. But I am.

We have times in our lives and experiences during those times that, in hindsight, we can't believe really happened. Yet we get through them... sometimes damaged or changed, But more often though, stronger and wiser.

Another off-road spin I wasn't expecting. When I got back onto the road, I was changed and had gained a new perspective on my life and life.

Someone once said, "Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes in the middle of nowhere you find yourself." And if this happens, you might discover, as explorer and scholar Ibn Battuta did in the 1300s, that travelling "... leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller."

It still amazes me that I travelled to so many places during this time in my life, and I 'm thankful that I did, and fortunate that I could. But when I look back on those two decades of being 'there,' not 'here,' I know there was more beneath the surface as I wandered from place to place to place.

Travel worldwide has now become common place. In 2000 I went on my first solo trip... the beginning of two decades of travel... the first decade was one of 'escape travel' and the second of 'engaged travel'... two totally different experiences as I navigated through the unsettled place I was in.

Have you ever said "Yes," when you would normally say, "No," and because of that, had a chance encounter with someone who amazed and inspired you? And after they left, that experience stayed in your thoughts for a long time? I knew Julia only for 24 hours, but she became the star in two of the stories in my memoir..

The four-legged members of our families give us so much. I was surprised at how much.

So.... How's "Going It Alone" working for ya? I thought it was for me.,. until it wasn't. It took awhile for me to ask for, and accept, the gift of someone's help. And I later discovered there is a 'Helper's High' and it's a win-win situation for both the helper and the helped. Volunteering has been rewarding and meaningful for me... and with a bit of Fever thrown in, well, it's fun, too.

Do you have something you absolutely must have? I have many. But in this episode I'll tell you about only two.... ones that I've had in my life since I could read and wear shoes.

Selfies are everywhere... it's a great way to share your daily experiences and fun and adventures with others. But there can be horrible consequences to taking a selfie.

Fathers are important to daughters for many reasons. And sometimes daughters become important to fathers in unexpected ways.

We can become addicted to many things.... my addiction was an unusual one, even one that some would scoff at or dismiss. But for me, I was hooked until I saw, of all things, a dead dog... it shocked me into doing what I had to do to get back on the road.

We sometimes struggle with what our minds are telling us we 'should' do, who we 'should' be. But if we settle down and calmly listen to our hearts, let go of the struggling, trust ourselves... often the road we should take becomes clear. It can take awhile, but we can get there.

Sometimes it's impossible to grasp that the person right in front of you is going to die, and that they will just... disappear. And when that does happen, in a way, you die, too. And who you were up to that moment, disappears. Have you ever had something happen so fast right in front of your eyes, that you can't believe what you saw, but you know that you did? That can be hard to grasp, too.

It's a good thing that we don't know our future... it comes soon enough.

In the '90s, Rotary International, a great world-wide service organization, went through a major shift. (Many would say at the time, "Shift happens," but I know a few people who said, "Shit happens.") In my small community, I played a part in Rotary during that shift, and once we all settled down and focused on the positives, it was a wonderful experience (but as always, I can only speak for myself).

Starting my home-based business was quite the venture, in so many ways. And over those 7 years, Balance was (one of) the keys to my success. Actually, today Balance still plays a part in my best days.

Moms are so important to us and to how we become the women we become. I was fortunate to have the mom I had and on this Mothers Day I'm publishing this story and have dedicated it to her.

That feeling of finding roots in a community, being settled in your life, is so grounding.

What a changed world we live in with technology and the internet. What a rebel to not have a smart phone! What have you noticed around you?

Early into my marriage I was asked a question that I'm sure many women are asked, and I (naively) answered it honestly. The reaction to my answer was more than confusing... it hurt. I've thought about that experience a lot and it's lead to a deeper acceptance of myself and my choices, and a knowing of what is right for me. But I'm not innocent or always kind either -- I too have flung hurtful words that have cost me friendships.

Being young, travelling on a new road with someone, full of vim and vigor, curiosity and a "why not" attitude, can lead us into some new adventures in some unique places. We would never have lived in northern BC if my husband hadn't worked for an employer that transferred its employees. And I'm so glad that we did... what a time that was in the '70s... way up north.

How did you meet your new (next?) partner? In Episode 2 "The Cab Driver" is a crazy, lovely story of how my mom and dad met. My story is more ordinary, but still with a few crazy parts. Maybe yours is, too. And I had a couple of road blocks to get through before I was able to shift into 3rd gear and be fully comfortable and confident about going on the road with this guy.

I wasn't expecting to careen down into a big sinkhole on the "grown-up highway" and learn such a huge "life-lesson" so quickly after leaving home. I had no idea at the time that real life can happen when you're busy making other bubbly plans and assuming that another's values are on the same page as yours. (PS. I think it's ironic that this is episode "13.")

Do you remember your flight from the nest? Maybe you remember what you were thinking and feeling at that moment. But did you ever wonder what your parents were thinking and feeling? And were you flying off to a job that was the one you'd dreamed of having since a little girl?

Forever, recipes have been handed down from mothers to daughters. You might have some favourites like I do. There was one recipe I found in my mom's recipe box though, that was a huge shock. And it sent me on an insightful journey of discovery.

What is it about kitchens? Family and friends love to hang out there, even though the living room is steps away with comfy chairs. I've spent lots of time in many kitchens in my life, and a few stand out with special meaning.

I was lucky to have had nearby grandmothers and even a great-grandma as I grew up, If you did, too, and they played a part in your life, what did these women pass on to you?

Sometimes we experience life's inequities early in life... my first was a broken promise from my dad. But although I remember it well, my anger dissolved... I was 13! Dad was in my life for 8 decades, but it wasn't until I wrote his story after he died that I realized how rough he'd had it at times. It was then I understood him so much better.

As we grow up and move into each new chapter, there are always"'firsts." I remember the first time I was in the hospital. Do you? What was it like for you? And then there are those "firsts" as we girls enter womanhood... yikes... who knew?

It can be confusing, even a bit disturbing, when as a first-born, a new sibling comes on the scene. Maybe this intruder stirs up some dislike, even a bit of anger. But thankfully the turmoil and sibling rivalry settles, and nothing terrible happens.... sometimes.

Through our young eyes, with the innocence and tiny view of our world, we see things and the people around us at face value, it's uncomplicated, simple. But sometimes when we're out in the adult world, we look back and realize that our perspective of these things and people then is much different than what we know now.

Growing up in the '50s and '60s was such a different time and experience compared to the kids growing up today. We learn so much before we leave our childhood home and venture out into the grown-up world.. You might recognize some of my nostalgic memories from "the good old days."

An introduction to what's ahead for listeners.