The B Movie Beatdown

What a loser! Romayro is off to the races and this week we're taking a bite out of Romero's favorite: MARTIN (1977)! It's a real mystery to us why this movie is well-liked, but we'll keep the door open for Dario Argento's alternate version with a Goblin soundtrack to give us a better experience next time around. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown  

Somebody's poisoned the water supply! This week we're starting off RoMAYro with nonstop screaming with THE CRAZIES (1973)! The small town of Evans City slowly goes insane as the military try their hardest to escalate the situation. Luckily, we have these two science guys that will do their science best, to get the science job science'd. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

We need to know if a wendigo is a cryptid! This week we've booked a cruise from Central America for CHUPACABRA: DARK SEAS (2005)! We get more of the fantabulous John Rhys-Davies and a surprising appearance of Giancarlo Esposito. It's rough seas ahead but at least the water is warm. Wait, that's not water, it's blood. Oh my goooood. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

Zorlock?! I hardly know her! This week we're back for another tabletop session with MYTHICA: The NECROMANCER (2015). This time we're bringing Pete into the fold. Did he watch the first two? No, no he did not. Did we tell him what happened? Also No. Get ready for a movie that's all filler and no substance. Seriously, this one could have been an email.

Oi! This week we're busting out the subtitles for Guy Ritchie's first film LOCK, STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS (1998). Prepare for fast talk, comedic beats, and an interwoven story that'll leave your head spinning. So don't lose those antique shotguns and make sure you bring a matching trench coat.

Cuby-dooby-doo! We enter the cube for the (possibly) finale time with CUBE ZERO (2004)! This somehow has some of the best and worst practical effects in the franchise; the good kind that's ewy gooey and makes you cringe and the terribly bad kind of Jax's doll eye that takes you out of the movie. Get ready to lose your boots, again.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown  

One oiled up cowboy coming right up! And he has the right tool for the job...by tool I mean his penis. There's also a chick named June Knockers and boy does she got some big ones. Okay, I'm done. This week we head back into the Sidariverse to cover the one that started the Bombs, Bullets, and Babes series: MALIBU EXPRESS (1985)! Is it the best Andy Sidaris movie we've done? No, but its definitely the horniest. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

This was bad! We're doing GRIZZLY II: REVENGE (1983/2021), a film that should have stayed gone. Plagued by production problems, this is a big bowl of nothing with boring sauce and a side of regret. Get ready for a movie filled with stock footage and immense disappointment.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

Finally! We are finally giving you the promised: TREMORS II: AFTERSHOCKS (1990)! The worms are back baby and something ain't right.  Fredward is leading the boys down to Mexico in this one, so let's load up the truck with some RC cars, and enough explosives to level an oil refinery. Of course, we didn't forget the umbrella this time. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

Don't call her babe! This week we're bringing you some real trash with BARB WIRE (1996)! We have Pamela Anderson doing stuff in a dystopian America where things happen. I hope you brought something to do because this one doesn't get off the ground until we're halfway through. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

  Bears!, and we're not talking daddies! This week we're heading into a national forest as we hunt for a GRIZZLY (1976)! We'll be yelling for Ranger Kelly as a bear rips off our arms, legs and heads. Knives don't cut it. Guns don't pierce it. Someone get the rocket launcher!   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

Snikt! Time for the biggest Blockbuster in Beatdown history. A budget so vast that the total eclipses every Beatdown prior. A mountain of cold hard cash that could only be used to make the greatest film ever made. That's right, we're covering X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (2009)! Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

It's Rebruary! You know him, you love him, give it up for Reb Brown and another rip-off that's better than the rest: STRIKE COMMANDO (1987)! Reb plays a 4x sole survivor out for vengeance in the mean jungles of Milan. I mean Manilla, but it's hard to tell when we have some very Italian Russians. Anyways, here, have some more Reb Brown. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

Blackpowder! We're going to a post-apocalyptic desert with crazy cars, football pad armor, and so many explosions you'll end up with tinnitus with RAIDERS OF THE SUN (1992)! Get ready for two - count it - TWO storylines that touch tips and fight over who is the most mediocre in this literal sleeper hit. Speaking of hitting anything, you won't need to worry about that, because these guys can't even hit someone with a rocket launcher. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

Hey Boogeyman - let's boogie! This week we're inviting you to the unholy matrimony of Paul and Christie in MORTUARY (1982)! So get ready to embalm your loved ones and give a toast to the lovely new couple. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

Bonk! One by one we'll be getting knocked out and dragged into the basement of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974)! That's right, we're doing the grandfather of slashers this week, so get ready to hate on Franklin and question the horrible choices and laugh at their pain.I hope I get turned into a pretty lampshade. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

Welcome to the First Annual Beaty's Part II awards! YOU voted, YOU waited, now WE get to share the winners of the 2025 Beaty's. So go get dolled up in your comfiest robe, pour yourself a whiskey in the biggest glass you own, and join us to induct these new members into our annals. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

Necromancer? I hardly know her! This week we are continuing down the mystical world of MYTHICA: THE DARKSPORE (2015)! Everyone is back for their second dose of fantasy adventure, and this time we have an oiled-up elf named Qole that's causing a stir. So, polish off that armor and hone that sword edge, because we just leveled up. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown  

Ogre?! I barely know her! This week, we're embarking on an adventure with MYTHICA: A QUEST FOR HEROES (2014)! A fantasy flick where a dwarf decapitates someone with a sick axe throw. We've got the usual love at first sight, and yet everyone just keeps talking about Marek's club foot. So strap on your armor and sharpen your swords, because we have damsels to save. It's time to roll initiative.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

Sorry folks! No Beatys this week. The Beaty's will return at a later date, but for now we have to be like those losers at the academy and do our award show in the following year. We love you all, and we're looking forward to bringing you more content!

She's flickin it all night long! This week we're watching one chick flick it all day and all night, in BLOODBEAT (1983). And boy did she beat it. Not only in the bedroom, but in the mind of a suit of samurai armor that goes on a bloody rampage, which is as cool as this movie gets.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

No episode this week! Go vote for the Beaty's and join us next week for Bloodbeat! Vote here: https://forms.gle/gS7gLP444NxUPVbt8 Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

More like Summer of 80 - Bore! This week we're checking out the murder mystery SUMMER OF 84 (2018)! Instead of subverting expectations, this film chose simplicity, predictability, and ultimately, boredom. I'm falling asleep just thinking about it, so grab your GI Joe walkie-talkie and get ready to fall asleep to this nostalgia bait Honeypot.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown 

Oops, all boobies! This week we're getting all hot and bothered with PICASSO TRIGGER (1988), Andy Sidaris is back with more Bombs, Bullets, and Babes than you can shake a stick at, and a couple dudes who made a dime shaking their sticks if you know what I mean. I think we all know our priorities on this one. Let's just say we didn't come for the plot. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

DOCTOR SATAN! All aboard a most dark and terrifying ride, this week we're doing HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES (2003)! It's gritty, it's gross, it's got Sid Haig stealing every scene, even when he's not in it. Grab yourself some of Captain Spaulding's Famous Fried Chicken, and strap in for a twisted horror homage.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

Sheesh you're pushy! This week, we're bringing you a Blockbuster Beatdown with THE PREDATOR (2018)! Made for $88 million dollars, stacked with a surprisingly all-star cast and more one liners than bullets. There's a lot going for this film and a lot more going against it.  Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

Aylmer's got a boner, and he wants to put it in your ear! Slow drip that psychedelic blue juice onto our brains, because we're chasin' the dragon this week with BRAIN DAMAGE (1988)! Frank Henenlotter is here once again to make us feel uncomfortable, while we gently bob our heads to this film's great soundtrack. There's no easy way to say it. We're getting dirty with this one.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames @Petedown

We're not perverts! Get ready for gratuitous violence, absurd comedy and some grotesque Dinklage dong with THE TOXIC AVENGER (2025)! That bad boy had such a stage presence it might as well have been credited. There's chaos, charm and a whole lot of penis envy. So grab your mop and join us as we dive into the toxic waste.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames

Black Phillip! Black Phillip! Hope you brushed up on Ye Olde English because this week we're covering Robert Eggers' THE VVITCH (2015)! We are rejoined by the one and only Pete as we wander through haunted woods to uncover the legend of the Witch of the Wood. Expect gripping suspense, unsettling tension, and pale feet as we talk about horror origins and classic witch mischief.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames

TAKUUAAA! This week we're filling our heads with ancient knowledge and showing our true selves by putting on a mask with BIONICLE: MASK OF LIGHT(2003)! We are joined by our friend, and residential Bionicle Expert: Kyle. So join us as we learn about Bionicles and finding our inner light . . . or whatever   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames

Space! Reb Brown is back back back again and this time he's a completely average pilot who charms the pants off of everyone he meets (looking at you Lea) in SPACE MUTINY (1988)! There's a lot of good wrapped in this very b-movie sci-fi flick. You got mutineers, Battlestar Galactica footage, ridiculous bumper car chases and so much more to unpack. So get ready for some more of Reb's classic shouts as he single handedly saves the Southern Sun!    Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames  

Woof! and not the good kind. We're going to the 2000s again for what should have been an action packed bombshell bonanza with BITCH SLAP(2009)! What we got was a half-backed girlfight where every other scene was them smashing boxes. Some of the visuals were passable but the whole thing simply falls flat. So put on your mini dress and tape up your boobs cuz we're painting the town red! I didn't even mention the huge sci-fi gun.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames

It's Predator Baby! Wait, no it's not. It's Bruno Mattei's copycat film ROBOWAR (1988)! Reb Brown is embodying Dutch as he leads a group of BAM commandos through the jungle while a cyborg hunts them from the shadows. I'll let you figure out what BAM means as we rip into this one.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames

We're hauling in a big one! This week we went fishing for treasure and all we got was this giant squid in KRAKEN: TENTACLES OF THE DEEP (2006)! We dive into another SyFy Original that gets the job done with minimal distractions. So grab yourself a plate of calamari and hop aboard!   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames

We struck gold! This week we had the pleasure of taking out a few Nazis with SISU (2022). There tons of blood and gore, and sick kills, and the main dude lights himself on fire. Pretty cool right? So come back to 1944 with us, we'll clobber some Nazis, do a quick little jaunt through Lapland, and it'll be more fun than you can shake a stick at!   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames  

Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to Violence! Get ready to drive, jive and survive with Russ Meyer's cult classic FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! (1965). Three go-go dancers go-go rogue in the California desert driving fast cars, judo chopping necks and using all that sass to get their way. Grab your switchblades and get ready to get down and dirty!   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames

Somebody Poisoned the Water Supply! Uncle Jesse is in over his head in this one as he tries to stop the evil and apocalyptic Gene Simmons in NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE (1986). This action movie is part James Bond, part Mad Max and part Beverly Hills 90210. Get ready for some questionable relationships, ridiculous shootouts and some obvious stunt doubles. Let's see if it sticks the landing.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames    

Calcinator! Okay, that might not be what little Timmy is called, but I do know Sven-Ole Thorsen plays a big dude named Suc On Dis and Jesse Ventura is ABRAXAS, GUARDIAN OF THE PLANET (1990)! This is the sci-fi action flick about the one that got away and the child whose father only wants to find him. So braid your rat tails, and buckle up!     Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames

Someone get the TUMS! This week a gaggle of hungry alien balls have crash landed in Midwestern America for CRITTERS (1986)! These adorable monsters will eat you out of house and home, and then eat you while laughing at your crying family. Expect poison darts, firecrackers, and some face morphing bounty hunters, and if all that doesn't stroke your goat we even have a young Billy Zane.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames

Hey guys, So no Tremors 2 this week unfortunately. You can blame Jordan, It's 100% his fault and he will be punished accordingly. I'm not sure what we have in store for him, but he said something about shackles...or a wheel of pain... Anyhoo, hopefully this audio explains things better. Instead of an episode this week, why don't you send us movies you'd like to see us cover. So reach out to us with your suggestions!   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames  

  The Boogieman is Back! For this week's Summer of Sequels, we're headed back to Haddonfield where the action picks up right where it left off with HALLOWEEN II (1981). Michael's night isn't over, and he's creatively carving his way through a mostly abandoned hospital. Laurie's on bed rest, and Doctor Loomis is waving his gun around like a mad man. That sounds stressful, I'm gonna go relax in the hot tub.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames  

 Pure potentiality! It's time to advance science and bring back the dead as our Summer of Sequels continues with BRIDE OF RE-ANIMATOR (1990)! Herbert West and Dan Cain return with a new dose of re-agent and a crypt waiting to be plundered. The practical effects are still gooey, the liquids are still glowing and mysterious, and the zombies are still shambling. Lets get to work. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames  

There's TWO snakes! This week we're running a secret military operation and hunting down some giant PYTHONS 2! Billiard Zabka is back and this time he has a gang of goons with lightning guns, flamethrowers, explosions and a truck driver. . . a truck driver? Well, grab your favorite leather duster and meet us somewhere in Russia for PYTHONS 2!   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames

Odinki Daska, Guys! The first of our Summer of Sequels takes us back to Tromaville for THE TOXIC AVENGER PART II! We'll be windsurfing from New Jersey to Japan, fighting crime, and  mackin' on the honeys. We might even reunite with our long lost father. Get yourself a mawashi and meet us in Jersey.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames

I'm afraid to close my eyes! This week we are joined by a friend of the pod as we discuss the paranormal found footage phenomenon: THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT! It may not be the first found footage movie, but it is the first for this podcast. Grab a couple granola bars, throw the map into the river, and don't listen to the voices.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames  

Guns in a Guitar Case! This week we're taking a trip south of the border with Robert Rodriguez's debut film, EL MARIACHI! Made with $7k and a dream, it's a pinnacle in low budget filmmaking; real townspeople extras, homemade stunts and effects, and pure indie movie magic. It's fast, it's gritty, it's worth its weight in coconuts.   Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames

 There is No Downstairs! This week we're running from cults, flesh monsters and medical malpractice in THE VOID! A small town cop goes from sleeping on the job to shotgun wielding hero in this Lovecraftian Horror. It's like a sandwich, triangle cult on the outside, terrible flesh monsters on the inside. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames  

 Traditional Family Values! This week we're on the hunt for the perfect family with THE STEPFATHER! Terry O'Quinn shines in this psychological horror as the wanna be family man Jerry Blake, or is that really his name? Well, whatever it is you won't want to miss it. Lock the doors, set the table and don't ask too many questions if you know what's good for you. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames  

There's No Reason! This week we're rolling into telekinetic madness and keeping our heads from exploding with RUBBER! This dark comedy follows the journey of a tire - yes, a literal tire - Its psionic powers, unrelenting bloodlust, and a vague journey of self discovery. Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames  

  Now That's What I Call A Brain Freeze! Stick a leaf in your bike spokes and grab a push pop from the ICE CREAM MAN! This summer time snack features Clint Howard in the Ice-tacular role of Gregory, our ice cream man. Can he live up to the Ice Cream King Dream or will the last shreds of his sanity finally snap?  Instagram: @bmoviebeatFacebook: The B Movie BeatdownEmail: [email protected] Letterboxd: @Absolute_trash @SlenderJames