The First Time Adult

Graduation season is filled with celebration.Families are proud…Teens are excited…Everything feels like a milestone moment.But once the ceremony is over and the routine disappears, a different reality begins to set in. Because while graduation marks the end of school, it also marks the beginning of real life, and many teens are stepping into it without the skills they actually need.The Real Reason Teens Struggle After GraduationThere’s a common assumption that when teens struggle after high school, it’s because they lack motivation or direction. That’s not entirely true. The real issue is preparation.For over a decade, teens are taught how to:* follow instructions* complete assignments* meet deadlinesBut they are rarely taught how to:* manage their own money* make independent decisions* handle everyday responsibilities without structureSo when graduation happens and that structure is removed, many teens feel lost, not because they aren’t capable, but because they were never shown how to navigate life on their own.What This Looks Like in Real LifeThis lack of preparation shows up quickly in the first few months after graduation. Typically around August, when the new school year kicks off.Teens may struggle with:* budgeting and managing money* making decisions without guidance* handling responsibilities like appointments, work, or time management* feeling stuck without a clear next stepThis happens across the board.Teens going to college often face independence faster than expected, while those not going to college are expected to build a life without a clear roadmap.Different paths, but the same gap.Why Life Skills Matter More Than We ThinkOf course life skills are important. But they’re often misunderstood as basic responsibilities or chores. When in reality, they are the foundation for independence.They are what allow someone to:* handle unexpected situations* make informed decisions* take ownership of their lifeAs your Beyond The Diploma guide explains, life skills create a kind of freedom, the ability to function without relying on someone else every time something goes wrong. Without these skills, even capable teens can find themselves overwhelmed.The First 12 Months After GraduationStarting the August following graduation through July of the next year, is a critical transition period for teens.This is when:* habits begin to form* confidence is either built or challenged* real-world consequences become more immediateWithout guidance, this period can feel reactive and uncertain. With preparation, it can become a foundation for long-term growth.What Teens Actually Need Moving ForwardTeens don’t need to have everything figured out. They need:* a basic understanding of how to manage their money* the ability to make and follow through on decisions* exposure to real-life responsibilities* support that guides without controllingMost importantly, they need space to learn while still having structure and support.A More Practical Approach to Life After High SchoolThis is exactly why I created Beyond The DiplomaNot as a lecture…Not as pressure…But as a practical guide to help teen and families navigate the first 12 months after graduation with more clarity and direction.Because as many of us know, real life doesn’t come with instructions, but being prepared make a huge difference.Graduation is a proud moment. But it’s also a transition.And the question families need to start asking is not just what comes next, but whether their teen is ready for it.If you’re thinking about what that transition looks like for your teen, you can explore Beyond The Diploma here.The First Time Adult is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.www.thefirsttimeadult.com Get full access to The First Time Adult at thefirsttimeadult.substack.com/subscribe

Caps…Gowns…Pictures…Announcements…Most of the focus during this time of the school year is on one question.”So what’s next?”And for a lot of families, that question starts and ends with college. While college is a plan, it’s not preparation for real life.But that question skips something bigger.What happens after the senior activities, prom, graduation, the summer and now it’s August… when real life starts?And for the teens who aren’t going to college right away? They’re expected to just… figure it out. Most times without… structure, a roadmap, or real guidance.Just a whole lot of pressure!Here’s what I see over and over again, year after year.Two different paths… same exact problem.If your teen is going to college:They’re about to step into independence faster than most people realize.* No one is waking them up* No one is checking assignments* No one is making sure they’re managing their time, their money, or their decisionsAnd when something goes wrong?They have to advocate for themselves… and many for the very first time.If your teen isn’t going to college:Now everything is immediate.* Income* Responsibility* Decision-makingThere’s no built-in system. No orientation for life. Just “go get a job” and “figure it out”. And that’s where a lot of teens get stuck. And no, it’s not because they don’t want better for themselves. But honestly, because they simply don’t know what steps to take next.So yea different paths… same reality, and your teen still has to live real life.And the truth is, the first 12 months after graduation, kicking off in August?They matter so much more than people think. This is where habits are being built. Confidence is formed. Mistakes are happening (let’s be for real)… and sometimes those mistakes cost more than they should.This is where your teen either starts to feel capable… or starts to feel lost.As a college graduate myself, I’m definitely not anti-college.But I am anti sending our teens into the world unprepared.That’s why I created Beyond The Diploma… this substack of course but actually my guide. Which is the inspiration of this substack.Because as a mom of five, two of which are young adults, I know that families need something practical.Not motivation… or speeches… and most certainly not “you’ll figure it out”.A realistic breakdown of what the first year after high school actually requires.From managing money…to making decisions…to living at home as a young adult…to navigating life without constant supervision.If you have a teen graduating this year, don’t stop at the celebration.Start thinking about what comes after.Because whether they’re heading to a campus or figuring things out in real time… real life is coming fast either way!You can check out Beyond The Diploma here.The First Time Adult is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.www.thefirsttimeadult.com Get full access to The First Time Adult at thefirsttimeadult.substack.com/subscribe

Let's be honest: the question, "So, what's your plan after graduation?" can feel like a loaded one. Both for our kids and for us as parents. I know, because I've been on both sides of it.I left home at 17, with no real plan except to figure things out as I went. Now, at 44, I sometimes catch myself wondering: what if I’d had a map, or even just a compass, back then? Would it have saved me some of the heartache, the disappointments, the unnecessary struggles and bad situations I stumbled into? Maybe. Maybe not. But it’s a question that lingers, especially as I watch my own adult children and younger children approach the same crossroads.The First Time Adult is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.The Pressure to Have It All Figured OutThere’s this expectation that by the time our kids cross the graduation stage, whether it’s high school or college, they should have their next steps mapped out. College. Trade school. A job. A gap year. Something. Anything. And if they don’t? Cue the anxiety (theirs and ours).But here’s the thing: not everyone is ready to chart their path at 17 or 18. Some of us need more time, more experiences, or just a little more breathing room to figure out what feels right. And that’s okay.Our Role: Guide, Don’t DictateAs parents, it’s tempting to want to steer the ship. We’ve lived through enough storms to know where the rocks are hidden. But as much as we want to choose the safest, smoothest route for our kids, it’s not our journey to make. What we can do is provide the resources, guidance, and support they need. While remembering to listen, really listen, to what they want and need.Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to be a sounding board. To ask questions like, “What excites you?” or “What are you curious about?” instead of, “What are you going to do with your life?” To let them know it’s okay not to have all the answers right now.The Value of a Plan (And the Freedom to Change It)Would having a plan have saved me or you from some tough times? Maybe. But I also know that plans can change. Life throws curveballs. Interests shift. Opportunities appear where you least expect them. The most important thing isn’t having a perfect plan, it’s knowing how to adapt, and having people in your corner who believe in you, no matter what.What I Wish I’d Known (And What I Try to Offer Now)Looking back, I wish someone had told me it was okay to not have it all figured out. That it was normal to feel lost sometimes. That asking for help wasn’t a sign of weakness, but a smart move. These are the messages I try to pass on now.So, if your teen doesn’t have a plan after graduation, take a breath. You haven’t failed as a parent. They haven’t failed as a young adult. This is just one chapter in a much bigger story.Let’s Start the ConversationIf you’re in this boat (or even if you’ve already sailed these waters), I’d love to hear your story. How are you supporting your teen / young adult child as they figure out their next steps? What’s worked for you, and what hasn’t?And if you haven’t had this conversation yet, maybe today’s the day to ask, “How are you feeling about what comes next?” and just listen.Let’s keep the conversation going. Share your thoughts in the comments, pass this along to a friend who might need it, and subscribe for more honest talks about parenting through life’s big transitions.We’re all figuring it out together.P.S. If you’re looking for more structured support as you help your teen navigate this transition, I created a guide called "Beyond The Diploma." It’s designed for parents just like us, who want to offer guidance without taking over, and who believe in empowering our kids to make intentional choices about their future. If you’re interested, you can check it out here.The First Time Adult is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to The First Time Adult at thefirsttimeadult.substack.com/subscribe

Let’s talk about it.First off, raising teens is not for the weak. I swear it’s like watching a baby giraffe try to walk. Wobbly, chaotic, and sometimes straight-up painful to witness. One minute, they swear they got life figured out. The next, they’re oversleeping for work because they “forgot” to set an alarm. Or, they can’t even remember to take the damn chicken out the freezer (can you tell this just happened to me lol).It’s frustrating. And if you’re like most parents, you’re probably not out here tracking their every move, calling their boss, or emailing their teachers (unless it’s really important) like a full-blown helicopter parent. But… let’s be honest. Are you low-key holding them back without even realizing it?Let’s test it real quick:* You still wake them up like they don’t have a whole phone with an alarm.* You’re still reminding them about deadlines they should already be keeping track of.* You step in to fix things because you know they’ll fumble.* You make excuses for them when they drop the ball.* You stress over their decisions like it’s your life on the line.Sound familiar? It’s not that you don’t want them to be independent. You do. But it’s hard to sit back and watch them struggle when you know you could fix it in two seconds.But here’s the truth: every time you step in, you send the message that they can’t handle it without you. And that message? It sticks.Story TimeSo, y’all, quick story time. A tradition in my house is that once my kids graduate from high school, they get somewhat of a parachute package when they decide to move out on their own. That means I cover all the “firsts” to give them a solid start: first apartment, first car, first set of bills, etc. so they ain’t out here struggling from Day 1.When my oldest daughter moved out, she got her first apartment, and I did what I always planned to do:* I paid the security deposit, first month’s rent, and set up her utilities.* I helped furnish her place (a lot came straight from my house).* I stocked her up with groceries and all the essentials.Baby girl was SET. Or so I thought.Since her dad was in the military, she was going to school on his GI Bill, so her only job was to go to school and work her hair business. She received a stipend that covered her housing and of course her hair business covered her wants. I told her I’d step in only if needed.Nine months later, she was evicted.Now, a lot of decisions led to that moment:* She moved her significant other in not long after she got the place.* She let friends stay with her who weren’t contributing a dime.* She wasn’t going to school like she was supposed to.* She wasn’t keeping up with bills the way she needed to.And as much as I talked to her, coached her, reminded her, it got to a point where I had to step back and let her fall.It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.We talking about my baby, my firstborn. But people around me kept saying, "You made it too easy for her." Maybe I did. But it was a lesson for both of us.* It taught me to maintain my boundaries and not feel obligated to fix what she messed up.* It taught her that my warnings weren’t just talk, real life has real consequences.She took that L, but she grew from it. And now? The way she moves in life is completely different. She’ll never forget that moment, and honestly? Neither will I.Looking back, I realize there were some things I did that actually held her back instead of preparing her for adulthood (which is why and how I started writing my book, The First Time Adult):* I made her transition too comfortable. By covering all her “firsts,” I unknowingly removed the struggle that builds responsibility. She never had to save up for a security deposit, set up utilities, or budget for essentials. So when the real responsibilities hit, she wasn’t ready.* I was still her safety net. Even though I said I’d only step in when needed, she still felt like I was there to catch her if she fell, and that changed the way she made decisions. She took risks she wouldn’t have if she knew there was no backup plan.* I gave advice, but I still low-key managed things. I’d remind her about bills, check in on her, and guide her through decisions. But instead of fully stepping back, I was still involved enough that she didn’t develop the habits she needed.* I didn’t let her struggle early enough. She needed to learn how to handle tough situations before she moved out, not after. I should have let her handle more of her own responsibilities while she was still home, so she’d already know how to navigate them on her own.I see now that growth doesn’t happen in comfort. By making things easy upfront, I actually delayed her learning process. But the lesson still came, just in a way neither of us expected.The Fine Line Between Support and Stunting Their GrowthSo I for one, get it when I hear parent’s say, “I just want them to be responsible.”But then we’re reminding, double-checking, and fixing things behind the scenes.We want them to take accountability, but we swoop in with a safety net before they even hit the ground. We say we trust them, but we’re still managing things they should be handling on their own.You see the disconnect?If they don’t start figuring things out now, when will they?It’s Hard to Watch Them Struggle…But That’s the AssignmentI know it’s uncomfortable. Letting them fail. Sitting on your hands while they deal with the consequences. But that’s how they learn. Struggle builds skills.If they never have to problem-solve now, they’ll be grown and lost as hell when it actually matters.So here’s my challenge to you:* Instead of reminding, let them forget and deal with what happens.* Instead of fixing, ask them “What’s your plan?” and let them handle it.* Instead of rescuing, hold them accountable and coach them through it, not do it for them.Your job was never to clear the path for them, it’s to teach them how to walk it.So… are you low-key holding them back? How are you letting go (or struggling to)? Let’s talk about it in the comments.Want More Tools to Help Your Teen(s) Thrive?If you found this post helpful, you’ll love my book, The First Time Adult. It’s packed with practical advice, resources, and actionable steps to help teens and young adults build independence, financial confidence, and life skills. Perfect for educators, parents, and nonprofit leaders looking to empower the next generation. Grab your copy here!The First Time Adult is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to The First Time Adult at thefirsttimeadult.substack.com/subscribe

Earlier this week, my 18-year-old daughter and I were having one of those deep life talks. Which have increased since she’s starting to do more things independent of me. This time we talked about budgeting, financial security, and what it really means to build stability in life. Her question was, “So mom, when do I get to stop worrying about money?”My initial thought was to tell her, “honey, never” lol. However, I’m mindful with my teachings, as I don’t want to discourage. So I shared with her that: life, especially to get to financial stability, works like a pyramid. There are levels to this thing. Each one builds on the one before it. The goal? To move from struggling at the bottom to thriving at the top. But nobody gets there overnight.She’s a visual learner, like myself. So I sat down and drew her the pyramid of what this journey looks like. Now, maybe you’ve seen something like this before, or maybe this is your first time. Nonetheless, I want to share it with you because it’s the perfect visual tool for educators, youth program leaders, and parents trying to explain financial growth to their teens and young adults.A Pyramid of ProgressSo, let’s picture a pyramid with five levels. Each level represents a stage in life, from just trying to make it to living with purpose and freedom. Here’s how it breaks down:1. Crisis (The Bottom)This is where life feels like a constant emergency. You’re just trying to survive.* What it looks like: You can’t pay bills. You don’t know how you’re going to eat. You’re relying on others (or credit cards) to keep the lights on.* Focus: Immediate needs like food, rent, and safety.* Message for Teens: “It’s okay to need help right now, but we’ve got to build a plan to get you stable.”2. SurvivalYou’ve got the basics covered, but life still feels stressful. One wrong move, like a car repair or unexpected bill, and you’re back in crisis mode.* What it looks like: You’re living paycheck to paycheck, borrowing to make ends meet, or constantly stressed about money.* Focus: Create a simple budget to track income and expenses. Start saving anything, even $5 counts.* Message for Teens: “Survival is a step up, but you don’t want to stay here. Let’s talk about how to get you some breathing room.”3. StabilityNow you’re starting to breathe. Your basic needs are covered, and you’ve got a little cushion for emergencies. You’re not thriving yet, but you’re not in survival mode either.* What it looks like: You can pay your bills, save a little, and handle small setbacks without panic.* Focus: Build an emergency fund. Cut unnecessary expenses. Learn to manage money with confidence.* Message for Teens: “This is where you start to feel more in control. Now we’re building habits to keep you moving up.”4. GrowthHere’s where things really get exciting. You’re not just surviving, you’re starting to thrive. You’re building wealth, learning new skills, and investing in your future.* What it looks like: You’ve got savings, you’re paying down any debt, and you can invest in things that make you better: like education, hobbies, or starting a business.* Focus: Maximize your income. Invest in yourself. Create long-term financial goals.* Message for Teens: “This is where you start dreaming big. What do you want your life to look like in 5 or 10 years?”5. Thriving (The Top)The top of the pyramid is what we’re all working toward: freedom, fulfillment, and the ability to live life on your terms.* What it looks like: You’re financially secure, with no debt weighing you down. You have options, and you’re using your time, money, and energy to make an impact.* Focus: Maintain your wealth. Give back. Keep growing personally and financially.* Message for Teens: “Thriving isn’t about being rich; it’s about being free. It’s about having choices and the ability to help others.”Now, you’ll probably get the same follow-up question my 18-year-old asked me, “So, How Long Is All of This Gonna Take?”So I’ll share with you what I told her. First of all, let me just say, I hear you. When you’re at the bottom of the pyramid, looking up can feel overwhelming and even out of reach. You might be thinking, “Do I have to wait forever to get to the thriving stage?” The answer? No, you don’t. But how long it takes depends on a few key things:* Where You’re Starting FromIf you’re in crisis mode right now, your first focus is to climb into survival, then stability. Each level takes time, and it’s different for everyone. Some people move through the levels faster because they’ve got more support or resources. Others take longer because they’re juggling more challenges. There’s no one-size-fits-all timeline, and that’s okay.* The Habits You BuildHere’s the truth: the sooner you start building good habits, like budgeting, saving, and planning…the faster you’ll move up. It’s like learning a new skill. The more you practice, the better you get, and the easier it becomes to level up.* Your Patience and EffortProgress takes effort. And sometimes, it takes longer than you want. But don’t let that discourage you. Every small step counts. Even if you’re only saving a couple of dollars a week or learning to track your spending, you’re making moves.* Unexpected SetbacksLife happens. You might feel like you’re climbing the pyramid, only to hit a setback that knocks you down a level. Again, it’s okay (even if it doesn’t feel like it). The key is to keep going. Every time you get back up, you’re building resilience, and that’s a skill you’ll need at every stage.So, how long is it gonna take? As long as it takes you. What matters most is that you’re moving in the right direction. Some weeks, you might sprint up a level. Other times, it might feel like you’re crawling. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to reach the top of the pyramid overnight to feel successful. Each level you climb is a win worth celebrating.My advice? Focus on the next step, not the whole pyramid. Always ask yourself, what’s one thing I can do today to move myself closer to stability, growth, or thriving? Start there.How to Use This Pyramid with Teens Who Are Still Living at HomeFor many teens, especially those still living at home (like my daughter), financial independence might feel like something far off in the distance. But the pyramid still applies because building good habits starts now, no matter where they live or how much support they have. Here’s how you can approach it:1. Ask Them to Identify Where They AreEven if they’re not fully managing their own money yet, they can still reflect on their level of independence and readiness.* Questions to ask:* “Do you feel like you’re just trying to keep up with what’s expected of you, or are you starting to feel more in control of things like budgeting or saving?”* “If you suddenly had to manage your money or pay for something big, would you feel prepared or stressed?”* “Are you learning how to balance your needs and wants?”2. Talk About What They Need to Move UpThis is where you help them connect the dots between their current habits and future goals. Even if they’re not paying rent or covering all their expenses, there are still steps they can take to grow.* Examples:* If they’re in crisis: Help them learn basic financial skills like tracking how much they spend or sticking to an allowance.* If they’re in survival: Maybe they can start saving for personal expenses like clothes, going out, or hobbies, even if it’s a small amount.* If they’re in stability: They might start budgeting for bigger goals, like saving for a car, college, or moving out.* Encourage conversations: “What’s one thing you can do this month to feel more in control of your money?”3. Celebrate Every StepIt’s easy to overlook progress when you’re not yet paying bills or living on your own. But every step they take, no matter how small, is preparing them for the future.* How to celebrate:* If they stick to a savings goal, acknowledge how responsible they’re being: “Look at you saving $50 this month, you’re building great habits!”* If they learn a new skill like budgeting or meal planning, remind them that those are tools they’ll use for life.* If they start contributing to small household expenses or saving for something they want, cheer them on for taking that initiative.Why It MattersEven teens who still live at home can practice climbing the pyramid. It’s not about whether they’re fully independent yet, it’s about building the mindset and habits that will help them thrive when the time comes. Every time they move up a level, they’re learning to depend less on you or others and more on themselves.The goal? Help them see that the skills they’re building now will make life easier, and more rewarding later.Not Everyone Starts Life at the Top of the PyramidAnd that’s okay! Life happens. We fall back a step sometimes. But the goal is to keep climbing…one step, one habit, one decision at a time.For the teens in your life, remind them:It’s not about where you start. It’s about where you’re going. And no matter where you are, you’ve got what it takes to move up.What do you think? Have you had similar conversations with your teens or students? I’d love to hear how you’re helping the next generation climb their pyramid.The First Time Adult is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Want More Tools to Help Your Teen(s) Thrive?If you found this helpful, you’ll love my book, The First Time Adult. It’s packed with practical advice, resources, and actionable steps to help teens and young adults build independence, financial confidence, and life skills. Perfect for educators, parents, and nonprofit leaders looking to empower the next generation. Grab your copy here! Get full access to The First Time Adult at thefirsttimeadult.substack.com/subscribe

Hello and welcome to The First Time Adult — a place where we bridge the gap between educators, youth based nonprofits, and parents of teens / young adults, navigating the winding roads of this transition into adulthood together. As a once young adult, a current parent to both adult and soon-to-be adult children, and an author sharing my experiences, advice, and tips on the subject I've walked the path you're on now, and I'm here to share the journey with you.Today, I want to talk about something that's close to my heart — specifically keeping our relationships between parents and their teens strong during the transition into adulthood. It’s a time filled with excitement and, admittedly, a fair share of challenges. As our teens are creating their own paths and embracing their independence, us parents are finding ourselves in a delicate dance of support and letting go.Understanding Each OtherThrough my own parental experiences, I've learned that understanding is mutual. For parents, it's about us recognizing that this new phase of life is as overwhelming for our children as it is for us. On the other hand, for young adult children, it’s about you all seeing the efforts and sometimes the worries behind our advice or concerns.Look at every challenge we experience together as an incredible opportunity — to communicate better, to understand each others points of view, and to ultimately grow together. The goal of this community is to encourage both parents and young adults to build your own narratives of mutual respect and understanding with each other.A Place for Positive DialogueJust a quick glimpse down the timeline of any social media platform, you’ll see hundreds of posts that don’t drive parents and their young adult children together — but pull them further apart. That’s why my vision for this community to be a sanctuary of positive energy and insights, where we all can equally share stories and advice that not only inform but also inspire and provoke thoughtful, healthy discussions. My intention for each post is to strengthen the bonds between parents and their young adult children, offering perspectives and guidance that light the way for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.Join the ConversationWhat do I want from you? Well, whether you’re a young adult or a parent — dive into the comments below. Share your thoughts, your personal stories, or ask questions. With your support and engagement we can make this a vibrant community of shared wisdom and support.Spread the Word and Stay ConnectedMy second request is that if you find resonance in our discussions, please share this community. Be apart of spreading positivity and understanding far and wide. By subscribing you’ll stay updated on my latest posts, and if you haven’t already, consider picking up a copy of my book "The First Time Adult" which is the inspiration behind this community.Thank you for joining me here. I look forward to our journey together, building futures one adult at a time.Thanks for reading The First Time Adult! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. Get full access to The First Time Adult at thefirsttimeadult.substack.com/subscribe