The Loudness McEvil Symposium: An Addict's Recovery Journey

This isn't a story about corporate greed in the abstract. It's a documented, prosecuted, guilty-pleaded crime — committed by specific people with names, who knew exactly what they were doing.In part 2 of Loudness's opioid series, we get into OxyContin: how Purdue Pharma and the Sackler family built a machine to create as many opioid-dependent people as possible, as fast as possible. The fake "less than 1% addiction" statistic. The 5,000 doctors sent on resort vacations. McKinsey's proposal to pay distributors a rebate for every overdose. The $11 billion quietly moved offshore before the bankruptcy filing.And then: how the prescription epidemic became the heroin epidemic, which became the fentanyl epidemic — a direct causal chain that is still killing people today.Loudness survived it. Hundreds of thousands didn't.Part 3 coming soon: what the street epidemic actually looked like from the inside.The Loudness McEvil Symposium — addiction, homelessness, recovery, and the truth about who actually created this crisis.REFERENCES:BooksPatrick Radden Keefe, Empire of Pain: The Secret History of the Sackler Dynasty (2021) — the essential book on this topic; sourced for the Sackler family history, the blizzard of prescriptions quote, and the milking program detailsBeth Macy, Dopesick: Dealers, Doctors, and the Drug Company that Addicted America (2018) — on the ground-level impact, particularly in Appalachia; adapted into the Hulu seriesCourt Documents & Legal SourcesMassachusetts Attorney General's complaint against Purdue Pharma and the Sackler family (2019) — available at mass.gov/ago — source for the MGH funding details, the internal memos, and the "reckless criminals / scum of the earth" Richard Sackler emailUS Department of Justice — Purdue Pharma plea agreement (2020) — justice.gov — source for the admitted fraud and $8.3 billion settlementUS Bankruptcy Court — Purdue Pharma Chapter 11 proceedings (2019–2021) — pacer.govUS Supreme Court — Harrington v. Purdue Pharma (2024) — ruling on the Sackler immunity shield — supremecourt.govMcKinseyProPublica — "McKinsey Proposed Paying Pharmacy Companies Rebates for OxyContin Overdoses" — propublica.org, November 2020 — the primary source for the per-overdose rebate proposalNew York Times — "McKinsey Settles for $573 Million Over Role in Opioid Crisis" — nytimes.com, February 2021The DistributorsHouse Energy and Commerce Committee — "Red Flags and Warning Signs Ignored: Opioid Distribution and Enforcement Failures" (2020) — available at energycommerce.house.gov — source for the West Virginia pharmacy statisticsWashington Post / 60 Minutes joint investigation — "The Drug Industry's Triumph Over the DEA" — washingtonpost.com, October 2017 — on the DEA revolving doorState AG settlements — National Association of Attorneys General tracking page — naag.orgRussell PortenoyWall Street Journal — "A Doctor's Change of Heart on Painkiller Risks" — wsj.com, December 2012 — Portenoy's public recantationProPublica — "Doctors Who Get Paid by Drug Companies Prescribe More Brand-Name Drugs" — propublica.org (Dollars for Docs database)The Sackler Names Coming DownNew Yorker — "The Family That Built an Empire of Pain" — newyorker.com, October 2017 (Patrick Radden Keefe's original article before the book)ArtNet News — tracking coverage of museum name removals, 2019–2022 — news.artnet.com

Before OxyContin. Before the Sacklers. Before fentanyl hit the streets — humans were already hopelessly tangled up with the opium poppy.In this episode, Loudness traces opioids from their origins in 3400 BCE Mesopotamia — where the Sumerians called it "the joy plant" — through laudanum, morphine, soldier's disease, Bayer's heroin-for-children campaign, and the slow-release revolution that set the stage for the worst pharmaceutical disaster in American history.This isn't just history. It's the story of why 30 years of Loudness's life went the way it did — and why yours, or someone you love, might be going the same way right now.Part 1 of 3. Next episode: the crimes of Purdue Pharma, the Sackler family, McKinsey & Company, and everyone who looked the other way.The Loudness McEvil Symposium — addiction, homelessness, recovery, and the occasional unfiltered opinion on how the world actually works.

Two years ago, I used opioids for the last time. Before that: 30 years of heroin, cocaine, fentanyl, and meth. 12 years of homelessness. And a birthday cake made of Smarties that finally meant something.In Episode 2 of The Loudness McEvil Symposium, I compare Then vs. Now — sleeping in parking garages vs. having opinions about flooring, dumpster dining vs. six-dollar canned tomatoes, stealing cars vs. talking to people who own McLarens.This isn't a brag. It's proof that the distance between those two lives is walkable — even when you're inside the one that feels impossible.Topics: addiction recovery, sobriety milestones, homelessness, mental health, 12-step, SMART Recovery, fentanyl, opioid crisis, harm reduction.If you're struggling, or love someone who is — this one's for you.

What if the real battle in addiction recovery isn't giving up the substance — it's giving up the self that needed it? In this episode, we go deep on the ego: what it actually is, how it fuels addiction, and why Step Six of the Twelve Steps may be the most quietly radical thing a person can be asked to do.We explore how our deepest character defects — pride, dishonesty, anger, people-pleasing — aren't just flaws. They're survival strategies. And Step Six asks us to become willing to release them.Whether you're in recovery, supporting someone who is, or simply curious about the psychology of change, this episode offers an honest, compassionate look at what it really means to let go.Topics covered: the ego and addiction, character defects in the 12 steps, what "entirely ready" really means, ego death and spiritual transformation, how Step Six changes relationships and behavior.KEYWORD TAGSaddiction recovery step six twelve steps ego and addiction character defects recovery podcast sobriety spiritual recovery 12 step program self-awareness recovery journey mental health higher power ego death willingness

In My 22 Month Addiction recovery Journey, I’ve noticed lots of things I find it hard to understand. In this episode I stream of conscience my thoughts on one of the hardest.Alcohol is the only drug you have to explain quitting.In this episode, I’m not telling anyone what to drink, how to live, or what choices to make. I’m trying to understand something that’s confused me for a long time — why alcohol is embraced, protected, and normalized despite being one of the most harmful substances humans consume.From holidays and social pressure, to celebrity doctors claiming alcohol is “good for you,” to the way society excuses drunk violence while condemning mental illness, this is a messy, honest, unscripted attempt to make sense of a culture that treats some addictions as acceptable and others as moral failure.Coming from lived experience, homelessness, addiction, and 22 months of sobriety, this isn’t a lecture or a call to arms. It’s a reflection.No judgment. No preaching.Just noticing.

Step Five in addiction recovery asks us to confront the uncomfortable truth about ourselves—out loud, to another person. It’s about revealing the raw, unpolished reality behind our addict stories, breaking the cycles of shame, secrecy, and self-deception that hold us back. In this episode, we explore why this step is a critical turning point on the recovery journey, offering insights into sober living and psychological healing. Whether you’re navigating your own addiction journey, supporting someone in recovery, or seeking understanding of the human need for honesty, this conversation sheds light on the power of truth as a path to freedom and connection. Join us for a candid exploration of recovery, addiction support, and the transformative power of being truly known.

Recovery is truly a group project, and this episode dives into the crucial role loved ones play in addiction support and relapse prevention. If you care about someone in recovery, prepare for some uncomfortable but honest truths. Jason explains why relapse doesn’t begin with drugs or alcohol but with isolation, control, and silence, and how well-meaning support can sometimes unintentionally feed addiction. Discover early relapse warning signs, why control can backfire, the danger of fake forgiveness, and why joy and laughter are vital for sustained recovery. This episode offers real talk on maintaining honesty, setting healthy boundaries, and building a livable, sober life. Join us for an insightful discussion that challenges myths about drug addiction and highlights effective strategies for addiction recovery.

In this deeply personal episode, Jason invites listeners into his sobriety journey as he sits down with his partner, Wendy, for an honest and heartfelt conversation about connection, isolation, and the realities of addiction recovery. Together, they unpack why isolation can feel safer during early recovery and how genuine connection supports maintaining long-term sobriety.They delve into the razor-thin line between socializing and relapse, what partners often misunderstand about addiction support, and the complex emotions—fear, shame, and mental chaos—that drive addiction. Wendy shares her experience supporting Jason through relapses and healing, offering valuable insights for families and partners navigating the challenges of recovery together.This episode is raw, messy, and vulnerable, delivering powerful survival stories and shedding light on rebuilding trust, setting boundaries, and the emotional reality of recovery. If you or someone you love is walking the path of addiction recovery, this candid conversation offers hope and understanding that truly matters.

Step 4 of the 12 Steps in addiction recovery challenges us to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. While it may sound straightforward, this process can feel emotionally taxing and overwhelming, like facing your past head-on. In this episode of The Loudness McEvil Symposium, we explore what Step 4 truly means for those battling addiction and seeking recovery. Discover how to confront resentments, fears, and a complicated history without falling apart or turning cruelty inward. Learn why honesty is difficult but necessary, and how writing can be a powerful tool to save us from our own thoughts. We'll tackle topics like shame, secrets, and the liberation that comes from self-truth, sharing personal experiences that make this step approachable and real for addicts and those supporting them.If you're working the steps or supporting someone in recovery, this episode will provide valuable insights and encouragement. Addiction recovery is messy and imperfect, but you don't have to face it alone. Subscribe for more episodes focused on addiction, recovery, and the complex systems we navigate on this journey. Remember, your story matters.

In this brutally honest episode of The Loudness McEvil Symposium, Jason opens the lid on the “Secrets Box” — revealing the unspoken traumas, shame, and confusion that shaped a generation struggling with addiction and drugs. From the fluorescent nightmare of 1980s small-town adolescence to the harsh realities of a detox ward, this story is about survival, addiction recovery, and the high cost of silence.Jason dismantles myths surrounding mental health, masculinity, and personal responsibility, confronting systems that punish addicts instead of offering real help. This episode delves into childhood abuse, ADHD before it was understood, body dysmorphia, and the long, painful road to communication — the crucial element that could have prevented decades of destruction.💬 Topics: addiction, drugs, addicts, childhood trauma, mental health stigma, ADHD, addiction recovery, communication, suicide prevention, family healing, homelessness, recovery storytelling.🎧 Whether you’re curious about how addiction truly begins or how it can be overcome, this episode offers raw insights and hope.👉 Subscribe, share, and help someone find a reason to keep going.

Explore the realities of early addiction recovery and the challenges that come with leaving behind a life of opioid addiction and homelessness. In this episode, Wendy and Jason share their deeply personal journeys through sobriety, with Jason now 20 months sober after 30 years battling opioid addiction and homelessness, and Wendy celebrating 8 years alcohol-free. They discuss the true meaning of early recovery, why "one day at a time" is crucial, and the grief involved in letting go of the life and substances that once defined them.Hear candid reflections on transitioning from street life to stability, the misconceptions about white-knuckling sobriety, and the unspoken privilege dynamics in recovery spaces. They also give a unique perspective on COVID-19’s impact from the viewpoint of those experiencing homelessness.If you're navigating early recovery, supporting a loved one, or seeking real stories about addiction recovery, this episode offers unfiltered insight into the difficult but transformative path toward long-term sobriety.opioid addiction recoveryhomelessness and addictionsobriety podcastgrief in recoveryaddiction recovery storiesstreet life to recoverysubstance use disorder

This episode delves deep into the complex world of addiction and recovery through the lens of Wendy McCallum — a former corporate lawyer, life coach, and friend who has experienced love and loss intertwined with addiction firsthand. Explore the emotional and challenging reality of loving addicts, the heartbreak, and the hope embedded in the recovery journey. Whether you're navigating the struggles of addiction yourself, loving someone who is an addict, or seeking understanding, Wendy's story offers raw insight and powerful perspective. Tune in to hear how addiction impacts not only those who suffer but those who love them, and discover why recovery is often the hardest path yet the most necessary. This episode sets the stage for a deeper conversation about addiction, recovery, and the human connections that survive them.

AA STEP 3: The Art of Letting Go (Without Losing Your Mind)The thing that kept you alive might be killing you. Let's talk about it.This episode breaks down Step 3—where the program asks you to surrender control and trust something bigger than yourself. Sounds terrifying, right? It was for me too.I'm sharing why I fought this step like hell, what "Higher Power" actually means (spoiler: it doesn't have to be religious), and how letting go became the most badass thing I've ever done.The 12 Spiritual Principles: Step 1 - Honesty Step 2 - HopeStep 3 - Surrender Step 4 - Courage Step 5 - Integrity Step 6 - Willingness Step 7 - Humility Step 8 - Love Step 9 - Discipline Step 10 - Perseverance Step 11 - Awareness Step 12 - ServiceWhether you're in recovery, struggling with control, or just exhausted from fighting reality—this one's for you.The Loudness McEvil Symposium - Where we talk about addiction, recovery, and getting your life back without the BS.🌐 loudnessmcevil.com 📧 [email protected]

Most people think recovery is about getting your life back. For me, it felt like a breakup — a funeral for the person who kept me alive when nothing else could.After 19 months clean, I’m learning that sobriety isn’t just about staying away from drugs — it’s about mourning the version of yourself that didn’t make it. The one who hustled, charmed, survived. The one who wore the armor that kept you invisible — and safe.In this brutally honest solo episode of The Loudness McEvil Symposium, Jason unpacks the grief, identity loss, and quiet loneliness that come after getting clean. Because nobody throws you a funeral for the person you used to be.Keywords: addiction recovery, recovery grief, homelessness, opioid addiction, identity after addiction, addiction storytelling, mental health recovery, healing from trauma, addiction truth podcast, recovery journey, rebuilding after addiction

Step 2: Came to Believe That a Power Greater Than Ourselves Could Restore Us to SanityStep 2 is where recovery gets spiritual—or at least tries to. We explore what it means to believe that something bigger than yourself can help restore you to sanity, and why that's both terrifying and necessary when you're crawling out of addiction.This episode tackles finding a higher power that works for you (religious or not), the difference between government-issued "thoughts and prayers" hope versus real transformative hope, and why coming back from homelessness gives you a front-row seat to watch society eat itself alive.Featuring: Brutal honesty, dark humor, a satirical ad for HOPE™, and thoughts on why recovery and social critique go hand-in-hand.Disclaimer: Not medical advice. Not therapy. Just one person's chaotic journey through the 12 Steps. Get real help from real professionals.

The Pocket Change ParadoxDo you give money to homeless people—or don’t you? And does it even matter?In this brutally honest, darkly funny episode of Comfortable Lies We Tell Ourselves, I tear into the messy street-theater we all play when someone asks for spare change. From guilt trips and “enabling” debates to the harsh reality of withdrawal, crime, and systemic neglect, this isn’t a feel-good sermon—it’s the uncomfortable truth.Expect satirical ads (sponsored by GUILT™, The Far Right™, and SHAME™), sound effects, and some hard numbers about why homelessness is deadlier than you think. The takeaway? Your five bucks won’t save anyone, but your humanity might.Content warning: dark humor, social criticism, and uncomfortable truths about inequality.

The Loudness McEvil Symposium: Step 1 - The Beautiful Catastrophe of Admitting DefeatRaw. Unfiltered. Real as a heart attack.Thirty-year addict turned truth-teller breaks down the first and most brutal step of recovery: admitting you're powerless and your life is completely fucked. No sugar-coating, no feel-good bullshit—just street-level honesty about what it really means to surrender.From waking up in jail cells with dried vomit to explaining communal ramen rules, this episode cuts through the denial, the pride, and the lies we tell ourselves about "having it under control." Whether it's heroin, whiskey, or prescription pills, the math is the same: if everyone who loves you thinks you have a problem, you have a problem.Perfect for anyone tired of waking up ashamed, watching people give up on them, or smelling like despair and menthols. Also great for people who think they're "different" or "smarter than the average junkie"—spoiler alert: you're not.Warning: Contains brutal honesty, dark humor, and the kind of truth that makes you squirm in your seat. Not for people who want their recovery served with a side of sunshine and rainbows.Tags: #addiction #recovery #12steps #brutalhonesty #streetwisdom #mentalhealth #sobriety #realrecoveryThe Loudness McEvil Symposium - Because sometimes the truth hurts worse than the hangover.

Money won’t Save Them. And It Won’t Kill Them.Your street-smart host delivers brutal truths about addiction, family dynamics, and the toxic myth that your wallet controls someone else's recovery.This episode dismantles the "tough love" industrial complex and explains why withholding money isn't the same as setting boundaries - and why neither will save your addicted loved one. Speaking from lived experience (not a PhD), we explore the difference between financial boundaries and emotional abandonment, why addicts will get money anyway, and how families can stop martyring themselves on the altar of someone else's disease.Fair warning: This contains uncomfortable truths about enabling, manipulation, and the impossible math of loving someone who's slowly killing themselves. Also, some therapeutic profanity.Topics covered:Why "tough love" is just conditional acceptance in disguiseThe difference between boundaries (love) and emotional deprivation (cruelty)How to love someone without trying to save themWhy your money doesn't determine their outcomeHow to choose yourself without guiltNot a doctor, not a therapist, just someone who crawled out of the gutter with opinions and a microphone.Content Warning: Addiction, family trauma, strong language, existential honesty.For families drowning in someone else's addiction - and the 26 Loudmouths brave enough to listen.

Jason’s opinions on how to best support addicts trying to get into treatment, who are in treatment and who have completed treatment (aka the rest of your lives). There is only one rule: Protect YourselfShould you give them money? What you should and shouldn’t talk about. Is it okay to cut them off? Will they relapse and if so, what should you do?Loudness McEvil tackles all of these questions and many more, based on his own experiences in a dozen treatment programs. Need help with addiction?U.S.: Call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or visit FindTreatment.govCanada: Call 1-877-254-3348 or check ccsa.ca for local supportIn crisis (U.S. & Canada): Call or text 9-8-8 anytimeor visit:Visit www.loudnessmcevil.com for lists of resources.Speak to the Loudness McEvil Agent and ask it what it thinks.

Addiction Recovery can make the world feel like an Alien planet and we’re the visitor. Our shame and skewed view of ourselves and the common predjudices in society are stacked against us! But if people are willing to see the homeless, the addicted, the mentally ill and all vulnerable people as just that, people, we can start to change to world into the inclusive global community it can and should be. At least it’s a start!

This is an introduction to the 12 steps. A brief overview of my thoughts on the program and the ways society at large would benefit from taking a look.

The long awaited follow up to the Reasons! Jason continues to discuss how trauma shaped his life and the ways it is different for everyone. He also talks about the things he wishes people had noticed in his behaviors when he first started using substances and how to approach a loved one of yours who might be suffering.

In Episode 3, Jason travels back in time, exploring trauma, addiction, and the moment life splinters.  How he views past traumas and manages them in recovery may be enlightening for those helping others through, or still stuck themselves,  in the time when they stopped living.🎧 Listen to the Latest Episode🎙️ Subscribe on Spotify❤️ Support the Mission

In this episode Jason dives deep into your amygdala to share an important piece of his recovery with you. Ways to ease withdrawal symptoms, his experience with and opinions about, MAT and tips on how to retrain your brain to crave outlets that won’t make you and everyone around you miserable.Learn more about why addiction is so hard and stop beating yourself up! You can change. Take the first step.

This is a simple introduction to your host, Jason, and why the podcast is being made. Addiction is quickly defined, he lists the substances, behaviors and treatments he will feature in later episodes. He promises to share his experiences and insights with you and he apologizes for the crappy quality, assuring us of immediate improvements.