The Messy Middle

There was a time in my life when I thought having a baby later in life didn’t make sense.I had a very clear idea of how things were “supposed” to go.You have kids young…you raise them…and then you move on.But life doesn’t always follow that timeline.I had my son at 47.And while it didn’t ruin my life… it completely rewrote it.In this episode, I talk about what that actually looks like—the parts people don’t really say out loud, the reality behind the assumptions, and how my perspective has completely changed.If you’ve ever questioned your timeline, or someone else’s, this one might hit.

If you would’ve asked me 20 years ago what my life would look like right now… this wouldn’t have been it.I had my son at 47, started a completely new career at 50, and somehow found myself starting over in ways I didn’t expect at this stage of life.I really thought by now things would feel more settled… more certain… like I’d have it together more than this.But instead, I still feel like I’m figuring things out as I go.And there are moments where I catch myself thinking—shouldn’t I be past this already?In this episode, I talk about what it actually feels like to be in this stage of life when it doesn’t look the way you thought it would… including the part no one really talks about, being a grandma who doesn’t fit the version you always imagined.This is about starting over, feeling out of sync with your age, and realizing that maybe we’re not as “finished” as we thought we’d be by now.If you’ve ever felt like you should have it all figured out by this point… you’re not alone.

I really thought making mom friends would be easy.You have kids, they have kids… it should just click, right?But it hasn’t.In this episode, I talk about what it’s actually been like trying to build real connections as a mom, especially when you feel like you’re in a completely different place than everyone around you.I’ve met people. I’ve had conversations. I’ve even tried apps like Peanut.But turning that into something real? That’s where I’ve struggled.If you’ve ever felt like you don’t quite fit in… this one’s for you.This is The Messy Middle

Everyone loves to say “age is just a number.”And sure… in some ways, that’s true.But it’s not the whole story.In this episode, I’m talking about what actually shows up in age gap relationships, the subtle, everyday things no one really says out loud.Not the obvious stuff we all think about…but the quiet moments, the differences in how you see the future, and the parts that can make you feel like you’re the only one noticing it.I married a younger man, and while I wouldn’t change it for anything, there are parts of this experience that surprised me.This is the messy middle of it.

We talk about how beautiful it is to have a baby later in life…but we don’t really talk about what comes after.The thoughts. The timing. The parts that quietly sit in the background.This episode gets into the side of late motherhood that doesn’t get said out loud, but probably should.

In this episode, I talk about something I was genuinely afraid of for most of my life, getting older.Growing up, aging felt like something to avoid. Gray hair, weight, wrinkles… it was all talked about like it was the beginning of the end. And I believed that for a long time.But now that I’m here, it doesn’t feel like that at all.In this episode, I share what aging has actually felt like for me, what surprised me the most, and why it’s not nearly as scary as I thought it would be.I also talk about how taking care of myself, both physically and mentally, has changed the experience, and why I think we need to stop passing down the fear around aging.If you’ve ever been scared of getting older, this one’s for you.

This is part 2 of something I didn’t really think about before having a baby later in life.Everyone talks about the decision, whether you should or shouldn’t, but no one really talks about what it actually feels like after.For me, one of the biggest things was realizing I don’t really fit anywhere anymore.Not with the younger moms… not with people my age… just kind of in the middle of it all.And it’s something I didn’t expect, and something I don’t hear talked about very often.This is just my experience, but if you’re in it too… you’re definitely not the only one.

I had a baby at 47… and I didn’t tell anyone I was trying.Not even my best friend.In this episode, I’m talking about what it really looks like to become a mom later in life, beyond the surface-level conversations.Because it’s not just about age.It’s about identity, timing, and the parts people don’t always say out loud.From not getting pregnant naturally, to the emotional weight of making that decision, to realizing your life may not look the way you thought it would… this is the honest, unfiltered version.If you’ve ever felt like you’re living in between stages, not quite fitting where you “should” be, this episode is for you.Next episode: I’m diving deeper into what happens after the decision, and where things start to get complicated.

Apparently women over 50 are entering their “I don’t care era.”The problem? I still care… about what I say, how awkward I am in conversations, and whether my sourdough starter is going to survive the week.In this first episode I talk about midlife expectations, the women online who seem to have everything figured out, and why I think I might actually be in my “experiment era” instead.