The Ready for Polyamory Podcast

Do you hear words like "compersion" and "metamour" and cringe internally? Or are you someone who is excited to have in-group markers like talking about a Kitchen Table relationship? This episode talks about when these terms are useful, when they're less so, why we use them, and the definitions of some of the most common ones. I maintain the most frequently cited Polyamory Glossary online, at https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/polyamor... but I am not an unconditional jargon booster - learn more in today's episode. (and make sure you and your partners are on the same page when using terms!)See you next week, when hopefully I start to get better at YouTube. You can find me at most other socials @readyforpolyamory, and I'll be teaching a class for Wicked Grounds on Jan 26 on Negotiation for Edgeplay (because I teach kink stuff not just polyam stuff) and you can find links to all my upcoming things in my linktree: https://linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory

In a conversation that ranges a little beyond both books, Laura and Andrea Zanin discuss:What is Post-Non-Monogamy?Does it matter whether non-monogamy is an identity? What benefit can we glean from a post-non-monogamous identity?What are some reasons one might be post-non-monogamous?The flexibility of this concept and identityMore than two, second edition, and what parts of it Andrea is most proud of putting into the world, as well as the process of taking the ten year old book apart and putting it back together.The future of non-monogamy. This conversation got a little deep, but also very funny, and I hope you all enjoy it. Andrea Zanin was an absolute delight to interview as well as to read, and you should go out and get their books. You can get Post-Nonmonogamy and Beyond from Bookshop here: https://bookshop.org/p/books/post-nonmonogamy-and-beyond-more-than-two-essentials-guide-andrea-zanin/20579162?ean=9781990869556Or find a list of ways to get and review it as well as upcoming events here: https://thornapplepress.ca/books/post-nonmonogamy-and-beyond/And likewise More Than Two, Second Edition can be found here: https://bookshop.org/p/books/more-than-two-cultivating-nonmonogamous-relationships-with-kindness-and-integrity-eve-rickert/20964103?ean=9781990869587and a more complete list of ways to get it and upcoming events promoting it are here: https://thornapplepress.ca/books/more-than-two/You can find Laura & her upcoming book events here: https://readyforpolyamory.com/events

Eve Rickert, co-author of both editions of More Than Two, is on the show to discuss the process of creating More Than Two, Second Edition, what about it is different, why a second edition, and more. You can get More Than Two, Second Edition anywhere books are sold, with the official release date Sept 2, but preorder from the links provided by Thornapple Press here to support them: https://thornapplepress.ca/books/more-than-two/ You can follow MTT 2nd Edition on IG here: https://www.instagram.com/mttbook/Laura and Ready for polyamory have a big book release coming up as well; get Monogamy? In this Economy? before it comes out Aug 21, check out tour stops as they get added, class dates, and more at my linktree here: linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory

"In Parable of the Sower, Octavia Butler has that affirmation, change is the only constant - and I think that's an important way to look at these life transitions. We can't be trying to stop change from happening, for us or for our kids."Libby Sinback of Making Polyamory Work sits down with Laura in this episode to discuss big life changes this week, and how they affect us, as polyamorous folks - especially through the lens of the two of us as polyamorous parents. Much is made, often, of trying to minimize changes in our lives - at least as they'll impact our families - but the reality is that our lives can be seen as a series of choices and changes, so today we talk about lenses, questions and strategies for listeners to consider and take away as they move through big changes, expected and not, and "positive" or "negative." (Remember - a "negative" change like a divorce, deescalation or move out might still be a net positive in the lives of those involved, but have a bunch of bumpiness or messiness on the way - so let's think of ways to navigate them while remaining in our values to the best of our ability.) Libby Sinback is a relationship coach, educator, and host of the podcast, Making Polyamory Work. She helps people who want to live and love outside the status quo break out of the harmful relationship patterns that are holding them back from nourishing, authentic, boundless love in their life. Libby believes love is why we are here and how we heal. You can find Libby at her website http://libbysinback.com, her podcast https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork , and her upcoming group the foundations of open relating here:https://www.libbysinback.com/foundations-of-open-relating. She also wrote the foreword to Laura's upcoming book, Monogamy? In this Economy? Finances, Childrearing, and Other Practical Concerns of Polyamory, which you can find for preorder here: https://bookshop.org/a/101457/9781805011187Non-men can join Laura for the women&femmes support group every second Sunday, the upcoming one May 19 has all proceeds donated to a GFM for a Palestinian family: https://femmessupport5.eventbrite.comLaura is moderating (and occasionally giving snarky commentary to) a class by the brilliant Dr. Marie Thouin called Compersion and You based on her new book, the first research-based book on compersion, on 06/06/2024, join us! http://compersion.eventbrite.comLaura and Sarah Casper will be co-teaching a class on 06/09/2024, Building and Breaking Boundaries, come check it out and bring your questions about boundary setting in interpersonal relationships: http://buildingboundaries1.eventbrite.comSpecial Guest: Libby Sinback.

Laura sits down with Evie Lupine to discuss kink, asexuality, and non-monogamy and polyamory and how these intersect for Evie as well as the larger community. Evie shares her experience as an asexual person who finds that a lot of nonmonogamous dating includes "the social dance where people expect the first date to be a nicety they must complete to get to the sex"; and "even folks who express a lot of understanding verbally and have other partners can seem confused or disappointed when it remains that I'm asexual several months into a relationship." We talk a little about the contrast between the polyamorous "public face" of "it's about the LOVE not the SEX" versus her actual lived experience. The episode actually opens with a detailed discussion of the many platforms that have come and gone for sharing information on sexuality, nonmonogamy, and kink, and the ways it's informed and changed the actual experience of end users and of educators and creators, as well. Evie Lupine is a YouTuber, asexual sex educator, and loud advocate for understanding in the BDSM community online. You can find twice-weekly videos from her on non-monogamy and kink on her YouTube channel, and some additional information and services (she does advice!) on her Patreon; Twitter and Instagram have pages for her but are somewhat disused. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/EvieLupinePatreon: https://www.patreon.com/EvieLupine & https://www.patreon.com/evielupine2 for 1:1 chats, video calls and adviceTwitter: https://twitter.com/EvieLupine Instagram: @evie.lupine

Laura sits down with Alex Alberto, author of Entwined to discuss the new memoir, polyamorous media representation, storytelling, and more.Buy Entwined: Essays on Polyamory and Creating Home. Paperback, ebook, and audiobook available.Direct from Alex | Support them!Bookshop.org | Support indie bookstores!Amazon | If you must.Subscribe to Entwined Mag for stories of polyamory, friendship, and family[entwinedmag.com](entwinedmag.com) - and watch that space for adding your own stories!Follow Alex Alberto[Website](alexalberto.com) | Instagram | TikTokCheck out Laura's upcoming [events](readyforpolyamory.com/events), the women & femmes support group (every second sunday - [first meeting March 24](femmessupport1.eventbrite.com) ) and preorder Monogamy? In This Economy? on BookshopSpecial Guest: Alex Alberto.

Evita Sawyers has been polyamorous for over a decade and is a relationship coach who is well known for creating the instagram series "Today's Polyamory Reminder." Her book "A Polyamory Devotional," out October 20 from Thornapple Press, is 365 daily prompts for thinking through different issues and angles of interpersonal relating, filtered through a lens of nonmonogamy. On today's episode she discusses with Laura how the same issues of nonmonogamy that drive these reflections can drive self-knowledge that serve all our relationships, as well as discussing her work with Chanée Jackson-Kendall on the Metamour's Bill of Rights, and general ideas of growth via conflict and discomfort. Find A Polyamory Devotional here: https://www.amazon.com/Polyamory-Devotional-Reflections-Consensually-Nonmonogamous/dp/1990869238Find Evita on Instagram @lavitaloca34, and her linktree at https://linktr.ee/lavitalocasawyers

So much of polyamorous cohabitation advice implies that space is easy to come by - that you just have a guest room, or that it's simple to have silence or an extra floor to go to. But for many polyamorists this isn't the case, logistically. In cities and apartment living especially, space, distance, and existing parallel to your partners' relationships can feel like imaginary concepts that maybe other people get to have. Laura and Gabrielle Noel (@gabalexa on social media) discuss the practical and emotional realities of living in small spaces in today's episode. Follow Gabrielle everywhere @gabalexa, or leave the whims of platforms out of it and keep in touch via her website, https://gabalexa.com, where you can find a selection of her writing and links to much of her work. Laura will be teaching a workshop on various forms of polyam cohabitation with Leanne Yau on October 15, you can still get tickets here: https://polyam-nest.eventbrite.com and find her work in general at readyforpolyamory.com.Special Guest: Gabrielle Aelexa Noel.

Polysaturation is the state of realizing you have enough relationally - that more would be too much. This can be a really beautiful, welcome thing - or a really challenging one. It can make folks feel like they've done something wrong and that's why their internal warning lights about energy or capacity to handle issues with partners are going off. The answer is seldom simple - these are people we care for and are relating to, we aren't going to "get rid of" them - but often, there are times in life when we need to recalibrate in order to care for ourselves. So how do we do that? This week's podcast episode is all about this. Love, sex, kink, and non-monogamy make up the bulk of Violet Fawkes’ work as a sex & pleasure educator. She is a long-time relationship anarchist and kinkster, sprinkling sex-positivity wherever she goes. Helping you find self exploration, self-empowerment, and living your best, most authentic intimate life is what Violet’s work is all about. You can find Violet at violetfawkes.com @FawkesViolet on X@Violet_Fawkes on Insta@[email protected]@violetfawkes.bsky.socialand you can find her newest, a dildo collab with Freely Toys, here: https://freelytoys.com/freely-x/violet-fawkes. You can find Laura and @readyforpolyamory all over during October and November. On Oct 9, she'll be teaching for Wicked Grounds, a class on Narrative Ageplay. On October 15, Laura and Leanne Yau of polyphiliablog are collaborating on a workshop called The Polyamorous Home, which we hope you'll join us for! In November, back at Wicked Grounds teaching Home for the Polydays, a class about managing expectations for the holiday season with your polycule; and there are 3 spaces left for the November [Growth Cycles Retreat](readyforpolyamory.com/retreats) in CT which Laura is facilitating, if you and your partner(s) would like to attend. Special Guest: Violet Fawkes.

"Matrescence - the process of becoming a mother - is something we only talk about in the most glorified tone culturally, and it is in fact really difficult and isolating and kind of awful - and holding that duality can be enormously challenging and shameful for moms who already lack support.""I talk about non-monogamy in the book both because I’m from the Bay Area and it’s everywhere but also because I wanted to examine social changes and social frameworks that might be available as alternatives to just straight policy changes that can build some of this support for mothers that’s clearly needed. So one of the moms whose rage story I share is in a non-monogamous relationship."On today's episode, Laura sits down with Minna Dubin, author of Mom Rage, to discuss motherhood, the force of social expectations and stepping outside of them, the ways non-monogamy can be a positive force of support for family life, and more. The book examines the universal issue of maternal rage, its roots, and social changes that might improve the situation for mothers. Pick up Mom Rage at your local bookstore, or online at: https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/minna-dubin/mom-rage/9781541601307/ and follow her on Instagram @minnadubin. The Ready for Polyamory Podcast will be back next week with Violet Fawkes as our guest chatting about polysaturation - and you can find Laura on all the socials @readyforpolyamory and upcoming class info at www.readyforpolyamory.com/events. There's three classes coming up in October - go give it a look! Only 4 spaces remain for the November Growth Cycles retreat in CT, so if you're interested in an intensive weekend working on relationship agreements and communication skills, check out info at readyforpolyamory.com/retreats

"Both these dynamics - D/s and polyamory - are emotional edgeplay, are like peeling a layer of your skin back, and there’s so much growth and power to be found in continuing to engage there."Writing Spicy registration closes October 5, 2023, and runs October 6 - November 19, 2023 - More information & register at - http://writingspicy.com/On September 19, Laura is teaching Negotiation for Edgeplay at Wicked Grounds - More info and tickets here: https://forbiddentickets.com/events/wicked-grounds/2023-09-19-online-bottoming-safety-201-negotiating-edgeplay-safely-as-a-bottom-or-submissiveOn September 26, Sinclair is leading The Vulnerable Dominant online workshop through Wicked Grounds - More information & tickets here https://forbiddentickets.com/events/wicked-grounds/2023-09-26-online-the-vulnerable-dominant calendar of Sinclair's upcoming workshops & events: https://www.sugarbutch.net/2023/01/calendar/all the places to find Sinclair online: http://sugarbutch.net/find-sinclairD/s & polyamory things:outermost bracket: https://www.sugarbutch.net/2019/01/outermost-bracket/areas of control: https://www.sugarbutch.net/2019/12/cartography-of-control/info about future Paradox workshops + resources: https://www.sugarbutch.net/paradoxPower Circuits: Polyamory in a Power Dynamic by Raven Kaldera (the only book I know of on polyamory & D/s!) - https://amzn.to/45Ef8IGmisc ... M/s language - https://www.sugarbutch.net/tag/m-s-language/ Sweet & Rough audio book will be posted here, when it's ready: https://www.sugarbutch.net/shop/sweet-and-rough/ EroSomatic Arts Collective - Liberating Bodies through Radical Pleasure - workshops, forthcoming podcast, retreats, & more - http://erosomatics.com/Ready For Polyamory Growth Cycles Retreats Link: readyforpolyamory.com/retreatsSpecial Guest: Sinclair Sexsmith.

"I need to have a word with the people at Netflix about teasing polyamory""Books are just leaps and bounds ahead of tv in representation, so my standards are way higher"In today's episode, Laura and Abbie of PolyAnarchy discuss polyamorous representation in various tv properties and books. Their favorites include the book To Shape a Dragon's Breath and they universally pan what they term "all the Netflix reality shows that use the word throuple and don't give us one." Special Guest: Abbie K.

"You need the self-awareness and the meta-communication to make using the tools easier for you. It's about waking up to doing it intentionally.""In my romantic relationships and my friendships, I feel so empowered in my communication - we have so many tools we can turn to."The new book from Dedeker, Emily and Jase of Multiamory is a tool kit for communication in relationships of all kinds. In today's podcast episode we focus on one in particular that they delve into - microscripts - but we also range through topics like conflict resolution, our peeves in relationship advice, and which two of the four of us have been to therapy with our moms. Find the Ready for Polyamory review of the Multiamory book here: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/recent-readingJase, Emily, and Dedeker created the Multiamory Podcast in 2014 to raise awareness, provide approachable resources, and combat the stigma faced by people in non-traditional relationships. Today, with hundreds of episodes, millions of downloads around the world, and a rapidly growing community, they are dedicated to offering practical advice and communication tools, grounded in the latest relationship research, guest experts, and years of professional experience. Multiamory has been featured in numerous publications, including NPR, Vice, Huffington Post, Oprah Daily, Cosmopolitan, and Elle. In addition to their national tours, they have presented at the Google campus in Seattle and have been keynote speakers and presenters at numerous conferences. For more information and links to buy the book, please visit: https://www.multiamory.com/book.

Laura speaks with Jessica Fern and David Cooley about their new book, PolyWise, paradigm shifts for folks making changes in non monogamous relationships, and restorative rather than punitive views of conflict.They discuss why the authors included so many different psychological modalities and approaches in their book, the value of different tools for folks encountering big transitions in relationships, and more. "It's about intentionality - being willing to lead with your feelings, hearing when your partner does as well, and keeping in mind that healing and relating are verbs.""Paradigms were an important focus for us because we're all so steeped in them - and getting to a place where we identify our values and shift them intentionally is really powerful."PolyWise is available at all booksellers August 25, 2023. Jessica Fern is a Psychotherapist, Coach, and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. Jessica is the author of Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and NonMonomgamy and The Polyseucre Workbook: Healing Your Attachment and Creating Security in Loving Relationships. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. Learn more at JessicaFern.com. As always you can find Laura and Ready for Polyamory @readyforpolyamory on social media and at [readyforpolyamory.com ](www.readyforpolyamory.com). New podcast episodes will be up Thursdays all fall!Special Guest: Jessica Fern.

"The relationship they need to feel secure is not always the one you need to deescalate to the 'good parts' of your relationship with them.""It can be really triggering to watch someone greive so outwardly about someone else and their relationship while you're still with them."Leanne Yau of PolyPhiliaBlog guests on this week's episode to discuss her recent breakup and breakups in general, and when they end up being necessary over de-escalations, with Laura. We talk about breakups when you're 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon or less from your former partners by staying in community, how these can be even more difficult than leaving a relationship, that people sometimes stay in relationships to "prove the haters wrong," and more. The episode includes a section on Related blog posts at the Ready for Polyamory Blog include: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/breakups-in-polyamory https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/breaking-up-is-hard-to-dohttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/guest-post-is-there-a-problem-with-hierarchy (on automatic promotion to primary)https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/laugh-cry-live/201809/how-respond-people-in-crisis-comfort-in-dump-out (Grief ring theory dump in comfort out)Leanne Yau, aka Poly Philia, is a polyamory educator and sex-positive influencer on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, Patreon, and YouTube. She creates and curates humorous and educational memes, tips, videos, and other bite-size content on non-monogamy, queer relationships, and sex positivity, and was named #1 in Cosmopolitan's '10 Polyamory Experts to Follow on TikTok'.You can find her on all social media as @polyphiliablog; and her patreon and shop at http://patreon.com/polyphiliablog; http://polyphiliashop.Redbubble.com. Special Guest: Leanne Yau.

"Start the revolution from your affections is an imperfect translation, but it's as close as we could get to the idea that we don't want freedom from our bonds, we want freedom made by our bonds""Relationship Anarchy is essentially the everyday decision to make visible and question all of the presumptions that underlie all our relationships." If you find discussions of Relationship Anarchy to be dismissive, surface level, or fail to explain what the political anarchist principles that are being applied to relationships ARE, this book may be for you. We discuss the idea that self-care is useless without community care, that the idea is to make all relationships more valuable, not romantic relationships less so, and other overarching themes. The concept of the book, originally published in Spanish in 2020, is to clarify a more radical framework for sustainable interpersonal relationships based on communication and free conscientious commitment, based on alternatives to hegemonic monogamous patriarchal systems. It argues, among other points, that the difference between "nonhierarchical polyamory" and "relationship anarchy" is a willingness to engage in the political meaning of our relationship choices. Get the Relationship Anarchy book and more information here: https://relationshipanarchybook.com/As always you can find the latest happenings for Laura and Ready for Polyamory at readyforpolyamory.com ; on the ko-fi shop at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory/shop there are newly uploaded class copies.

Content Warning: we discuss abusive relationships, and (without details) sexual assault and the process of reporting and discussing such incidents in community and with organizations that were around us at that time. Folks should use their discretion in deciding if this is an episode they can listen to and when they should do so. "A lot of survivors get given the impression they can't be non-monogamous. That isn't necessarily true.""Trauma-informed non-monogamy and non-monogamous spaces can be harder to find than we want them to be."Sydney Rae Chin is a chef, pleasure curator, and sex worker. They nourish people through body, mind, and soul through curated pleasure centered experiences. Sydney's work is informed by their ancestral roots in Guangdong/Hong Kong, non-monogamy practice, and experiences with survivorship (intimate partner and sexual violence). If you want to book Sydney's alter ego, head to eatwithlydialim.com to experience the more submissive and spicier side of their life. Links: eatwithlydialim.com and sexysoupdumplings.com incoming soon https://msha.ke/sexysoupdumplings/https://onlyfans.com/smexysoupdumplings

"The definition I prefer to use is that abuse is a pattern of behavior with the design, intent, or consequence of making someone unable to leave a situation." "We need to expand our conceptions of abuse because so many support systems are using methods of understanding that are heteronormative and based entirely on married people, much less mononormative."CW: this episode speaks about patterns of behavior and harm that can comprise abusive relationships, and while it strives not to be explicit, it may be triggering for some survivors of abuse. Use your discretion for if or the timing of when you listen. Laura speaks with Claire Travers of Poly Pages regarding abuse in polyamory, resources for folks who believe they may be in abusive relationships, and the most well known examples of abuse in polyam relationships. Claire Travers runs events, a podcast, webcasts, and research hubs for Poly Pages, an academic-focused resource on polyamory, which you can find at www.polypages.org. You can also find her on instagram and tiktok @polypages. Poly Pages is partnered with The Network La Red in the USA and Refuge in the UK to expand definitions and understandings of abuse outside of hetero-mononormative views. You can find The Network La Red at https://www.tnlr.org/en/ and they have a Zoom event "Coffee with The Network La Red" this sunday about the nuance in "the myth of mutual abuse" and some of the "flying monkey" and "DARVO" issues Claire and I discuss in this episode as well as the "no perfect victim" issues Alicia and I discussed in the previous one on March 26 at 10 am. You can find the registration link and more at their linktree here: https://linktr.ee/thenetworklared Refuge for those in the UK can be found here: https://refuge.org.uk/

Content Warning: throughout this episode, we speak frankly of forms of emotional, financial, and physical abuse. There is no particularly graphic content and the episode is "safe for work" in a traditional sense, but it may be triggering to some listeners and begins with a similar audio content warning. Listen at a time and in a place when you have the capacity to care for yourself, especially if you are a survivor of abuse. "There are several conversations our community should be having about abuse but the first step should be to acknowledge it happens in polyamorous relationships.""Mainstream polyamorous discourse is simply not trauma-informed and therefore is mostly ridiculous. It ignores people's reality and becomes a richer tool for abusers."In this episode, Laura sits down with Alicia Bunyan-Sampson, of Polyamorous Black Girl, to discuss abuse in polyamorous relationships and the conversations the polyam community needs to be having around this challenging topic. They go over the ways the polyam community's wider conversation fails survivors by implying that polyamory is "more enlightened" than monogamy; the ways being a subculture can begin the work of isolating a victim for an abuser; the fact that there is no such thing as a "perfect victim" and that this complicates public perception of abuse; some conversations the community needs to have more often; and more. You can find a listing of all Alicia's websites and social media at https://bio.site/polyamorousblackgirl, but she is frequently posting on instagram @polyamorousblackgirl on tiktok @polyamorousblkgrl and on twitter @polyamblackgirl.As always you can find Laura and Ready for Polyamory at readyforpolyamory.com and the full links to all her social media and upcoming projects at linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory. Special Guest: Alicia Bunyan-Sampson .

Non-monogamy is a big umbrella! polyamory isn't the only thing that falls under it. Often, folks can be a little Holier-than-thou (polier-than-thou?) about their nonmonogamy, implying that polyamory is more evolved than other kinds of consensual non-monogamy or being decidedly sex-negative when they learn that folks entered their nonmonogamous journey from opening to swinging or being "monogamish" instead of polyamorous. So on today's episode we're going to talk about the kind of middle spaces that many folks actually continue to exist in (eg, polyam people with ongoing relationships who also have casual encounters or attend sex parties, or swingers who play with the same people for many years and become exceptionally close), as well as what these communities can learn from one another. Our guests today are Emma and Fin of the Normalizing Non-Monogamy podcast, who interview hundreds of non-mono individuals to share the extremely broad variation in the realities of nonmonogamous folks' lives. They share their own story with us here. You can find their podcast on most podcast platforms and their site here: https://www.normalizingnonmonogamy.com/https://www.normalizingnonmonogamy.com/community

"It's really just a matter of making sure people really see me, Ebony, and me includes non-binary identity as well as the experience of Black womanhood." "It's been one thing to have issues in dating, but more than wrong pronouns or disrepect from partners, it's been metamours seeing me as a woman because of shared partners." In response to listener questions about non-binary experience in a polyamorous relationship landscape, Laura sits down with Ebony of Marjani Lane to gain first person perspective on this issue. Ebony shares their perspective on the ways being non-binary can narrow dating pool, how other privileges and marginalized identities intersect with nonbinary identity, and ways that the polyam community tricks itself into thinking it's more inclusive while not walking that talk. You can find Marjani Lane the account on Instagram @MarjaniLane as well as using the Direct Me page to find other social media, ways to tip Ebony, and a subscribe button to hear when they update.If you're interested in following Laura and readyforpolyamory, check out the website [readyforpolyamory.com](readyforpolyamory.com) or [her linktree ](linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory)to find all social media, the book, and peer support options.

"My relationship structure now is significantly less hierarchical than it was when my partner and I came back to polyamory with one another." "Dangling possibilities for years is just so much worse than admitting 'this is a thing that I cannot offer."Laura and Amy discuss the practical applications of hierarchy - whether strictly applied or tacitly existing, and ways that it can be both positive and negative depending on treatment, in this week's episode. They also make some commentary on the most common issues they see brought up online in large polyam groups and the commonalities of those. Amy Norton is a sex writer who can be found talking about polyamory on Twitter @AmyisPolyam.

"It's just been wild to see the explosion of representation of polyamory on tv the last few years.""When I started my polyamory in media series there were like 2 movies and me digging for 30 year old comics and 60 year old books, and now there is so much available." Laura and Abbie sit down to talk about recent tv series portraying polyamory (and other nonmonogamy and how the two get conflated in media), as well as the proliferation of content referencing these shows in a positive way, and casual mentions of polyamory in "non-polyam" tv becoming more common. Listen to understand why they love Trigonometry, find You meh but fine, and enjoyed the Gossip Girl reboot, among other shows. When Abbie (she/they) isn't writing, reading or creating content for TikTok (@Polyanarchy), she hangs out with her polycule and her two crazy dogs or helps with direct action in her community. They have been polyamorous for 4 years and practices non-hierarchical Kitchen Table Polyamory.Follow Abbie @polyanarchy on tiktok to get their detailed takes on books, movies and tv featuring non-monogamy.As always you, can find Laura and Ready for Polyamory at readyforpolyamory.com, on Instagram and Tiktok @readyforpolyamory, and on Twitter @ready4polyamory; and her book on Amazon & Audible.Special Guest: Abbie K.

“I find that minimizing other relationships doesn’t do what people think it will- you have to move through discomfort anyway.”“If you can’t talk about a kind of sex or a relationship style with the people you want it with, you may not be ready to have it.”On today's podcast, Laura sits down with Yana Tallon-Hicks, LMFT, to discuss the comforts and complications of polyam relationship networks when it comes to communicating our needs and wants, especially regarding our sex lives. From communicating with partners and polycule members about STI status to changes in relationships, she's got lots of useful advice for the practicalities of having these conversations. They also discuss nonmonogamy while parenting and communicating bandwidth to new and potential partners. Yana Tallon-Hicks, LMFT, is a couples and relationships therapist and a consent, sex, and sexuality writer and educator living in Western Massachusetts. Her work centers around the belief that pleasure-positive and consent-based sex education can positively impact our lives and the world. Connect with her socially on Instagram @the_vspot and professionally at [yanatallonhicks.com](yanatallonhicks.com). Order your copy of Hot and Unbothered (out August 16) at [yanatallonhicks.com/preorder](yanatallonhicks.com/preorder) or wherever you buy books.As always you, can find Laura and Ready for Polyamory at readyforpolyamory.com, on Instagram and Tiktok @readyforpolyamory, and on Twitter @ready4polyamory; and her book on Amazon & Audible.

"We don't automatically or invisibly put expectations on each other - that leads to resentment and conflict." "To heck with the hyper independent BS - community and the autonomous individual existing together is where it's at."Laura and Michelle Hy of Polyamorous While Asian chat about solopolyamorous dating, creating symbolism in your relationships, and the cocreation of expectations within a relationship. Learn about Mchelle's dating approach of "High standards, low expectations," ideas about community focus and coregulation in relationships while maintaining autonomy, and the possible radical and anticapitalist applications of polyamory as a framework for relationships. You can find Michelle at https://polyamorouswhileasian.com/ and on Instagram @polyamorouswhileasian. The original "High Standards, Low Expectations" post can be found at https://polyamorouswhileasian.com/articles/high-standards-low-expectationsAs always you can find Laura and Ready for Polyamory at readyforpolyamory.com, on Instagram and Tiktok @readyforpolyamory, and on Twitter @ready4polyamory.

"Sometimes a particular adult's involvement ebbs and flows but there isn't the kind of sudden disappearance or 'revolving door' that serial monogamists imagine with polyamorous dating because we've built a lot of community.""We were really anxious about coming out to the kids, and did, and asked if they had questions, and one of them, very in character for him, said 'Yes - can I have another hamburger?'"In today's episode, Laura sits down with her friends Jim Miles and Shanon Murray to talk about what it's like being the polyamorous parents of five kids between the ages of 2 and 19. They share the story of coming out to their 4 older children, what various family reception of this information was like, and advice for other polyamorous parents of tweens and teens in talking about nonmonogamous relationships with their kids. Jim is an engineer with a large media company; Shanon is a parenting coach with professional training in art therapy and marriage and family therapy; they live in Southern CT with their 5 children and maintain an extended polycule of partners and chosen family locally. Shanon Murray is a parenting coach in Stratford CT, helping families reach their full potential utilizing art along with other techniques and strategies. She is a nationally certified art therapist, and holds a certification as an early childhood educator in Montessori education. She is accepting new clients, and is happy to work with families virtually or in person. She can be reached by phone: 914-388-7343 email [email protected] though her Facebook page:https://m.facebook.com/329129277228489/You can find some of Laura's Polyamorous Parenting FAQs on the blog here.As always, the podcast's music is by Vince Conaway who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com. You can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com; the book on Amazon in kindle and paperback here; the audiobook can be found here; links to first appointments for peer support with Laura here; and we'll be back at the end of the summer with Season 6.

"Acknowledging compersion isn't denying our jealousy. You can have a lot of different emotional 'foods' on your 'plate' at once.""We shouldn't beat ourselves up if we don't feel compersion the first day, just like we don't beat up our gardens for not sprouting the day we first plant and water the seeds." Laura and Dr. Liz Powell talk about how to interpret your jealousy, use it as information to keep yourself moving toward your values even when it's hard, and to see compersion as a non-required but aquirable skill that you can work on if you want to. Polyamorous references often make jealousy into a sort of boogeyman spectre and compersion into its antidote, and neither of these things are true - pretty much at all. Emotions are a lot messier than the idea of putting them on opposing spectrums makes it sound, and relationships are a lot more fluid than blaming all problems on "you're just jealous" and all solutions on "being more compersive" could ever cover. So join us for today's podcast episode for a discussion of some of the why and some of the how of both parts of this issue. Ready For Polyamory links that touch on Jealousy and Compersion:https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/hard-won-compersionhttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/podcast-episode-5-compersionhttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/compersion-is-not-mandatoryhttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/emotional-ergonomics-boundaries-and-self-compassionhttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/jealousy-insecurity-and-nestinghttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/season-3-episode-9-practical-solutions-for-jealousy-and-fomohttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/but-don-t-you-get-jealoushttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/jealousy-and-hierarchyLink to Dr. Liz's compersion slides and worksheets that they were kind enough to make available: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/15wgY-uA33jwiHXZ80y7tfYXQKRiIEOLKDr. Liz is a sex educator, therapist, speaker, and author who works with singles, couples, and polycules across the sexual spectra to improve their lives - including the sexual portions of them. They work with anyone who wants to cultivate healthy, consent-driven, and autonomy-focused relationships, although non-monogamists, non-binary folx, kinksters, and queerdos are a special focus. You can learn more about their therapy practice (licensed in CA and OR) and coaching at their site, become a backer of their Patreon for early access and exclusive content at their Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/drliz, buy their book "Building Open Relationships" here or follow their social media for more information on their future work. The Indiegogo for the audiobook version of their book Building Open Relationships is running now, check it out: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/building-open-relationships-audiobook#/As always the Ready for Polyamory blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com; you can find Laura at Twitter @lauracb88 and IG and TikTok @readyforpolyamory; the Ready for Polyamory facebook group at facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, links to peer support sessions with Laura here, and the Ready for Polyamory Audiobook here, as well as paperback and Kindle on Amazon. Special Guest: Dr. Liz Powell.

"I really think we could de-escalate the use of de-escalation as a term. Let's talk about transitions and changes maybe instead. It's more accurate.""De-escalating literally implies stepping down, a level lower, that something is less or worse, but often what is happening is a re-calibration so that relationships suit the needs of the people rather than preferencing a label over the humans using it."Many polyamorous and other nonmonogamous people (as well as some monogamous folks, especially separating coparents) are beginning to refer to major relationship changes or ends as de-escalations, regardless of the kind or intensity or direction of the change in the relationship. Laura and Roy of Open Relating talk about the mononormative implications of "break up" that seem to be driving this within the polyam community, and about alternative frameworks that don't give so much preference to relationships that are consistently romantic and sexual over long periods of time - because change is the only certainty in long term relating. The RfP blog on deescalation: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/why-de-escalationRoy Graff is a relationship coach and trainee psychotherapist based in London, who works with individuals, dyads, and polycules of various configurations and relationship styles. You can find Roy at [openrelating.love](openrelating.love) and see his upcoming in person and digital events; he runs a digital support session and London, UK based in person events. His Instagram and Twitter are @openrelatingAs always, you can find the Ready for Polyamory blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com; Laura at Twitter @lauracb88 and IG and TikTok @readyforpolyamory; the Ready for Polyamory facebook group at facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, links to peer support sessions with Laura here, and the Ready for Polyamory Audiobook here, as well as paperback and Kindle on Amazon.

"The purpose of a pride flag is unification and visibility for the represented group - and the current polyamory flag does neither." "If you say polyamory or kink or leather can't be at pride 'for the kids,' then it's your choice where to bring them, not our responsibility to celebrate differently for your comfort."In today's episode, Laura talks to Kristian of Polyamproud, the not-for-profit tryign to update polyamory's pride flag, about the polyam flag, pride parades, the purpose of pride, history behind different Pride events, and why any of this is important in the first place. We also have a pleasant little vent about people trying to gatekeep who can attend Pride events and how and why, and there is a bit more foul language than usual on my (Laura's) part in that bit, because as those of you who follow my Twitter (lauracb88) know, I really can't stand the "every Pride event must be appropriate for my five year old and my banker" crowd. Essentially, we're here, many of us are queer, and we'd like a better flag, please, and today we talk about why. I hope you enjoy the ride. There's a lot of good background info on this at polyamproud's site listed below, and at their [linktree here](linktr.ee/polyamproud).Polyamproud is a volunteer-operated not-for-profit organization aimed at updating polyamory’s pride flag. Focusing on representation, inclusivity, and transparency, polyamproud is dedicated to ensuring as many polyamorous and non-monogamous people as possible have their voice heard in the democratic selection of an all-new pride flag. You can find them at [polyamproud.com](polyamproud.com) or @polyamproud on Instagram and Twitter.In Ready for Polyamory news, the AUDIOBOOK IS HERE!! I'm excited about it and I know podcast listeners are a big chunk of who asked me about when it would be available in audio, so I'm glad to say, now! As always, you can visit the blog for weekly new posts or our archive of 250+ articles on polyamory at www.readyforpolyamory.com, and follow @readyforpolyamory on Instagram and Tiktok, as well as following the facebook page or joining the [Group](www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory). Peer support sessions are available, to book a single session to meet and see if we're a good fit use the link at my linktree or here or if you know you'd like to work with me longer term, send an inquiry to [email protected] and we'll discuss a plan that meets your needs.

"Solopolyamory flies in the face of this idea that if you love someone you'll want to be with them 24/7. It's just not true. We're here in defiance of it.""it's about this extreme representation of maintaining your personhood within relationships and re-inforcing that with your lifestyle choices."Today, the podcast discusses solo polyamory - what is it? How do solopolyam people live? What are some of the equivalent changes and balances in a space to accomodate partners that solopolyam partners can make, like the accomodation of partners discussed in our polyam cohabitation episode from Season 4, which ended up being unnecessarily couple-centric. With details like logistics of Ro's space as an example of how to lay out your boundaries for partners who come to your space, roommates and shared spaces, and answering listener questions that followed off of the cohabitation episode, this episode disambiguated solopolyamorous living for listeners who don't practice their polyamory this way.Ro Moëd is a relationship coach and passionate advocate for polyamory and relationship anarchy awareness. On their instagram (@unapolygetically) they use their background in adult education and linguistics to blend text, video and illustration, in order to cover various topics including conscious relating, solo polyamory, the language we use about relationships, and common issues in non-monogamy. You can also find them on Twitter @unapolygetic and find their coaching calendar at calendly.com/romoed.As always, you can find the Ready for Polyamory blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the book at Amazon, Laura on Instagram and TikTok @readyforpolyamory and Twitter @lauracb88. The audiobook has just released and you can find it at audible .

"In this structure now, I have been able to figure out who I am and what I want. That isn't to say I haven't gone on dates - I've tried it - but my polysaturation point really is 1, and this way I have time for myself.""A lot of the time, people don't know what they will want yet - and they say and ask for what makes them feel safe. So it can make sense to not want to date a monogamous person if you're polyam. But also, give each other a chance to see how it works out if the connection is real and you have the emotional space to do it, when this is someone you really like. Because maybe they'll break your heart or you'll break theirs. But maybe you won't."On today's podcast episode, we discuss one of the most contentious segments of the polyamorous community: the Mono + Polyam relationship, where one partner truly feels monogamously oriented but is happy to engage with their polyam partner, who sees others. Phi of the Polyammering Blog and Monocorn Sanctuary facebook group is our guest today, talking about her essential beliefs that mono + polyam relationships work best when everyone approaches them from a relationship anarchist lens, when the monog person is essentially polyamorously-minded but polysaturated at one, and when communication is extremely open between partners. With a hint of "dating isn't fun, but polycules can be!" and a discussion of how polyamory freed her from codependent patterns in previous relationships where she lost herself in couplehood, Phi shares a lot of intimate relationship history about her last several years in mono + polyam relationships.Phoebe "Phi" Philips of polyammering.blog is a self-proclaimed Monocorn who has been writing, supporting, and educating on begalf of mono plus polyam relationships since 2015. She was recently named one of the top ten creators to follow on TikTok for polyamorous education.Special Guest: Pheobe "Phi" Phillips.

Today's episode contains frank discussion of sexuality and kink dynamics, listener be aware. "I feel like no one really talks about the ins and outs of intimacy that involves marks and BDSM dynamics, and it's worth talking about."Laura sits down with Annie Undone to talk about kink dynamics, polyamory from both sides of the slash, the pros and cons of kitchen table and parallel polyam dynamics when combined with kinky relationships, and the changes that shifts in these dynamics can cause within a polycule. To read more of Laura's takes on kink & polyamory and deescalating relationships, see these blog posts and past podcast episodes:https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/relationship-anarchy-applied-friends-with-benefits-and-play-partnershttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/combining-d-s-relationships-and-polyamoryhttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/why-de-escalationhttps://readyforpolyamory.fireside.fm/powerexchangehttps://readyforpolyamory.fireside.fm/raappliedAnnieUndone is a writer and artist seeking to normalize diverse sexual and love experiences because people deserve to be themselves. She speaks on the topics of polyamory, kink, and queerness. She began this work in earnest as a way to feel more enfranchised around the theme of kink, and then quickly realized that she was also polyamorous. She, her husband, and their partners are sharing their journeys of opening relationships and learning to let in more love so that people feel less alone in their humanity and desires to live outside the box. Follow her on Instagram at @Annie_Undone or join her Patreon here for more content only available to subscribers. As always, you can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com; the book is available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats, and we'd love to have you with us on social media - there's the facebook [page](www.facebook.com/readyforpolyamory) and group www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory; or Laura is on tiktok and instagram @readyforpolyamory and Twitter @lauracb88. You can help keep the blog and podcast ad-free by becoming a $3/month ko-fi supporter at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory, and find details about upcoming classes and 1-1 peer support [here](www.readyforpolyamory.com/events).Special Guest: Annie Undone.

"Nothing I do ever goes viral, but one of my posts that did pretty well recently said 'I want my polyamory to be less about compersion and more about compassion,' and I think that applies here."The only certainty in any relationship is that there will absolutely be change. Laura's guests this week are polyamorous event coordinators and educators who recognize that from their own experience as well as seeing it in the community they've built online. She sits down with Lea and Shai of Leveled Up Love to talk about changing polycule structures and relationship rules to focus on the needs and growth of the people involved, rather than trying to make people fit a pre-determined structure, and the ways that we can destigmatize this process of change for ourselves to make relationships a space where we the people in them thrive, rather than a task we carry out. If you want to know more about Shai and Lea after this episode, see their guest page at the podcast site for more details, or visit [Leveled Up Love](www.leveleduplove.com), where they are offering a free 30 Day Trial of their Secure Poly Collective at: www.LeveledUpLove.com/VIP, which includes multiple workshops to support more conscious and sustainable open relationships. In Ready for Polyamory Housekeeping, there's still time to [get tickets](www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory/shop) to the Polyamory and Parenting class on April 23 (with encore q&a after recording available all week on April 30). As always you can find the blog at [readyforpolyamory.com](www.readyforpolyamory.com), the book at Amazon, and me on Tiktok and Instagram @readyforpolyamory and twitter @lauracb88. Special Guest: Shai and Lea.

"I'm relationship style agnostic - I don't think there's one right way to do relationships, but gosh are there a lot of really crappy ways to do relationships."On today's episode, Laura and Dr. Joli Hamilton, a certified sex educator and jealousy researcher whose writing focuses on couples for whom nonmonogamy works for some phases of their lives but not all phases, discuss what lessons nonmonogamy can teach people who decide to intentionally pursue monogamy instead. This is the episode you can share with your sister, cousin, or monogamous friend who wants to "get it" but isn't sure they do - it's about how the personal growth and lessons of being nonmonogamous (forever or temporarily) can improve our interpersonal connections with friends as well as a partner. They chat about communication, gender roles and scheduling, discovering how many cultural scripts you've bought into, trauma and co-regulation, and the joys and challenges of building poorly defined and unlabeled relationships with non-romantic partners. Find Dr. Joli Hamilton at drjoli_hamilton on Instagram or listentojoli.com, or read more about her on the guest page on the podcast's website. Coming up later in April, join Laura for a class on Polyamory and Parenting running live on April 23 at 3 pm Eastern, or with a second live q&a on April 30 at 11:30 pm Eastern following a week of the class recording being available to purchasers; tickets are available at https://ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory/shop. As always, you can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the facebook group at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory; Laura on tiktok and instagram @readyforpolyamory or Twitter @lauracb88. Special Guest: Dr. Joli Hamilton.

"You have to take the space to take care of yourself and notice if you haven't made space for yourself outside of parenthood in a long time - because making space for your non-parent identity is important." "Why would we stop doing the things that make us happy and make us better as humans if we're trying to raise good people, a task that means we need to show up as our best selves?"To open season 5 of the podcast, Laura and Jessica Levity Daylover of Remodeled Love sit down to talk about being polyamorous parents of young children - the benefits of having multiple partners to help with these phases, the realities of occasional judgement from the monogamous folks in our lives, difficulties of scheduling and Jes's Time-banking system with her husband, some of Laura's experiences being out to school, doctors, etc, as well as hopes for our families's futures.Later this season, there will be an episode with guests with teenaged kids talking about those different stages and the unique challenges therein. Jessica Levity Daylover is a mom of two who has been with her husband, Joe, since 2009, and married and polyamorous since 2013. Jessica is a live event and digital media producer and entertainer. Their journey into polyamory was rocky because they had no mentors, no cultural script, and no support. They launched their podcast & platform "Remodeled" as a way to change that path for others.Jes and Remodeled Love are on all the social media - you can find her on IG @remodeledlove, on TikTok @homesliceproductions, on Twitter @RemodeledLove, on Patreon at www.patreon.com/homesliceproductions, or find her podcast, peer support, and upcoming projects at www.remodeledlove.com.You can find some of Laura's Polyamorous Parenting FAQs on the blog here, and tickets to her upcoming Polyamory and Parenting class ($15 for as many members of your polycule as care to share the screen, live on 4/23 at 3pmET with included recording and a second live q&a on 4/30 at 11:30pm ET to hopefully accomodate all the timezones and bedtimes) here. As always, the podcast's music is by Vince Conaway who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com. You can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com; the book on Amazon in kindle and paperback here; links to first appointments for peer support with Laura here; and we'll be back next week with a new episode.Special Guest: Jessica Levity Daylover.

Laura and her friend Abbie K. (Tiktok's @Polyanarchy) talk about a variety of fiction they've read that contains CNM &polyamorous relationships, trends they see in polyamorous literature, and favorite books with polyam relationships. When Abbie (she/they) isn't writing, reading or creating content for TikTok(@Polyanarchy), she hangs out with her polycule and her two crazy dogs or helps with direct action in her community. They have been polyamorous for 4 years and practice non-hierarchical Kitchen Table Polyamory.Laura's post on Polyam in Fiction: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/polyamory-in-fictionLaura's review of I am My Beloveds: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/book-review-i-am-my-belovedsLaura's review of Iron Widow: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/iron-widow-book-reviewPost including Abbie's Polyam Reading List: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/podcast-season-4-episode-9-polyamory-in-fictionLinks to upcoming classes and events Laura is teaching at: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/eventsLinks to support the podcast and blog financially, find merch, and the link to buy the book: linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory Special Guest: Abbie K.

"Once or twice a year hotels are an adventure... more than that it just becomes an expense"Laura and her friend Corwin met because they both were cohabiting polyamorous people who went to a meetup for polyam families. They have a conversation about the various pros, cons and considerations of polyamorous cohabitation. The literal book on polyam cohabitation is "the polyamorous home" by Jess Mahler https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N3KT3E2/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1 Laura and Corwin will both be teaching at Tethered Together in March; find tickets and detailed info at [tetheredtogether.net](tetheredtogether.net)Laura's classes in January and February can be found at [ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory/shop](ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory/shop) Special Guest: Corwin.

"There's a great series on TikTok by Claire of PolyPages comparing unicorn hunter bios to tech startup ads and I think that says a lot." In today's episode, Laura disambiguates the terms "unicorn" and "Unicorn Hunters" and talks about the differences between unicorn hunting and simply dating in a triad dynamic. She talks about challenges of the triad dynamic, how power imbalances exist and can be mitigated or not, and how choices around those power imbalances define the unicorn hunting dynamic. Some related blog posts: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/triad-questionshttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/new-triads-relationships-on-hard-modehttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/what-is-a-one-penis-policy-and-what-are-unicorn-huntersNew Class Announcement: Registration is open for two digital classes in January! On January 9, 2023, at 3pm Eastern, join me for a Polyamory 101 class. Find detailed class info and registration link https://ko-fi.com/s/57252fbae7. On January 23, 2023, I'm running my most popular class, Beyond the Kitchen Table, an examination of metamour relationships, boundaries, and healthy parallel polyamory, also at 3pm Eastern. You can find more information and the registration link https://ko-fi.com/s/bfbca46a40. Each class is $15 or you can get a bundle ticket to both for $20 at https://ko-fi.com/s/23b8499262. You can find all the links to support Ready for Polyamory in all its forms (blog, podcast, book, social media, everything!) at the linktree: linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory , including the now launched-to-the-public non-monogamy coaching and peer support options, if you're so moved. We'd love to see you in the facebook group or interacting on the social media (@readyforpolyamory everywhere but twitter, where I'm @lauracb88); and we'll be back next week with a new episode.

Assuming that, broadly speaking, polyamory is what you want out of a consensually non-monogamous relationship - that you want multiple, loving relationships - there is still so much ground to cover in terms of how to do that. In the days of old, (ok, that’s enough dramatic old lady voice for me - until the last year or two) we only talked about Kitchen Table and Parallel Polyamory. These are still the most commonly used terms and categories, and can be used as kind of umbrella terms for these structures. So. What is kitchen table polyamory? Different people use many different definitions, but some of the most popular definitions are “the entire network gets along well enough that they could sit down at the kitchen table together” or “the network operates like a family and lives around the same kitchen table” - it’s being expected to have a close-friend or sibling-like relationship with your metas. This definition of kitchen table polyamory covers the parts of the spectrum we’re going to call Communal Polyamory, Lap-sitting Polyamory, Kitchen Table Polyamory, and half of the section Garden Party Polyamory.Now, how about parallel polyamory? For years, parallel polyamory got presented as an “opposite” to kitchen table, or a situation where metamours never spoke, or dyadic relationships are extremely siloed. While all of this is possible - it’s definitely not the only thing that exists within the structures called “parallel polyamory.” Presenting parallel polyamory in stark opposition to a very close-knit and happy kitchen table dynamic can sometimes make it seem in the community like “parallel” is a dirty word - but that’s a changing phenomenon, and people are embracing alternate terms for portions of the parallel spectrum. It doesn’t say anything in particular about the relationships between the metamours or telemours - some of them may be friendly with one another - but it says there’s no particular effort to bring the polycule together in a greater entanglement than necessary, and there may be some relational or emotional distance between members of the polycule. That definition of parallel covers the rest of Garden Party Polyamory, Parallel Polyamory, Siloed Relationships, and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Today, Laura discusses the various structures of polyamorous relationships, why you might select one over another, and benefits of different structures. Find some related content at the blog here: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/home/categories/relationship-spectrumYou can find all the links to support Ready for Polyamory in all its forms (blog, podcast, book, social media, everything!) at the linktree: linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory , including the now launched-to-the-public non-monogamy coaching and peer support options, if you're so moved. We'd love to see you in the facebook group or interacting on the social media (@readyforpolyamory everywhere but twitter, where I'm @lauracb88); and we'll be back next week with a new episode.

In this episode, Laura examines the cultural reality of couple's privilege - the ways in which pair-bonding is encouraged and rewarded in our mono-normative culture - and the ways that folks sometimes unthinkingly or out of additional cultural conditioning work to uphold that privilege by enforcing hierarchies and prioritizing relationships over the needs of individuals. This episode looks at which parts of that are avoidable or mitigatable in our present society, which parts need "working around," and offers some options for folks who choose to stay within largely couple-based and hierarchical frameworks as well as those who prefer to explode those frameworks in their relational choices. Related articles mentioned in the episode: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/privacy-and-honestyhttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/inherent-hierarchyhttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/jealousy-and-hierarchyhttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/feelings-rules-and-hierarchyhttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/fluid-bonding-feelings-and-risk-profileAs always, the music for the show is by the lovely, talented Vince Conaway, who you can find at http://vinceconaway.com . You can find all the links to support Ready for Polyamory in all its forms (blog, podcast, book, social media, everything!) at the linktree: linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory , including the now launched-to-the-public non-monogamy coaching and peer support options, if you're so moved. We'd love to see you in the facebook group or interacting on the social media (@readyforpolyamory everywhere but twitter, where I'm @lauracb88); and we'll be back next week with a new episode before the holiday long weekend. There's a book giveaway on at Tiktok until Thursday 11/18 in the evening, if you follow there and leave a comment on the giveaway video you'll be entered for a chance to win a copy of Ready for Polyamory: A Pragmatic Guide to Consensual Non-Monogamy.

In this examination of various ways religion and spirituality may impact people's practice of polyamory, Laura discusses the topic with guests from several different backgrounds to see how the processes of coming out as polyamorous, unpacking mono-normativity and purity culture, partner selection, and inhabiting the normative culture vary based on their early and ongoing religious experiences. In part 2, Laura converses with a person of devout Christian belief who explains how he holds his polyamory to be compatible theologically but not always logistically with his faith & everyday life as an active member of his church. As always, the music for the show is by the lovely, talented Vince Conaway, who you can find at http://vinceconaway.com . You can find all the links to support Ready for Polyamory in all its forms (blog, podcast, book, social media, everything!) at the linktree: linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory , including the now launched-to-the-public non-monogamy coaching and peer support options, if you're so moved. We'd love to see you in the facebook group or interacting on the social media (@readyforpolyamory everywhere but twitter, where I'm @lauracb88); and we'll be back next week with a look at couple's privilege in polyamory.

In this two-episode examination of various ways religion and spirituality may impact people's practice of polyamory, Laura discusses the topic with guests from several different backgrounds to see how the processes of coming out as polyamorous, unpacking mono-normativity and purity culture, partner selection, and inhabiting the normative culture vary based on their early and ongoing religious experiences. In the first part, we hear from Purity to Polyamory, a podcaster/instagrammer/educator who is trying to create community for other ex-vangelicals, about her transition from 19-year-old bride in a purity culture to 30-something nonmonogamist. You can find her podcast, discord, and more here: https://campsite.bio/puritytopolyamory or follow her on Instagram @puritytopolyamory.We also have a conversation on the other end of the religious spectrum of experience, with Laura's metamour Daniel GreenWolf (friend of the show) - who was raised and remains Wiccan, or as he says in his show, is "a pansexual, polyamorous pagan." He discusses with us how being the latter in a largely Christian-flavored culture prepared him for coming out as polyamorous as an adult, and why his coven's leadership, and especially his mom, were and are great for supporting him in being a unique individual. You can find him at https://danielgreenwolf.com and https://celticmagicshow.com . And since we mention her in the show and she's awesome - Daniel's mom Judy sells super-cool crochet things at https://rhiannonshook.weebly.com. As always, the music for the show is by the lovely, talented Vince Conaway, who you can find at http://vinceconaway.com . You can find all the links to support Ready for Polyamory in all its forms (blog, podcast, book, social media, everything!) at the linktree: linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory , including the now launched-to-the-public non-monogamy coaching and peer support options, if you're so moved. We'd love to see you in the facebook group or interacting on the social media (@readyforpolyamory everywhere but twitter, where I'm @lauracb88); and we'll be back next week with Part 2 of this series. Special Guests: Daniel GreenWolf and Purity to Polyamory.

What does it mean to be codependent? Does the pop culture usage and the polyamorous culture usage match, and should we throw the term around? Laura analyzes the way the term gets used in general vs the medicalized and popular history and suggests an alternative lens to view relationships often vilified as 'codependent.'A blog post about the type of relationship for which this term gets used in polyamorous circles: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/independence-is-importantAs always, our music is provided by the talented Vince Conaway who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com; the blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the Patreon at patreon.com/readyforpolyamory; the ko-fi at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory; you can join us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, I'm on twitter @lauracb88 and instagram @readyforpolyamory.

Today's episode is a discussion of when saying "no" is healthier for us as people, especially in interpersonal relationships, and why we generally are conditioned to say "yes" anyway. We cover: Reasons it's hard to say no.Signs we may need to be saying 'yes' less often in particular relationshipsHow this applies to polyamory in particularHow this applies to relationships and sexual situationsHow to stop owning others' emotional and physical "stuff" and focus on our own through "no" and its substitutesHow ask v. guess culture may play into our ability to receive no in a way that makes others feel safe to tell us no within relationshipsWhy being a safe person to tell no is a goal we should strive for in relationships, romantic and otherwise.Resources: My favorite reminder to guard my yes, the article by René Brooks that gave me that concise phrase for the idea: https://blackgirllostkeys.com/adhd/how-to-guard-your-yes/ . She meant it for ADHD folks to keep us from going off the deep end of overcommitment to activities, but it applies equally to polyamorous folks who want to be there for every moment of every partner's life and need. Dr. Judith Sills on when and why saying No is good for us: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201311/the-power-no?collection=135500 As always, our music is provided by the talented Vince Conaway who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com; the blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the Patreon at patreon.com/readyforpolyamory; the ko-fi at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory; you can join us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, I'm on twitter @lauracb88 and instagram @readyforpolyamory.

"Pear...Fruit...technology...devices!"There were some live video technical difficulties during this livestreamed episode (in video! too!) so I'm releasing the audio now and fixing the video up after some more coffee (it's too early Saturday morning) so there was a little bit of my very android partner cursing all my fruit based technology but not wanting to get me in trouble with one of the biggest podcast hosts. It was adorable. It is our podcastiversary! Last year, S1 E1 of the Ready For Polyamory Podcast released. So we did a kind of silly laugh along retrospective to celebrate. To more seriously answer some of the questions about favorite episodes (and get down the answer about episodes I think are most important that got cut off mid-ramble because...well... technical difficulties and I ramble: My favorite episodes to record were: S1E5 on CompersionS1E6 and S2E5 tearing apart trashy tv with CorwinS1E11 on media portrayal of polyamory (Where, contrary to his assertions, Ken tries to correct me in public)S2E7 & 8, the coming out episodesS3E1 talking about Disability&Polyamory with Rachael Roseand S3E3 talking about emotional processing with Orphneand the episodes I think came out the best and do the clearest job of sharing really important information are: S1E1: Polyamory 101 (which is a re-record but now has the info AND sounds great)S1E3: TriadsS2E4: Off Escalator Relationships[S2E7 &8: Coming Out Part 1](readyforpolyamory.fireside.fm/comingout) and 2 (I'm especially partial to part 2, but that whole conversation was great and came out how it was supposed to, and both at once is very rare)S3E3: Emotional Processing S3E5: FWB and Play Partners didn't come out just how I want but is a really good jumping off point to start talking about the topic, which I think is an important one. It's been a great year and I hope to have an even better one to share with you next year! As always, our music is provided by the talented Vince Conaway who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com; the blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the Patreon at patreon.com/readyforpolyamory; the ko-fi at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory; you can join us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, I'm on twitter @lauracb88 and instagram @readyforpolyamory.Special Guest: Ken Briodagh.

Jealousy is presented as the mind-killer in polyamory a lot of the time, but it's a presentation of all kinds of other emotions and dealing in a practical way with some of those underlying causes is going to be the best way to get through or past it. While everyone's individual expressions of jealousy will be unique and include their own personal blend of different issues that need to be explored, there are a few strategies that are broadly applicable or transferrable. We look at those in today's episode - strategies for communication before and after activities that are giving you a bit of a jealous or envious wobble; techniques for self awareness or distraction and focus elsewhere during events that are bothering you; reframing techniques for thoughts about missing events to allow partners to attend them; how to build a toolbox of skills you can turn to so the jealous or envious 'freakout' is shorter and the pivot to self care is more instinctual. I've always been a big fan of the Jealousy Workbook, but there's lots of guided meditations and journals that people find helpful for this kind of work. (That's an affiliate link, just fyi.)Some related blog posts are: On envy and FOMO: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/envy-is-realOn your partners being there when things are difficult: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/your-partners-can-handle-emotions-when-they-re-hardOn Jealousy: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/but-don-t-you-get-jealousOn jealousy again: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/the-green-eyed-monster-in-my-life-spoilers-it-s-meNext week we're doing a live episode on June 11 (friday) in the evening Eastern Time for the podcastiversary and I'll be releasing it on the regular places during the weekend. If you have questions you want answered in that show, send them to [email protected]!As always, our music is provided by the talented Vince Conaway who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com; the blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the Patreon at patreon.com/readyforpolyamory; the ko-fi at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory; you can join us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, I'm on twitter @lauracb88 and instagram @readyforpolyamory.

"You're nesting- like little birds!"Laura this week examines labels for relationships (rather than labels for self-identity) and how they reflect our narratives of relationship and self, and what those have to do with how we identify our polyamorous relationships in particular versus monogamous relationships and relationship escalator style relating. What does it mean to be a partner? What terms do we use for our partners? Are we lovers? boy/girl/joyfriends? Something different?One of the points she examines is the use of connotation in language - primary partner vs. nesting partner, vs. anchor partner as an example - what the differences and similarities of some of these terms are and why one might use one over another. She also examines how hierarchy, non-hierarchy, and relationship anarchy interact in this space and how language and labels for those types of relationships and expression of the emotional state of people in these relationships feed in. All of these ideas are concepts that are being parsed out in individual relationships every day, and that are mentioned in passing on the blog but seldom the center of a piece. Some posts that touch on them are: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/the-relationship-escalatorhttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/defining-if-it-works-outhttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/kitchen-table-and-parallel-polyamory-part-4-kitchen-table-polyamoryhttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/polyamorous-experts-or-why-i-don-t-call-myself-thathttps://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/relationship-anarchy-applied-friends-with-benefits-and-play-partnersI'll try to get something written that synthesizes my points a bit more concisely and add it when it's ready, but for now, those are what we've got. As always, our music is provided by the talented Vince Conaway who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com; the blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the Patreon at patreon.com/readyforpolyamory; the ko-fi at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory; you can join us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, I'm on twitter @lauracb88 and instagram @readyforpolyamory.

"I don't remember exactly what I was scared of, but I'm pretty sure it was younger, blonder, and prettier than me, at least." In today's episode, Laura tells the story of two of her earliest non-monogamous relationships as a frame for explaining ways to make relationship agreements (and some really good examples of ways not to). You can get out some popcorn and enjoy the spectacle of her insecure and underinformed early 20s in between listening to excellent advice. Here are some resources she wishes she'd had (or had already read) before several short-lived relationships where terms were dictated to her: The Ethical Slut The Smart Girl's Guide To PolyamoryBuilding Open RelationshipsThe Jealousy WorkbookThe Relationship EscalatorThe "Relationship Spectrum" posts from Ready for Polyamory to think about kinds of relationship one might want to have. And here are a couple more related posts from the blog on things to consider when making relationship agreements: What are relationship agreements?https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/what-are-relationship-agreementsAgreements when you're both polyamorous? As always, our music provided by the talented [Vince Conaway.](www.vinceconaway.com)You can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com, you can join us on facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, follow on Twitter @lauracb88 & instagram @readyforpolyamory, and if you'd like to support us financially we're on Patreon at www.patreon.com/readyforpolyamory and ko-fi at ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory.

"So, you know, I have to watch out for standard bad coping mechanisms like drinking too much and getting under someone to get over someone, AND poly dominoes."This week, Laura discusses the ways polyamorous breakups share traits with and differ from monogamous ones, both from her own perspective and using the framework laid out by Kathy Labriola in The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention, and Survival. Spoilers: most breakups are caused by the same basic reasons as monogamous relationship breakups, but there are some addendums and caveats, and we'll go through them here. Ready for Polyamory's take on polyamorous breakups: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/breakups-in-polyamoryKathy Labriola's Polyamory Breakup BookJess Mahler's The Polyamorous HomeAs always, our music provided by the talented [Vince Conaway.](www.vinceconaway.com)There's a poll running in the Facebook group about what to do for our podcastiversary! If you want to have a say, join us and vote!You can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com, you can join us on facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, follow on Twitter @lauracb88 & instagram @readyforpolyamory, and if you'd like to support us financially we're on Patreon at www.patreon.com/readyforpolyamory and ko-fi at ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory.

"You know, flowers and... I don't know, what's like a flower? Rose colored glasses?"As an expansion of last week's podcast, Laura discusses how to apply the ideas of consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, and relationship anarchist theory to friends with benefits and play partner relationships - and the ways each differ and combining them complicate one another. The idea that these relationships can be part of polyamorous folks' networks and shouldn't be dismissed as 'only' anything because they can be rich and fulfilling relationships that create important friendships and connections features, as highlighted in this post from the Ready for Polyamory blog.Strategies for handling jealousy, especially for folks who are previously monogamous or largely monogamish but engaging in play partnerships (as in the kink scene) are suggested, building off of this: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/but-don-t-you-get-jealousMultiamory's RADAR concept is mentioned in the podcast, as a strategy for folks who want to build in some relationship-check-ins. Here are some links to find more info: https://www.multiamory.com/podcast/147-relationship-radar-scrum-20https://www.multiamory.com/radarNo guests today! But as always our music is provided by the talented Vince Conaway who can be found at www.vinceconaway.comYou can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com, you can join us on facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, follow on Twitter @lauracb88 & instagram @readyforpolyamory, and if you'd like to support us financially we're on Patreon at www.patreon.com/readyforpolyamory and ko-fi at ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory.