The Relaxed Male V4V

When it comes to talking to each other we often get so much wrong. It isn't because we don't care or don't want to be heard but we simply don't know how to communicate effectively. Our ability to open good solid channels of communication lags behind our ability to talk. The hang-up is the habits we have created when we were growing up. Our thoughts of what the other person is saying. We believe that emotions happen to us and so when someone says something that isn't nice and doesn't feel good, we stop communicating and that is when we actually need to lean in and communicate even more. Tony Overbay at the Virtual Couch Podcast often talks about his 4 pillars of effective communication and I still don't have a fully solid grasp on them but I see the benefits enough to want to share these pillars with you. Assuming good intentions Don't send the message of "you're wrong" or "I don't believe you," EVEN IF you think the other person is wrong, or you don't believe them Ask questions BEFORE making comments Stay present, lean in, and do all that you can to stay out of "victim mode." So how do THESE 4 pillars of effective communication work? These 4 pillars are different than The 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male these help you to build a better platform of being able to be heard and understood. All while helping you and those close to you to build the much-needed connection that you crave. Assuming Good Intentions the person you are talking to didn't wake up and say they want to make your life hard today. Dont say You're wrong Even if they are, don't shut the connection off by saying they are wrong Ask Questions See to understand before being understood Dont Be a Victim You lose all respect and connections that way   Summary When it comes to talking to each other we often get so much wrong. It isn't because we don't care or don't want to be heard but we don't know how to communicate effectively. Our ability to open good solid channels of communication lags behind our ability to talk. The hang-up is the habits we have created when we were growing up. Our thoughts of what the other person is saying. We believe that emotions happen to us and so when someone says something that isn't nice and doesn't feel good, we stop communicating and that is when we actually need to lean in and communicate even more. Tony Overbay at the Virtual Couch Podcast often talks about his 4 pillars of effective communication and I still don't have a fully solid grasp on them but I see the benefits enough to want to share these pillars with you. Assuming good intentions Don't send the message of "you're wrong" or "I don't believe you," EVEN IF you think the other person is wrong, or you don't believe them Ask questions BEFORE making comments Stay present, lean in, and do all that you can to stay out of "victim mode." So how do THESE 4 pillars of effective communication work? These 4 pillars are different than The 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male these help you to build a better platform of being able to be heard and understood. All while helping you and those close to you to build the much-needed connection that you crave. Assuming Good Intentions the person you are talking to didn't wake up and say they want to make your life hard today. Dont say You're wrong Even if they are, don't shut the connection off by saying they are wrong Ask Questions See to understand before being understood Dont Be a Victim You lose all respect and connections that way   Summary In this episode, Bryan, the host of The Relaxed Male, discusses the importance of effective communication in relationships. He expresses gratitude for the growing number of listeners and their support in sharing the show with others. Bryan acknowledges the struggle of wondering if anyone is listening but finds encouragement in hearing from men around the world. Bryan explains that the lack of communication often stems from not following certain rules or pillars. He introduces the four pillars of effective communication, as explained by Tony Overbay. These pillars include assuming good intentions, not starting off with "you're wrong," asking questions, and not playing the victim. Bryan emphasizes the importance of following these rules to improve communication with spouses, children, bosses, or anyone else. However, Bryan explains that he himself sometimes fails to follow these pillars. He admits to not fully listening to his spouse and often having other thoughts in his head. He shares that his spouse often expresses frustration about certain things, and they end up blaming each other, building a wall that hinders effective communication. Bryan further discusses the fourth pillar of good communication, which is not playing the victim. He explains that it's important to ask questions and find solutions instead of trying to coach his wife, as she sees it as "Zen Buddha bullshit." By asking questions, Bryan believes that they can understand each other better and avoid conflicts. He emphasizes that yelling and preaching only result in nobody listening. Moving on, Bryan delves into the importance of effective communication in relationships. He emphasizes that when we break the rules of engagement out of frustration, we actually lose the battle and create distance between ourselves and our partner. A lack of understanding can lead to a lack of respect, so it's crucial to ask questions and seek clarity. Bryan encourages listeners to approach conversations with curiosity and to avoid playing the victim. Instead, he suggests standing up for oneself, taking care of one's own needs, and making changes in communication tactics. He concludes by inviting listeners to share the podcast with others and offering a special coaching package to those interested in improving their communication with their partners. He encourages listeners to take action and looks forward to discussing another great topic in the next episode. 00:00:00 Rules of engagement for effective communication00:01:02 Effective communication makes you the go-to person00:02:11 Growing audience and the power of effective communication00:09:32 Effective Communication: Understanding Frustration and Assumptions00:12:05 The Importance of Active Listening and Avoiding Blame00:15:00 Asking Curious Questions to Improve Understanding and Resolve Conflict00:18:38 The Importance of Effective Communication in Relationships00:20:01 Avoiding Disrespect and Playing the Victim in Conversations00:22:38 Take Action to Improve Communication and Change Your Life

I can't because of my Flaws, limitations, confines, distortions, scars, imperfections, or irregularities So many in society want to help you be OK with your flaw by helping you fight for that flaw. We turn to being a victim of our flaws instead of bettering ourselves because of it. Yet there are a few good powerful questions you could ask yourself. What does this make possible? What can I learn from this limitation? Common Disabilities ADHD - Seen as you not being able to concentrate Introvert Dipsomania Anxiety autism Why does that flaw hold you back? Your thoughts about the flaw is why it is holding you back. there are plenty of blind people who write books. There are deaf people who record podcasts. Stevie Wonder is blind but plays the piano. Addicts drop their compulsions every day. You don't have to be held back, yet you are why? Why do you want that flaw to Hold You Back? It serves you by helping you to feel safe. It doesn't help you get to your next level but helps you play the victim. Your mind helps you to play small instead of going big. Why? because it believes you are safer if you stay at home and don't venture out. You can see it as a flaw or a superpower Is it holding you back or is it the reason you are going to be great? Maybe it is the obstacle that you need to overcome to be the best.   Summary In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we explore the concept of celebrating our flaws and overcoming barriers to achieve our goals. The host introduces the topic and explains the purpose of the show in helping men remove their "nice guy" personas and live life on their own terms. The focus is on assisting men facing challenges such as divorce, job loss, or daily struggles. Moving into the main discussion, we tackle the perception of flaws and why we tend to view them as reasons for failure. Challenging this perspective, we encourage listeners to see their problems as potential solutions. Gratitude is expressed towards the audience, including new listeners, and positive interaction with a gentleman from Bangladesh who found inspiration from the show is shared. The importance of celebrating flaws and debunking the notion of embracing limitations is explored, with examples like physical disabilities highlighted to challenge the idea that limitations hold us back. The episode delves further into how limitations can be seen as obstacles that we can overcome. The inspirational story of Oscar Pistorius, known as Blade Runner, breaking records despite not having legs is used as an example. Asking the question, "What does this make possible?" when faced with problems or barriers is emphasized as a powerful tool. The discussion then shifts to reframing certain flaws or conditions, such as ADHD, as superpowers rather than limitations. Societal norms that label ADHD as a limitation are questioned, with the perspective that it can be a valuable asset, especially in areas like entrepreneurship or multitasking. The overall message is to challenge the stories we tell ourselves about our limitations and embrace them as opportunities for growth. The podcast also explores the topic of introversion and how it should not be used as an excuse to avoid socializing. The increasing disconnect in our society is highlighted, with introversion being seen as a mindset that can be changed. Similarly, alcoholism and anxiety are both discussed as choices and normal responses, respectively, rather than limitations. The importance of facing anxieties and self-doubt head-on is emphasized. The notion of worrying about what others may be saying about us is also challenged, with the idea that negative talk can be seen as a positive influence we have on others. Autism is mentioned as a topic often talked down about, but the episode encourages embracing differences and uniquely viewing the world. It is emphasized that a diagnosis or being part of a specific group is not necessary and that individuals should focus on overcoming obstacles in their way. Success stories of individuals with autism, like Temple Grandin, are highlighted as proof that a so-called "flaw" doesn't have to hold us back. The speaker reflects on personal struggles with smoking and the decision to quit, sharing physiological issues and the lingering desire for a cigarette at times. It is emphasized that flaws and compulsions are just thoughts and circumstances that can be overcome through mindfulness and finding reasons to hold attention. Dedication and not allowing flaws to hold us back are key themes reiterated by the speaker. The speaker explores historical obstacles faced by black doctors and how they had to overcome them to prove their abilities. Listeners are urged to take control of their own power and influence in their lives, rather than resorting to destructive actions. The idea that flaws can either be destructive or become strengths, depending on how they are perceived, is reinforced. The speaker encourages listeners to see obstacles as opportunities and decide if they truly want to change in order to achieve their dreams. The episode concludes with a coaching offer exclusively for podcast listeners, providing an opportunity for one-on-one work with the host to gain confidence and find passion in life. 00:00:00 Introduction to celebrating flaws and barriers00:03:43 The podcast is gaining momentum and reaching new listeners00:07:00 Overcoming limitations by asking empowering questions00:09:52 Boys vs Girls in Learning Styles00:13:29 Introversion as an Excuse and Overcoming Limitations00:15:28 Alcoholism as a Coping Mechanism and Perception of Disease00:17:51 Uncertainty of gossip and assumptions about oneself00:22:08 Challenging misconceptions and celebrating achievements despite flaws00:25:38 Understanding and harnessing the strengths of ADHD00:27:12 Black Doctors and Overcoming Obstacles00:28:36 Using Flaws as Superpowers and Creating Change00:30:08 Overcoming Obstacles to Achieve Dreams

Many times we experience the circumstances that are other people's emotions. We people have emotional breakdowns at times. We often get ourselves into trouble for things we have no control over or any effect on if we try to change it. We often will get ourselves into more trouble if we try to change the other person's emotions. What is an emotion? Many people want us to use their manual on how to behave around them, and that works at times but people don't like to be manipulated all the time. What do we make other people's emotions mean? The truth of those emotions So we aren't supposed to care about how other people feel? No, but we put way too much stock in what we believe those emotions mean.   In this conversation, we discuss the universal nature of emotions and how people tend to put their emotions on display, which can lead to reactions from others. We introduce ourselves as Brian, a certified men's coach who helps men navigate through life challenges and become better leaders. We talk about the purpose of the show and express gratitude for the listeners. We also encourage listeners to share the show with others. We then dive into the topic of other people's emotions and how it can be a struggle, using the example of a wife getting angry. We explain the concept of the model, which involves examining the circumstances, thoughts, and emotions in a situation. We provide various emotions that could arise from a door-slamming incident and conclude by questioning the definition of a "slam." Next, I talk about how emotions are subjective and can often be misunderstood. I share a personal example of how my passionate speaking style can be misconstrued as yelling by my wife. I emphasize that most of the time, a person's anger or emotions have nothing to do with us and are a result of their thoughts. I discuss the model of circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results, explaining how our thoughts create our emotions, which in turn lead to our actions and results. I highlight the problem of non-digital thinking, where we try to avoid certain emotions and end up causing more problems. I emphasize the importance of understanding and examining our emotions without resistance, even the negative ones like jealousy, to better understand ourselves. We then discuss how emotions are often displayed through our actions and body language. For example, when we're angry, we may scowl or sulk in a corner. Inaction is also a form of action, like not addressing a problem because of anger. Emotions can be challenging to control, which is why some people want a manual to help them feel better. However, others don't really care about our emotional state. People may rebel against others trying to manipulate their emotions through manuals. The issue arises when we attach meaning to other people's emotions. For example, if we see someone having a meltdown, we may interpret it as them being angry because they didn't get their own way. Sometimes, people's true emotions come out when they're drunk. This is when masks come off, and they may exhibit unpleasant emotions. Many people shy away from others displaying negative emotions, but we often try to fix the problem when it involves our loved ones' emotions. It's about being fully engaged in the present moment and noticing the thoughts that arise in our minds. When someone else's emotions trigger a reaction in us, it's important to recognize that their emotions are their own and not something we can control. We may interpret their actions as a reason to get angry or upset, but it's essential to be aware of our own thoughts and emotions at that moment. For example, I share a personal anecdote about interpreting my wife's sigh during an intimate moment as a sign of disinterest, which affected my own arousal. I later realized that her sigh may have been a momentary shift in her thoughts and not a reflection of her feelings toward me. I suggest that many men, particularly from my generation, struggle with porn-induced erectile dysfunction due to a lack of intentional focus on their thoughts. To overcome this, I emphasize the importance of being present with our bodies, paying attention to sensations and emotions, and letting go of unhelpful thoughts. I conclude that by practicing mindfulness and staying focused on the present, we can better understand our own reactions and choose how we respond to others' actions and emotions. When we pay attention and are intentional with our thoughts and emotions, we have more pleasant interactions with people. We can sit with and examine our unpleasant emotions and understand why they are not as scary as they seem. Emotions originate from thoughts and we have a wide range of emotions that make us human. We don't have to let other people's emotions control us, as we have the power to control our own emotions. It's important to understand and control our own emotions before trying to understand and respond to others. Taking the time to acknowledge our emotions and apologize for any wrongs can lead to better connections and understanding with others. We should be intentional with our actions and not use distractions, like playing video games, to avoid unpleasant emotions. At the beginning of the conversation, we expressed the importance of paying bills, even though it is not necessary. We mention that we and our spouse have discussed the issue and resolved it by voicing our concerns. We advise listeners to step away from heated arguments and take time to cool down and regain control of their thoughts. We emphasize the importance of intentional and effective communication for a better relationship. If listeners need assistance, we suggest setting up a consulting call with us. We explain that becoming a differentiated person, living as individuals while enjoying each other's company, can lead to a better life and relationship. We humorously mention the need for acceptance of each other's flaws. We offer a special coaching opportunity and encourage listeners to visit a specific website for details. This coaching package is currently free, but we mention that the price will increase for future participants. We also mention the importance of sharing the podcast and being part of the growing community. We end with gratitude and encourage listeners to take action.

The Correlation of the withdrawal of dads and The Lack of masculinity In the US, divorce rates more than doubled from 2.2 per 1,000 in 1960 to over 5 per 1,000 in the 1980s.  Marriages are decreasing Lack of dads and the increase of anxiety-ridden children Great Society - 1964 The government started taking the place of Fathers in the household and the marriage rates started to decrease in the 80's around 20 years for the new generation to start having kids. Dad's the Disciplinarian Dads the Mentor Dad baggage   links https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322877#Is-anxiety-increasing-in-the-U.S.? For instance, a meta-analysis published in 2010 took data from studies that included over 77,000 young people; the scientists found generational increases in mental health issues in 1938–2007. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hestat/marriage_rate_2018/marriage_rate_2018.htm Increase anxiety and depression     Summary In this episode of The Relaxed Male, the host, Bryan Goodwin, discusses the crucial role that dads play in their children's mental well-being. He addresses the issue of dads being overlooked in the parenting process and the favoring of mothers in the court system. While recognizing the importance of moms, Brian emphasizes the need for dads to be actively present in their children's lives. Brian challenges common arguments against father involvement and highlights the benefits of having both parents actively participate in raising a child. He also delves into the historical context, discussing how social welfare programs have impacted marriage rates and subsequently led to a decline in mental health. The main speaker then shifts the focus to concerns about the mental well-being of younger generations, particularly millennials and Gen Z. They reference an article from Business Insider that raises alarm about Gen Zers bringing their parents to job interviews, suggesting a lack of independence and fortitude among this generation. Bryan argues that society lacks involved fathers, not just married men, but fathers who feel excluded or unwanted by women. They assert that this lack of father involvement contributes to the increase in mental health problems. While acknowledging that women can raise good kids without a dad, they emphasize the importance of having a father figure in a child's life. The roles of a father as a disciplinarian and provider of roughhousing play are highlighted as crucial for teaching restraint and discipline. Bryan criticizes the degradation of the role of dads in society, attributing it to the rise of toxic masculinity as a concept. They assert that toxic masculinity is not synonymous with masculinity itself but rather the absence of proper masculinity. The speaker believes that boys require male role models to learn what it truly means to be masculine. Addressing the issue of homelessness, Bryan argues that the absence of fathers in homes contributes to the problem. They suggest that living outside the city can be a more affordable option despite additional commuting costs. The speaker contends that homelessness has become comfortable for some individuals due to society's sympathies, emphasizing the need for discipline and mentorship from fathers. The importance of mentorship is further emphasized, as Bryan suggests that fathers should transition into becoming mentors for their children from the age of 13. Concern is expressed over the increasing number of girls identifying as boys and vice versa, with the speaker emphasizing the unique challenges faced by individuals of both genders. In the podcast, Bryan also discusses how kids are becoming more susceptible to manipulation and coercion, resulting in irreversible harm. They highlight the importance of waking up to these issues and taking action to protect children from the woke agenda. Taking funds away from schools is presented as an effective way to change teaching approaches, and the failed voucher program in Oklahoma is mentioned as an example. Bryan encourages dads to fight for their children and make sacrifices to be closer to them. They challenge the idea of being just an employee and suggest taking on bigger projects to generate income. The speaker offers a coaching package to help dads be better men and mentors for their children, with limited availability and a discounted price mentioned. The podcast concludes with Bryan providing contact information and encouraging listeners to reach out for assistance if needed. 00:00:00 The Importance of Dads for Kids' Mental Health00:01:44 The Role of Dads and Moms in Raising Children00:04:15 Dad's Role in Mentally Healthy Kids00:11:35 Roughhousing and Disciplinarians: The Role of Fathers00:13:20 The Decline of Fatherhood since the 1960s00:14:47 Homelessness, Choices, and Mentorship00:21:42 The Importance of Dads in Schools00:23:42 Taking Control of Your Life and Being There for Your Kids00:25:11 Mentoring Children for Success and Confidence

I just got off of a 7 day fast of no food or sugar. All I allowed myself was Water, Coffee, and salt. And today I wanted to share what I learned from that experience Why? What many people think fasting is What I experienced My reasons for trying a fast is I wanted to challenge myself. no diet reason No protest reason. no religious reason. Just wanted to see what it was like to fast for 7 days. I wanted to see what my thoughts when in that type of hardship was. I didn't focus on food but I noticed fast food signs everywhere. day 1 just hungry Day 2-3 Hungry at times But also noticed darker urine and no need to go poo the internet says that I wasn't getting enough water despite drinking 3 gallons of water in those two days alone Day 4-5 the hunger is still there from time to time along with the darker urine but it was beginning to lighten up to a bright yellow Oily stool Day 6-7 On normal enough days, nothing exciting happened. I was even able to go get my wife some food and not be tempted But I also went shopping and I could smell the food everywhere. Even the rotisserie chicken from across wal-mart. Results I showed myself that I could do hard things and this one didn't do the wear that the 22km walk did back in 2022. I do have worries that I may have slowed my metabolism down a bit but that is my biggest worry   Summary In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the topic of challenging ourselves and the importance of embracing hardships. As the host of the show, I have a deep understanding of the struggles men face in their everyday lives, whether it be divorce, work-related issues, or family troubles. I am committed to helping men find the courage and confidence to relax and enjoy life to the fullest. We begin by discussing the need to push ourselves and do hard things, as our modern lifestyles have made us comfortable. Our ancestors faced regular hardships and challenges, such as the Great Depression, which forced them to adjust to difficult circumstances. It is time for us to adopt the same mindset and embrace challenges. We recognize that our eating habits have shifted from consuming food for sustenance to seeking comfort, which has contributed to the obesity problem we face today. To challenge this mentality, I recently embarked on a seven-day fast and completed a physically demanding challenge of carrying 22 pounds on my back while walking 22 kilometers. Although I faced difficulties during the journey, pushing my limits has always been something I enjoy. While there have been failures along the way, such as attempting a long bike ride, I have learned to recognize when something is beyond my capabilities. After completing the walking challenge, I realized that I had been neglecting other areas of my life, such as taking care of my house. This lack of fulfillment led me to understand the importance of pushing myself further. During the seven-day fast, I had to navigate through various physical and mental challenges. Hunger was to be expected, but it was manageable. With increased water consumption and proper electrolyte balance, I was able to sustain myself. As the days progressed, I faced temptations in truck stops and grocery stores, with enticing aromas constantly surrounding me. However, I remained focused on my fasting journey and resisted the urge to give in to these temptations. Throughout the fast, I became more mindful of my food cravings and worked to change unhealthy eating habits. I introduced healthier snack options and limited my indulgences. On the sixth and seventh days, I allowed myself a reward of cherry vanilla ice cream, acknowledging the need for balance. Beyond the physical challenges, I also focused on my thoughts and mindset during the fast. I realized that many of my thoughts revolved around food cravings and potential moments of self-pity. Dark humor among friends became a coping mechanism during this time, allowing me to navigate the tough moments. In conclusion, challenging ourselves and embracing hardships is crucial for personal growth and development. Whether it is a fast, a physically demanding task, or any other challenging activity, stepping out of our comfort zones is essential. I encourage listeners to seek out these opportunities and appreciate the good things in life that come as a result. As a token of gratitude, I offer a free coaching opportunity and provide guidance on how to sign up. Let's all strive to push ourselves and become better versions of ourselves. 00:00:00 Introducing the challenge and its significance00:02:49 Reflection on the show's progress and personal challenge undertaken00:04:36 An anecdote about the host's great-grandfather's resilience00:08:11 The relationship between comfort eating and lack of challenges00:10:09 Challenging Myself: Adventures and Bike Rides00:11:40 From Bike Rides to Car Rides: Lessons Learned00:13:36 The Experience of Fasting for Seven Days00:19:03 Tempted by the Aromas of a Truck Stop00:22:27 Grocery Shopping Temptations and Snack Selections00:27:52 The Importance of Paying Attention to Your Thoughts00:32:00 Embracing Discomfort and Overcoming Challenges00:34:48 The Benefits of Taking on Challenges in Life

What is buffering? The avoidance of thoughts and emotions So we have a reason to not try Why do we buffer? So we do not have to face the uncomfortable thoughts and emotions we have Our mind's way of helping us stay small and not be noticed We like to look to the past for reasons to not go forward. We let the past hold us back from the success we could have. Ways we buffer Phrases I have never done this before That is how everyone else has done it before I have seen this before The Old days were better Talking about the past or nostalgia You won't let go of Grudges Links Mentioned 36 Questions Take The Next Step In episode 211 of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the topic of how the past can hold us back and discuss the concept of buffering. Buffering refers to the act of avoiding thoughts and emotions by distracting ourselves with other activities. Unfortunately, many of these activities are unhealthy habits such as excessive shopping, video games, or pornography. Engaging in buffering behaviors prevents us from facing our problems head-on and hinders our personal growth and progress in life. To move forward, we must overcome our fear of discomfort and embrace new experiences, much like when we were learning to walk or ride a bike. By examining our thoughts and breaking down our problems, we can conquer buffering and achieve our goals. During this part of the podcast, I emphasize the importance of not allowing past experiences to hold us back from trying new things. To illustrate this point, I share a personal anecdote about learning to ride a bike and how I had to face challenges and make mistakes to eventually succeed. I highlight the significance of understanding our partners' preferences and energy in relationships, using the example of pet names. I stress the need for open communication and adapting our approach to better connect with our partners. Additionally, I discuss the significance of having realistic expectations when rekindling long-term relationships. We all strive for deeper connections with one another. It's not about constantly being at odds, but rather about forging meaningful bonds. For me, this involves focusing on two main pillars: my body and my community, with my wife playing a vital role in the latter. While we spend a significant amount of time together in the same house, it is crucial to intentionally spend quality time together. We have begun asking each other thought-provoking questions from a set of 36 questions designed to strengthen love and understanding. Reflecting on the past, I used to hold onto resentment towards my wife for rejecting me sexually. However, I have come to realize that sex is not solely about my desires. It takes effort to create a safe and comfortable space for my wife to want to engage in sexual intimacy. I need to appreciate and understand her perspective instead of dwelling on my frustrations. I now understand that relying on past hurts as an excuse to distance myself emotionally is counterproductive. Building a fulfilling physical relationship requires trust, mental insight, and a profound understanding of the person we love. I empathize with young men in today's dating world who may believe that offering sexual pleasure alone will sustain a relationship. Healthy relationships require so much more. Many men hold the misconception that sex is all they need in life. However, it is much more complex than that. Most men desire a wholesome and fulfilling relationship with their wives, yet many struggle to maintain it. Instead, they choose to buffer by indulging in activities such as watching television, reminiscing, or immersing themselves in pornography and video games. Unfortunately, this buffering behavior prevents them from cultivating deep relationships with their partners and children. Men often cling to grudges that ultimately end up harming themselves rather than the person they resent.  To live a fulfilling life, men must let go of the past, abandon buffering behaviors, and take intentional steps towards their goals. By doing so, they can cultivate better relationships, create successful businesses, and experience overall happiness. The key is to start making decisions and cease allowing past experiences or the actions of others to hinder our success. Victims never win, but those who take action and move forward do. If you are seeking assistance in achieving your goals, I urge you to reach out for free coaching for a six-month period. Through this coaching, you can improve your mindset, build strong relationships, discover your passion, and accomplish what you truly desire in life. Contact me for more information, but keep in mind that spots are limited and the offer for free coaching will not last forever. The price will eventually increase, so seize this opportunity now. Thank you for listening, and I wish you a fantastic week. Until next time! 00:00:00 The Past: A Barrier to Success00:00:43 Introducing The Relax Mail and Helping Men Through Struggles00:02:58 Appreciating Female Listeners and Their Impact00:08:29 Childhood bike accidents and bruised crotch memories00:10:35 Trying something new and making mistakes in relationships00:18:28 Men are more complicated than just wanting sex and food.00:20:01 Let go of the past and embrace new possibilities.00:23:00 Stop looking back and start taking steps forward.00:25:12 Stop being a victim and start being a doer.00:28:14 A Slip of the Tongue00:28:37 Limited Time Offer: 100% Off Coaching Package

New year has arrived how are you going to have the best year in your life? Plan and pursue Why having plans is needed - https://www.relaxedmale.com/why-you-want-to-plan-your-year/ Build your 4 pillars Man's Mind Man's Body Man's Soul Man's Community Get a coach What I am doing this year Fasting 4 times Getting 10 clients Getting a coach End of the Year Information   The First full Year Second Full Year Third Full Year 4th Full Year Up And Too The right   In this episode of The Relaxed Male podcast, the host begins by welcoming listeners and discussing the importance of being intentional in the new year. They stress the need to make plans and set goals rather than just talking about them. The host acknowledges that decision-making can be challenging for men but encourages them to overcome their fear and take action. The main speaker dives into the concept of decision-making and the fear of missing out on other options. They believe that making decisions can make a person stronger, despite the common excuses people make to avoid planning and setting goals. They emphasize the importance of pushing oneself and going through challenges to become a better person. The speaker criticizes men who desire attention from attractive women without putting in the effort to improve themselves. They then share their own goal of fasting for seven days but mention that their spouse expressed concerns and questioned the safety of the decision. However, the speaker is confident in their ability to complete the fast and mention an example of someone who went over a year without eating. They acknowledge that hunger pains and temptations will be a challenge but express determination to overcome them. They plan to repeat the fasting challenge four times throughout the year to improve their physical pillar. The main speaker discusses the discomfort that comes with learning something new and the importance of having a plan. They share a link to a blog post about the benefits of planning and explain that our brain's natural inclination is to seek pleasure and avoid pain, making learning new things challenging. They also emphasize the need to step out of our comfort zones and embrace the discomfort of setting goals and experiencing failures. They introduce the four pillars of relaxed mail, which include the mind, passions, body, and community. The speaker suggests working on the mind by reading books and listening to educational podcasts, pursuing passions, taking care of the body through exercise and proper nutrition, and building a strong community of meaningful relationships. The speaker discusses the importance of having a strong community and setting a goal to have 10 close friends. They emphasize the need to actively engage with others, learn something special about them, and form meaningful relationships. They acknowledge that some may feel overwhelmed by this idea and come up with fear-based thoughts, but it is essential to open oneself up to others and build a community. The speaker highlights that seeking support and guidance from a community can help apply what one has learned and make progress in various aspects of life. They also mention the importance of having a coach who can help identify and overcome limiting beliefs, provide guidance and accountability, and propel personal growth further. The main speaker plans to fast four times and acquire 10 clients while seeking a business coach to enhance their coaching practice in the upcoming year. The main speaker continues by sharing the history of The Relaxed Male, which started as a men's catalog and evolved into a blog focused on helping men. They reflect on the growth of their podcast and the fluctuations in listenership over the years. They express gratitude for every listener and emphasize the importance of providing value and trusting that success will come with time and consistency. The host encourages listeners to share the podcast with others and invites them to explore new podcasting apps that offer interactive features. They also mention a few spots still available for free coaching and highlight the importance of genuine dedication to self-improvement. The episode concludes with a reminder to share the podcast on social media platforms and visit the show notes on the website for more information. The host also encourages listeners to get in touch and leave a message on the website if they're interested in free coaching. The episode ends with a message of gratitude to the audience and the anticipation of future growth. 00:00:00 Welcoming 2024 and Making It Your Best Year Yet00:09:58 The Transformation of a Lump of Coal into a Diamond00:16:27 Understanding and managing our wife's emotions00:19:00 The importance of making a plan and setting goals00:26:38 Building a Strong Community for Men00:36:11 Consistency and Growth in Special Day Posts00:46:05 Building a Viewership and Changing Society

In this episode of the Relaxed Male podcast, the main speaker discusses the importance of investing in oneself and the different aspects of life that are worth investing in. They highlight the benefits of learning new skills and investing time and money in personal development. The speaker emphasizes the value of maintaining physical health and pursuing passions wholeheartedly. They also emphasize the importance of investing in relationships and building a strong support network. Financial investments are mentioned as well, with the need to balance risk and potential outcomes. Additionally, the speaker discusses the value of acquiring knowledge through reading and attending conferences in one's field of interest. Coaching is also highlighted as a significant investment for personal growth and mindset shift, with the announcement that the main speaker is currently offering free coaching for six months. The episode concludes with a call to action for listeners to reach out and take advantage of the coaching offer, as well as a message of optimism for the year ahead. 00:00:25 Introduction and explanation for delayed episode recording 00:03:09 Differentiating between time and money as investments 00:06:30 What to invest in: personal, body, passions, relationships, finances 00:09:49 The significance of investing time in learning and self-improvement 00:11:38 Mastering Thoughts to Avoid Overeating and Unhealthy Habits 00:12:19 Mastering your body and learning new things 00:14:10 Investing in weight loss and pursuing passions 00:15:37 Investing in training and pursuing relationships 00:19:09 Investing in Mind, Body, Soul, and Community 00:20:26 Various Ways to Invest in Yourself 00:23:44 Major Returns through Coaching 00:25:30 Unlocking Possibilities through Coaching 00:27:16 Investing in Personal Growth through Coaching 00:28:24 Free Coaching Offer with Limited Spots Available 00:29:06 Double the Value: 6 Months of Free Coaching 00:30:53 Wrapping up 2023, Exciting Year Ahead

In this episode of the podcast, we delve into the topic of setting boundaries during the holiday season when families come together. We recognize that the mixing of families can sometimes lead to problems due to a lack of understanding of boundaries. As the host, I introduce the purpose of the show, which is to help men remove the "nice guy" persona from their lives and live on their own terms. We discuss the importance of boundaries and how they can make our lives better. We acknowledge that each family has their own set of expectations and rules, which can lead to stress and anxiety when different viewpoints clash. I mention the concept of a "manual," which is the set of thoughts and beliefs we have about how others should behave. We highlight the need to overcome the desire to control others and the potential conflicts that can arise. It is emphasized that letting go of rigid expectations and relaxing during the holiday season can lead to a more enjoyable experience. Moving on, I reflect on the idea of manuals and expectations that we have for ourselves and others. I give examples of how we all have our own manuals and expectations, such as expecting a two-year-old to stay at the table until they finish eating. I discuss the importance of respecting others and the emotional response that can arise when we hear someone being disrespectful. Political discussions at the dinner table are mentioned as a sensitive topic that can cause anxiety, particularly in young people. We explore how everyone has their own manual and how we can take things personally when others behave differently. The example of dealing with an intrusive mother-in-law and the harm that can stem from harmful manuals in such situations is brought up. Additionally, the potential problems that excessive drinking can cause, as people tend to speak their minds while intoxicated, are discussed. We then discuss the challenges of setting boundaries and the fears and thoughts that may arise. It is mentioned that worrying about what others will think if we establish boundaries against them can be a concern. However, we emphasize the importance of prioritizing the well-being of ourselves and our families. The effectiveness of boundaries in limiting certain aspects of relationships is acknowledged, but also the potential for them to prevent people from getting closer to each other. For instance, if a boundary is set against a mother-in-law disciplining a child, it is important to be prepared to enforce it and deal with any potential backlash. The support and agreement of one's spouse when setting boundaries is emphasized, as it can make the process easier. Prior to attending a family gathering, it is recommended to discuss expectations with one's spouse and establish boundaries around issues such as excessive drinking. It is further emphasized to be prepared for others to have thoughts and opinions about the boundaries, but to remain firm in one's decisions. It may take time for family members to respect and adhere to the established boundaries, and they may try to test the limits. However, it is crucial to stand one's ground and enforce the boundaries that have been set. Some individuals may not respect the boundaries simply because they do not respect the person setting them. In the case of a mother-in-law, there is a high chance she may try to cross the established boundaries. To effectively set boundaries with family members, it is important to establish clear rules and communicate them effectively. It is acknowledged that there may be resistance or pushback, but standing firm in one's boundaries is crucial. By notifying family members in advance and calmly explaining expectations, it is possible to respectfully enforce the boundaries. It is recognized that one cannot control how others react, as they may have their own thoughts and objections. However, maintaining the integrity of the boundaries and following through on the consequences that have been established is emphasized. This may include leaving a family gathering early or missing out on certain events. It is normal for anxiety and worries to arise throughout this process, but understanding that setting boundaries is a personal decision can help alleviate some of these concerns. The idea that one is allowed to have their own thoughts and ramblings in their mind is mentioned, highlighting that they are just thoughts and not necessarily reality. It is acknowledged that what one perceives as yelling may not be perceived the same way by others. The importance of setting boundaries, even if they may seem unreasonable to some, is emphasized as a personal decision. The discussion concludes by encouraging listeners to share any resonating thoughts on social media and to reach out for help with setting boundaries or living life on their own terms. The availability of six months of free coaching is mentioned, enticing listeners to connect and see how they can help each other. The episode ends with a final thank you and well wishes until next time. 00:00:00 Setting Boundaries During the Holidays 00:02:28 The Challenges of Family Manuals and Expectations 00:07:15 The User Manual: Our Individual Expectations and Reactions 00:09:10 Balancing family dynamics and personal boundaries 00:11:00 Setting boundaries with intrusive family members 00:17:35 Establishing Boundaries with Family 00:19:30 Enforcing Boundaries and Consequences 00:24:13 Thank you for listening, share with others 00:25:20 Reach out for help in setting boundaries and living on your terms

In this part of the conversation, I, Brian, the host of the show called Relaxed Male, discuss the concept of victimhood and how I personally left behind the victim mindset. As a certified men's coach, I aim to help men remove the "nice guy" persona from their lives and live on their own terms. In this episode, I focus on the negative impact of adopting a victim mentality and how it affected me. I explain that despite experiencing certain events in my early life, such as my parents' divorce and moving with my dad, I refuse to label them as traumatic. Instead, I believe that my anger and grudges stemmed from my own thoughts and perspectives. I share an example of how I had a difficult time following instructions and even got a teacher fired because I stubbornly refused to do something she asked of me. Throughout my academic years, I would often blame others for my lack of success, such as my dad for not disciplining me or my teachers for not teaching me effectively. However, I eventually realized that it was my own fault for not putting in the effort and taking responsibility for my actions. This pattern continued into my college years, where I blamed my roommate for not understanding my financial situation. But deep down, I knew that I needed to take control of my own life and stop playing the victim. It was only through this realization that I started to see the consequences of my lack of responsibility, such as being stuck in low-level jobs without any progression. As I became a parent and got married, I recognized that I needed to take responsibility not just for myself, but also for the direction of my family's life.   share how we would talk about our dreams, hopes, and aspirations as a family, but I never took the necessary actions to make them a reality. Eventually, I hit a midlife crisis at the age of 40, realizing I hadn't accomplished anything and missed out on opportunities like taking my kids camping. I learned the hard way that someday never comes and we need to approach life with intention, not playing the victim. Without direction, we're just floating and can't get anywhere. Playing the victim had also hindered my professional growth and nearly cost me my marriage. I started seeking intimacy elsewhere, which almost led to an affair. Thankfully, my wife found out before it went too far. I realized that playing the victim only holds me back and prevents me from taking responsibility for my actions. Victims do not earn respect because they refuse to learn from their experiences. Once I stopped playing the victim, I began making progress and achieving more in life. I emphasize the importance of accepting responsibility for all actions, even when the results may seem unfair. Taking responsibility also applies to leadership roles, as it builds trust within a team. I offer coaching to anyone who wants help in breaking free from the victim mindset. I mention a once-in-a-lifetime special where five people can receive six months of free coaching from me, but the spots are limited. Interested individuals can reach out to me through email or my website to sign up for coaching. I express gratitude to the listeners for tuning in and encourage them to ask questions or share the podcast/show with others. I let them know that I am open to having conversations and reaching out to others. I ask listeners to spread the message of Relaxed Male by sharing the podcast/show on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I emphasize that growth can only happen with the help of listeners sharing the content. In conclusion, I thank the listeners once again and wish them a great rest of the week. If you would like to take me up on the special offer please email me [email protected]   00:00:00 Introduction to the topic of victimhood and leaving it behind 00:01:35 Welcoming new listeners and addressing their problems 00:03:00 Sharing personal experience of parental divorce and custody 00:04:14 Grudges and anger towards parents and stepparents 00:05:19 Taking responsibility for personal thoughts and actions 00:06:57 Recognizing patterns of avoiding responsibility and facing consequences 00:09:08 Carrying victim mentality into college life and financial struggles 00:10:39 Realization of Lack of Responsibility and Stagnation 00:19:32 Breaking Free from the Victim Mindset 00:22:33 Embracing Leadership and Leaving Victimhood Behind

In this episode of The Relaxed Male, I talk about the topic of overwhelm and how to control it. I introduce myself as a certified men's coach, grateful for the positive impact my show has had on men's lives thanks to the support of listeners. I explain that overwhelm occurs when we take on too much and feel uncertain about our next steps. I emphasize that overwhelm is not solely caused by external circumstances, but also by our own beliefs about needing to do more. I discuss the idea that overwhelm is not created by external circumstances such as work assignments or family pressures, but by our thoughts about these circumstances. I highlight that overwhelm is just an emotion, a vibration felt throughout our bodies. By understanding this, we can alleviate some of the pressure and not let overwhelm consume us. I identify specific thoughts that contribute to overwhelm, such as putting unnecessary pressure on ourselves, believing there are only extreme outcomes, and setting unrealistic expectations. By recognizing and challenging these thoughts, we can prevent overwhelm. I explain that overwhelm hinders our progress and prevents us from taking action. The belief that we must be perfect before starting something keeps us stuck. People-pleasing and the fear of disappointing others also contribute to overwhelm. Poor time management and an inability to say no can also lead to overwhelm and eventual burnout. To control overwhelm, we need to recognize when we're feeling it, understand that busyness doesn't solve the problem, and be intentional in our thoughts. We must question whether we've taken on too much and learn to say no. By changing our thoughts and beliefs, we can overcome overwhelm and regain control. I stress the importance of changing our thoughts and learning to say no when we don't have the capacity to take on more tasks. Effective time management and getting more done in less time can also help combat overwhelm. It's crucial to examine the beliefs that lead us to say yes to everything even when overwhelmed. Instead of pushing through and telling ourselves lies, it's better to be honest and communicate our limitations. By changing our thoughts and being intentional with our emotions, we can fight overwhelm. I offer free coaching sessions to assist those who need help in combating overwhelm. Listeners can reach out via email to get more information and start living a life without overwhelm. If this resonates with them, I encourage them to share the episode with others who may benefit. Thank you for listening and take care. 00:00:00 Introduction: Exploring Overwhelm and Control 00:06:12 Overwhelm: Understanding the Source 00:09:02 Breaking the Pressure Valve: Overwhelm is Just an Emotion 00:17:23 Overwhelm caused by poor time management and taking on too much 00:19:31 Control overwhelm by being intentional with thoughts and saying no

In episode,  we delve into the common challenge of setting new year's resolutions and subsequently abandoning them shortly after. This often stems from the obstacle of not having the desire to put in the necessary effort or make the required changes.  I shed light on the resistance and obstacles we encounter in various aspects of our lives, ranging from mundane tasks to substantial responsibilities like paying taxes. I lay emphasis on the importance of making choices based on our genuine desires, even if it entails exerting effort and making sacrifices. Life consists of a series of choices, and conquering the "I don't want to" mentality is pivotal for personal growth and success. The easiness of the path we choose often stems from our unwillingness to endure the discomfort associated with doing things we don't want to do. Reflecting on a blogging prompt, I realized that I consistently try to skip certain parts of my routine. I don't want to wake up early and exercise or engage in activities that take me out of my comfort zone. However, if I truly aspire to make changes in my life, I must rise above these desires. One effective way to tackle this is by having a clear vision of what I want to achieve. In my case, it involves building a prosperous coaching practice and leading life-changing trips for men. However, I cannot accomplish these goals if I settle for a meager income. I highlight the irony of complaining about wealthy individuals, as they provide opportunities for others. Stepping out of my comfort zone, I outline a specific vision for my future, including the house I intend to construct and the land I aspire to possess. Although this vision may evolve along the way, I presently possess a plan and a willingness to embrace failure as an integral part of the process. Despite attempting different approaches such as advertising and sales, they didn't yield desired results because I didn't have the inclination to pursue them in the first place. Moving on, we delve into the significance of honing selling skills and finding effective strategies to overcome obstacles. One suggestion is cultivating an accountability partnership to maintain motivation and stay on track. We underline the importance of examining the resistance we experience towards certain tasks and goals and assessing whether they align with our values and personality traits. Additionally, delegating tasks that fall outside our expertise or aren't worth our time is crucial. Appreciating the value of our time aids in prioritizing tasks efficiently. Shifting focus, we discuss the concept of our different zones. Initially, we address the issue of spending money on tasks that we could delegate to others. Instead of investing in expensive equipment, hiring technicians proficient in efficiently handling such tasks proves to be a cost-effective option. We then explore the idea of different zones within our work. The first is the zone of incompetence, where we falter with tasks that we lack skills in.  The zone of competence follows, where we possess proficiency but not necessarily passion. Many find themselves operating within the zone of excellence, where they exhibit high levels of skill but still experience friction and burnout. Lastly, there is the zone of genius, where our true passion and calling reside. Identifying and delegating tasks according to our zones is paramount. Mindset plays a crucial role in overcoming obstacles and achieving success. By examining our thoughts and making subtle shifts in perspective, we can surmount challenges and unleash our full potential. Concluding the episode, I express immense gratitude for listeners and make an exciting announcement. I will be giving away five spots for a six-month coaching package completely free of charge! Yes, you heard it right, absolutely free. However, this opportunity necessitates time, effort, and a testimonial from participants at the end. This arrangement enables me to obtain testimonials while simultaneously providing value to individuals. It doesn't matter who you are or what aspect you want to work on, we will collaborate for six months, once a week, to tackle any challenges you face and set you on the path to success. Interested individuals can email me at [email protected] , with the subject line indicating their desire for the free coaching. We will then schedule a Zoom call to find a mutually convenient time. Keep in mind that these five spots are limited, so act swiftly! Future opportunities at reduced rates will be available, but don't wait for that. Lastly, I reassure listeners that they can reach out to me through social media or personal contacts with any questions they may have. With that, I bid them a fantastic and productive week ahead, urging them to confront any obstacles head-on. 00:00:00 New Year's Resolutions: Overcoming the "I Don't Want It" 00:01:07 Introduction: Helping Men Overcome Suffering and Play Small 00:02:36 Teaser: Big Announcement at the End of the Show 00:04:35 The Resistance in Our Lives and the Swamp of Ida 00:06:11 Choosing "I Don't Want" Because It's Easier 00:07:18 Overcoming "I Don't Want" to Make Changes in Life 00:09:31 Dreaming of Living Off the Land 00:11:04 Accountability and Finding Alignment with Yourself 00:17:35 The Costly Mistake of Misallocated Resources 00:19:08 Finding Your Zone of Genius 00:22:21 Setting up a console call to address the problem 00:23:51 Announcement: Giving away free coaching spots for testimonials 00:24:38 Offering Free Coaching for All, Regardless of Gender or Genre 00:26:01 Limited Time Offer: Discounts Decrease Over Time

In this episode we explores the theme of redemption and the belief many men struggle with, feeling unworthy due to past mistakes. Bryan reflects on his own penchant for talking and lack of conversation opportunities while driving a truck. He highlights how many men limit themselves based on past actions and the false belief that they are undeserving of happiness and fulfillment. Bryan candidly discusses his personal journey of self-improvement, acknowledging his past shortcomings and struggles with a victim mindset. He emphasizes the importance of reflecting on how one has changed and evolved, even if they were the same person years ago. Bryan shares insights from the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz, which supports the belief that we shape our reality through our agreements. He discusses the power of words and the impact they can have on our self-esteem and pursuit of passions. Bryan introduces the four agreements: being impeccable with our words, not taking things personally, avoiding assumptions, and always doing our best. He explores the transformative power of positive thinking and the ability to let go of regrets. Bryan encourages listeners to embrace personal growth, confront their fears, and take steps towards fixing past mistakes. He offers a coaching program to help individuals examine their thoughts and adopt empowering beliefs. The goal of the podcast is to support men in living fearlessly and on their own terms. 00:00:11 The Road to Redemption Begins 00:01:38 Spike in Downloads and Gratitude to Listeners 00:03:09 Self-Worth and Redemption: Overcoming Past Mistakes 00:11:51 Embracing Personal Growth and Overcoming Victim Mentality 00:13:28 The Power of Agreeing or Disagreeing with Others' Judgments 00:22:27 Taking things personally and the realm of misery 00:25:15 Always do your best, live life to the fullest 00:32:42 Society's Misconception of Men

Accessing your why Your purpose What comes with purpose? Gratitude Growth mindset The desire to keep learning   See How I can Help you  Summary In this episode of The Relaxed Male, I, discuss the importance of making small changes in our lives to find fulfillment and energy. I believe that understanding the root causes of our suffering and learning to relax and enjoy life is essential. I have noticed that many men start new endeavors with enthusiasm but quickly lose motivation. Today, I want to explore why this happens and highlight the importance of accessing our purpose or "why." I specifically discuss the example of losing weight and how it is crucial to shift our mindset from "I gotta" to understanding the deeper reasons behind our desire for change. Accessing our purpose and aligning our goals with self-love rather than external expectations can lead to fulfillment and energize us each day. I express gratitude for my listeners and share my excitement for future episodes and ideas. During the episode, I talked about the concept of a reticular activator, which is our brain's tendency to focus on the opposite of what we tell ourselves. I stress the importance of finding a personal "why" or motivation for pursuing goals. Accepting ourselves for who we are in the present moment is also crucial. For example, if we want to lose weight, we need to set achievable goals and focus on feeling better rather than solely achieving a certain weight. I also discuss the significance of self-acceptance and changing our perspective on our own body image. I emphasize that external factors and objects cannot bring lasting happiness or fulfillment, and that true motivation and energy come from within. I encourage my listeners to reframe their thoughts, find gratitude in everyday tasks, and cut out negative self-talk and self-judgment. I urge them to start seeing themselves in a better light and focus on feeling fulfilled rather than solely on physical appearances. Expanding our perspective and shifting our mindset is crucial. Let's stop fixating on our flaws and start accepting and loving our bodies. If that seems too difficult, we can find something we do like about ourselves, such as nice shoulders or a full head of hair. Starting with something positive, we can work on changing our self-talk and view of ourselves. It won't be easy, considering we've spent years criticizing ourselves, but we can't let old habits control us. We need to challenge negative thoughts and remind ourselves that we are not defined by our physical appearance. By changing our mindset and focusing on our purpose, we can experience more gratitude and fulfillment in life. It's important to embrace a growth mindset, accept that we will make mistakes, and learn from them. Failure is an opportunity for growth and improvement. With a desire to learn and grow, we can discover new strategies and techniques that work for us in our weight loss journey. Even small victories should be celebrated, as they can bring great satisfaction. To make progress, we must identify and eliminate limiting thoughts that drain our energy and replace them with empowering ones. This mental shift can make a tremendous difference. For those who need additional guidance, I offer coaching services to accelerate their transformation. I encourage listeners to consider alternative perspectives, share the podcast with others, and visit my blog, which contains a wealth of resources. Society needs stronger individuals dedicated to their beliefs, and together, we can foster personal growth. I express my gratitude to the listeners and look forward to the next episode. 00:00:00 Finding fulfillment and energy through a small mindset change. 00:02:23 Overcoming the cycle of motivation and failure. 00:03:20 Accessing your purpose and finding fulfillment in life. 00:09:50 Finding Fulfillment and Motivation from Within 00:10:45 Questioning the Government's Entitlement to Our Funds 00:11:18 Shifting Perspective: Finding Gratitude in Paying Taxes 00:14:03 Developing a Growth Mindset: Learning from Mistakes 00:21:31 Empowering Men to Become Better Versions of Themselves

In this part of the conversation, we discuss the prevalence of discussions around mental health and the increase in depression and suicide rates. Despite the increased awareness, rates of depression and suicide have continued to rise, leading us to question why this might be the case. We speculate that the emphasis on mental health may have unintentionally contributed to the increase by bringing more attention to these issues. One possible reason for the increase in mental illness is the constant attention given to it. When mental health is openly discussed, people may start to believe that they must have a mental health problem themselves. Additionally, the differences in how men express their thoughts and emotions compared to women could be contributing to higher rates of suicide and depression among men. We also consider the impact of artificial connections through phones and social media. While these connections provide instant gratification, they lack the depth and authenticity of real connections with others. Our society's emphasis on instant gratification and the lack of appreciation for delayed gratification and deeper connections may be contributing to the problem. Moreover, an unrealistic expectation that we should be happy all the time could also be a factor. This expectation leads us to believe that any negative feelings we experience are abnormal. Ultimately, it is likely a combination of these factors that is contributing to the rise in mental illness. We emphasize that it is unrealistic to expect to be happy all the time. It is okay to feel sad or anxious, as these emotions do not ruin a person's day. We criticize doctors for prescribing SSRIs without fully understanding their impact, as blocking emotions can lead to problems like anger and numbness. We believe that face-to-face conversations and meaningful connections are vital for emotional well-being. We encourage open communication and sharing emotions with trusted friends. It's natural to feel stress as an adult, and we suggest finding healthy ways to manage it. If anyone needs help in finding coping mechanisms, we offer our assistance. In conclusion, it's crucial to be open about our emotions and recognize that it's okay to not feel happy all the time. We encourage listeners to share this message with friends, especially those who may be struggling. We must stop stressing over not feeling 100% and acknowledge that sometimes carrying a little bit of anxiety is normal. Sharing this information on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, or Threads can help spread the word about our men's group, the Relaxed Male, and how we're changing lives one thought at a time. If you need further assistance, visit relaxedmale.com/coaching to schedule a consultation call. Reach out to us with any questions or to connect by sending an email to [email protected] or visiting relaxedmail.com/contact. Thank you for listening, and we look forward to the next episode. Goodbye! 00:01:07 The obsession with talking about mental health 00:02:25 The rise of anxiety and different types of mental illnesses 00:03:49 The prediction that narcissism will be the next big topic 00:10:38 Artificial Calories: The Lack of Real Connections 00:11:53 Microwave Society: The Death of Delayed Gratification 00:12:40 Unrealistic Expectations of Happiness 00:13:52 Life is 50-50: Embracing Pain and Pleasure 00:15:47 The Problem with Doctors and Medication 00:21:29 Embracing Emotions and Making Positive Changes 00:23:05 Seeking Personal Coaching and Contacting the Speaker

Why can't you find a high-valued woman? The answer is in you. Your results are from your thoughts. How much do you value yourself? Your personal values will reflect in the quality, if your view of yourself is low you are not going to have quality returns on your endeavors. No matter what they are. To receive value you have to produce value. All of life is a transition. The women will not be of the quality you desire because they are only attracted to men who are of high value. Ayn Rand expresses this wonderfully in her book Atlas Shrugged. Actually, there are 2 Speeched that Fransisco D'anconia gives that play off of each other and they are both when he is talking to another character in the story named Hank Reardon. The one I wanted to share the most was the sex speech. “Do you remember what I said about money and about the men who seek to reverse the law of cause and effect? The men who try to replace the mind by seizing the products of the mind? Well, the man who despises himself tries to gain self- esteem from sexual adventures–which can’t be done, because sex is not the cause, but an effect and an expression of a man’s sense of his own value.” “You’d better explain that.” “Did it ever occur to you that it’s the same issue? The men who think that wealth comes from the material resources and has no intellectual root or meaning, are the men who think–for the same reason–that sex is a physical capacity which functions independently of ones mind, choice or code of values. They think that your body creates a desire and makes a choice for you just about in some such way as if iron ore transformed itself into railroad rails of its own volition. Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy on life. Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself. No matter what corruption he’s taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment–just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity!–an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exaltation, only in confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces him to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego as his standard of value. He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience–or to fake–a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer — because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement, not the possession of a brainless slut. He does not seek to . . . what’s the matter?” he asked, seeing the look on Rearden’s face, a look of intensity much beyond mere interest in an abstract discussion. “Go on,” said Rearden tensely. “He does not seek to gain his value, he seeks to express it. There is no conflict between the standards of his mind and the desires of his body. But the man who is convinced of his own worthlessness will be drawn to a woman he despises–because she will reflect his own secret self, she will release him from that objective reality in which he is a fraud, she will give him a momentary illusion of his own value and a momentary escape from the moral code that damns him. Observe the ugly mess which most men make of their sex lives–and observe the mess of contradictions which they hold as their moral philosophy. One proceeds from the other. Love is our response to our highest values–and can be nothing else. Let a man corrupt his values and his view of existence, let him profess that love is not self-enjoyment but self-denial, that virtue consists, not of pride, but of pity or pain or weakness or sacrifice, that the noblest love is born, not of admiration, but of charity, not in response to values, but in response to flaws–and he will have cut himself in two. His body will not obey him, it will not respond, it will make him impotent toward the woman he professes to love and draw him to the lowest type of whore he can find. His body will always follow the ultimate logic of his deepest convictions; if he believes that flaws are values, he has damned existence as evil and only the evil will attract him. He has damned himself and he will feel that depravity is all he is worthy of enjoying. He has equated virtue with pain and he will feel that vice is the only realm of pleasure. Then he will scream that his body has vicious desires of its own which his mind cannot conquer, that sex is sin, that true love is a pure emotion of the spirit. And then he will wonder why love brings him nothing but boredom, and sex–nothing but shame.” Rearden said slowly, looking off, not realizing that he was thinking aloud, “At least . . . I’ve never accepted that other tenet . . . I’ve never felt guilty about making money.” Francisco missed the significance of the first two words; he smiled and said eagerly, “You do see that it’s the same issue? No, you’d never accept any part of their vicious creed. You wouldn’t be able to force it upon yourself. If you tried to damn sex as evil, you’d still find yourself, against your will, acting on the proper moral premise. You’d be attracted to the highest woman you met. You’d always want a heroine. You’d be incapable of self-contempt. You’d be unable to believe that existence is evil and that you’re a helpless creature caught in an impossible universe. You’re the man who’s spent his life shaping matter to the purpose of his mind. You’re the man who would know that just as an idea unexpressed in physical action is contemptible hypocrisy, so is platonic love–and just as physical action unguided by an idea is a fool’s self-fraud, so is sex when cut off from one’s code of values. Its’ the same issue, and you would know it. Your inviolate sense of self-esteem would know it. You would be incapable of desire for a woman you despised. Only the man who extols the purity of a love devoid of desire, is capable of the depravity of a desire devoid of love. But observe that most people are creatures cut in half who keep swinging desperately to one side or to the other. One kind of half is the man who despises money, factories, skyscrapers and his own body. He holds undefined emotions about non-conceivable subjects as the meaning of life and his claim of virtue. And he cries with despair, because he can feel nothing for the woman he respects, but finds himself in bondage to an irresistible passion for a slut from the gutter. He is the man whom people call an idealist. The other kind of half is the man whom people call practical, the man who despises principles, abstractions, art, philosophy and his own mind. He regards the acquisition of material objects as the only goal of existence– and he laughs at the need to consider their purpose or their source. He expects them to give him pleasure– and he wonders why the more he gets, the less he feels. He is the man who spends his time chasing women. Observe the triple fraud which he perpetrates upon himself. He will not acknowledge his need of self-esteem, since he scoffs at such a concept as moral values; yet he feels the profound self-contempt which comes from believing that he is a piece of meat. He will not acknowledge, but he knows that sex is the physical expression of a tribute to personal values. So he tries, by going through the motions of the effect, to acquire that which should have been the cause. He tries to gain a sense of his own value from the women who surrender to him– and he forgets that the women he picks have neither character nor judgment nor standard of value. He tells himself that all he’s after is physical pleasure– but observe that he tires of his woman in a week or a night, that he despises professional whores and that he loves to imagine he is seducing virtuous girls who make a great exception for his sake. It is the feeling of achievement that he seeks and never finds. What glory can there be in the conquest of a mindless body? Now that is your woman chaser. Does the description fit me Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand What is a high-value woman? A Woman with a very low to no body count A Woman who sees the value of a woman and isn't out to try to be a man Has a secure attachment style Has worked through her daddy issues (See Body count) Isn't dragging around kids from different men (see body count) Puts her heart into all that she tries Is up for the adventure her man is going to take her on will confidently push her man to be better and will accept her man pushing her to do the same. Willing to work as a team with her man Doesn't use the term partner but husband Whether you are just divorced, not married, or married. You can up your value. Work on the 4 pillars as a start. Build your mind Build your body Feed Your Soul Grow your Community Sign up for a Consulting Call   This episode of The Relaxed Male, hosted by Bryan Goodwin, explores the topic of finding the right high-value woman. Bryan emphasizes that seeking a high-value partner is not derogatory, but rather a way to avoid low-quality relationships. He urges men to reflect on their own actions and take responsibility for their inability to find a high-value woman. Bryan shares personal experiences that led him to become a coach and help men navigate relationship challenges. He highlights the importance of seeing oneself as a high-value individual in order to attract high-value partners. In another part of the conversation, Bryan discusses Ayn Rand's book "Atlas Shrugged" and its impact on understanding the value individuals bring to society. He focuses on Francisco D'Anconia's speech on money at an anniversary party and its significance in highlighting the origin of money, the role of trade, and how it represents a person's effort and value. Bryan discusses the corrupting nature of money when sought for selfish gain and emphasizes that money should be obtained through work and productivity, reflecting one's character and values. He highlights the correlation between a person's values and their sexual choices, asserting that one's sexual preferences are a reflection of their fundamental convictions and philosophy in life. The conversation also delves into the concept of money and its connection to human morality. Bryan emphasizes that money should be seen as a means to create wealth and dismisses the guilt and shame often associated with prosperity. He emphasizes the importance of understanding that wealth has to be created and denounces those who denounce the idea of making money. Bryan also discusses the selfish nature of sex and its impact on a person's sense of worth, emphasizing that sex requires self-esteem and confidence. He argues that corrupting one's values leads to a distorted view of love and sex and advocates for embracing one's values and acknowledging the role of physical expression in relationships. Additionally, Bryan discusses the qualities that make a woman high-value, such as having a low or no body count, embracing femininity, having a secure attachment style, and working through any daddy issues. He emphasizes the need to value and respect partners, work as a team, and support each other's growth in relationships. Bryan also discusses the importance of expanding one's circle of friends, investing in personal development, and nourishing one's soul to increase individual value and attract higher-value partners. He encourages listeners to introduce others to their community and offers coaching sessions to help individuals recognize their worth and gain confidence. The episode concludes with a call to share the show with others, subscribe, and follow on preferred podcast platforms. Bryan expresses gratitude for the listeners' support and looks forward to continuing the conversation in future episodes. 00:00:01 Introduction to The Relaxed Male - Helping Men Embrace Authenticity 00:00:23 Introducing The Relaxed Male and the purpose of the show 00:03:22 Self-reflection on why one can't find a high-quality woman 00:06:07 Shifting mindset and perception of self-value 00:08:34 Reading and discussing Francisco D'Anconia's speech on money 00:11:19 The Connection Between Money, Wealth, and Intelligence 00:14:01 Money's Role in Providing Means and Satisfaction 00:16:17 Money as a Means of Survival and the Verdict on Livelihood 00:18:39 The Hatred and Love of Money and its Virtuous Nature 00:20:55 Corruption and the Decline of Society 00:32:44 Damned to Depravity: Equating Virtue with Pain 00:37:36 High Value Men and High-Value Women 00:41:26 The Role of Sex in Relationships 00:45:24 Building a Strong Relationship and Increasing Personal Value 00:50:36 Growing your community and increasing your value

In this episode, we celebrate the 200th episode of the podcast/show. Initially, the host had planned on offering live coaching sessions but unfortunately, no one signed up. This leads the host to reflect on what this lack of sign-ups means and how he can self-coach himself through this situation. He recognizes that berating himself or blaming others won't solve the problem and instead focuses on shifting his thoughts and approaching the situation with intentionality. Throughout the episode, the host shares his disappointment but also emphasizes the importance of learning from setbacks. The host ponders why no one signed up for the coaching and expresses a desire to improve and overcome such challenges in the future. The host starts by reflecting on why he hasn't been able to capture people's attention and mentions that he is currently listening to Robert Cialdini's book "Influence" to learn about ethical influence. He admits feeling disappointed and acknowledges that he let himself down by not learning the necessary lessons to attract people. Despite this setback, he remains determined to offer live coaching sessions in the future, approximately every 10 episodes. To process his feelings of being let down, the host decides to do a thought download. He explores the circumstance of nobody signing up for coaching and acknowledges that this thought might mean he needs to improve his communication skills or that he may not be a good coach. He also realizes the need to improve his advertising on Facebook and start promoting earlier to generate more trust from potential clients. The host understands the importance of learning from mistakes and generating more thoughts to gain a better understanding of his emotions. The host then moves on to using a model to process his thoughts and emotions. He explains the model and how it can be applied to any circumstance. The circumstance he chooses is that nobody showed up for coaching. The next step is to choose one thought to focus on, such as "I am not a good marketer," and examine the feeling that thought generates. The host introduces an app called "How We Feel" that helps break down emotions into four quadrants. The host realizes that the emotion that resonates with him the most is frustration. He discusses how frustration can lead to negative actions, such as wanting to quit or engaging in negative self-talk. The host emphasizes that engaging in negative self-talk or quitting won't lead to success in his business. He acknowledges that the problem lies in his thoughts and beliefs and the need to change them to gain control over his emotions and direction in life. He encourages embracing emotions, sitting with them, and fully experiencing them instead of avoiding them. Through exploring his frustration, the host describes how it feels in his body and acknowledges that emotions only last for a short time. He stresses the importance of questioning the truth and usefulness of thoughts and choosing better ones. For example, reframing the thought "I'm not a good marketer" as "I am an inexperienced marketer" and focusing on learning and growth. The host shares his desire to become a successful marketer and mentions a podcast by Ray Edwards that he highly recommends. He expresses his resolve to take action and start coaching others, using this podcast as a way to coach listeners. While no one has signed up for coaching yet, the host believes it will happen and he will become a great marketer through practice and learning. He discusses the importance of selling ideas and effective communication, particularly in relationships, and reflects on his experiences in coaching both men and women. The host also mentions the importance of finding the balance between promoting and overwhelming the audience and acknowledges the need for improvement in his marketing strategies. The host concludes the episode by expressing gratitude to the listeners for tuning in to the special 200th episode. He encourages them to leave comments on the website and share their thoughts. He emphasizes that his purpose is to help listeners overcome challenges and improve themselves as men. The host reminds listeners to take intentional steps towards having better relationships and offers his coaching services in the future. He reassures listeners that even as a coach, he still has emotional reactions but chooses not to respond to them. He believes that true freedom and joy can be found through intentional thoughts and navigating life's highs and lows. The episode concludes with the host expressing his gratitude once again and his hope to see listeners in 10 weeks for more coaching. The Model C - CIrcumstance T - Thought of the Circumstance F - The Feeling created by that thought A - The Action you perform because you are feeling that emotion R - The Result you have because of that action 00:00:00 Celebrating Episode 200 - Reflecting on Progress 00:01:10 Live Coaching Failure: No Sign-ups 00:03:34 Learning from Setbacks and Striving for Improvement 00:12:40 Understanding the Connection between Thoughts and Emotions 00:15:55 Exploring the Disappointment of not being a good marketer 00:19:21 Understanding Emotions: High Energy, Positive/Negative, Low Energy, Positive/Negative 00:28:03 Developing a Relationship and Dealing with Jealousy 00:33:14 Allowing Emotions to Pass and Shifting Mindset 00:37:36 Embracing Growth and Evolution 00:40:13 Relationship Coaching and the Nuances of Communication 00:48:01 Making Little Steps to Improve Your Relationship Ready for The Next Step? Sign up for a consulting call

In this episode, I share my recent experience at a hippie event in Oklahoma, where I had the chance to meet interesting people and try out some healthy vegan options. I even participated in a unique activity called sound bathing, which turned out to be an eye-opening and fascinating experience. This event reminded me and my listeners about the importance of not allowing obstacles and excuses to stand in the way of our dreams and desires. Excuses can be the biggest barriers to our success, whether it's in our personal lives or in achieving our goals. It's time to let go of those excuses, overcome obstacles, and start taking action towards the life we truly want. Moving forward, I talk about the benefits of coaching and encourage listeners to sign up for a coaching event. Coaching can help individuals overcome self-imposed limitations and address various areas of their lives, such as procrastination, overeating, and building connections with loved ones. I share my personal experience with attending events and trying new activities like getting a massage and wanting to try an ice bath. I emphasize the importance of not allowing excuses and other people's opinions to hinder our goals and dreams. I share a story of a violin player who gave up his dream due to discouraging advice from someone else, highlighting the pitfalls of seeking validation from others and making excuses for ourselves. It's crucial for us to take responsibility for our own actions and not let fear or external factors hold us back. I discuss the importance of believing in our own capabilities and setting our minds to achieve what we want. Seeking advice from high-quality individuals who have achieved success is valuable, rather than relying solely on friends who may not have the necessary expertise. Having a clear purpose or "why" is essential in overcoming obstacles and staying motivated. Making a plan and taking action, even if it means trying different approaches and making adjustments along the way, is crucial. I share my personal goal of helping others through coaching and express a desire to see men succeed in pursuing their dreams, regardless of societal stereotypes and challenges they may face. I encourage listeners to adopt a mindset of continuous learning and growth, starting small and putting in the necessary effort and time to achieve their desired outcomes. Finally, I talk about the journey with Relaxed Male, from a men's magazine to a store, men's wellness blog, and now men's coaching. Running Relaxed Male as a serious business for about two years now, I want to show everyone how amazing life can be and that achieving goals is possible for anyone. Embracing failure as a learning opportunity and celebrating it as a stepping stone to our true purpose is important. I acknowledge that some listeners may have experienced trauma or have PTSD, and while therapy is crucial for baseline functioning, coaching can take them even further. I invite interested individuals to visit relaxedmel.com/trycoaching and sign up for a Zoom call to explore coaching further. I express my commitment to being there for anyone who joins and being willing to coach for as long as it takes. I encourage listeners to share this message with others who may need to hear it, as together, we can make Relaxed Male a movement and help men become their best selves. In closing, I remind listeners to take care and look forward to reconnecting with them in the next episode. 00:00:27 Embracing Authenticity and Self-Determination as Men 00:00:49 Welcome to the Relaxed Male and Reflection on Recent Event 00:02:00 Unexpected Experience at the Hippie Event 00:06:28 Overcoming Excuses and Taking Action 00:10:43 Excuses and opinions hinder us from reaching our goals 00:12:15 Giving up on dreams due to external discouragement 00:15:11 Know your why and overcome excuses with a plan 00:17:04 Start small, execute daily, and build towards success 00:20:14 Stop low-quality thinking and believe in your own potential 00:22:21 Overcoming Fear of Failure and Using Trauma as Fuel Take The Next Step  

In this episode, we dive into the topic of emotions and how they can sometimes hurt. As a men's coach, my main goal is to assist men in navigating their struggles and finding ways to live life on their own terms. I highlight the significance of understanding our thoughts and how they impact our overall ability to fully experience life. Additionally, I mention that I am testing out a new audio setup and extend an invitation to listeners to join me for a live coaching session to celebrate the 200th episode. I provide instructions on how to sign up for the session and encourage new listeners to subscribe to the show. Furthermore, I discuss the advantages of utilizing podcasting 2.0 apps and invite listeners to follow me on Pod Fans. Although I find it challenging to explain podcasting 2.0 in detail, I provide links for listeners to explore different apps for podcasting 2.0 at relaxedmale.com/podcast20 . Moving on to the topic of emotions, I emphasize that negative emotions, particularly fear-based ones, can feel like physical pain and become overwhelming. I encourage listeners to examine the thoughts that trigger these hurtful emotions and question why they experience pain from negative emotions. It's crucial to recognize that life is a mixture of both positive and negative emotions, and avoiding the negative ones only leads to an incomplete and unfulfilling life. I stress the importance of embracing and processing all emotions in order to fully appreciate the good moments. Emotions are simply vibrations in our bodies—some pleasant, some unpleasant—and their intensity and impact depend on our thoughts. Fear-based emotions may feel sharp and uncomfortable, but they are not actual physical pain. They are merely the vibrations created by our thoughts. By avoiding negative emotions, we miss out on the complete range of human experiences. Next, we delve deeper into our tendency to view negative emotions as painful and something to avoid. We use an analogy of wearing comfortable shoes to shield our feet, while individuals accustomed to negative emotions are like those who can walk barefoot on rugged surfaces without pain. When we avoid negative emotions, even minor difficulties become challenging to handle. However, if we confront and work through these emotions, we can build resilience and discover that life has its ups and downs. By expressing our emotions and seeking support from others, especially our "band of brothers," we can better process what is happening in our lives. Continuous efforts to avoid emotions only lead to amplifying worries and ultimately trouble. We also discuss how our thoughts generate emotions. If we constantly ruminate on these thoughts and emotions, they can snowball and prolong our suffering. However, by processing our emotions and allowing them to be, without overthinking, the actual emotional experience tends to last only a short time. The pain we may feel from past events is not solely due to the emotions themselves but rather our continuous focus and attachment to those emotions. It's common for us to avoid feeling sadness and resist it, but this approach only allows the emotion to grow and linger. Instead, it is beneficial to examine the emotion, feel its sensations throughout our bodies, and describe it in detail. By facing and accepting our negative emotions, we can allow them to run their course, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and complete experience of life. Society often promotes the idea of avoiding pain and striving for constant happiness; however, this perspective is neither realistic nor healthy. Negative emotions are a natural part of being human and can even contribute to personal growth and joy. If individuals require assistance in processing and transforming these negative emotions, seeking coaching or therapy is highly recommended. Through coaching, individuals can gain more control over themselves, enhance their relationships, and become the person they desire to be. To schedule a coaching consultation, visit relaxedmale.com/coaching . Lastly, I express the importance of seeking therapy if needed and encourage listeners to find a therapist who can help them address and improve their past experiences. Additionally, I extend my gratitude to the listeners for their support and encourage them to share the podcast with their friends and family through various platforms such as Facebook and Instagram. By spreading the word about the show, we can reach more men who may be struggling and help them find their path towards living life on their own terms. Thanking the listeners for their continuous support, I conclude by wishing everyone well until the next episode. 00:00:00 Understanding the Pain of Emotions and Feelings 00:00:39 Introduction: Brian, the certified men's coach 00:02:04 Announcement: Episode 198 and upcoming live coaching session 00:07:00 Unexpectedly diving into Podcasting 2.0 00:08:17 Analyzing the root cause of hurtful feelings 00:10:48 The Importance of Embracing Both Good and Bad Times 00:12:27 The Impact of Thoughts on Emotions and Vibrations 00:15:09 The Consequences of Avoiding Negative Emotions 00:18:12 The Cycle of Thoughts and Emotions 00:20:03 The Duration of Emotions and the Importance of Processing 00:20:28 Avoiding Sadness and Letting Emotions Grow 00:22:13 Facing Pain and Allowing Emotions to Run Their Course 00:24:27 Don't Fear Negative Emotions, Welcome Them 00:26:07 Try Coaching for Free and Discover the Power of Coaching Links Podcast 2.0 Apps Try Coaching What are you telling yourself when you are feeling hurt? Feelings are half the time unpleasant and uncomfortable Yeah the other half is Nice and pleasant many times we want to avoid the pain of our emotions yet that pain is nothing more than a vibration felt throughout our body. Now when it comes to emotions our thoughts create our emotions. That means when you have a thought about how your relationship is falling apart you are going to express emotions that relate to that. The thoughts of you failing your wife aren't going to generate pleasant feelings throughout your body. We also have thoughts about our pain and those are completely different from the original thought. Now this is where most of us get ourselves into trouble. Because we take the circumstance that we are sad mad or whatever fear-based emotion we are feeling and compound that with a thought we are having thoughts that we are sad. Are we ever going to not be sad, or I shouldn't be sad, I should be happy. And that thought and the corresponding emotions you have with it create the resistance you experience. This is why we buffer and avoid our emotions So how do you stop feeling the pain of that emotion? You don't! This is where so many people want to run and eat their emotions or drink till they can't remember. Yet the solution to living a 100% of your life is to feel the 50% pleasure and the 50% Pain. Both of those sides of the human experience are needed to fully live life to the max. Good news it's just a vibration! It will not hurt you and that is the big work we do in my practice we experience the vibrations, especially the unpleasant ones. You eventually find out that the unpleasant emotions are a lot like a fun house. It is a but anxiety anxiety-ridden at first but on the other side, you are laughing and having a good time.

  In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we explore the concept of being offended and discuss strategies to stop taking offense. As the host, my mission is to assist men in overcoming various challenges they face in their lives and finding happiness. I express my gratitude towards a listener who sent equipment to improve the sound quality of the podcast and mention an upcoming coaching session where individuals can share their issues. We begin by defining being offended as feeling hurt or insulted due to a perceived wrong. I explain that being easily offended has become a prevalent issue in today's society, with people using offense as a weapon. I highlight the importance of teaching younger generations that disagreement and discourse are valuable and that being offended often stems from a victim mentality. Additionally, I discuss how societal avoidance of sensitive topics has contributed to the rise of easily being offended. To illustrate the subjectivity of perception, I reveal that I see the sky as blue due to the interaction between sunlight and nitrogen in the air. I detail how discussions and disagreements can be influenced by emotions and personal biases. Drawing from personal experiences, I explain how expressing controversial ideas on social media can provoke strong reactions. I share my belief that government assistance can create dependency and discourage financial independence, based on my own experience and observations. To overcome being easily offended, I emphasize the importance of understanding the root of our emotions and embracing emotional adulthood. Rather than becoming defensive or angry when faced with differing opinions, I advocate for having mature conversations grounded in facts. Active listening and seeking to understand others' perspectives are key to effective communication. I assert that having differing views is acceptable, as long as mutual respect is maintained. By choosing our emotional responses and exposing ourselves to diverse viewpoints, we can become less easily offended. Further in the podcast, I discuss the significance of becoming comfortable with discomfort and controlling our emotions. I assert that nobody truly cares about these issues except for those directly involved, and each person's purpose and perspective are unique. I encourage listeners to share the episode with others who may benefit from learning how to navigate being easily triggered or offended. To support the movement, I encourage sharing the podcast on social media platforms and spreading the message of creating a community of strong men dedicated to positive change. I express gratitude for the support and urge listeners to subscribe to the show to receive new episodes every Thursday. 00:00:00 The Art of Not Being Offended 00:00:57 Helping Men Overcome Suffering and Find Relaxation 00:02:37 Improved Sound Quality Thanks to a Listener's Gift 00:04:59 October 14th: Try Coaching and Get Coached 00:07:06 Why Being Offended is Out of Control 00:13:21 The Science Behind the Blue Sky 00:16:04 Controversial Views on Poverty and Government Assistance 00:23:29 Embracing Different Views in Relationships 00:26:39 Building Bridges and Exposing Yourself to Different Perspectives 00:29:35 The Importance of Individual Perspective and Letting Others Be 00:33:22 Uniting Strong Men to Change the World What is being offended? Offended feeling or expressing hurt, indignation, or irritation because of a perceived wrong or insult: The man replied in an offended voice, "My niece would never do anything like that!" being the recipient or victim of criminal or morally repugnant behavior: After the referral agent and the offender speak, the offended individual is invited to speak about how the assault affected them. dictionary.com Now These days the act of being offended is getting way out of hand. Why is Ofeended so out of control? We barred sensitive topics There are too many nice guys The get-along gang   What is Being Offended Its a thought What is needed to stop being offended Seek first to understand Get out of Emotional Childhood expose yourself to other views accept that no one really cares Understand that you are not the most important person in the room.

Welcome to this episode of The Relaxed Male, where I, Brian, the host, will be diving into the topic of forgiveness. We all have those moments in life where we make terrible mistakes and feel a deep sense of regret. Today, I want to emphasize the importance of forgiving oneself for these screw-ups. As the host of The Relaxed Male, my mission is to help men remove the "nice guy" persona from their lives and live life on their own terms. As a certified men's coach, I work closely with men who are going through challenging times such as divorces or job losses. My goal is to assist them in finding clarity and relaxation amidst their suffering. Each episode of the show focuses on changing one's perspective on life, identity, and thoughts to overcome pain and become victors instead of victims. In fact, I have some exciting plans coming up, including going live on YouTube and participating in a podcast posting challenge in November. But that's not all! I want to invite you, my listeners, to a try coaching event that I'll be hosting via Zoom. This is an opportunity for you to experience the power of coaching firsthand and learn how it can help you achieve your goals. You can sign up for the event and find all the details on the website. I want to thank each and every one of you for your continued support. The show is experiencing steady growth, and it wouldn't be possible without your listenership. If this is your first time tuning in, welcome! We have a lot to talk about, so let's dive into today's episode on how to forgive yourself. It's common to reflect on our past actions and realize that some choices were not the best. We may feel regret, self-shame, and start self-hating. But it's crucial to move past these feelings and give ourselves grace. We are human, and humans make mistakes. Constantly beating ourselves up and dwelling on past mistakes is not productive. It's important to pay attention to our thoughts because our mind has a tendency to ruminate and go over the same scenario repeatedly without finding any solutions. We need to stop criticizing ourselves and others. The shoulda, woulda, coulda mentality is not helpful. Instead, let's be aware of our thoughts and where they track to.  Our mind tries to muddy the water by offering alternative scenarios, making it difficult to see the actual circumstance. Taking responsibility for our actions and not making excuses is crucial. Forgiveness starts with accepting that we made a mistake and taking responsibility for it. It's about recognizing that it was the wrong thought and replacing it with a better thought. We must voice our mistakes out loud, removing the shame and guilt associated with them. It's important to acknowledge and address whatever is eating away at us. Granting ourselves grace and forgiveness is essential, especially when we find ourselves dwelling on past wrongdoings. While some crimes may have legal consequences, forgiving ourselves is essential for our mental well-being. Shame, often influenced by religion or societal norms, can cause severe harm if we don't forgive ourselves. Misusing the power of our minds can be damaging, just like misapplying nutrition. Let's strive for moderation in all aspects of our lives and let go of past mistakes to maintain a healthy state of mind.  Bottling up secrets and not forgiving ourselves can lead to long-term adverse effects. I recently came across a book called "The Body Keeps the Score" and I'm curious to explore its content and see if it lives up to its praise. Being intentional with our thoughts and redirecting them away from self-criticism and shame is crucial. Granting ourselves grace and forgiveness is essential for personal growth and the ability to extend grace to others. If you're interested in taking your personal growth to the next level, I offer coaching services. Y ou can find more information on my website and check out the upcoming "try coaching" event on October 14th. I encourage you to share this message with others if you found it helpful or insightful. The Relaxed Male community is focused on helping men improve themselves in all aspects, including their mind, body, soul, and community. By working on these pillars, men can become more balanced and masculine, which is crucial in today's society. Once again, thank you all for your support and for tuning in. I wish you well until the next episode.  https://www.relaxedmale.com/trycoaching 00:00:00 The Struggle of Forgiving Yourself for Mistakes 00:03:09 Announcement: Try Coaching Event on October 14th 00:06:17 Growing the podcast and encouraging listeners to subscribe 00:10:04 Overcoming self-doubt and shame 00:12:58 Breaking free from rumination and finding solutions 00:13:46 Building a Bridge to Forgiving Yourself 00:15:12 Muddying the Water and Breaking Free from Guilt 00:23:53 The power of our mind and religion 00:25:20 The impact of secrets and fibromyalgia 00:32:50 Introduction to Coaching and Try Coaching Event

How to Find Motivation in completing your goals What's Holding Your Back? Fear Goals Not in Alignment Indulging in Confusion out of integrity Not challenging enough Strategies Monday Hour 1 The blank wall technique take small steps Track Your Progress Sign up for Try Coaching Event on October 16 If you don't want to be coached but want to see what it is about it will be streamed on Facebook . Take The Next Step  

What is Aimlessness? Cause of aimlessness nonintentional thoughts You are just floating How to find your rudder and get direction Take time each day to make short goals. What is your objective? Express to yourself why this is important Time for you to get out and start exploring Try stuff Volunteer Work on your 4 pillars News 6 weeks till episode 200 Monday Hour One Coaching On Air relaxedmale.com/coachingtryouts @podbeancom In this episode, we delve into the topic of aimlessness and explore ways to overcome it. Our goal is to assist men in letting go of the "nice guy" mentality and living life on their own terms. We start by highlighting the importance of having a sense of purpose and how challenging it can be to navigate through daily life without direction. To emphasize this point, we share a humorous anecdote about a quintessential dad, reminding us to embrace who we are and find humor in life's moments. Returning to our main topic of aimlessness, we delve into the concept and its negative consequences. While some may view aimlessness as liberating, it often leads to inefficiency and a lack of accomplishment. We discuss Parkinson's Law, which states that without specific goals and timeframes, projects tend to take longer than necessary to complete. Reflecting on personal experiences, we acknowledge how aimlessness can result in wasted time and a lack of fulfillment. This realization leads us to encourage listeners to discover their purpose and direction in life, thereby avoiding the aimless drift. We believe that finding one's purpose earlier in life, particularly between the ages of 25 and 30, allows for greater personal growth and success. Our own purpose is to help individuals overcome victim mentality and live with intention. Specifically, we aim to assist men in embracing their role and responsibilities in society. To break free from aimlessness, we pose the question of how to find one's rudder and take control of life's direction. We stress the significance of having a sense of purpose and the gradual acceptance of traditional gender roles as society recognizes the value they bring. We discuss the challenges faced by both stay-at-home parents and individuals working long hours and neglecting other aspects of their lives. Stressing the importance of being intentional and present, we offer advice on dating properly and finding fulfillment in spending time with children. We also touch on the cycle of aimlessness and how to escape it by exploring interests and setting daily and long-term goals. We encourage individuals to work on all four pillars of The Relaxed Male - mind , body , soul , and community - through activities like reading, exercising, trying new things, and volunteering. Experimentation is key, as it allows us to discover new passions and keep life exciting. While it's fine to make mistakes along the way, these experiences become stories that attract others to us. Ultimately, our soul shines when we do what we're meant to do, and we need to demonstrate our purpose rather than simply talk about it. To maintain focus and inspiration, it's essential to understand the "why" behind our goals and purpose. This understanding will motivate us and surpass the drive for pleasure, avoidance of pain, and efficiency. Without a clear "why," we may become lost in trivial matters. We encourage listeners to find their "why," set short goals aligned with their objectives, and explore and volunteer to truly discover themselves. Finally, we mention that we have six more episodes until episode 200 and share exciting news about offering coaching sessions exclusively for men. Interested individuals can sign up on relaxmail.com/coachingtryouts to receive guidance and support in overcoming barriers and obstacles in their lives. We clarify that this is coaching rather than therapy and that we're here to assist with issues such as divorce, motivation, and more. Concluding the episode, we mention a podcast platform called podbean.com that we've been enjoying and encourage listeners to share the episode with others who may benefit from it. We emphasize the importance of self-improvement and express our gratitude for the support. 00:00:00 The Challenge of Aimlessness: Finding Your Purpose 00:00:59 Introduction to The Relaxed Male Podcast 00:02:29 Caught off guard by a surprising revelation 00:02:39 Settling in at the friend's office for podcast recording 00:06:56 The dangers of aimlessness and lack of direction 00:09:08 The consequences of aimlessness in personal relationships and accomplishments 00:12:00 Finding purpose and taking control of your life 00:16:27 The Importance of Setting Daily Goals 00:19:23 Breaking the Cycle of Aimlessness 00:22:25 Working on the Four Pillars: Mind, Body, Soul, and Community 00:25:50 Finding Your Purpose and Overcoming Aimlessness 00:27:35 The Importance of Discovering Your "Why"  

In this episode of The Relaxed Male, I discuss the topic of pain and why people have a tendency to avoid it. I share my own struggles with avoiding pain, using the example of neglecting my yard work due to excuses like podcasting and the hot weather. I question why people avoid pain when it is an inevitable part of life and emphasize that pain can be beneficial in motivating action and bringing about positive change. I use examples such as paying bills to avoid the pain of living without electricity and the fear of experiencing withdrawal symptoms for someone with addiction. I also highlight how pain can be a motivator for starting a business and taking responsibility for one's financial situation. I emphasize that we need to take responsibility for our own choices and the consequences that come with them. It's our decision to work for someone else, and that means they have control over our pay. Sometimes the agreed-upon price doesn't work out in our favor, but that's just how life goes. If we want to achieve our goals, we can't blame our employer. We need to take ownership and find ways to generate the value we need. This process involves experiencing pain and discomfort, which motivates us to work harder. Pain is a perception that creates an unpleasant feeling, but it pushes us to push past our limits. When we overcome the challenges and reach our objectives, we have reasons to celebrate and feel proud of ourselves. Pain also helps us gain clarity on our goals. Each failure and moment of discomfort allows us to learn and adjust our strategies. We understand that reaching high heights requires us to explore different paths, whether that means going above, below, around, or even with the help of others. Pain is necessary for personal growth and satisfaction. As we go through life, we experience various stages of growth and development. In the military, there are graduations and milestones, like transitioning from a trainee to a full-fledged soldier. Entrepreneurs also endure hardship and sacrifice as they build their businesses. These experiences can be painful, but they shape us and bring a sense of satisfaction. Many people have a fear of pain and avoid discomfort, but pain comes in different forms. It can be physical, like stepping on a nail, or it can be emotional, like the embarrassment of a failed client interaction. Both types of pain are processed in the same part of our brains. So, what are we actually afraid of when we avoid pain? Sometimes, pain is necessary to achieve our goals. Just like a skater wearing extra layers of underwear before attempting a dangerous trick, we may need to endure discomfort in order to reach success. Whether it's the discomfort of cold weather, interacting with new people, or waiting in line instead of using self-checkout, these experiences can lead us to better outcomes. Would we be willing to endure temporary irritation for long-term gains? Pain should not hold us back from pursuing our dreams or making changes. Physical harm is unlikely to result from starting a business or accepting a divorce. We often worry about things that are unlikely to happen, keeping ourselves up at night with unnecessary fear. So, instead of avoiding pain, we should embrace it as a necessary part of growth and progress. By pushing through discomfort and enduring temporary hardships, we can achieve the life we desire. So, what is pain actually? Pain is a fear of the unknown, specifically the fear of physical pain. It's unavoidable, especially if you have kids and end up stepping on Legos or other sharp objects. Pain is a way to learn what you are capable of, like lifting weights and pushing your muscles to the point of tearing. It can also be the discomfort and humility that comes with failure or being out of your comfort zone. However, the satisfaction and reward of overcoming pain and achieving your goals are worth it in the end. People may laugh or doubt you along the way, but their laughter often stems from their own fear and lack of courage to pursue their own dreams. Ultimately, pain is just a stepping stone on the path to success. I used to love going to the playground area that had various tubes and interactive learning activities. One of my favorite experiences was sitting in a swivel chair with a spinning bicycle wheel attached to it. When the wheel reached full speed, I would try to turn but couldn't. Instead, I would start spinning in the chair uncontrollably. There were other cool things too, like sticking your hands in gooey substances and a parabolic reflector that created holograms. I was always too afraid to put my hand inside, fearing that a cookie monster would grab it. But despite my fears, growing up as a Gen Xer allowed me to have amazing experiences and try new things. I would spend days at the playground, and even when I was left alone at home, I would have epic Star Wars adventures with my Millennium Falcon toy. I didn't let fear stop me from enjoying life and taking risks. I believe that today's younger generation should embrace that fearlessness and realize that what they're afraid of is nothing to be scared of. In this part of the podcast, I discuss the fear of emotions and how I want to help listeners overcome it. I encourage them to embrace the beauty that lies beyond their fears and challenges. Divorce is used as an example, indicating that it can be a tough experience but also an opportunity for personal growth. I emphasize the importance of working on the mind, body, and soul, as well as building strong friendships. If listeners are interested in taking the next step, they can schedule a consulting call through the provided link. I mention that willingness to step out of one's comfort zone is crucial for our collaboration, but even those who are more hesitant may still find potential in themselves. I also share that the podcast offers a wealth of resources, such as blog posts and over 660 episodes, to support personal development. Listeners are encouraged to share the podcast with others who may benefit from it, and I express the belief that society needs men who embrace their masculinity and live purposeful lives. I sign off by expressing my love and hoping to connect with listeners again in the following week.  Take The Next Step https://booking.appointy.com/en-US/relaxedmale/bookings/calendar?sr=1039192 00:00:00 The Purpose of Pain in Our Lives 00:00:41 Helping men overcome suffering and find fulfillment 00:03:10 Understanding the role of pain as a motivator and teacher 00:10:25 Embracing Failure for Clarity in Objectives 00:12:56 Reflecting on Bootcamp and Fondly Remembering the Challenges 00:19:58 The Game of Jacks 00:23:02 Overcoming Fear of Failure and Embracing Pain 00:26:50 Childhood Fears and Imaginary Adventures 00:29:10 Growing Up as a Gen Xer 00:31:33 Overcoming Fear and Embracing Life 00:33:34 Embracing Your Comfort Zone for Personal Growth 00:35:04 Spreading the Message of Positive Masculinity

On this week's episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the concept of thoughts creating results. As a certified men's coach, I help men who are facing various challenges in their lives, including divorce and daily struggles. We discuss how our thoughts shape our outcomes and why it is crucial to pay attention to them. Our thoughts play a significant role in either allowing us to succeed or holding us back from achieving our goals. Whether it's difficulties in getting clients or starting a business, or personal issues with how comments affect us emotionally, it's important to analyze our thoughts. Sometimes we may justify our negative responses, but deep down, we might agree with those criticisms to some extent. This agreement leads to negative patterns and behaviors, such as relying on alcohol as a coping mechanism. We often engage in self-sabotaging behaviors by agreeing with negative thoughts or criticisms about ourselves. However, we have the power to change our thoughts and create positive outcomes. We can shift our mindset and embrace empowering beliefs, which allows us to pursue our goals with more energy and purpose. By taking intentional actions and asking powerful questions, we can move closer to our desired results. Having a mindset of certainty is crucial when it comes to achieving our goals. Instead of thinking our dreams are not worth the effort, we should affirm them confidently. Our brain is more likely to support us in achieving our goals when we believe in them. Using Kevin Smith as an example, we discuss how his negative self-perception as a "fat slob" led to unhealthy habits and a decline in his creativity and productivity. However, after a heart attack, he changed his thoughts and behaviors, leading to significant weight loss and positive changes in his career. To create positive changes in our own lives, we need to change our thoughts about food and weight. It's important to identify our personal reasons for wanting to live a healthier life. We acknowledge the need for change and the importance of mindset shift, rather than solely focusing on losing weight. We encourage listeners to reach out for help and coaching if they want to support in making positive changes in their lives. By challenging negative thoughts and beliefs, and focusing on the four pillars of manhood, listeners can build healthier relationships, improve their overall well-being, and create a brighter future for themselves. In conclusion, our thoughts shape our outcomes, and by working together, we can create a positive impact in our lives and relationships. We encourage our listeners to share this episode with others who may be struggling, and to reach out for assistance or to support their fellow brothers. Thank you for being a part of this journey. 00:00:00 Understanding the Power of Your Thoughts 00:00:41 Introduction: Helping Men Overcome Life's Struggles 00:02:06 Celebrating Growth and Overcoming Challenges in Podcasting 00:06:34 The impact of negative self-talk on weight gain 00:08:20 Overcoming insecurities about physical attributes 00:16:06 Kevin Smith's wake and the issue with continuous pot use 00:17:58 Kevin Smith's heart attack and change in mindset 00:25:54 Changing Thoughts for Personal Transformation 00:32:49 Rediscovering Intimacy with Your Partner 00:34:36 Empowering Men to Upgrade Their Lives

So what are you after in life? Are you out just to be happy? or are you after something more? Many men want to point to our founding documents and take from there that all we are supposed to be is happy. We are supposed to pursue happiness, yet are we able to actually catch our happiness, or would you settle for joy? How about something greater than happiness? Are you supposed to settle for just happiness? Let's look at this little thought experiment. What's the difference? Some people want to equate success with being happy. Yet after a little while, they find themselves in a bit of a crisis because they have accomplished al they have set out for and they are still not happy. Why is that? What is success? What does it mean to be successful to you? So if you are after happiness and tragedy strikes does that mean you failed? Now you are seeing the problem if trying to be happy all the time. There are many instances of life where you actually don't want to be happy. You get a divorce, a family member passes away. Those are things out of your control so how are you equating that to your scoreboard of life? So what do you want to pursue? Fulfillment may be a good objective to run after. What is fulfillment? Can you be successful and fulfilled? Would that make you happy? Can you go after both?   Want more help finding a fulfilling life? Sign up for a mini-session.

Roman code or Mos Maiorum Mos maiorum means the way of the elders 8 virtues Fideas - Be trust worthy The Latin word fides encompasses several English words, such as trust/trustworthiness, good faith/faithfulness, confidence, reliability, and credibility. It was an important concept in Roman law, as oral contracts were common.  Pietas - Be respectful Pietas was the Roman attitude of dutiful respect towards the gods, homeland, parents, and family, which required the maintenance of relationships in a moral and dutiful manner.  Religio and Cultus - Be religious Related to the Latin verb religare, "to bind", religio was the bond between gods and mortals, as carried out in traditional religious practices for preserving the pax deorum (“peace of the gods”). Cultus was the active observance and the correct performance of rituals. Religious practice, in this sense, is to be distinguished from pietas and its inherent morality. See religion in ancient Rome and imperial cult (ancient Rome). Disciplin - Be diciplined The military character of Roman society suggests the importance of disciplina, as related to education, training, discipline, and self-control. Gravitas and constantia - Self Control or Temperance Gravitas was dignified self-control. Constantia was steadiness or perseverance. In the face of adversity, a good Roman was to display an unperturbed façade. Roman myth and history reinforced this value by recounting tales of figures such as Gaius Mucius Scaevola, who in a founding legend of the Republic demonstrated his seriousness and determination to the Etruscan king Lars Porsenna by holding his right hand in a fire. Virtus - Core values Derived from the Latin word vir ("man"), virtus constituted the ideal of the true Roman male. Gaius Lucilius discusses virtus in some of his work and says that it is virtus for a man to know what is good, evil, useless, shameful, or dishonorable. Dignitas and auctoritas - serve others with dignatity Dignitas and auctoritas were the end result of displaying the values of the ideal Roman and the service of the state, in the forms of priesthoods, military positions, and magistracies. Dignitas was a reputation for worth, honor and esteem. Thus, a Roman who displayed their gravitas, constantia, fides, pietas and other values of a Roman would possess dignitas among their peers. Similarly, by that path, a Roman could earn auctoritas ("prestige and respect"). Us military Code of Conduct The Code of Conduct provides guidance for the behavior and actions of members of the Armed Forces of the United States. This guidance applies not only on the battlefield but also in the event that the service member is captured and becomes a prisoner of war (POW). The Code is delineated in six articles. Article I: I am an American, fighting in the forces which guard my country and our way of life. I am prepared to give my life in their defense. Article II: I will never surrender of my own free will. If in command, I will never surrender the members of my command while they still have the means to resist. Article III: If I am captured I will continue to resist by all means available. I will make every effort to escape and aid others to escape. I will accept neither parole nor special favors from the enemy. Article IV: If I become a prisoner of war, I will keep faith with my fellow prisoners. I will give no information or take part in any action which might be harmful to my comrades. If I am senior, I will take command. If not, I will obey the lawful orders of those appointed over me and will back them up in every way. Article V: When questioned, should I become a prisoner of war, I am required to give my name, rank, service number, and date of birth. I will evade answering further questions to the utmost of my ability. I will make no oral or written statements disloyal to my country and its allies or harmful to their cause. Article VI: I will never forget that I am an American, fighting for freedom, responsible for my actions, and dedicated to the principles which made my country free. I will trust in my God and in the United States of America. Spartan code of Honor The Spartan hoplite followed a strict laconic code of honor. No soldier was considered superior to another. Suicidal recklessness, misbehavior, and rage were prohibited in the Spartan army, as those behaviors endangered the phalanx. Recklessness could also lead to dishonor, as in the case of Aristodemus. Spartans regarded those who fight, while still wishing to live, as more valorous than those who don't care if they die. They believed that a warrior must not fight with raging anger but with calm determination. Spartans must walk without any noise and speak only with a few words in the laconic way of life.  Other ways for Spartans to be dishonored include dropping the shield (rhipsaspia), failing to complete the training, and deserting in battles. Dishonored Spartans were labeled as outcasts and would be forced to wear different clothing for public humiliation.  In battles, the Spartans told stories of valor to inspire the troops and, before a major confrontation, they sang soft songs to calm the nerves. Bushido code Righteousness (義 gi). Justice is the most important virtue for the samurai. A true samurai does not attack the enemy without an important reason. Loyalty (忠義 chūgi). Loyalty is the 2nd most important thing in life. The samurai should always be loyal to his master. The samurai should also believe his duty to protect his master is the meaning of life. Honor (名誉 meiyo). A life without honor is not a life. If a samurai makes a mistake, he should honor his name by committing suicide. (Example: The story of 47 samurai (the Ako Incident). Respect (礼 rei). A samurai should always respect his enemy. A samurai respects his opponent before and after the fight. Even if a samurai kills his opponent, he is very respectful to the corpse. Honesty ( 誠 sei). A samurai never lies. “Deception” does not exist in the Book of a Samurai. Courage (勇 yū). A samurai fights until the end. A samurai is never afraid of anything. He is not afraid of death. A samurai is always brave because he fights for something he believes in. Consistency (誠 makoto ). A samurai never change their path. He is like a dragonfly, he always moves forward, he never moves back. What is your code? Why do you need a code? What is in a code? 00:00:00 Exploring Different Societal Codes of Conduct 00:00:37 Introduction to Relaxed Male and its purpose 00:10:52 The impact of parental expectations and disappointment 00:14:30 The erosion of respect and the need for a code of conduct 00:16:44 The importance of discipline in education and self-control 00:19:13 Virtus: knowing what is good, evil, and honorable 00:19:59 Roman Values: Dignitas, Auctoritas, and Core Virtues 00:24:53 Spartan Code of Honor: Equality and Prohibited Behaviors 00:26:18 Valor and Calm Determination: The Spartan Code of Conduct 00:28:17 Inspiring Troops and Calming Nerves: Singing in Battle 00:30:16 The Bushido Code: Values of the Japanese Samurai 00:33:19 Building Your Own Code: Why You Need a Code of Conduct 00:36:27 Importance of Writing and Displaying Core Values

In this episode of the Relaxed Male podcast, we dive into the significance of altering our thoughts in order to improve our lives. Our thoughts shape our reality, emotions, and outcomes. It's common for people to believe that making a big change, like switching jobs or losing weight, will automatically bring them happiness. However, that's not the case. Our happiness and overall results are determined by our thoughts. As we begin our discussion, I want to take a moment to express our gratitude to all the new listeners who have joined us recently. While our view count may have decreased, I'm not too worried since it's summertime and people have different priorities. However, I admit that I occasionally feel concerned about the numbers. But when I look at our unique downloads, I see spikes, indicating that people are still interested in our content. This serves as a reminder that our thoughts have a significant impact on our results, which ties perfectly into our topic for today. Instead of dwelling on the lower downloads, I realize it's more productive to focus on creating valuable content that truly resonates with our audience. I would rather have 10,000 dedicated listeners who genuinely appreciate our show than 10,000 downloads from people who don't find it worthwhile. So, before you embark on any major changes in your life, take a moment to reflect on how you think about the circumstances that are causing discontent. Whether it's your physical appearance or finding a partner, changing your thoughts is the first step towards achieving the life you desire. Losing weight rapidly to feel attractive to others might not address the deeper issues of self-worth and insecurity. Regardless of being overweight or physically fit, how one perceives oneself influences how they present themselves to others. Making changes, such as losing weight, doesn't guarantee happiness, as both thin and overweight individuals face their own unique challenges. Similarly, acquiring wealth or switching careers might not bring fulfillment if your mindset remains negative or dissatisfied. It's crucial to have the ability to say no and allow others to learn and grow on their own, even if it may feel uncomfortable for both parties involved. Changing our thoughts and finding contentment with our circumstances, whether in personal relationships or work situations, is the key to true happiness and growth. As we wrap up this segment of the podcast, I want to emphasize the importance of transforming our mindset in order to bring about positive changes in our lives. By recognizing and challenging our current thoughts and beliefs, we can break free from repetitive patterns and create a life that aligns with our true desires. It's essential that we take responsibility for our actions and show up differently if we want to attract different results. As always, I encourage you to share this podcast with others and subscribe to receive weekly episodes. Together, we can continue to grow and learn on this journey towards a more fulfilling and relaxed life. 00:00:00 The Impact of Circumstances on Discontent and Ill Feelings 00:00:54 Thoughts create our reality and results 00:02:19 Concerns about low podcast downloads and attracting new listeners 00:05:36 The importance of changing thoughts before making big life changes 00:09:12 Applying the concept to work and sales strategies 00:10:13 Shifting Mindset: Sales, Relationships, and Personal Responsibility 00:11:16 Changing Perspectives: Embracing Circumstances and Taking Ownership 00:14:28 Transforming Thoughts: Influence, Relationships, and Self-Improvement Take The Next Step and Get Coached.  

Getting the proper soul diet How are you helping yourself? Who are you talking to? How often are you talking to them? What are you doing for yourself? What are you doing for others? How do you start feeding your soul? Find what you are interested in. Look at different topics. Be hands-on. As long as you keep your interest occupied then good keep exploring that topic The moment you find your attention waning or you dread having to do something then you know that's not feeling your soul anymore Take what you have learned and apply it to the next lesson. But I don't know my purpose Make finding your purpose, your purpose. What do souls need? a purpose Friends A spouse Someone to they can lead (family) a reason to laugh a reason to try Would you like to get Coached?  Schedule a Call

How do you handle your mind? What is meant by gaining control of your mind? How is this skill even possible? Don't we have thoughts all the time? You can't control your emotions Why does your mind run like it does? Unintentional Thoughts Used to just go where it wants Learn mindfulness Meditation Journaling Pay attention to what you are thinking Breathe You are signaling to the thinking part of your mind that it needs to take control Slows you down Take slow deep breaths Write down your thoughts You can see what you are thinking Thought downloads are powerful tools to use Frees up your brain to not have to try to hold on to those thoughts Engage your band of brothers. They are there to help you Get in a workout Exercise is great for thinking and getting rid of excess energy use controlled violence Get coached This is change how you look at the world and your life faster than anything else. Take the Next step  

Life can get monotonous We all let life slide by. We find ourselves floating down that river You don't have to let it Take over You have to notice when you are letting your life slide. Ask questions about that thought. Sadly we don't allow ourselves to get curious anymore. Importance of Being Curious It allows you to become childlike in wonder. You come to understand yourself better when you do allow yourself to become curious. You have a deeper connection when you stop assuming you know it all. When you can be curious you find that you have more in common with those around you. It brings that spark back into your life that you have been missing. What if you allowed yourself to get curious again? You start being able to tap into all those important aspects that curiosity brings. Your curiosity knows no bounds. You are able to be curious about anything around you and anything in life. Curious about work What would happen if you become curious about what you do at work? Curious about your friends What would it look like if you actually become more interested in what your friends are doing? Curious about your wife. So many facets you could get curious about. Find the wonder in sex again. Find out what she is passionate about. Curious about your kids How would your kids react if you showed real interest in what is happening in their life? Do you think they would respect your thoughts more? They would Kids with parents who are fully engaged are less likely to turn to those who may not have your kids best interests at heart. Curious about yourself What you you do if you paid more attention to what you do in your life? Why do you look at porn? Why do you actually say one thing and then do the opposite? Why has it taken you 7 months to fix the toilet? When you pay attention to what you do and you get curious as to why you do that you find you have more insight as to what is actually holding you back. How to get curious about anything. Getting curious does require some intentionality Start with the 6 questions Who What When Where Why How 00:00:00 The Loss of Brightness: What Happened to Your Life? 00:00:56 Introduction: Brian, the Certified Men's Coach 00:01:43 Rediscovering Wonder: Looking at Life with Fresh Eyes 00:06:00 Embracing Wonder: Breaking Free from Monotony and Regret 00:09:43 Navigating Life's River: Steering Towards Intention and Fulfillment 00:12:15 The Quirks of Personal Food Preferences 00:15:02 Self-reflection and Questioning Our Habits 00:19:59 The Power of Curiosity and Asking Questions 00:23:45 Deepening Connections Through Curiosity and Understanding 00:24:20 Curiosity: The Key to a Strong Connection with Your Children 00:25:36 The Power of Curiosity: Sparking Joy and Attention 00:28:04 Curiosity and Learning: Does it Die with Age?  00:30:27 Curiosity and Relationships: Rediscovering Passion and Connection 00:33:14 Masculine Influence on Daughters and Feminism 00:36:25 The Impact of Quitting Porn and Alcohol 00:40:22 The Power of Asking Questions for Self-Reflection 00:42:29 Becoming the Stronger Man: Opening Up and Having Conversations 00:44:03 Embracing a New Perspective Take the Next Step

In this episode, we explore the power of positive thoughts and how they can help us overcome challenges. We acknowledge that it's common to feel overwhelmed by problems, but stress the importance of maintaining a positive mindset. We share personal experiences, such as dealing with internet issues, to illustrate how positivity can make a difference. We also express gratitude for our audience and their role in our success. By focusing on the positives and adopting a mindset of abundance, we open up more possibilities and increase our chances of finding solutions and achieving our goals. We also highlight the role of money in driving us forward. When we desire something, we naturally find a way to obtain it. We reflect on times when we were young and broke, but still managed to acquire the things we wanted through positive thoughts and a determined mindset. We emphasize that having a positive mindset can lead to more opportunities, rather than adopting a victim mentality or a negative outlook on life. However, we acknowledge that positive thinking alone is not a magic solution. Problems are an inherent part of life, regardless of our financial situation. We discuss how problems often create new problems, and it's important to be prepared and find solutions. We highlight the power of mindset in influencing our emotions, actions, and outcomes. We encourage listeners to be aware of their negative thoughts and actively replace them with positive and empowering thoughts. We also delve into the use of affirmations and stress the importance of believing in them for them to be effective. We challenge the belief that changing beliefs is impossible by providing examples of people switching religions. We emphasize that what we perceive to be true shapes our thoughts and beliefs. We discuss visualization as a key technique for finding solutions to our problems. Instead of visualizing failure, we should visualize success and how it would feel to achieve our goals. We emphasize the power of asking ourselves questions about where we want to be and how we will act, as it can help shape our mindset. Building a strong support system is also crucial for positive outcomes. We discuss the importance of surrounding ourselves with like-minded individuals and cultivating a community that supports and uplifts us. We highlight the impact of good friends on personal growth and stress the importance of continuous learning. We encourage listeners to take proactive steps towards their goals, such as discussing them with friends and seeking the help of coaches. We acknowledge setbacks and failures as part of the journey but emphasize the importance of learning from them. Self-care is also highlighted as essential for maintaining a positive mindset and overall well-being. Engaging in hobbies and seeking support from professionals, such as coaches or therapists, are encouraged as ways to manage challenges and obstacles. Finally, we conclude by emphasizing the significance of intentionality in our actions. By being intentional, we increase our options and make success more attainable. Each victory fuels us to achieve more. We express gratitude to our listeners and encourage them to share the episode with their friends and family. We promote Relax Mail as a platform where we help people change their mindset and confront life's challenges, be it divorce or economic downturns. By managing our thoughts and living intentionally, we can navigate difficult situations more effectively. Setbacks can actually make us stronger if we change our mindset and perspective. We assure listeners that we are here to support them in finding solutions to their problems. We wish everyone a great week ahead! 00:00:00 Overcoming obstacles and problem-solving techniques 00:01:00 Technical difficulties and starting the episode without a script 00:03:10 Gratitude for audience support and introduction to the host 00:09:55 The Benefits of Capitalism and Working for Success 00:11:23 Changing Negative Thinking and Mindset 00:13:00 Overcoming Problems and Creating Solutions 00:15:06 Paying Attention to Negative Thoughts and Self-Doubt 00:17:40 Thought Work and Changing Negative Stories 00:20:07 The Power of Thoughts and Beliefs 00:23:11 Practice Gratitude and Surround Yourself with Positivity 00:29:20 Embracing Failure and Learning from Setbacks 00:31:00 Seeking Support and Changing Thoughts for Success

In this episode of "The Relaxed Male" podcast, I discuss how harnessing the power of a divorce can help men become better men. I begin by introducing the podcast as a place where men can remove the nice guy from their lives and find solutions to their suffering. I greet new listeners and acknowledge their role in the show's growth. I then talk about how people generally avoid discomfort and develop limiting thoughts about divorce. I argue that divorce was not celebrated in the past and still isn't because it involves breaking a vow between two people. I express concern about the hookup culture and how avoiding marriage is causing problems in modern society. I conclude with a scenario where a man's wife suddenly asks for a divorce. Moving on, I discuss how divorce can be a tumultuous time for men, where everything they were used to is uncertain and constantly shifting. Many men develop a victim narrative and blame their spouse for the divorce, and fighting over money can lead to depression and hopelessness. I share a personal story about a man named Wayne, who lost everything in his divorce and eventually committed suicide. I believe that divorce can be an opportunity for personal growth and transformation if approached with the right mindset. I encourage men to go through the discomfort and discard negative aspects of their past while adding controlled, positive elements to become better and stronger. It’s important to remain calm and understand your emotions, said by me in the next part of the podcast. Working on your mental and physical pillars, like learning how to communicate with your children or getting into shape, is crucial. You must take responsibility for your actions and understand where you went wrong in your marriage. I explain how taking responsibility can give you the ability to see what is possible in the future and how it can lead to a lot of accomplishments. Asking yourself questions like what could I change or not change, how can I learn from the experience, and where did I give my power away can help you claim your power and tell the truth. I emphasize that victims who don't take responsibility tend to have no respect. To overcome the victim mentality, individuals must take responsibility for their actions, including their lack of action. By accepting responsibility, individuals can harness their power to become better men. However, it is essential to realize that you cannot control your partner and their actions, but changing your thoughts and actions can improve your life and situation. I offer coaching to help individuals become stronger and higher value in society and encourage listeners to share this message with friends. I thank my listeners, encourage subscriptions, and remind them that new episodes are released on Thursdays at 3 a.m. 00:00:00 Introduction to Episode 184: Harnessing the Power of Divorce 00:00:47 Introduction and Welcome to Relaxed Male 00:03:10 The Problem with Divorce and Victim Mindset 00:11:34 Divorce: A Crucible for Personal Growth 00:14:16 Lessons Learned and Pillars Reinforced After Divorce 00:19:35 Taking Responsibility and Turning Discomfort into Power 00:22:13 Rebuilding Your Wealth with Emotional Strength 00:24:41 What Do You Stand to Learn from Your Experience? 00:27:01 The Power of Responsibility and Claiming it Back 00:30:15 You Can Change Your World by Changing Your Thoughts How people respond to Divorce We want to go to the victim narrative. Don't have the ability to control what we thought we could We also get a scarcity mindset We see our resources going and they are out of our control How does divorce make your life better? You learn what you are in control of You learn what pillars are needing shoring up. You see where you need to take responsibility Give you the ability to see what is possible We are stronger because of the experience Find out you can accomplish difficult circumstances Learn from the mistakes you made Answer the following questions What did I do? What Could I have changed? What could I not change? What do I stand to learn from this experiance? Where did I give My power away? You can stay out of the victim mindset The victim doesn't have any power The victim doesn't get respect Take the Next Step and Get Coached

How do you want to show up? What is showing up? are you present at the moment or are you always lost in thought? How are you valuing those you are around? living with intention Who do you want to be in your marriage What type of husband do you want to be? are you listening to her or are you trying to fix it? Your Family Are you showing them the values you have are you letting them find their values in life too? are you the go-to person when there is a problem or are you showing them that you blow up at an inconvenient time? Your son What type of example do you want to be for your son are you a mentor or are you an overlord Your work Are you presenting yourself with an owner's attitude or a Squatters? Offering solutions or just presenting problems Your band of brothers How do you show up for your friends? In your community Are you the go-to guy or the old curmudgeon? For yourself? How are you showing up for yourself? How are you valuing yourself?  

In this episode of The Relaxed Male, the host delves deep into the importance of celebrating fathers on Father's Day. He explains that dads play a crucial role in society by being the pillars of households. Dads not only provide for the family financially but also emotionally. Masculinity is a much-debated topic. According to the host, dads show their sons how to be masculine by being leaders, and mentors, and guiding their sons to be confident. Dads are an essential factor in teaching sons the glories of masculinity, such as fellowship with other men, which helps young men be confident with other men. One of the most significant roles of dads is to be the pressure valves for their families, providing laughter and mentorship during the teenage years. The teenage years are the most crucial time for children, and dads must be the positive role model that their children need during this period of their lives. The host encourages dads to live intentionally and be leaders and mentors for their kids. Dads can also lead to positive change in their communities, societies, and the country. The podcast delves deeply into the different roles that fathers play in the family. Fathers are not only providers and protectors, but they are also leaders and mentors. The host emphasizes the importance of fathers being actively involved in their children's lives. They should provide guidance and discipline while setting positive examples for their children. Even if fathers make mistakes, they can always work towards becoming better and providing more for their families. Bryan encourages all fathers to be great dads and contribute to making their families more cohesive and smoother running. Better dads make better children and better children make better societies. Fathers hold the key to the success of their families and the nation as a whole. The host concludes by reinforcing that it is essential for dads to celebrate Father's Day to recognize their efforts, appreciate their sacrifices, and inspire them to be better dads.

The Problem with our problems Our thoughts about the circumstance often create our problem The problem is that of comparison We want the problem to be a bad thing when it may actually be good. Many times we get mad at problems because we are thinking intentionally We want to think we just solved a problem and so we shouldn’t have any more problems. Our solution to a problem just makes more problems appear. This is how we become better. We level up our problems. Life is 50/50 Define the problem. What is the problem? Defining the problem is, you, taking control of the problem. You are defining the problem. On your terms Ask Yourself these questions How do you see the problem? How do you WANT to see the problem? This is how I have been looking at the problem How do I actually want to look at the problem? - This is a very powerful question to ask yourself. Is it actually a problem? When we don't look at our problems with intentional thoughts we let our mind get to work on buffering and avoiding the real problem. This is where mental spin and confusion and feeling helpless come into play. We run from our problems. Why is it a problem? Break your problem down to the very core of the issue. Why is your problem a problem? You have to process your thoughts on the problem. If you don't you will all or dirty painful thoughts to get in Dirty is resisting the emotion Make your thoughts about the problems as clean as possible Define the problem as positively as possible and in as simple terms as possible Breaking a problem down like this you are taking control of your thoughts, and control of the problem too. Resolving the problem After you have processed your thoughts then you can start resolving your problems Take Full responsibility for your part of the scenario. Make a plan Take action on the plan The Real Problem Resisting the opportunity to grow If you do not break your thoughts about the problem down you will allow more problems and more thoughts about the problem and this will muddy the process. Your mind wants it middy that way you stay safe and where your mind feels comfortable. You will be tempted to blame You will feel more frustration are we thinking the problem is a problem or are we looking at it as an opportunity? Which one is more troublesome? Many times we make problems out of things that actually aren't problems. This is why the model is so handy. We can see our thoughts and adjust them. You can also change who you are blaming for the problem. many times the problem stops being a problem if we take on the responsibility  Schedule a Consult Call

Now we all know about doing what you say to other people. This is part of keeping your word and that is important. If you break your word there is a lack of trust. That lack of trust has ramifications through more than what you want to think, and this is part of what is keeping you from going for the big prize in life. You don't even believe in yourself. People Don't Believe You It may be a given but I would still reiterate the point that if you can't keep your word others are not going to believe you. Sounds crazy I know yet I have seen so many people who say one thing and then don't do it. I am guilty of this as every other person in the world is also guilty of doing this very same thing. We say we are going to mow the lawn and then the weekend comes around and the grass is still as long as it was at the start of the weekend. Why? That is from us not paying attention to the words we say and believing that words don't have meaning. Now this is different than believing that words have power. That is because words don't have power yet they do have meaning and that meaning is what allows for thoughts to be spread. Your Wife Doesn't Believe You How many times have you let your wife down and only for you to do the very same thing again? Why should she believe you? People Won't Believe You If you let your boss down too many times they are going to let you go. If you let your neighbor down too many times they will not include you. You Don't Believe Yourself If you let yourself down you believe that it has no ramifications in the grand scheme of things. Yet that is the worst one of all. You will not let your thoughts go. You often hold yourself accountable more severely than anybody else. So What Do You Do? Keep your word. If you say you are going to walk 15 minutes a day then walk 15 minutes a day. If you are saying you are going to do something do it for you. If you do it for yourself it may take a while but eventually, your wife or ex-wife will see that are actually a man of your word. You have to become a man of integrity. Start Paying Attention To What You Are Saying. Like your actions and thoughts, you need to start using your words with intentionality. If you say you are going to do something then say it Understand Why You Are Saying What You Are Saying. Are you just trying to make people like you? That's not gonna work. You can't make people do anything they don't want. You are just opening yourself up to be taken advantage of and be let down.

People want to think that finding friends is difficult. and while it can be challenging to find quality friends the issue of finding friends isn't any harder than changing your thoughts. Your thoughts about meeting people will result in you either meeting good people or meeting bad people. or meeting no people. That Choice is yours. Be intentional As with anything in life if you aren't being intentional in what you do you will get results but those results aren't going to be to your liking. They may fit your narrative, but they wont be the quality or type of person you want in your life. My version of the Jim Rhon quote is you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most intentional time with. So if you are with people who think that corporations are evil and you are trying to start your own company then you are probably with the wrong crowd and you will have to choose whether you want to leave or if you want to Make yourself like who you want to be friends with Go to where those men are found Serve those men Talk regular

Something I hear over and over again is the man needs validation from his wife or the wife needs validation from her husband or friends or family or something to that effect. In this week's podcast episode, I am here to help you see that you are not a parking lot voucher and so you don't need to be validated. We also talk about the fact that I am out of the office and back in a truck and why that was a good thing. What is validation? Why do we seek it? How do we validate ourselves? Don't forget to subscribe

What happens when you try to fix other people's problems? The answer is a lot of unintended consequences. Many guys who are going through their divorce see that they are struggling to find their place in the current scenario and with men often having some aspect of a nice guy they try to rush to a person's aid. Why can't you fix a problem if you can? Trying to fix a problem isn't going to help anybody but yourself feel good about yourself. It doesn't help the other person with their problem it may give a temporary bandaid but it doesn't fix the issue at hand. Robert Lupton talks about the damage that churches and charities do when they try to fix a problem. In his book Toxic Charity: How the Church Hurts Those They Help and How to Reverse It Robert talks about how helping a person or caretaking is more destructive in the long run. This is because you take a person's reason to care. This act goes against a person's will to be self-sufficient. People have their own free will that they would otherwise be able to use if you hadn't taken it from them. So fixing a problem isn't going to help the target be better. Look at toddlers when they are wanting to dress themselves. They realize they have free will and so they want to use their newfound power. So they want to do it themselves. If you do it for them because of whatever reason and you get a 2-year-old who has meltdowns because they can't wear their Hawaiian shirt with shorts cowboy boots and a bucket hat that is the wrong color. Teenagers are the same way. That is what created the rebellion in them. We don't let them live life on their terms. Why? Not because it would damage them in any way but because of the thoughts we have about the circumstance. We think they will damage their future. When it's not your future to control. Yet we still try to "help" and then look in shock when the other person is frustrated angry resentful and ends up doing the very opposite of what you suggest. They actively will start to sabotage your actions. All because you tried to help because of your thoughts. So am I saying you shouldn't help others? No, the farthest from that point. I am saying don't help a person simply to make yourself feel better. Don't take a person's reasons to care because you want to care. The big reason fixing other people doesn't work is because you can't change how they think.

What is holding you back? The root cause is fear. Yet as I have talked before we run from fear. We avoid feeling fear in almost every aspect of life. This is where courage in the face of fear is most needed. Yet we hide from that fear by masking the fear. We often do many different activities to hide from the fact that we are feeling fear. When you are hiding from fear or any other emotion what you are really doing is not addressing the problem at hand. that problem is a thought that you are having. It doesn't matter what the thought is. If the thought is creating a fear-based emotion Why are you numbing? The key to all your ability to get up and go achieve what your desires are is that you have to stop numbing yourself. That is what overeating drug abuse alcohol abuse or any other item that could be termed as addiction, or distraction from a thought you are having. Instead of working on the thought and seeing how that thought does or doesn't serve you. We often just shove it out of the way and try to bury it. Yet it is interesting how that buried body just keeps rising back up and confronting us time and time again. So why are you numbing? What do I mean when I say you are numbing? What do I mean when I say numbing? Say your ex-wife says you need to pay more alimony. What does that do to you? Make you angry, anxious, or something similar? Many guys will display anger and then turn to liquor or if they are in a state that allows marijuana to be legal then they may strike up a bowl. Others turn to food, work, video games, or something very similar to that. Numbing is the act of us denying an emotion their time. Yes, emotions have a life span and they will get old and stale if we don't use them when it is time. Stale emotions are just as unpleasant as a stale piece of bread or potato chip. Though swelling a stale chip is actually easier than a stale chip. Resisting an emotion When you are trying to force yourself to feel something other than the emotion that is at hand that is resisting emotions. We often do this with fear-based emotions but it can happen at any time.

Now You hear me talk about Grown men and grown boys. I have juxtaposed the two against each other a few times. Yet I want to do it on the podcast because sometimes people just don't like to read. Yet there is a huge reason that it is important to differentiate these two. That reason is that one is the source of weakness and victim mindset while the other isn't. Boys are Consumers In active A victim Pass the blame Men are action takers Producers Take responsibility Leaders

What does it look like when you are living your life in fear? When you have a constant state of anxiety and fear how does one man cope? In fact, how does anyone cope? That is a huge and very important question to ask I come across so many men who are living in one form of fear or another. The Gentleman who is talking in this post shows all the detail of why living in fear causes you so many different forms of suffering and anguish. Anyone else in here dealing with a soon to be ex that still wants total control of your life ? She weaponizes the kids against me (2/7months) they don’t live here so I have to FaceTime them on her time only and if I miss the time allotted, she’ll get all crazy . This woman evens goes as far as blocking me on all ways to contact them when we aren’t on good terms ( when I don’t let her have her way ) what is the best way to go about this because I just want to move on and have my life without her trying to control me. Facebook Group User Some of the points that need to be made How do you move on? Stop playing by her rules Start working on yourself Build up your 4 pillars Get your priorities straight Set Boundaries and stick to them Weaponizing the Kids Yeah, she is because she sees that she has an influence on your life. That is all people want when they are like that. Bullys want to know they have some type of power over other people. Vengeful ex-wives are the same way. Their life is not making waves and they know they can create anxiety in their ex. So they do it over and over. Cause you are willing to let it happen. But the Kids! Yeah, it sucks that she is being that type of woman that she doesn't care about the kids enough to hold them, prisoner, over your head. This is the only leverage she has and desperate people love to use any leverage they can find. Another thing you need to do is talk to a lawyer. Yeah, I get it you owe your soul to the last one. However f you didn't get a good representation from the last one then you will want to find a different one. Now I am not a lawyer I don't play one on tv or on a podcast I have gone through the whole kid's thing with an ex-girlfriend who wanted to play similar games. So record every interaction you have with your ex, Let her know that you are recording your calls and the talks you have with the kids all correspondents go into that file. If you call and the channel is blocked show proof that it is blocked and document all of that too. Most of all stop living your life in fear! This is the killer. This is why your ex is able to be the tyrant you are perceiving her to be. You are acting afraid when you could actually be pitying her. other links given Tests women do

To be busy is almost a badge of pride for most men. Yet is it really? Is it better to be busy or is there something else you want to focus on? If it is something else then why do we focus on being busy? Why is busy what we want to do and not the other thing? The fallacy of busy Being busy is not the goal we want. Whether we are running our own business or helping another person achieve their goals by being an employee. Being busy is wasting energy and time. I came across a thought about how busy is showing up in noticeable ways as I was writing this week's blog post and it is more of a conspiracy theory however it also shows a point. My thought was The interesting thing about all of the system that has unemployed people acting like they are busy is actually keeping the useless time wasters out of our way. Yet they are missing out. They believe they are working the system so they don't have to work yet the satisfaction a person gets from being productive is so much greater than just getting a check. to even get $600 a week for unemployment is a mere pittance when you look at the potential money and satisfaction one gets from actually accomplishing something. So with my social commentary out of the way. Let's dive into why being busy honestly doesn't serve you while Your productivity is the brass ring you want to aim for. Why you are busy but not productive - The Relaxed Male April 5, 2023 Busy is to avoid the thoughts of the results you are having. When you are busy you appear to not only those around you but to yourself too that you're doing something. and you are doing something. You are moving around. You are making lots of evidence that you are not standing still. Yet, motion doesn't mean productive. I can walk around in a circle in my backyard. That is motion, all that I am producing is a round place in the backyard where there is no grass. Now if that is my objective, then Yay! However, I am sure that objective doesn't serve me. So being busy is a waste of time and energy. That is the drawback you have to contend with your thoughts How to stop being a busy little bee? To have the ability to stop being busy you have to have a purpose. Not so much a life's purpose though that does help but what are you accomplishing today? That is what you want to find out. Give yourself a purpose. So stop being a busy bee and be a productive beaver. Plan your day Make a plan, and schedule what you want to achieve for today. This is a scorecard of what you try and the results you get. After you have made a schedule of what you want to accomplish then do it. You will fight with yourself over how tired you are. what's holding you back, and lots of other thoughts. That is your mind wanting you to stop and go back to the old way. This is where you have to pat your little mind on the head and say thanks for looking out for me but I want this. Then get to work. Monday Hour One This is how you get more done in a day than a normal person. Monday Hour One takes your focus and applies a magnifying glass to it. So suddenly you have the power of the sun focused on your task. Create a todo list Decide what is most important Grab your scheduler Schedule the important times first Now put your to-do list in. from the most important to the least. Now observe all the thoughts you are going to have about why it isn't going to work.

Note I talk about this being episode 171 and it is episode 172 Many times we claim that happiness is our goal. We want to be happy. We just want to be happy. Yet when it is time to take steps to be happy what is holding you back? Why do we avoid happiness? Because we are designed to look out for the bad. We know we have a better chance of staying alive if we worry about the tiger that might be in the rosebushes The Issue is that today there are not that many tigers roaming around our municipalities. So we take that fear and anxiety that we normally have and we translate it to mean we can't go for what makes us happy. We are misreading our signs. That we are stepping into an unknown.

So, how many times have you had someone yell at you about bout not judging them? What do they mean by the whole don't judge me? How do you not be judgmental? You cant What is actually happening people don't want to be told they are out of step. They don't want to be told they are wrong. It is a double standard It is a lot like how women want to dress nicely to attract the guys they find attractive but get mad when the normal guy finds them attractive.

We as humans have emotional responses about many many things. Some people have more responses than others. Yet one of the big choices a person is able to make is not to the benefit of someone else but to themselves. Yet for some reason many people don't want to better themselves. I have started to understand that many people often seek out suffering and pain in their lives. This sounds so odd to me because so many people actually complain that they just want to be happy. Yet when happiness comes along they turn away from it. Why? Well, that will probably be next week's episode. Today wanted to talk about Forgiving. One of the more basic aspects of the human condition. Because humans are emotional beings our actions are often performed under the influence of emotion. Those emotions may be Pride, accomplishment, anger, Frustrations, jealousy, and so on and so forth. Because of any of those emotions, you may also have the thought that you were wronged, and want an apology. Then again maybe you had someone who wanted to apologize to you. OR they want you to apologize. Do you apologize or do you not? When should you apologize? This is what we are going to be talking about. Why Forgive? Why should you forgive someone who wronged you? Well, that is the question. To understand why you first have to know what you are forgiving, and why you are forgiving them. There are factors only you will take into account and so you have to decide if that is worthy of forgiving. Does it serve you to hold on? When to forgive Is it their first offense or have they been slighting you since you have known them? Should You Forget? This is also up to you however there are some nuances to when How do you ask for forgiveness? 1. Take full unrelenting responsibility for your actions. 2. Voice the wrongs you did and why they were wrong. 3. Express how you are resolving the issue 4. Stop Talking and let the other person have their say. 5. It is their choice to forgive or not accept that choice.

Thoughts are what make your world yours. We love to have thoughts and share thoughts about what our thoughts are thought to mean. Our thoughts are fascinating when you step back and look at them. Especially when you can step back and see when a person is lost in their thought loops. A thought is nothing more than what we think. Was that the audience saying " Duh!"? YOu would think that it is a universal truth. Yet when you look at all the Karens in the world getting upset at everyone else for not thinking as they do. When you see someone who is just having an emotional meltdown, you step back and marvel at the whole scene and understand that their thoughts are at the root of their meltdown We talk about common sense but that actually means common thoughts. That is where we get ourselves into trouble. Our thoughts are our thoughts. Nobody else's thoughts whatsoever. Yet we want to think that our thoughts have no power and they do. They create our emotions. Leaves in a stream Method This is where you take your worrisome thoughts and you imagine you placing them on a stream. You then let them go. It is supposed to help you disengage with the thought as being something real and more of nothing but a thought The Thought Download This allows you to get your thoughts out in front of you so that you are able to see what exactly you are thinking. You are then able to see what is actually important and what is not. You can look at a thought and decide if it is important to you or if it is something you want to change. The Model The Model is at the heart of my coaching. It shows people how their thoughts are at the root of their obstacles. It is what they are thinking about a certain problem that is actually getting in their way. To use the model you want to lay out the following lines C T F A R Then each of those lines receives a particular item You have circumstances. This is the event you are having trouble with. The circumstance is neutral and is nothing but the facts. Thought is what you thought of the circumstance The feeling is how you feel about that circumstance. The Action is what did you do? The result is what happened This helps you see where your thoughts lead you astray. How your thoughts create your results and if you want to change where you are failing you have to change your thoughts around the circumstance. Bridging thoughts Many times when it comes to changing your thoughts. You can't just suddenly shift how you are thinking. It can and often takes time and patents because you are having to get your mind use to the new thought a little bit at a time so that you are able to get past the river of Misery Getting a coach The Quickest way to change your line of thinking be it your mindset or you want a whole new thought to run with your best bet is to get a coach. If you want to go this route then I suggest you set up a call. The Next Step If you’re struggling with thoughts or limitations around what is making you play small in life, then getting coached by Bryan is your next best step. No more feeling frustrated, lost, or hopeless about being a victim. Getting coached by Bryan will help you overcome your self-confidence blocks and discover what is truly possible in your life. Take The Next Step->  

What happens when the pressure of life gets too much? How do so many men act like life doesn't bother them while you are sweating bullets? Frustration is a huge emotion when you are in a stressful situation. Examine why you are having all this pressure You are running to get the kids for your 4 hours of visitation. Yet you have a boss who is holding your job over your head. Stating that if you aren't at work when he says you will have plenty of time to play daddy. Then you have all the different hoops that your ex-wife is demanding that you jump through all kinds of hoops to be able to get the court-appointed visitation times. Then you have all the lack of funds. You are living on the wrong side of the tracks. In a roach-infested apartment. Squeeking by on less than half of the funds you had when you were married. While the ex is going on a trip to Jamaica next month. So yeah there is some pressure. is it a lack of time? Why do you not have enough time in the day? You have the same number of hours as anybody else. Where does the lack of time come from? It comes from a lack of discipline and time management. You aren't mad at who you believe you are mad at. So many times we want to take our frustrations out on other people. These are the people who you believe are at fault for your suffering. Those people may be your boss, your ex-wife, or her new boy toy. Yet who is really at fault? give you a hint it's none of those people. Frustration Why does frustration cause so much suffering? It is the feeling of fear that it isn't going to end. Why will it not end? because you are in control of the frustration. What causes frustration? Frustration is from you allowing yourself to lose control over your life. You are busy letting others control every aspect of your life and you wonder when you will get a turn. That is the big question when will you get a turn to control your own life? Frustration is also from the thoughts and fears you have about the circumstances you have at the moment. Why does your Soon-To-Be-Ex push your buttons so? Why is she able to get you so angered? What if you didn't play that game? What if you chose to not get angry anymore? what if you chose to let the chains of frustration rattle to the floor? To do that you have to stop looking at life as though it is happening to you. Start acting as if your life is yours. What are your thoughts about the circumstance? The biggest way to beat frustration back is to know where the frustration and stress are coming from. Like any emotion and feeling, that emotion is coming from you. More specifically from your thoughts about the circumstance. How to alleviate your pressure. Now just because you realize that it comes from you doesn't mean you now going to be free from frustrations, anger, and other negative emotions. Remember life is 50/50. However, there are ways that you are able to handle your emotions, especially fear-oriented emotions. Talk to your Band of Brothers These men are here to help you when the crap gets too thick and deep. Use them often. They have the ability to take that crap and turning into gold. All you have to do is talk to them. Whoop up on a tree Yeah if you have a lot of pent-up frustration anger and resentment. Grab a baseball bat and start waylaying a tree. Yell and scream as you are doing so. Let all that bad energy out. Don't worry about the tree unless it is a sapling you are actually going to help it more than hurt it. Seek Counseling If your friends aren't helping and have knocked over a whole forest of trees and still no resolution is in sight then go talk to a counselor. There could be deeper lying problems that They can help with Now if you are sure that it's not any deep-seated problem that you are facing and you are still struggling with time and want some help in fixing a frustratingly common problem then reach out and talk to me. We can look and see what this problem makes possible and you might be surprised. The Next Step If you’re struggling with thoughts or limitations around what is making you play small in life, then getting coached by Bryan is your next best step. No more feeling frustrated, lost, or hopeless about being a victim. Getting coached by Bryan will help you overcome your self-confidence blocks and discover what is truly possible in your life. Take That Next Step

This week we have a long episode. Yet it is a great episode. I have a friend of mine who has gone through a divorce and we talk about how a divorce changes a man and how that can be for the better or the worse. This week we have Craig Ignatowitz from the podcast At Home with Craig, He has gone through 3 different divorces and so if anyone has some insight as to how divorce can affect a man it is this fine gentleman. Home Page - Athomewithcraig Podcast Twitter - Igster101