The Schmear Podcast

This week: I scream over a mystery animal on my car, realize it’s basically May already, and flex my proudest 2026 achievement....my grass.Then we spiral into iconic cheating scandals (because… what are these men doing?? YES we are talking about you Klay!!!), put celebs and trends ON TRIAL, and debate reboots, crying videos, podcasts, and biopics.Plus: what we’re watching, listening to, and obsessing over.Unhinged. Opinionated. Necessary.

This week on The Schmear, cousins Alyssa & Hailey reunite post-wedding (we love love!! 💍) and immediately dive into the real issues: why Easter food is actually foul, whether complaining ever gets you anywhere, and the shocking tale of a nail salon crush gone VERY wrong (@Hailey you good???)We’re talking calorie deficits (or lack thereof), and a Bagel Bite segment packed with hot takes that might ruin friendships, like, are weddings overrated? Is it rude to regift something you'll never use?? And do we actually believe everything happens for a reason… be honest.Plus, our latest Eyes & Ears obsessions: emotional Hannah Montana nostalgia, chaotic TV returns *cough cough* Taylor Frankie Paul is no longer The Bachelorette, movies we’re already obsessed with, and why March Madness brackets are all fun and games (until you realize money is on the line)Let's chive! 🥯✨

On this week’s episode of The Schmear, cousins Hailey and Alyssa say goodbye to February and spiral straight into hot-girl spring energy ☀️We’re breaking down the couples fight that broke out at Hailey’s pickleball championship (unhinged), and asking the real question: if we woke up tomorrow with 10 million followers… how long until we’re canceled? Old tweets? Family drama? PR nightmares?? Be honest.Plus: Traitors, Survivor 50, chaotic Love Is Blind, Taylor Frankie Paul’s Bachelorette era, Ryan Gosling on SNL, and why Bruno Mars lowkey snapped.Press play before your Facebook memories resurface. 💀

Florida reunions, fashion regrets, and pop culture chaos 🚨This week on The Schmear, Alyssa and Hailey recap a mini Florida reunion for Lindsey’s bridal shower, unpack their worst outfit eras, and argue over what’s overrated vs. overhated (celebs, shows, trends...no one is safe).Plus: accidentally watching Skyscraper and witnessing history, spiraling over Traitors (#JusticeForLisaRinna), celebrating Tell Me Lies being OUT, new Queer Eye, Grammys-eve chaos, and why we’re on the brink of a legendary music year.Unhinged, opinionated, and very cousin-coded. 🎧✨

On this future-forward episode of The Schmear, Hailey Wilson and Alyssa Burns spread the cream cheese on everything new, shiny, and slightly unhinged coming our way in 2026. We’re talking TV throwbacks rising from the ashes (yes, Scrubs is scrubbing back in and Malcolm in the Middle is very much having a middle-age moment), plus rumors of the Spice Girls spicing up Las Vegas with a possible Sphere residency (zig-a-zig-ah, indeed). And because we can’t help ourselves, we close things out with a totally unofficial, extremely unserious mock NBA draft featuring our favorite players, scouting reports based purely on vibes. It’s nostalgia, news, and nonsense, all perfectly schmear-ed together. 🥯🏀✨

Did you miss us? Because we missed you.... 672 days later Alyssa and Hailey are filling YOU in on The Bilson Family LORE....We catch you up on all the things you've missed since Feb 2024. Between Dancing With The Stars, Wicked 2: For Good, and just good 'ole fashion memories with cousins, you are in for a treat with this reunion episode. Let's chive!

RIP Toby Keith :( you will be missed by the schmear gals! This week was an emotional roller coaster starting with Toby Keith passing and ending with Drake breaking the internet (if you know, you know). As Aly B & Hailey gear up for Superbowl this weekend, they quiz each other on superbowls of christmas past, place bets on Usher's half time show, and more. Let's CHIVE (into some buffalo chicken dip) BTW: check out all of our episodes at https://www.itstheschmear.com/

On this episode of The Schmear, Hailey and Aly B tell the papschmears about their wild weekends And of course, the co-hosts discuss their fav club bangers, staying in vs going out, the latest and greatest in pop-culture drama, and of course talk about their fav new song!!!! (Think U The Sh*t, U Ain't Even a FART) and last but not least, predict the ins and outs for all things trendy in 2034 ;) Let's chive!

Yep...you read that right. PEDRO DRANK 23 SERVINGS OF HEAVY WHIPPING CREAM. He thought this "keto-hack" would enhance his coffee, but all it did was enhance his stomach cramps. On this episode of The Schmear the ladies discuss the heavy whipping cream debacle of 2024, songs that remind us of eachother, we play finish the lyric, and of course debrief on all things popculture (who is Pedro Pascal rumored to be dating????) Let's chive!

Guess who's back.....THE SCHMEAR BABY! This week, Alyssa and Hailey kick off 2024 just right, discussing their new years goals and resolutions, Hailey's hot new (rental) wheels #malibu, Aly B playing cupid, Miss Gypsy Rose Blanchard on The Viall Files, and so much more. Happy New Year PAPS ;)

On this episode of The Schmear Hailey and Alyssa talk through some of the hardest debates....Christmas Vacation or A Christmas Story? Elf or The Grinch? We also take to the streets and make our listeners choose between these beloved movies for this weeks Bagel Bite. We also dive into all things pop culture like Drake and his new boo, Tate Mcrae and Nicki Minaj's new albums, and of course BIP breakups. Take a listen to this weeks episode, and as always let's chive!

On this episode of The Schmear, Hailey tells the papschmears about her bar fight....did she spend the night in jail? And Aly B lets us know that Will Ferrell showed up at her front door in his Elf costume???? WTF. And of course, the co-hosts discuss in their future biopics (dropping in 2040) who they'd want to play them, the Saltburn bathtub scene, the DWTS finale, and in true schmear fashion H & A play this or that! Let's chive!

We would each give our big toe if that meant we could eat at Chili's for every meal...What is your guilty pleasure restaurant chain? What chains do you absolutely LOATHE? On this episode of The Schmear, I'm not sure if these ladies are hungry or just really passionate about food, but they take you on a ride...Also, lots to unpack, Mark Cuban leaving Shark Tank, Spotify dropping everyones 2023 Wrapped, Lin Manuel Miranda???, and of course our fav lady - PIONEER WOMAN ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE SCHMEAR! One year down, forever to go ;) On this special episode Aly B and Hailey are reunited and record in person - TOGETHER! The gals discuss, DWTS, Hallmark Christmas Movies, and the most breaking news of all - Harry Styles BALD Head....Let's chive hehehehe.

It's a beautiful day to save lives....and listen to the season premier of The Schmear ;) A LOT has happened since we chived with y'all last...Aly B got married, Hailey moved, and Montezuma got his revenge....if you know, you know. Catch up with the ladies of The Schmear as they discuss all things Thanksgiving, Inside Out 2, Kylie Jenner + Willy Wonka, and MORE!

Anyone else SPOOKED by world history? And by that we mean, genuinely scared to answer any type of trivia revolving around history....Civil War, Great Depression, or even The Wall Street Crash on 1929 - don't come to us to help you pass history class! We are embarrassed to admit in this episode, we are NOT history buffs, but we are POP CULTURE STANS. This week on The Schmear after taking a look at world history, Alyssa and Hailey discuss the new Bad Bunny album, Love Is Blind Season 5, Taylor Swift's Eras Movie, and of course - For All The Dogs *woof woof*. Although it's Friday the 13th, don't let this episode scare you off hehehe. Let's chive!

New music fest, say whaaaaat? This week on The Schmear the ladies draft their headliners for Bilsonchella, featuring Drake, Dua Lipa, Billie Elish, The Weeknd, and Bieber??? Sounds like an ideal lineup. Also, lots of updates for the gals - bridal showers, fat juicy rats, wheelin' and dealin on Facebook Marketplace, and more. Let's chive!

ABC shows are allllll back in full swing this week - DWTS, Bachelor in Paradise, and Golden Bachelor and so is a new episode of The Schmear ;) This week the ladies of The Schmear take a trip to Shrek's Swamp and record FUN filled episode. They discuss #Tavis <3 (Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce), Doja Cat's new album - Scarlet, HBO's newest show Naked Attraction, and more. Let's chive!

It's leviOsa, not levioSA! And if you didn't know that you're a muggle! On this episode of The Schmear Aly B and Hailey settle the age old debate - Harry Potter or Twilight. They also play a fun music name game that you won't want to miss ;) Last but not least, the ladies dive into all things Bachelor (In Paradise & Golden), Dancing with the Stars, and more. Let's chive!

Fall is in the air! Pumpkin Spice Lattes, Sweaters, and Football sounds like our ideal Sunday (and Harry Jowsey agrees). On this episode of The Schmear, the ladies return from their fall break and discuss what they've been up to. From the Drake concert, to Boston, the Jonas Brothers, and a bear on the loose, Aly B and Hailey unpack it all. Can't wait for y'all to listen ;) Let's chive!

Guys and gals hold onto your bootstraps! We have two VERY special guests this episode, Aly B's fiance Pedro and his bff Dax, and boy are you in for a treat during these next 48 minutes. The ladies of The Schmear test the guys knowledge on pop culture trends from the 2010s, do a Drake rank, and discuss their fav memories from college. On top of that, they dive into all things TEA - Hannah Brown getting engaged, Mitchell Musso getting arrested, and The Idol not being renewed for Season 2 (surprise, surprise) Can't wait for y'all to listen. Let's chive!

Yeah, you read that right! The summer WE turned pretty was probably 2009, when we released our first YouTube video on our We Love Bagels channel. This week the ladies of The Schmear are back and better than ever. Aly B and Hailey do the ultimate draft - bagels and schmear. They also took to the streets and played a game of this or that (Harry’s House vs Midnights, Views vs Blonde, Lemonade vs To Pimp a Butterfly....etc.), dove into the pop-culture drama of the week (Scooter Braun's artists are dropping like flies), and of course discuss all the show finales that have been on their dockets. Let's chive!

Okay but no conspiracies with this guy, we love Wayne Brady! On this weeks episode of The Schmear Aly B and Hailey deep dive into some of the CRAZIEST conspiracies theories like... The Mandela Effect, Birds, The Denver Airport, and discuss if Tupac is really dead. On top of that, the ladies of The Schmear dive into all things pop culture - Cody Ko and Kelsey Kreppel have a bun in the oven, Tory Lanez is going to prison, and Sydney Sweeny casted as SPIDERWOMAN! Can't wait for you to all tune in. Let's chive. ****Update from this recording - Lil Tay's death was a hoax and she is ALIVE.

SILENCE! Pick your challenge - Back Butter or Meat Hold Up. "You showed courage, but your teammates lacked discipline." - Zero On this episode of Silent Library, I mean, The Schmear Hailey and Alyssa talk through some of the hardest Y2K debates....Disney or Nickelodeon? VH1 or MTV? We also take to the streets and make our listeners choose between the shows of the century for this weeks Bagel Bite. We also dive into all things pop culture like Zoey 102, KB and Jason Tartick break up rumors, Gabby Windey's new GF, Lizzo's lawsuit, and some heart wrenching losses (RIP Angus Cloud - we miss you). Take a listen to this weeks episode, and as always let's chive!

Life in plastic, it's fantastic! On this episode of The Schmear your two fav barbz, Barbie Hailey and Barbie Aly B deep dive into the movie of the century, Greta Gerwig's production of Barbie. It was so beautiful it will make you laugh, cry, and even feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. If you don't like it we will beach you off (if you know, you know). These barbz also discuss aliens in America, National Mustard Day (yum), and all things pop culture. Can't wait for you to listen, let's chive!

Rizz adjective you have game and get bitches Glizzy noun a hot dog On this episode of The Schmear, Hailey tells the papschmears about her self induced lip filler (if you know, you know). And of course, the co-hosts discuss their ultimate "girl dinner" to find out what aesthetic they are, discuss The Golden Bachelor (#grandDADDY), the Ariana Grande & Dalton Gomez divorce, Gigi Hadid's arrest, and in true schmear fashion H & A play the name game! Let's chive!

Burns + Wilson = Bilson Bunch. Welcome to Season 2, Episode 9 of The Schmear! We have two very special guests this episode. GMONEY & Sue Bunny. This week on The Schmear we play a game of sibling rivalry with 70s and 80s trivia, discuss our fav childhood memories, and of course chat about all things going on in pop culture (Zayn Malik on CHD, Hollywood Writer & Actors Guild Strike, Oppenheimer vs. Barbie, and MORE!) Let's chive.

ALMOST PARADISE....KNOCKING ON HEAVENS KIM K'S DOOR ;) Hehe welcome to Season 2 Episode 8 of The Schmear this week is all about our sick obsession with reality tv. Everything from behind the scenes, fun facts, and deep dark secrets of our favorites like The Bachelor/Bachelorette/Paradise, Love Island, America's Next Top Model, Big Brother, and so much more. Make sure to tune in for this fun filled episode. Let's chive!

They said they missed the old Drake, girl don't tempt me. On this episode of The Schmear, Alyssa and Hailey talk about the elephant in the room (Drizzy's new album), A-hole tendencies, CRAZY Uber stories, and of course dive into the rumor floating around on the internet - are Prince Harry and Meghan Markle getting divorced (WTF?!) Guess you'll have to tune in and find out. Let's chive!

When you hear the word summer, what are the top 5 things that come to mind? Hot dogs, happiness, aloe vera, Arnold Palmers, or maybe even pasta salad? What about songs? School's out for Summer, Passionfruit, Island in the Sun? On this episode the gals of The Schmear do a weekend recap of Aly B's Bachelorette party and reveal why one girl ended up in the hospital....and it's not from what you're thinking! On top of that they dive into Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker's pregnancy announcement #KRAVISBABY, OceanGate Titanic submarine search, Zoey 102 movie, and of course Bebe Rexha getting decked in the face by a phone mid concert. This is one episode you don't want to miss! Let's chive.

Yes you read the title right....a HANKERING for Chinese food....caused one of our listeners to get in a car accident this past weekend. On top of that the ladies of The Schmear discuss their travel nightmares - blood on the walls in an Airbnb, lost luggage, throw up on the plane, and so much more. Alyssa and Hailey also deep dive Season 6 of Black Mirror, Kelis and Bill Murray dating (WTF), Denver Nuggets taking the W in the NBA Finals, and our biggest podcast competition yet...Peppa Pig. Let's chive!

Our gal Miss Piggy is a lowkey narcassist and Kermit is a whiny frog #REDFLAG. On this episode of The Schmear Aly B and Hailey chat about movies and tv shows that feel like fever dreams (Muppets, Date Movie, Epic Movie, ect.), corporate horror stories, and the biggest red and beige flags. Also, a little roach told us they ended up in someones underwear drawer....guess you'll have to listen to find out who! Let's chive.

.....and all say they are big fans of The Schmear, but I mean who isn't? On this week's episode Alyssa and Hailey talk about their claims to fame, as well as our lovely papschmears! In addition they deep dive into all things pop culture and take their brains to the test with some trivia. Make sure to listen to hear about all things Little Mermaid, Queer Eye, NBA Finals, and the QUEEN miss blue ivy. Let's chive!

Which one of The Schmear ladies do you think was banned FOR LIFE from Lifetime Fitness??? And would you believe us if we told you Aly B was taken to the police station in 2nd grade for saying the word b*tch? Or that Hailey ran on a main road as kid to avoid going to the doctor? Well....you should because all these scenarios are true. On this week of The Schmear we talk about things we did as teens (as well as our TRUSTY paps) that got us in trouble, an adoption scam with Della Vlogs, someone pretending to be homeless for the thrill of it, the Vanderpump Rules finale, and MORE! Can't wait for y'all to listen. Let's chive!

Welcome back for Season 2 our cute lil papschmears! On the season premier we let you know where the hell we've been the past two weeks, tell our fun drunk stories (7th heaven & colors in a Vegas pool #iykyk), catch up on the TSwift and Matt Healy TEA, and get EMO about Firefly Lane. We can't wait for you to listen, let's chive!

Season One is a WRAP! Thank you to all our listeners for being part of the Schmear fam each week - we do this for you! On the season finale, Alyssa and Hailey debate HOT or NOT with some of their fav celebs, play a fun lil game of "Am I The Asshole", and of course dive into the juiciest gossip roaming the internet this week...Sydney Sweeney and Glen Powell ending their relationships to be together???? This is one episode you don't want to miss. Make sure to check out The Schmear on Instagram for your chance to win a $50 Amazon gift card. We can't to CHIVE with you during season two ;)

If you don't know what a dingleberry is, open up your browser and search "Dingleberry Definition" so you can get up to speed on what the ladies of The Schmear are about to discuss. This week Aly B and Hailey W chat about the the disaster of all disasters - Frank Ocean dropping out of Coachella Weekend 2, the Love Is Blind "Live" Reunion, Nail Salon horror stories, and more! Let's Chive.

Would you rather listen to Jack Black's ballad "Peaches" for 24 hours on repeat or answer every question in a riddle? Exactly -we'll tell you! Which room is Mario too big to fit inside of? A mushroom. Anywho, this week the ladies of The Schmear play finish the lyric, would you rather, and we obvi dive into pop culture (RIP to Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyns relationship), music, and all things TV and movies. You papSCHMEARS do not want to miss this episode! Let's chive.

THANK YOU FOR 1,000 STREAMS! On this special episode, Hailey and Alyssa recap their weekend, talk all things social media (LinkedIn is CLEARLY superior), Target Bathrooms, and Lexie’s nacho cheese fiasco. Make sure to give us a follow on Instagram @theschmear.podcast to keep up with all things Schmear related. Until next time, let's chive!

First, slice three ripe avocados in half, remove the pit and scoop them into a mixing bowl. Then use a fork to gently mash them to your desired level of chunky or smooth. Add the onions, tomatoes, cilantro, jalapeno pepper, garlic, lime juice and salt and stir everything together. Now bring out Irina and Micah from Love is Blind. JUST KIDDING. On this episode on The Schmear we play a fun little game of this or that, take a deep dive in each others camera rolls, talk all things pop culture and guacamole. Can't wait for you to listen! Let's Chive.

Bring on the Dunkaroo's, Chokers, and Backstreet Boys because we traveling back to the 90s for this episode baby! Weren't around in the 90s? TALK TO THE HAND! Alright just kidding, tune into this weeks episode and we will fill you in on all things that came out of the peace and prosperity decade...cowabunga! Plus, Aly and Hailey claim 90s baby energy, so you'll go through a deep-dive of the most iconic fashion trends, foods, and things of the 1990s. Let's chive.

Picture this....you're in Mexico for Spring Break in College and your friend gets lost and it's your fault #yikes. Or you are in Hawaii with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson - mai tai in hand...well one of these is Aly's story and one is Hailey's - guess you'll have to listen to find to out. We also discuss the Drake and 21 Savage Tour, The Oscars, and more. Let's chive!

Sup papSCHMEARS! Can't believe it has been only a week since we spoke to you last. So much has happened in so little time....Aly B went to Napa for a 30th Birthday Surprise, Hailey went on a date and got approached by some BLITZED older folks, on top of that they discuss smothered burritos, John B, and all things Vanderpump Rules (piping hot TEA!) We are so excited for you to listen to this weeks episode - let's chive!

Yes, you read that right....on this episode we find out that one of our listeners got BIT in the TIT at work. On top of that, we bring ALL of the Fuzzy Cuzzies together for an action-packed episode you don't want to miss. We talk all things corprate America, our core childhood memories, and find out what our *dream* jobs should be. Let's chive! 

*Cue Pedro Pascal TikTok Thirst Traps* This week, the ladies of The Schmear have A LOT to unpack. Hailey attended Mardi Gras in NOLA for her birthday and got in a fight with a mom and son, and Aly B drank espresso martinis, saw Magic Mike Last Dance, and ALMOST got scammed 3x times. We also delve into the most underrated man of 2023....Pedro Pascal.

B*tch better have my money (for diapers!) #iykyk On this weeks episode of The Schmear we debrief the Superbowl, Valentine's Day, and all things pop culture. Follow us on Instagram for all things Schmear - @theschmear.podcast! Let's Chive. 

Super Bowl Sunday touches down in Phoenix, Arizona THIS weekend! Alyssa and Hailey take a walk down memory lane and discuss their favorite halftime performances, tailgate dishes, and what their plans are for this weekends big game. With Drake touching-down in Phoenix, along with many other celebrities the concerts and events are off the charts. We can't wait to see what this weekend brings. Make sure to give us a follow on Instagram @theschmear.podcast to stay up-to-date with all things Schmear....Let's Chive! 

On this episode of The Schmear we take "family feud" to a whole new level. Alyssa and Hailey bring on two of their best friends, Casey and Stephanie and they go head to head to win the battle of who knows us better. Family? or Friends? We also discuss some stories that are NSFW (plug your ears mom and dad!) Make sure to follow @theschmear.podcast on IG and FB for all things schmear. LET'S CHIVE!

The year is 2010 and you are playing MASH, and you end up moving to NYC, living in shack with 3 kids, and marrying your 7th grade crush..... Just kidding. On this week's episode we play a good 'ole round of MASH, catch up on all things pop-culture, and have Leighton Meester and Gina Rodriguez (doppelgängers) talk about their thoughts of this season of the Bachelor. 

Welcome back Pap-Schmears ;) It is episode 9 baby! On today's episode, we discuss The Bachelor's of Christmas past, challenge each other to a game of "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader", and ask our listeners....what do you keep on your nightstand? Can't wait for you to CHIVE into this episode.