The Sensible Split

Family members rushing in with opinions during divorce creates a perfect storm of love and chaos. The fierce loyalty of those closest to us often translates into advice-giving that, while well-intentioned, can derail the resolution process and leave divorcing individuals feeling more confused than supported. This dynamic is very common, creating additional layers of conflict that weren't there before.   I recently joined Tracy Callahan on the Divorce Coaches Academy podcast to discuss this delicate balance between emotional support and strategic clarity during divorce. Through this episode, you'll discover specific techniques for setting boundaries with well-meaning relatives, understanding when outside opinions are creating more harm than good, and learning how to request the type of support you actually need.    Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/35

Retirement accounts are often among the most valuable assets in a divorce, but dividing them the wrong way can trigger serious tax consequences or even result in lost benefits. In this episode, I break down the basics of QDROs—Qualified Domestic Relations Orders—including when they're needed, how they function, and what makes them different from other types of retirement account divisions.   I also walk you through five common QDRO-related mistakes people make, from delaying the process to using vague settlement language, and explain how to avoid each one. Whether you're in the middle of your divorce or think you're done once the paperwork is filed, this episode will help you make sure your retirement assets are properly protected.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/34

The cost of divorce can feel overwhelming, especially when you're already dealing with the emotional and practical challenges of separation. In this episode, I'm breaking down practical solutions for affording the legal process, including both traditional and lesser-known options that can help make divorce more financially manageable.   I explore ten specific methods to fund your divorce, from straightforward options like personal savings to more creative solutions such as legal fee financing companies and family law attorney property liens. While focusing on attorney fees, these payment strategies can also apply to other divorce professionals like mediators, coaches, and financial advisors.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/33

Are you struggling with co-parenting communication? The constant back-and-forth texts, missed appointments, and disagreements about expenses can make an already difficult situation even more stressful. What if there were a digital solution designed specifically to address these challenges?   In this episode, I break down the most popular co-parenting apps on the market, explaining their unique features and benefits. You'll discover how these digital tools can reduce direct conflict, create accountability, provide clear documentation for legal purposes, and ultimately create a more peaceful environment for both parents and children   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/32

Have you ever felt like your spouse treats the money they earn as exclusively theirs, not yours as a couple? This "it's my money" mindset can create major challenges, especially when navigating a divorce. As the sole breadwinner, they may feel entitled to control the finances and make unilateral decisions without considering your contributions or needs.     In this episode, I dive into the problems that arise when one spouse believes they alone have the right to manage the money in the marriage and divorce. Tune in to learn how to navigate this challenging situation and advocate for your financial rights in divorce.     Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/31

Are you worried about the cost of attorney's fees in your divorce? You're not alone. Navigating the legal process while managing expenses can feel overwhelming, but there are strategies you can use to keep costs under control.     Discover practical ways to work with your attorney efficiently, make informed decisions, and avoid common pitfalls that lead to higher bills. You'll come away with a clear plan for making the most of your legal resources.     Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/30

Boundaries are essential in any relationship, but they become even more critical when navigating the challenges of divorce. Without clear boundaries, you may find yourself feeling emotionally drained, dealing with unclear expectations, and struggling to resolve conflicts effectively.     In this episode, I'll introduce you to the two main categories of boundaries - exterior and interior - and focus on the basics of setting and enforcing exterior boundaries. You'll learn how to identify where boundaries are needed, make requests, and follow through with consequences when those requests are not respected.      Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/29

Are you contemplating divorce but feeling paralyzed by the prospect of change? Do you find yourself stuck in an unfulfilling marriage, unsure if you have what it takes to create a new beginning? In this episode, I explore the key components of building the confidence necessary to move forward with divorce and pursue the life you truly desire.   Join me to discover how to cultivate the confidence you need to take that first step towards a brighter future. You'll learn the importance of having a solid plan, working with divorce professionals, and most importantly, learning to trust in your own resilience and ability to handle whatever challenges come your way.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/28

Are the holidays feeling hard for you this year? If you're going through or have recently finalized your divorce, the holiday season can bring up a mix of challenging emotions like loneliness, sadness, and even anger. It's totally normal to feel this way, even if it seems like everyone else is full of holiday cheer.   In this episode, I share some actionable strategies to help you cope with difficult emotions and reimagine the holidays in a way that feels good to you.    Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/27

Have you ever wondered what it takes to be a credible client during the divorce process? As someone who has gone through divorce, I know firsthand how challenging it can be to navigate the legal and emotional complexities while trying to make the best decisions for myself and my family.   Tune in this week to learn the seven key traits of a credible client during the divorce process and why embodying these qualities is crucial for a smoother, more efficient divorce. I share how working with a divorce coach can help you develop the skills you need, manage your emotions, and create a solid foundation for your post-divorce future.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/26

Do you ever question whether your reasons for wanting a divorce are valid? As women, we are socialized to second guess ourselves, especially when it comes to making major life decisions like ending a marriage.     But here's the truth: your feelings are valid. Persistent unhappiness or a sense that the relationship is no longer serving you is a meaningful reason to consider divorce. Tune in to learn more about how to trust yourself and make the best decision for your life.     Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/25

Are you interested in working with a divorce coach but worried you can't afford it during an already financially uncertain time?   Tune in today to learn how divorce coaching can help you navigate this challenging transition in a way that protects your financial future. I explain how working with a coach can lessen your reliance on costly attorneys, help you avoid expensive mistakes, and set you up for post-divorce success.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/24

Have you ever felt like you needed support navigating your divorce, but weren't sure where to turn? While friends and family can be invaluable during this challenging time, the guidance of a professional divorce coach offers a unique perspective.     Join me as we dive into five crucial ways divorce coaching differs from the well-meaning advice of friends and family. You'll gain clarity on how to leverage both types of support effectively, empowering you to navigate your divorce with greater confidence and peace of mind.     Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/23

Are you considering introducing a new romantic partner to your children after divorce? It's an exciting time, but also one that requires careful consideration and planning. How can you make this transition as smooth as possible for your kids?     Tune in this week as I share my tips for introducing a new partner in a way that minimizes disruption and negative impacts on your children. You'll learn how to assess your child's readiness and determine if your relationship and divorce process are at the right stage, so you can navigate this big change successfully.     Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/22  

Do you ever feel like your marriage or relationship is lacking something, but you can't quite put your finger on what it is? What if I told you that getting crystal clear on what you want out of your relationship could be the key to unlocking greater fulfillment and happiness?     Tune in this week to learn a powerful exercise for evaluating your marriage or relationship and making positive changes to increase your overall life satisfaction. By taking the time to define what you want from your relationship and regularly checking in on those criteria, you'll be able to identify areas for improvement and take action to create the relationship you're really looking for.     Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/21

Do I still have a shot at happiness after divorce? Will my best days always be behind me? If you're struggling with these thoughts, you're not alone. Divorce-related grief can make us question everything we once believed about our future. But just because you're struck with divorce grief right now, it doesn't need to be that way forever. To discuss divorce and grief, I'm joined by grief expert Krista St-Germain.     Krista St-Germain is a Master Certified Coach for specializing in helping widowed moms create lives they love after loss. Divorce-related grief is different from what you might think of as more traditional grief, but wherever grief comes from, there's always the possibility of a bright future, and Krista is here to help us see it. In this episode, I talk with grief expert and master certified life coach Krista St. Germain about how grief shows up in divorce.      Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/20  

Are you a divorced or separated parent looking to make parenting exchanges less stressful for yourself and your children? Navigating the transition between two homes can be emotionally challenging for kids, but there are steps you can take to create a more stable, supportive environment. In this episode, we dive into 10 best practices to help you handle parenting exchanges with grace and cooperation.     Tune in today to learn actionable strategies for stress-free parenting exchanges. I dive into topics like planning ahead, coming up with a default during a dispute, and communicating effectively. With a little preparation and the right mindset, you can turn parenting exchanges from a source of stress into an opportunity to model respect, flexibility, and love for your child.     Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/19

The digital landscape we live in is complex, especially in regards to privacy in divorce. If you're not familiar with how technology can be utilized in divorce in today's world, you might be placing yourself, your privacy, and potentially your success in achieving your desired divorce outcome at risk.     Tune in this week to discover everything you need to know if you're concerned about your digital privacy as you consider or take the first steps in your divorce. I share the common ways that modern technology causes problems in divorce situations, and I give you concrete suggestions for how you can be smart about your use of technology during each stage of the divorce process.     Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/18

The choices you make at the time when your marriage is breaking down set the dynamic for your separation and future conflict. In the heat of the moment, you might make decisions that make communication and negotiations more difficult than they would be otherwise. So, how do you make smart choices that will lead to a smoother divorce for everyone involved?     Tune in this week to discover the smart choices you can make early on in the divorce process to minimize conflict while moving you toward the outcome you want. Once you know the situations you need to be on the lookout for, you can avoid escalating conflict in the early stages of your divorce, so you have a higher chance of getting through this process and getting the resolutions you're looking for.     Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/17

Today, I'm sharing tips and insight from my unique background as a divorce coach, mediator, and lawyer, as I talk with fellow divorce coach, Dr. Stefanie Huff. Dr. Stef is a mom, a physician, and a divorce coach. She's interviewing me on my varying roles in helping people through the divorce process, and shining some light on my unique situation as a coach, mediator, and lawyer.   Tune in this week to discover my top tips for clients navigating divorce, drawing on my experience as a coach, mediator, and divorce attorney. Dr. Stef and I discuss the struggles working moms face when going through the divorce process, and we're both sharing our advice for navigating mediation and legal proceedings from our perspectives as divorce coaches.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/16

How do you choose the right divorce coach for you? There are three important factors to consider when looking for a divorce coach to help you in reaching the outcomes you want, so I'm walking you through all of these on today's episode so you can make the right hiring decision the first time around.     Tune in this week for a framework to help you decide how to hire the right divorce coach for your specific needs. You'll learn how to decide on your needs based on what stage of divorce you're in, the difference between the different types of coaches out there, and how to find a professional divorce coach that is recognized as an alternative form of conflict resolution by the American Bar Association.     Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/15

Nobody teaches us to become more comfortable with engaging in conflict in a productive way. However, there's a lot on the line here and you need to stand up for what you believe is an acceptable resolution in your divorce, so this episode is here to help you get a little more confident when it comes to conflict.     Tune in this week to discover what conflict is costing you in your divorce, and how you can start taking an approach to conflict that results in better outcomes. I discuss the common sources of conflict in divorce, what you can expect if you don't become more comfortable with conflict, and you'll get a strategy for becoming more comfortable with conflict in the divorce context.     Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/14

Spousal support, also known as alimony or maintenance, is the obligation to support a spouse financially after divorce or while proceedings are pending as part of the terms of separation. This helps the lower-earning or non-earning spouse maintain a similar standard of living to that experienced during the marriage.   Tune in this week to discover what you need to know about spousal support during and after divorce. I'm discussing the determining factors in spousal support arrangements, why these arrangements are subject to change over time, and you'll learn what you need to consider regarding spousal support and your own divorce.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/13  

Hiring a lawyer isn't just about making a yes or no decision. It's time to lift the lid on all of the options you have when using a lawyer during your divorce so you can make an informed decision based on your exact needs. Tune in this week to discover your options so you can decide on the scope of representation that is best for your personal desires, goals, and budget.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/12

It's currently spring break 2024 and summer is almost here, which can bring up a ton of stress for divorced parents who want to plan vacation time with their kids. So, what do you need to consider now about creating a parenting plan that covers everyone's needs when it comes to post-divorce vacation time with your kids?   Tune in this week to learn how to plan for vacations with kids after a divorce. I highlight all the things you need to consider, including in your parenting plan, to prevent future conflict and stress around vacations. You'll learn how to decide what you want to include in your parenting plan to prevent further disputes if tensions start running high around a planned vacation.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/11

Are you delaying scheduling that first consultation with a divorce lawyer because reaching out for help would mean the marriage is definitely over? This is a common experience. However, even at the early stages of your divorce, even if it feels like you haven't fully made up your mind, you need a professional perspective as soon as possible.   Tune in this week to discover why seeking professional help with your divorce options doesn't mean anything final about the state of your marriage. In this episode, I share two common side effects of not engaging a divorce professional early on in the process.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/10  

During your divorce, you will probably find yourself acting in a way that doesn't feel like who you really are, and certainly not who you want to be. So, what do you do when you're showing up in ways you're not 100% happy with or proud of? You don't have to shame or blame yourself.   This week, discover how divorce-related anxiety is showing up in your behavior, and how to stop judging yourself for those moments when you catch yourself acting out of alignment with your values. I show you how to acknowledge your behavior, learn from the experience, and move on with integrity and in alignment with how you want to act in the world.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/9

If you want to reach a successful conclusion to your divorce, knowing your values is essential. Divorce is both mentally and emotionally challenging, and anchoring yourself to your values stops you from getting swept up in all of it.   Discover the emotions and biases that can drive poor decisions, increasing conflict, and legal fees during the divorce process. You'll learn why your values should serve as your guide as you navigate your divorce, and I share how to use your values as a filter for the important decisions you need to make during this time.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/8

When going through a divorce, you're faced with decisions at every turn along the way. Some are small decisions, some are huge and have a wide-reaching impact. If not knowing whether you're making the right decision has you stuck in decision-making limbo, today's episode is for you.   Worrying about making the wrong decision is keeping you stuck, asking for everyone's opinions, and never really getting anywhere. So, it's time to approach these kinds of decisions from a different perspective. I'm showing you how to actively work toward making difficult decisions, how to let go of the idea that there are objectively right and wrong decisions, and I'm sharing how to take control of the outcomes of the decisions you make throughout your divorce.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/7

It's possible to get an outcome from mediation that suits everybody in the family's needs without having a lawyer present. However, there are four common mistakes I see people making when they take on their own divorce mediation, so today I'm showing you how to avoid these mistakes in your own divorce, so you don't have to deal with the cost and hassle of correcting them later.   Discover four divorce mediation mistakes you need to be aware of. I'm giving you the tools you need to prepare for mediation in the divorce process, detailing your role in these negotiations, and you'll learn how to avoid making the same mistakes others have.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/6

Did you know that you have several options when it comes to handling the divorce legal process? Choosing the right path for the legal process can have huge consequences on the impact of the divorce on your well-being, your wallet, your kids, and your future, so you want to make sure to get it right. But how exactly do you do that?   Learn more about each of the different process options available to you when it comes to the legal side of your divorce. I show you how to figure out your goals for your divorce legal process, what you need to consider to decide on your preferred process option, and where coaching fits in with all of these processes.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/5

Divorce brings with it big and unexpected challenges, but making positive, intentional changes as you move through your divorce allows you to create a life that truly feels better. Today, I'm sharing a process you can use yourself to live a more fulfilling life in 2024.   Tune in this week to discover 3 steps to living a more fulfilling life in 2024. I'm diving into how to get curious and intentionally decide what you want your life to look like moving forward, and giving you a process for making positive changes you can take with you as you navigate 2024.     Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/4

In the early stages of the divorce process, you might have thoughts like, "I don't know where to start." "What should I tell the kids?" "Can I keep the house?" "Can I even afford a lawyer?" These are the kinds of thoughts that create the emotions of fear, stress, and overwhelm, none of which any of us want to feel. So, what can you do to reduce your overwhelm and start focusing on reaching the best resolution for you and your family?   Tune in this week to discover why you feel overwhelmed by your divorce and how to start overcoming it. I share where overwhelm comes from, the symptoms of divorce overwhelm, and my five-step process for reducing divorce overwhelm.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/3

Divorce doesn't work like it does in the movies, it's hard work and you'll have tough decisions to make every step of the way. That's where a divorce coach comes in. In today's episode, I'm sharing some of the options you may never have realized were on the table for getting the ball rolling with your divorce.   Find out how a divorce coach can save you money, time, and energy as you navigate the stress and overwhelm of ending your marriage, how the American Bar Association recognizes the role of a divorce coach, and how to find a divorce coach to set you up for a successful divorce.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.laurenfaircoaching.com/2

Anxiety around moving forward with your divorce is normal. You're making a big change, and that brings on feelings of uncertainty. You're unsure of the exact legal process, you don't know what your life could look like post-divorce, and you might have doubts about whether you're making the right decision.    Tune in today to discover how to start reducing your divorce anxiety. I'm discussing how the uncertainty of divorce manifests as anxiety, showing you a practical strategy you can use right now to take the anxiety out of your divorce, and you'll learn how to step into confidence around your ability to handle the uncertainty of divorce.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info here: https://www.thesensiblesplit.com/1

Deciding to divorce is a big step. It's a decision that doesn't come lightly and one that you have probably thought about for quite some time. But what about when you think you've finally decided to move forward? What's next? With all that is at stake, you want to make sure you get it right. But you're flooded with intense emotions, facing a daunting and unfamiliar legal process, and have the complexities of a major life transition ahead of you. Where can you find somebody to guide you through the process, objectively and compassionately? That's where I come in. Hi, I'm Lauren Fair, Divorce Attorney, Mediator, and Master Certified Life and Divorce Coach and I'm here to help you embark on a sensible approach to divorce. I created this podcast to help educate and guide overwhelmed women just like you to learn how to move forward with divorce confidently and cooperatively, without giving away your right to advocate for yourself and what you want. Each week, I'll share practical tips, tools, and strategies, to help you tackle the transition of divorce, understand the complexities of the legal process, and feel empowered to handle the uncertainty that lies ahead. I'll answer many of those questions swirling around in your mind to successfully prepare you to embark on the divorce process, so you can move forward with confidence. Whether you are looking for support with understanding finances,  minimizing the impact of the transition on your children, navigating the legal complexities surrounding divorce, creating a plan for your next steps, or just approaching the future in general, The Sensible Split will help you conquer the overwhelm and equip you with the knowledge you need to confidently handle the business of divorce and tackle the transition of the lived experience of divorce. Divorcing doesn't have to involve tearing each other apart in court. There's a better way; a more sensible way. Through an approach rooted in alternative dispute resolution principles, you can manage and reduce conflict, save time, money, and some of your sanity.  You can become a stronger, more confident woman who advocates for herself and her family's needs, looks forward to the future again, and is on a path to rebuilding a life she loves living.  If you're ready to stop feeling alone in your divorce, and become empowered to take the next steps for you and your family, be sure to follow the show wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode.