The Snark Factor 3 in 3

The audio is above.Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 starts with a purported Jeffrey Epstein suicide note being unsealed, because apparently that story still had bonus levels.Then the IRS may owe refunds to millions of Americans for COVID-era penalties and interest, but, naturally, you may have to file Form 843 to get them.Because Washington never just hands you money.It sends you on a clerical scavenger hunt.And finally, personal items from Matthew Perry’s estate are going up for auction, with proceeds benefiting addiction recovery work through the Matthew Perry Foundation.So today we learned Epstein’s story got weirder, the IRS may owe you money if you complete the sacred tax scroll, and Matthew Perry’s Batman ping-pong table may do more good than half of Washington.Which is unfair to the table.Listen above.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.I missed a day, and this one is late because the basement flooded.So yes, today’s episode was written by a man who recently stared at wet flooring and reconsidered the entire concept of home ownership.We start with Congress quietly paying out taxpayer money for sexual harassment settlements, which is one of those stories that makes you say, “Wait… we had to pass a law to stop that?”Then we move to frozen pizza sold at Walmart and Aldi, facing a salmonella alert, because apparently, even late-night freezer regret now comes with a public health advisory.And with Mother’s Day coming Sunday, restaurants are rolling out deals, freebies, brunch specials, bonus gift cards, and the most dangerous phrase in American dining:“Participating locations.”Congressional settlements.Salmonella pizza.Mother’s Day brunch.Three stories, three minutes.Let’s go.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

After a short break for my daughter’s college graduation, The Snark Factor 3 in 3 is back.Today: Pizza Hut moves “Hut Forward,” which sounds less like a business strategy and more like something said right before a youth group trust fall.Also, Las Vegas is discovering that tourists may leave casinos to find cannabis, and worse, they might spend money somewhere else. Apparently, that’s where Vegas draws the line.And Ford is waiting on aluminum because America’s truck supply is now being managed like a middle-school group project.Three stories.Three minutes.Concern remains fully stocked.Audio is above. Give it a listen.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Episode 75 of The Snark Factor 3 in 3 is here.The UAE is reportedly quitting OPEC, which means the world’s oil cartel may now have the organizational stability of a group project where one guy already bought his own poster board.John Hinckley Jr. has thoughts on presidential security at the Washington Hilton because, apparently, we are now sourcing venue-safety analysis from the “historical trauma” department.And there’s a scam called ghost tapping, where thieves can use tap-to-pay technology to charge your card without your card leaving your pocket. Wonderful. Your wallet now needs both financial planning and a paranormal investigator.If you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s the easiest way to get The Snark Factor 3 in 3 every weekday.Three stories. Three minutes. Let’s go.The audio is above.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Today on The Snark Factor 3 in 3, late-night edition!More than 1,000 TSA officers have reportedly quit during the DHS shutdown, which is less than ideal if you enjoy the modern airport experience of standing barefoot in a security line while society collapses politely around you.The CDC is warning about antibiotic-resistant Salmonella linked mostly to backyard poultry, because apparently the chickens have unionized and gone biological.And Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer” turns 40 this year, which means Tommy doesn’t just work on the docks anymore. Tommy needs progressive lenses, lower sodium, and a guy who can look at the water heater.Three stories. Three minutes. Let’s go.The audio is above.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 starts with the White House Correspondents’ Dinner being interrupted by gunfire, because apparently even Washington’s formal dinners now come with an emergency evacuation plan.Then we get the inevitable conspiracy theories, because nothing can happen in America anymore without somebody online yelling “staged” before the police report has punctuation.And finally, a new survey says one in five recent college graduates regrets their major — especially in political science, international relations, public policy, communications, media studies, and PR.So today we have Washington chaos, internet brain rot, and college regret.A full buffet.Audio is above.SourcesCNN: White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting coverageThe Mirror: Conspiracy theories after the shootingCBS News: College majors recent grads most regretThanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 has Congress trying to reopen the Department of Homeland Security, Chevron warning that air travel could get even more expensive, and Little Caesars testing drone delivery in Texas.So, naturally, the most functional institution in America may now be a pizza chain sending breadsticks through the sky.Congress can’t deliver funding.Airlines can barely deliver flights.But Little Caesars can deliver pizza from the clouds.That feels about right.Three stories. Three minutes. Let’s go.Sources:USA Today: DHS shutdown and CongressCBS News: Chevron CEO on airfare and jet fuelMLive: Little Caesars drone delivery This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 covers Meta tracking employees at work, SiriusXM taking over YouTube audio ad sales, and a study suggesting gold diggers come in both male and female varieties.If you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get this every weekday.Sources:New York Post - Meta workers outraged over software tracking keystrokes and mouse movementsSiriusXM Investor Relations - SiriusXM Media becomes exclusive audio advertising representative for YouTube in the U.S.New York Post - Study reveals how to spot gold diggers, both men and womenThanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above. Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 has a little housing market drift, a little Vegas nostalgia, and one of those stories that makes you wonder whether mankind has finally started freewheeling into nonsense.First, Zillow says home values are expected to rise just 0.3% by the end of 2026, with existing-home sales also barely moving as mortgage rates keep the housing market stuck in neutral. Then there’s Las Vegas, where the MGM Grand Buffet is set to close on May 31st, which feels like one more piece of old Vegas being quietly escorted out the side door. And finally, a Chinese automaker has reportedly patented a voice-activated in-car toilet, because apparently the future of transportation now includes asking your passenger seat for bathroom access.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Evening edition! Audio is above.Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 has a little bit of everything: a Navy carrier that seems to have been deployed since the invention of indoor plumbing, Walmart trying to make its stores more modern with wider aisles and more digital everything, and a reminder that the future may belong less to the guy in the conference room and more to the one wiring the building that keeps the AI servers from melting down.Remember, The Snark Factor 3 in 3 is also available on your favorite podcast platform. Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 takes a look at three very different reminders that common sense is apparently hanging on by a thread.New York City is pushing ahead with a plan for a city-owned grocery store in Harlem with a reported $30 million price tag, because, naturally, the best way to make food more affordable is to have the government spend a fortune getting into the supermarket business. Meanwhile, Top Gun 3 is officially in development, which means Tom Cruise is once again preparing to sprint past the concept of aging and climb back into a fighter jet. And PepsiCo has now discovered that customers tend to come back when snack prices stop looking like luxury goods.So today we’ve got government groceries, immortal Maverick, and the shocking revelation that people prefer cheaper chips.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Three stories, three minutes, let’s go.Today I’m talking about what happens when everything gets a little cheaper, a little sadder, and a lot more ridiculous.Cord-cutters are now cutting back on streaming costs, which is funny because the whole point of streaming was supposed to be saving money in the first place. Then there’s 7-Eleven, closing hundreds of stores while trying to become more of a food destination, which feels ambitious for a place most people visit only after better plans have failed. And then there are cruise weddings, which somehow take the inconvenience of a destination wedding and combine it with the low-grade panic of being trapped on a floating buffet.Listen to the audio above.Sources:Cord Cutters News - A New Study Shows Cord Cutters Are Cutting Back on How Much They Pay For TVAssociated Press - 7-Eleven expects to close hundreds of its stores in North America this yearNew York Post - Cruise weddings are a cost-efficient but glamorous trend couples are partaking inThanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Three stories, three minutes, evening edition — let’s go!Today I’m talking about a federal court striking down a 158-year-old ban on home distilling, scientists arguing that lobsters feel pain, and why IRS staffing cuts suddenly have some people feeling a little too confident at tax time.It’s one of those episodes where every story feels like a different version of the same basic truth: the second people think the rules changed, things get weird fast.Listen to the audio above.SourcesHome distilling ruling: FOX6 MilwaukeeLobster pain story: New York PostIRS staffing / taxpayer behavior story: Wall Street JournalThanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Hunter Biden says he’s too broke to pay his lawyer, but apparently still has enough energy to challenge Don Jr. and Eric Trump to a cage match.Then there’s tax season, where the new advice is simple: if you’re mailing your return close to April 15, maybe don’t trust the system to suddenly become efficient just for you.And finally, a semi full of gummy bears caught fire on Interstate 80 in Nebraska, creating what I can only assume was the sweetest-smelling disaster in recent highway history.The audio is above.Sources:New York Post — Hunter Biden says he’s too broke to pay lawyer, challenges Trump sons to cage matchCNBC — Mailing your tax return near the April 15 deadline comes with risk1011 Now — Semi full of gummy bears catches fire along Interstate 80Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 gets into a CIA tool called Ghost Murmur, which sounds less like covert technology and more like something overpriced and smoky on a cocktail menu.Also in the mix: airline baggage data that somehow makes Allegiant look competent, which may be the most unsettling part of the story, and an Amazon driver accused of cutting out the middleman and starting her own private fulfillment center out of the garage.Three stories.Three minutes.A little distrust of modern life.Let’s talk tomorrow.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s three stories all had the same basic theme:Modern life is ridiculous, and somehow still getting more ridiculous.A possible two-week ceasefire with Iran is being talked about as if the world just needed a timeout.Lowe’s is putting serious money into training tradespeople, which is probably the clearest sign yet that America is starting to remember who actually fixes things.And a baby born on a flight from Jamaica to New York is already wrapped up in citizenship questions, because apparently, even being born isn’t enough anymore. Now you also need coordinates.Three stories, three minutes.Let’s talk tomorrow.Sources:CNBC — Trump says he agreed to a two-week ceasefire with Iran tied to reopening the Strait of HormuzLowe’s Foundation — $250 million investment to train 250,000 tradespeople over the next decadeNew York Post — Baby born on flight from Jamaica to New York sparks citizenship questionsThanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Three stories, three minutes, let’s go.Today’s episode is about what CBS is putting in Stephen Colbert’s old time slot, why the Associated Press is offering buyouts as it moves further away from newspaper journalism, and the self-driving car in Austin that managed to turn the future into a dead duck.So, late night gets cheaper, journalism gets smaller, and technology is still out here learning the hard way.The audio is above.SourcesMyFox8, “Here’s what’s taking over Stephen Colbert’s Late Show time slot”Associated Press / Morning Sun, “AP says it will offer buyouts as part of pivot away from newspaper journalism”KXAN, “Self-driving car runs over Mueller Lake Park duck, raising safety concerns”Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Audio is above. (Note: I got a late start to this one, but I am also experimenting with different release times)Three stories, three minutes, let’s go.Today’s episode is about the possibility of diplomacy with Iran, the FBI admitting a major incident involving a sensitive surveillance system, and sleep experts informing you that the real threat to civilization may be your snooze button.So — war, breached surveillance, and one more study telling you the only thing standing between you and total collapse is better sleep discipline. That feels about right. Everything is broken, everything is stupid, and somehow your alarm clock is the thing getting judged.SourcesCNBCThe HillSlateThanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Three stories, three minutes, let’s go.Today’s episode is about a jobs report that everybody reads differently, three women who turned a Frontier baggage fee into an arrest, and an Amazon recall that sounds like a great way to set your living room on fire.The audio is above.SourcesU.S. Bureau of Labor StatisticsPeopleNew York PostU.S. Consumer Product Safety CommissionAL.comThanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

War in Iran may be “nearing completion,” according to President Trump.Which is a phrase that sounds less like military strategy and more like a guy standing in your kitchen saying the cabinets should be in by Thursday.Also, Americans now say they need $1.46 million to retire comfortably.Not to live like a king.Not to buy a yacht.Just to stop working without feeling like you’re one prescription refill away from selling a kidney on Facebook Marketplace.And Hershey says Reese’s will return to its classic recipe after criticism from the founder’s grandson.So in one day, Americans got updates on war, retirement, and peanut butter cups.And somehow, the peanut butter cups may be the most reassuring story of the three.The audio is above.Sources: Reuters, CBS News, PeopleThanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Some days, the news really does most of the work for you.President Trump says the U.S. could end the war with Iran in two to three weeks. Two to three weeks. That is an incredible way to describe a war. It sounds less like geopolitics and more like a guy telling you when the kitchen counters might finally be installed.Then there’s Tiger Woods stepping away to seek treatment after the rollover crash and DUI case. He says he will focus on his health.And then the New York Post reports that Gen Z workers in New York are using lunch breaks to cry, nap, hide in churchyards, or rent nap pods just to make it through the workday. Lunch used to mean a sandwich. Now it means emotional triage in a padded tube.That’s today’s 3 in 3.War with a service window.Tiger stepping away.And office life now apparently requires a recovery chamber.SourcesReuters on Trump saying the U.S. could end the Iran war in two to three weeks.Reuters/AP and local reporting on Tiger Woods stepping away to seek treatment after the crash and DUI case.New York Post on Gen Z workers using lunch breaks to nap and cry around New York City.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s episode is about three things America now does exceptionally well: making basic life more expensive, making normal human interaction feel weirdly transactional, and taking places that used to be fun and optimizing the fun right out of them.We start with gas prices climbing past four dollars a gallon again, because apparently, even leaving your house now requires a small act of financial courage.Then we get into one of the bleakest little signs of the times: people in New York paying for friendship-making services. Not dating. Not networking. Friendship. Just a nice efficient monetization of loneliness.And then there’s Vegas.That one got me.I used to love Vegas. Before I had kids, I went twice a year. And what made Vegas great was the old deal: they were absolutely going to take your money, but they made it feel worth it. Cheap room. Cheap food. Cheap drinks. A little fake glamour. A little smoke in the air. A little bad judgment. That was the pact.Now it feels like they broke it.Vegas used to be a place where a regular person could feel rich for a weekend. Now it feels like regular people are just in the way of the people they actually want.So that’s today’s 3 in 3.Gas. Friends. Vegas.A tidy little portrait of a country that has decided everything should cost more and feel worse.Let me know what you think after you listen.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 is up.And it’s one of those episodes where the three stories don’t seem connected until you realize they all point to the same conclusion:We are not running a country anymore.We are just reacting to things.Today starts with a report that the Pentagon is preparing for the possibility of weeks of ground operations in Iran.That phrase alone is enough to make “no final decision has been made” sound a little less soothing than they probably intended.From there, we move to the home front, where some travelers are now paying people to stand in TSA lines for them.Not because they’re royalty.Not because they’re injured.Just because airport security has become such a mess that apparently the next great American job creator is a guy holding your place near the shoe bins.And then there’s London, where singles are now going to pub nights where their friends pitch them with PowerPoint presentations.Which, honestly, may be the most modern thing in the whole batch.Dating apps have gotten so grim that people are now saying, you know what this needs?A slideshow.And maybe a friend willing to explain why Trevor is “emotionally available” using three bullet points and a vacation photo.So that’s today’s show:Possible ground operations in Iran,paid strangers in airport security lines,and your love life being presented like a quarterly earnings report.The audio is above.SourcesReuters: Pentagon reportedly preparing for possible weeks of ground operations in IranReuters: London pub dating events where friends pitch singles with PowerPoint presentationsNew York Post: Travelers paying TSA line-sitters to hold their place for $25 an hourThanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 is about the modern American squeeze.TSA agents are stuck in the middle of the Homeland Security funding mess, with airport delays growing while Washington keeps doing Washington things. Netflix is raising prices again, because apparently staying home comfortably now requires a premium tier. And United is rolling out “Relax Row,” which is just a very elegant way of saying they’d like to charge extra for letting you lie down in coach.So that’s the mood:You can’t get through the airportYou can’t stay home cheaplyAnd even sleeping on a plane is becoming a branded upgradeSourcesReuters on the TSA funding mess and airport disruption Reuters on Netflix raising prices across U.S. plansBusiness Insider on United’s “Relax Row”Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s episode is a quick tour through the modern American mood.First, a warning that summer airfare could keep climbing, because apparently, even vacation now comes with financial trauma.Then there’s the rise of the Death Cafe, where people gather over tea and cake to talk openly about dying. Which is either healthy emotional processing or the saddest bakery concept ever created.And finally, colleges are bringing back oral exams as a way to deal with ChatGPT-written assignments, which means students may once again have to know things and explain them out loud to another human being. Grim.If you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get this every weekday.Sources:AP: “Colleges bringing back oral exams to fight ChatGPT”Axios: “What is a Death Cafe?”Good Morning America: “Travel expert suggests booking airfare now as airline CEO warns fares may rise”Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Today’s episode has a little bit of everything:A new warning about Chinese-made routers and national security.A look at how much electricity AI and data centers are chewing through.And one gloriously strange story out of France involving pinot noir and a medieval hospital toilet.So yes, the future may be spying on you, overloading the grid, and somehow still losing to old-world wine culture.The audio is above.Thanks for listening, subscribing, and passing it along.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s The Snark Factor 3 in 3 starts with the market doing what it does best: reacting to one hopeful headline like a dog hearing a treat bag open. Stocks rallied, and oil prices fell on Monday after President Trump hinted the war with Iran could end, even as Iran denied negotiations were happening.From there, we get into a new survey showing teens now feel more pressure to be online than they do to smoke, vape, or drink — which feels about right for a world where adolescence now includes personal branding, platform management, and pretending you didn’t spend 14 minutes choosing a caption.And finally, we close on one of my favorite kinds of stories: people getting nostalgic for 2016, which is amazing, because if you actually lived through 2016, it did not exactly feel like a warm bath. It felt more like America had eaten gas-station sushi and was trying to walk it off.In this episode:Markets rally and oil prices fall on hopes the Iran conflict could cool downTeens feel more pressure to be online than to smoke or drinkPeople are now nostalgic for 2016, which should concern all of usSources: AP; survey coverage on teen online pressure; APThanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s episode starts with a worldwide caution from the State Department, detours through the return of cigarette culture, and ends with young people embracing old-school hobbies like needlepoint and mahjong.Three stories. Three minutes.Global tension, fake cool, and crochet.Sources:U.S. Department of StateTruth InitiativeAssociated PressThanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The 50th episode of The Snark Factor 3 in 3 is up. And somehow that feels very on-brand.We made it to 50 by doing what this show does best: taking the news, squinting at it, and asking whether America is okay.Today’s episode gets into why so many people feel like retirement keeps moving farther away, the wonderfully ridiculous Afroman courtroom victory, and the story of a 78-year-old DoorDash driver that says more about the economy than most politicians ever will.The audio is above.And for the 50th episode, thank you.Whether you’ve been here from the start or just found this recently, I appreciate you listening, subscribing, sharing, and coming back every weekday for three stories and three minutes.In this episode:A new Fidelity survey on how Americans now view retirementAfroman wins in court over the “Lemon Pound Cake” caseA viral 78-year-old DoorDash driver says he’s still not retiringSourcesBusiness WireAPNBC DFWIf you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get this every weekday.Let’s keep going.— Fingers MalloyThanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s three stories: The Fed held rates steady, Tinder wants AI poking through your camera roll, and Hollywood is now casting the dead.So, you know, another perfectly normal day in America.We start with the Federal Reserve trying to look calm while standing in the middle of inflation worries, war jitters, and gas-price anxiety.Then Tinder shows up with a feature that says, in effect, “Let us study your photo library and explain your romantic failures.”And finally, a generative-AI version of Val Kilmer is headed to the screen,because apparently, even eternal rest now comes with studio notes.If you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get this every weekday.Source listAssociated Press — Federal Reserve holds rates steady amid inflation and Iran conflict concernsNew York Post — Tinder’s AI camera roll scan sparks backlashAssociated Press — AI-rendered Val Kilmer to appear in new film This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 begins with the cheerful news that Gen X and older millennials may be aging like a carton of milk left in a hot car, moves to a strike that could make beef even more expensive, and wraps up with Amazon deciding that even waiting three hours for deodorant is now beneath us as a people.So today’s themes are simple: We’re falling apart, steak is becoming a luxury item, and patience is dead.At this point, the modern American lifestyle appears to be stress, caffeine, and paying a convenience fee so paper towels can arrive before the end of a true-crime show.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Three stories, three minutes, let’s go.Today’s The Snark Factor 3 in 3 gets into Walmart’s new digital shelf labels, Ruth’s Chris trying to keep people from showing up dressed like they’re eating at Sbarro, and a new Walmart-exclusive Sprite flavor that sounds less like a soda and more like a vape pen flavor.The audio is above.If you’ve ever looked at a price tag and assumed it would just sit there quietly and do its job, those days may be ending. Also, if you’ve ever wondered how fancy a chain steakhouse can get before it starts acting like a private club, we’ve got that too.And then we wrap with the most important cultural question of our time: how many words can they cram into the name of a soft drink before it starts sounding like a dare?Listen above, and if you haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get this every weekday. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Audio is above.Three stories, three minutes, let’s go.Today’s episode starts with a pretty creepy look at the future. Hacked DHS data reportedly shows homeland security projects involving AI surveillance, airport checkpoint monitoring, phone-based biometric tools, and systems using 911 data to predict incident trends. Because apparently the government looked at dystopian fiction and thought, “Let’s circle back on that.”Then we pivot to something much more American: the Jell-O shot is being reinvented as a high-end craft cocktail. Same bad decision, nicer presentation. Somewhere, a bartender is carefully garnishing something that used to be made in a kitchen by a guy named Chad before a football game.And finally, a cormorant in Germany with a fishing hook stuck in its beak walked up to a hospital door and pecked for help. The bird got treated and released, which is honestly more efficient than a lot of human medical experiences.The audio is above. Give it a listen, subscribe if you haven’t already, and you can also find The Snark Factor 3 in 3 on your favorite podcast platform.SourcesThe Guardian — Hacked data shines light on homeland security’s AI surveillance ambitionsNew York Post — Party on! Why classic college drinks like Jell-O shots are making comebacks as high-end cocktailsAP — Firefighters rescue injured seabird desperately pecking at hospital door This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 has a little bit of everything: fake spring, disappearing change, and young adults showing up to job interviews with backup.First, March does what March always does. It gives people one decent day, lets a guy fire up the grill in cargo shorts, and then comes back with snow and wind like winter just remembered it left something in the house.Then there’s the penny. After all these years, we may finally be admitting that the penny has mostly been a copper-colored floor decoration. Now, states are figuring out how to round cash purchases, which means somewhere, right now, a man is preparing to fight over two cents on principle.And finally, the hiring process. A new survey says some Gen Z applicants are getting parental help with résumés, employer contact, and even interviews. Nothing says “independent self-starter” like your mother asking about dental coverage before you’ve even sat down.Give it a listen. And if you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get this in your inbox every weekday morning.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 covers three stories that somehow all end with America exporting its weirdest habits to the rest of the world.First, a massive global data leak exposed more than a billion identity records, including driver’s licenses and passports from over two dozen countries. More than 200 million Americans may be affected. At this point, if you’ve ever uploaded your ID online to prove you’re a real person… there’s a decent chance half the internet can now prove it too.Meanwhile, shopping malls — which we were told were permanently dead — may be staging a comeback. New retail data shows Gen Z is shopping in stores more than older generations, rediscovering the strange analog activity known as “going outside and buying something.” For a generation raised entirely on screens, the mall apparently feels like a real-life version of TikTok… but with pretzels and the lingering smell of cinnamon.And finally, Hidden Valley Ranch is looking for four “ranch-bassadors” to travel around Europe this summer, testing ranch dressing with local cuisine. Which means somewhere in Italy, a chef will spend decades perfecting handmade pasta… only to watch an American tourist say, “Yeah, but have you tried this with ranch?”The next diplomatic crisis may not involve tariffs or sanctions.It may involve ranch packets at customs.Listen to today’s episode above.SourcesFox News – Massive identity verification data leakPYMNTS – Gen Z driving shopping mall comebackThe Independent – Hidden Valley Ranch ambassador programThanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Three stories. Three minutes. Let’s go.In today’s episode, an Iranian women’s soccer team competing in Australia is reportedly seeking asylum rather than returning home. What started as an international tournament suddenly became a much bigger story about freedom, opportunity, and what happens when athletes decide they’d rather stay where they can actually play.Then there’s a new “keto pill” scientists say could mimic the metabolic effects of the keto diet… without giving up carbs. Which sounds less like a diet breakthrough and more like science finally admitting Americans were never going to stop eating bread.And finally, United Airlines says passengers who refuse to use headphones while watching videos on their phones could be removed from flights. A bold new policy aimed squarely at the most feared figure in modern aviation: the guy in seat 22B blasting TikTok at full volume.Three stories, three minutes.Hit play above.If you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get The Snark Factor 3 in 3 delivered every weekday morning.SourcesCNN - Iranian women’s soccer team members seek asylum in AustraliaNY Post - Reports on new keto pill designed to mimic metabolic effects of ketogenic dietNBC News - United Airlines policy update on passengers refusing to use headphones for personal devices This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s three stories take us from airport security lines… to a soccer fan who decided technology was optional… to McDonald’s discovering that the key to childhood joy might be tiny rubber shoes.First, the Transportation Security Administration is warning that airport security wait times could stretch for hours during the government shutdown. Some travelers are already reporting lines that run well past the usual patience threshold for anyone holding a boarding pass and a neck pillow.Then we head to Germany, where a masked fan ran onto the field during a second-division soccer match and unplugged the video review monitor a referee was about to use to check a controversial call. It turns out unplugging the screen doesn’t actually stop the review, but it does create a moment that looks suspiciously like someone trying to reboot the internet.And finally, McDonald’s is rolling out a new Happy Meal promotion featuring collectible Crocs toys. Yes, miniature versions of the famously comfortable rubber shoes. Which means somewhere tonight, an adult will absolutely insist the Happy Meal they’re ordering is “for the kid.”Three stories. Three minutes.Let’s go.Sources:AP News — TSA warns airport wait times could grow during shutdownAP News — Masked fan unplugs VAR monitor during German soccer matchAOL — McDonald’s launches Crocs-themed Happy Meal promotionIf you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get this every weekday. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Three stories, three minutes.Oil prices are back over $100 a barrel as tensions involving Iran threaten shipping routes and energy supplies in the Middle East. Whenever oil spikes, the ripple effects hit quickly — especially at the gas pump, where those numbers seem to spin faster every week.Meanwhile, Iran is facing criticism at home after its president apologized for attacks on neighboring countries… while those attacks were still happening. The situation highlights just how unstable the region has become, with rising tensions and governments trying to explain actions that keep escalating the conflict.And finally, technology may be coming for another job. A company has introduced an AI robotic bartender designed to mix drinks, remember customer preferences, and eliminate human error behind the bar. Which sounds efficient… but it also means the robot will probably remember exactly how many drinks you’ve had.Sources: NBC News, France 24, New York Post.Listen to today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 above.If you’re enjoying these quick daily updates, consider subscribing so they show up in your inbox every weekday morning. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s three stories move from the economy… to government surveillance… to the strange identity crisis of plant-based food.First, new data shows that more Americans are tapping their 401(k) retirement accounts — just to cover everyday expenses. The long-term retirement strategy is starting to look a lot more like a short-term survival plan.Then, the FBI is investigating a hack involving a system used for wiretaps and surveillance. Which raises a simple question: when the people listening to everyone get hacked… who exactly is listening to them?And finally, Beyond Meat is dropping the word “meat” from its name as the company pivots into plant-based drinks and snack foods. Apparently, even faux meat has decided it doesn’t want to be faux meat anymore.Three stories.Three minutes.A quick look at the news before the day gets away from you.If you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get The Snark Factor 3 in 3 delivered to you every weekday morning.SourcesCBS News — 401(k) hardship withdrawals risehttps://www.cbsnews.com/news/401k-hardship-withdrawals-rise-vanguard-report/TechCrunch — FBI investigating hack involving wiretap and surveillance systemhttps://techcrunch.com/2026/03/05/fbi-investigating-hack-on-its-wiretap-and-surveillance-systems-report/WTOP — Beyond Meat dropping “meat” from its namehttps://wtop.com/national/2026/03/beyond-meat-drops-the-meat-from-its-name-as-it-pivots-to-plant-based-drinks-and-snacks/ This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Listen to today’s episode using the audio player above.Three stories. Three minutes.Today’s episode starts with the U.S. Senate rejecting an effort to require congressional approval for further strikes against Iran. It is another reminder of how Washington handles war powers debates. The arguments about who has authority tend to happen right when events are already underway.From there, we move to a strange reflection of the moment we are living in. People are now betting on almost anything.A prediction market called Polymarket recently removed a market where users were betting on whether there would be a nuclear detonation. Not worrying about it. Not debating it. Betting on it.At some point, gambling stopped being about football games and became about reality.What is the spread on nuclear war?Is it nukes -3.5, or do we take the points?It is dark, but it also says something about how people process anxiety now. If we cannot control something, apparently we will try to price it.Finally, we end in Los Angeles, where the city council has designated the Brady Bunch house as a historic cultural monument.And honestly, that might be the most comforting story of the day.Because when the world feels chaotic, people go looking for something simple. A place where the biggest crisis was six kids sharing one bathroom, and a life lesson delivered before the closing credits.SourcesWCVB Senate rejects effort to block further strikes on IranYahoo Finance Polymarket removes nuclear detonation betting marketNBC Los Angeles Brady Bunch house designated historic cultural monumentIf you are listening regularly and have not subscribed yet, that is how you get The Snark Factor 3 in 3 delivered every weekday morning.Talk tomorrow.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 looks at three small stories that quietly say a lot about the moment we’re living in.First, the cable companies are discovering that the cord-cutting trend may be moving beyond television. For years, Comcast and Spectrum watched customers cancel their TV packages but figured the internet business was safe. Now, new competition from fiber, 5G home internet, and satellite services is giving customers more choices — and some of them are starting to leave.Next, police are warning about a scam popping up in grocery store parking lots. Someone approaches with a story about funeral costs or a medical emergency and asks for a small donation. If you say you don’t have cash, they offer a card reader so you can tap your card — except the amount on the screen might not be five dollars. It might be a lot more.And finally, a new survey says women spend more than $1,600 a year on health and hygiene products. Many respondents say rising prices are forcing them to stretch products or delay purchases they’d rather not delay.Three different stories, but they all circle the same reality: people are canceling services, watching their money, and trying to make everyday life add up.Sources referenced in today’s episode:* Cord Cutters News — cable companies losing internet customers as cord-cutting expands* Yahoo News — police warning about grocery store parking lot payment scams* New York Post — survey on the rising annual cost of women’s health and hygiene productsIf you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get The Snark Factor 3 in 3 delivered every weekday morning. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Three stories. Three minutes.The U.S. Embassy in Saudi Arabia was reportedly hit in a drone attack amid escalating regional tensions. No American casualties reported, but when “embassy” and “drone” share a headline, it’s not a calm news cycle.Officials say they’re monitoring the situation. Which is reassuring. We’re also monitoring it. That’s what phones are for.Meanwhile, in New York, lawmakers are pushing a bill that would allow a 25 percent surcharge on corporate taxes in the city. Twenty-five percent. Not a tweak. Not a trim. A full “let’s see what happens” percent.Supporters call it fairness.Opponents call it economic gravity.Corporations are quietly pricing out moving trucks.And then, because balance matters, we close with the most American story possible: the best birthday freebies at chain restaurants. Free burgers. Free desserts. Free appetizers. Nothing says adulthood like signing up for twelve loyalty programs so you can get a complimentary skillet cookie once a year.Global tension.Tax tension.And the unifying belief that mozzarella sticks should occasionally be free.If you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get this every weekday.Sources:• New York Post — U.S. Embassy drone attack report• New York Post — Proposed 25% corporate surcharge in NYC• Eat This, Not That — Best birthday freebies at chain restaurantsThis is The Snark Factor 3 in 3.I’m Fingers Malloy.Let’s talk tomorrow.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Three stories. Three minutes.The U.S. and Israel struck Iranian targets while also signaling openness to talks with Iran’s new leadership. An interesting posture. Escalation now, conversation later. Bomb first. Calendar invite to follow.Markets reacted immediately. Oil prices jumped as traders priced in the possibility that things in the Middle East could get worse before they get calmer. You don’t need to know where the Strait of Hormuz is. You just need to know that when it shows up in a headline, your wallet flinches.Diplomacy may be coming.The bill arrives early.And then, because balance is important, we end with the ranch milkshake topped with whipped cream, carrots, and crispy chicken. This is real. This was approved. Ranch has officially entered its experimental phase.Foreign policy is confusing.Markets are nervous.And ranch has crossed a moral boundary.Sources:• Military Times — U.S. and Israel strikes on Iran, diplomatic signals• CNBC — Market reaction and oil price movement• New York Post — Ranch milkshake product launchThis is The Snark Factor 3 in 3.I’m Fingers Malloy.Let’s talk tomorrow. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

Three stories.Three minutes.And a lot of people, running out the clock.The audio is above.This episode starts in Geneva, where the U.S. and Iran are back at the table talking about Iran’s nuclear program. Officials say there’s “progress,” which in diplomatic terms usually means nobody stormed out and everyone agreed to meet again later. Iran keeps talking. The U.S. keeps moving military assets into the region. One side runs out the clock. The other side keeps the engine running.Then the focus shifts closer to home, where Americans are discovering that some GLP-1 weight-loss drugs may come with an unexpected trade-off. People are losing weight — and losing their sex drives. You finally look great. Clothes fit. People notice. And your body decides it’s done wanting things. We close with a look at the most popular plastic surgery procedures of 2025. Rhinoplasty. Facelifts. Eyelid surgery. Not about becoming someone new — just trying to look awake, alert, and interested. Even if we’re not.Governments stall.Bodies trade desire for efficiency.Culture promises improvement later.Nobody seems in a hurry to finish the conversation.This is The Snark Factor 3 in 3.New episodes every weekday.If you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get this every day.Let’s talk Monday.— Fingers Malloy This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Three stories. Three minutes. One quiet theme running underneath all of it.Today’s episode moves from the labor market to casual dining, to your bathroom sink — which is not a sentence I expected to write, but here we are.We start with new analysis from the Dallas Fed, looking at how AI is reshaping work. The optimistic take says productivity and opportunity. The more interesting take says something else is happening first: the bottom rung is disappearing. Not the veteran jobs. The entry jobs. The ones where people learn how to work at all.Then we head to the grill.Outback Steakhouse says it’s returning to its roots — better steak, simpler menus, fewer tables per server. Which isn’t nostalgia. It’s an admission. America didn’t stop liking steak. It stopped liking steak that felt like a compromise.And finally, a health story that sneaks up on you.Dental experts, via reporting from Fox News, say something as boring as consistent brushing and flossing could reduce dementia risk later in life. The idea is inflammation. Gum disease doesn’t stay put. It travels. Which means your toothbrush just got promoted to preventative care.Different stories.Same lesson.Ignore fundamentals long enough, and the consequences don’t disappear.They just get louder later.Sources referenced in this episode:Dallas Federal Reserve, The Sun, Fox NewsIf you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get this every weekday.This is The Snark Factor 3 in 3.I’m Fingers Malloy.Let’s talk tomorrow. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Consumer confidence is ticking upward, and for the first time in a while, it feels like people might be seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Nobody’s sure what that light is, but at least it’s something other than the wall.That optimism runs straight into reality in San Francisco, where a former nonprofit CEO is charged with allegedly misappropriating more than a million dollars meant to help low-income and homeless residents. Confidence, it turns out, is very situational.And finally, dating in 2026, where a viral “celebrity crush test” is reportedly being used to judge emotional awareness. Romance now comes with quizzes, interpretations, and the risk of failing based on what your answer means, not what it is.Confidence is up.Trust is fragile.And everyone seems to be arguing over what the light actually represents.Sources mentioned in this episode:RealClearMarketsCBS Bay AreaNew York PostIf you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get this every weekday.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above — because this one really works best aloud.Mortgage rates dip back into the five percent range, and suddenly the American Dream logs back into Zillow… briefly. Hope rises. Reality follows. Closely.Then Amazon announces a waitlist for its own home internet service, aiming for a 2026 launch. Which is great news if you’ve ever thought, “You know what my Wi-Fi needs? A subscription tier.” Packages, video, groceries, bandwidth — it’s all becoming one long checkout process.And finally, a reminder that no matter how advanced our economy gets, we are still us. A professor traveling with an emotional support chicken makes it through the news cycle, TSA, and presumably boarding group two.Lower rates. Faster internet. Emotional support poultry.Everything’s fine.Sources mentioned in this episode:Mortgage News DailyCord Cutters NewsNew York PostIf you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get this every weekday.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio player is above.Three stories. Three minutes.All tied together by the same bad advice: trust your instinct.We start with a winter storm slamming the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast — blizzard warnings, travel bans, canceled flights, and the annual tradition of everyone discovering they don’t know how to walk on ice.Then it’s a PayPal data exposure tied to a loan application system. Not a hacker movie situation — just a software issue that exposed personal information for some users. The modern corporate reassurance followed: everything’s fine, credit monitoring is available, and technically nothing was “breached.”Finally, a deadly confrontation near Mar-a-Lago involved Secret Service agents and a 21-year-old man from North Carolina. The investigation is ongoing, but the moment lands heavy — because when everything from weather policy to tech security to public safety runs on vibes instead of competence, bad things follow.This episode isn’t about panic.It’s about pattern recognition.Snowstorms, data security, and public safety all work better when systems are solid, planning exists, and instinct takes a back seat to evidence.If you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get this every weekday.This is The Snark Factor 3 in 3.I’m Fingers Malloy.Let’s talk tomorrow.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio player is above — hit play to get the full three minutes.Amazon passes Walmart in total sales, proving once and for all that convenience beats wandering aisle seven, wondering why you’re holding a kayak.Then the Chicago Bears inch closer to Indiana, because loyalty lasts exactly as long as the spreadsheet says it should.And finally, Burger King puts its president on the phone, which is a bold way to learn just how personal people get about cold fries.Corporate loyalty, civic loyalty, and fast-food forgiveness — all wrapped into three minutes.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com

The audio is above.Three stories. Three minutes. Today’s episode starts at the airport.The New York Post reports a class-action lawsuit aimed at stopping the TSA from seizing travelers’ cash. There is no legal limit on how much cash you can fly with domestically — and yet people are being pulled aside anyway. Not for weapons. Not for explosives. For having money.In one cited case, a woman traveling with her father’s life savings — more than $82,000 — had it seized. It raises a simple question: when did airport security become airport accounting?From there, we move to cable television.TheStreet reports the parent company behind QVC and HSN is negotiating a major debt restructuring, possibly through Chapter 11, as cord-cutting and debt finally catch up. Home shopping didn’t disappear — it just migrated from Channel 47 to your phone at 2:11 a.m., where the algorithm now whispers your late-night purchases directly into your soul.And then… the devil crab.The New York Post reports food vlogger Emma Amet died after eating a toxic species known as a “devil crab,” reportedly for content. A friend who ate it also died. If it’s called devil crab, perhaps we don’t need a tasting panel.The through-line today is simple:Cash gets treated like contraband.QVC gets treated like a relic.And the devil crab gets treated like a snack.Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.Everything is content — until it isn’t.And the bill always shows up later.Sources referenced in today’s episode:– New York Post (TSA lawsuit; devil crab story)– TheStreet (QVC/HSN restructuring report)This is The Snark Factor 3 in 3.I’m Fingers Malloy.Let’s talk tomorrow.Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fingersmalloy.substack.com