The Weekly Inventions Of Dr Splatterjacket

Are you sick of composing music on an instrument and then having to remember what you composed and write it down later? Is there a way you can convince yourself that this is the main reason you don’t compose music? Your problem is solved with FluTonePen. A combination flute and pen which allows you to write while you compose.

Do you wish you had Satnav everywhere you go, without having to look at it. Now with GuideJacket your jacket will literally tell you where to go, by flashing the indicators built into each sleeve. Not only is that great for you, but also for other pavement users. Stop crashing into people while walking and get your GuideJacket today!

Do you sometimes need to print things and saw things at the same time? Of course you do, and if you don’t have a bit of a look at yourself. With PrintSaw suddenly doing these two things takes half the time (or the same amount of time as doing just one activity). Get yours today.

Do you use the same passwords over and over again. Would you like to use a password manager but worry about what would happen if all your passwords got stolen. Does that thought make you sweat? Well then you need my combination Password Manager and Fan… PassFan! You’d be Fool!sh1 not to.

Do you sometimes have to do the washing up and read an important paper or book at the same time? Are you always late with your homework or your household chores or both? Then get the Wash And Read today it will mean you are done in half the time.

Are you a government looking to invest in vital infrastructure… then you need WashRide a new kind of bus where passengers can also wash their clothes… it is innovations like this that the modern voter wants so buy a fleet of WashRides… today!

Is your desk a boring normal one that just sits in the corner of the room? Would it surprise you to learn that my desk is also a boat? That’s right with DeskAfloat you can have a desk, a boat… or the best of both worlds a desk you can work on as you float gently down stream.

Do you need a combination nightlight to keep you safe at night and portable speaker to keep you boogieing (also potentially at night but alternatively in the day)? Then you need SafeSound it keeps you safe and sound as a pound (although the price is slightly higher than 1 pound).

Do you need to repair things? Important disclaimer: I’m talking about clothes not relationships here. If it is clothes then StitchBond is the perfect tool for you, if it is relationships then you’ll have to go and talk to somebody else.

Do you enjoy washing up so much you think people should sell tickets to watch you do it? Or do you hate washing up so much that you wish people would buy tickets to do your washing up for you? Then you need DishTicket which isn’t really about having anyone around, but makes washing up so fun you’ll wish it was.

Do you want to hear music almost at the same time as you comb your hair? Of course you do, that’s why you need my combination Harmonica and Comb the HarmoComb as soon as possible.

Do you need news everywhere you go? I bet you look at your phone for such things, I don’t because I have my news built into my shirt. Get NewsWear today!

Are you unable to ride a bike because you don’t know where you are going? That never happens to me because I have MapBike a bike with a built in automatic mapping, and it can even do the turning for you. Why don’t you have one?

Do you need to run away from, but stay in touch with somebody who is investigating your mine (or other thing you are wanting to run away from, but have to keep in touch with) then it sounds like you need ComuniJet.

When you are vacuuming I assume you get ick on you… all over you! But I don’t because I use the world’s first combination vacuum cleaner and hand sanitiser. No mess, no fuss, with SanitiClean your house will be clean in exactly the same time as always, but you will be clean too!

What do you do when somebody not near you needs a bandage? Do you panic? Worry? Cry? Well I don’t because I use AeroPatch to deliver a bandage anywhere in the world by drone. I don’t know why you don’t have one?

Do you watch videos of people making food on your phone and never make them? Of course you do, you should be watching recipes on your spoon, that will make making things much better for you. Get your SpoonBeam now!

Are you using a tumble dryer to dry your clothes? Do you have to take your clothes from the washing machine and then have to peg them on the line? Then you need DryWash, get your clothes hanging inside the washing machine.

Do you get bored while shaving? Then you need FunFoam the completely integrated shaving foam and gaming experience. If you haven’t played pacman on your face or legs then you haven’t lived. I can’t believe you haven’t got it already.

Are you as boring on phone calls as I think you are? Then you need Connectopedia in integrated video phone call device and learning tool. Learn about everything from Ancient Egypt to Toilet Paper. Get yours before your next call.

Is your car a boring single colour? PageCar drives for you so you can use your time while travelling to draw on the inbuilt tablet which updates the outside design of the car as you are moving along. Your car is a drab antique in comparison, get PageCar today!

Do you find yourself out and about unable to find the time to get that extra exercise into your routine? Then you need FitTape it attaches you to any lamppost or bus shelter and immediately makes you a) much fitter and b) a little less likely to make the bus on time so you have to run all the way to work making you even fitter. Get yours today.

When was the last time you were making a note in your notebook when you suddenly spilled something and you had to ruin the notebook to clean up the mess? Probably yesterday or this morning, but that doesn't happen to me because I have NoteMop.

Do you ever get board of reading everything on screen? Not anymore because with PrintRead you can print out what you are reading and read it on paper! It’s the future!

When it is raining do you get wet, when instead you could hide in a bin? Of course you don't because hiding in a normal bin would be silly, but with DryBin you can stay dry and use it as a bin at the same time!

When you are travelling do you find yourself with too many different documents? Why not get the MapPort which is a combination Map and Passport, that immediately reduces your number of documents by one (if you are still using paper maps).

Do you have water flowing through pipes in your house? What would you do if one of those pipes suddenly sprung a leak? The FlowHammer not only immediately detects the leak, but allows you to just hit the pipe with the FlowHammer and it is fixed. The question really is why you don’t have one.

Is your nose hair too long and needs plucking? Do you potentially have Asthma? Then get the WeezyTweezers for all your nose based breathing issues (as long as they are either too much nose hair or Asthma).

When you go on holiday do you find it difficult to locate your luggage on the carousel? Do you wish your luggage tag could contain all of your photos? Then get TagVault and you’ll have at least a 10% better holiday than everyone else!

Wakey Wakey… Are you sleepy and tired? Then you need BrewLather for the ultimate inside and outside coffee experience!

Have you never had your holiday destination set by a glass that determines your ideal holiday based on your beverage selection and your DNA? Then you haven't lived. Get StayGlass before that next holiday decision.

Do you need two tiny micro vibration dishwashers attached to your sunglasses when picnicing? If you said no then you are lying and so I don't mind not selling you DishShades. For everyone else order them now!

Do you have trouble with people not understanding your long rambling stories? Imagine if they were accompanied by incomprehensible diagrams and were recorded for posterity. Everyone needs that right? Get EchoBoard today!

When you prepare for bed do you suddenly panic worrying that you aren't keeping up with the latest trends? Of course you do! Get TrendBed today and be informed and snoozy.

Are you seriously telling me you don't need a combination electric saw and backpack? Of course you do, and you know it. Order your SawPack ASAP!

Do you have endless lists, and no way of organising them? Of course you do! You need to get SmartFolder today!

Do you sometimes need to hear things from far away (when there aren't loud noises)? Then you need Enhearencers! Very useful and with only a significant chance of deafening you.

Does your ruler do an adequate job of measuring distance but totally fail to keep you up to date on the latest happenings around the globe? Of course it does, because you don't have NewsRule!

If you need to keep a drill close at hand, there's no better way than the DrillButton! A drill right there on your wrist!

Measuring distance maybe get a ruler, measuring temperature maybe get a thermometer, measuring both? Get the ThermoMeasurer today!

If your gardening gloves are mucky and you desperately need to cut your hedge then I can tell you don't have a ShearWash! Get one!

Are you still manually applying jams, butter or even peanut butter to your toast? Of course you are, that's because you don't have the Sproster! Get yours today!

Ever find yourself needing to make adjustments to cloth and needing to make essential elecrical repairs at the same time? Of course you do, and you flounder, but I don't because I have FixiScissors!

What do you do if you need to charge up items while your PowerJacket is in the wash? Well obviously you use WashCharge!

Do you have problems remembering to feed your gerbil? Or do you have a problem because you don't even have a gerbil? Then get a Ferbil (and possibly a gerbil) today!

Do you get bored waiting for food to cook? Of course you do! The HeatReflect can cook a whole chicken in 5 seconds... get yours today!

Do you have problems deciding what to wear everyday? Then you need ClothesDecider!

Are you waisting time not having video conference calls when ironing? I'm not because I'm using IronMeet!

What do you do if you are travelling and you need to fix a button back onto a shirt? Well I use my integrated watch and sewing kit - ThreadTime and you should too!

Are you still wasting time by putting on socks and shoes separately? Why when you could get Shocks today!