Underneath the Sunbeams

This week, we're celebrating our selves, and with support from two of the most influential writers in my life these days. Hi! I think I’m sometimes guilty of taking myself for granted. Do you know what I mean? When you’re with this being that you’re so used to 24/7, it can be easy to overlook the things that might be seen as valuable to others. My attempt, with this week’s episode is to see what things about myself I overlook, and much more than that—maybe a form of celebrating being alive, by acknowledging these things?  I even invite you to create a list, as I write mine, of your best/favorite atributes. BUT, not without the support of writing from (the) Jenny Slate and her amazing memoir “Little Weirds,” which is in so many ways a celebration of her aliveness, including the complexities of human existence. She hardly leaves anything out. Lain across the table (or the pages) are her quarks, joys, insecurities, deep reflections, explorations of her own loneliness, and other things that, honey, you’d have to read for yourself to feel the vastness of. Plus, there’s no way I could acknowledge the self without help from “Master of Me” by Keke Palmer.We might just relate on some of these things. 

What can be found within the depths of stillness, and why doesn't it seem like an accessible pursuit (sometimes)? Join me as I recollect the reimbursements stillness has given me at the least expected times. Do you find it easy, difficult, or somewhere in between, to snatch moments of stillness for yourself? How do you recollect the pieces that make you who and what you are, as maybe a working class person, a performing artist, a friend, or all of the above? This episode of Underneath the Sunbeams is named after "Still," a piano song by Ann Sweeten. 

This episode of Underneath the Sunbeams is an exploration and honoring of vulnerability. Have you ever heard the song 'Heartstrings' by Leighton Meester? A Fall season's classic. As I listened to the pop beat this time in my life, I felt something deeply resonant in the lyrics of the song. It made me think of what it really means to tie ones own heartstrings. This week, I comb through the meaning in being a deep feeler, and what it means to evolve and do life after having experiences that might make a person want to close themself off from any potential harm--plus what beauty might be missed in the process. So much of Underneath the Sunbeams is about what special things can happen when we remain open, and so, how do we in a world filled with reasons not to? From my heart, to yours, let’s see. 

Let’s clear the air with a loved film. This week, I’m joined by two people I adore, music industry professionals/artists Shadiyah Jai and Morgan Moxie as we return to the world of Disney and This musical adventure through Barcelona does not fail to ignite the inner flame and spark a smile on our faces, and I’m sure you can relate. It’s a reminder that representation is vital, and that the impossible is definitely possible. With destiny at play, how strong is the power of friendship? Can The Cheetah Girls withstand new tests thrown their way? As always, my loves, this is NOT a spoiler free experience. So, if you need a refresher, or you haven’t seen this film, go immerse yourself into it before you sit down with us.

Children's book creators have a way of reshaping, and reframing our worlds with the best of intentions, and I have found that my love for children's books has not died, at all. If anything, it has grown. This week, I'd love to share with you five of my favorite children's books, what they each mean to me, and what they each provide me with/how these stories and images help reshape and restore my perspective. As an adult, these stories have a way of reminding me of what is possible, and that persistence is sometimes less about grit and more about softness.From stories about playing dress-up, a river adventure, community gardening, and lost space ships, I hope that by listening to me describe the cadences of these books you can feel some of what I feel while taking in these bright symbolic adventures.Library: Julián Is a Mermaid by Jessica LoveThere Must Be More Than That by Shinsuke YoshitakeRiver by Elisha CooperSomething, Someday by Amanda Gorman & Christian RobinsonThe Way Back Home by Oliver JeffersBonus:It's So Quiet by Sherri Dusky Rinker & Tony Fucile 

What are side effects and symptoms of Codependency? This Week on UTSB, we're combing through my history with Codependency (to a point) as I identify, openly, some of its roots, with the help of memory and scenarios that have served as lessons learned. If you're someone who is in process of redeveloping your own voice and may be trying to prevent yourself from getting lost in dynamics and people pleasing habits, sit in with me as I take this walk. These findings, for me, can apply to familial relationships, romantic, even environment and institutionally. 

Music, nature, fashion, reading, dancing, and adventure are all vital pieces of my identity. How do you connect with yourself apart from your assumed relationship to the world based off of your appearance? I've been needing to return to this place, and funny enough, I recently found a 'Self care Recipe Card' I'd once written three years ago, and felt led into an inner experience that speaks higher volume than who I appear to be on the outside.With references from "Yucky Blucky Fruitcake" (both the song by Docheii, and the book by Barbara Park), "Little Weirds" by Jenny Slate, "The Book of Delights" by Ross Gay, and notes from Stevie Wonder, this week is a dive into the parts of our identities that do not have much to do with race, sexuality, or class, but simple personal interests that help us make up our lives as we go. 

This week’s episode of UTSB is an entryway into Spring, its complexities, and how it invites change. While appreciating the vibrant blooms, we’re also looking at the turmoil that had to take place in order for Spring to arrive—this equates to change within the body, life changes, and how change impacts personality and identity. Walk, sit back, grab a snack. There’s poetry, old memories of Spring, hopes, and even a steer off into faith (and what it means to develop one’s own healthy God concept) that somehow tied into this week’s episode. This stemmed from recently watching the well-known film 'Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret,' starring Racheal McAdams. 

NOTE: This episode of UTSB was filmed three months ago and serves as a chance to reconcile with times in life where things do not go as you imagine, but as it should. At the time, I was reading "Gather Together in My Name" by Maya Angelou, and felt so connected to her relationship to her dreams, and how the happenings in her life had brought her discouragement. I was in awe of the way she described this chunk of her life, and let it be the driving force of this episode. Following, I read an old interview of Josephine Baker recalling her time touring and was inspired by the way she described an intrusive rainstorm as a bath!Anyone with the gift of dreaming and vision understands how it feels when things transpire in ways out of your control, and this week is all about how Maya Angelou's story inspired me to keep on through discouragement. This process is still in motion today, and the episode speaks for my today in many ways. If you have something that you see for yourself, some positive things that feel on the brink, yet so far away, and your reality doesn't reflect it yet, please take a moment to listen to this. It could be a positive experience for you. 

This week's episode is a "cross-over" with my web series, A little for the World, which is a series of virtual conversations between myself and fellow bipoc artists. This week, I got to speak to Shadiyah Jai, a music pedagogy, vocal coach, singer-songwriter, and vocalist of Letters from the Basement, a band based in Georgia that exceeds the containers of genres. This hour of moments touches my heart in such a profound way, and is very inspiring to me. I hope you enjoy!

How does age, roles, and diflecting prevent us from connecting to our older relatives on a deeper level? Recently, I re-watched "Seventeen Again" starring Tia Mowry and Tamera Mowry-Housley, and I was surprised to have such a sentimental reaction to specific scenes. Having not seen the film in years, I remembered it as fun and simply a Disney classic. However, as a more experienced person, watching it now, it was able to reach me in a deeply emotional place, and I really wanted to share the themes I detected in it. Such as: Generational healing, redemption, destiny, and getting the chance to "go back" for something that was always meant to be. It's as timeless as it is set in a time, specifically the early 2000s, and the theme of generational healing plus the element of jazz was a chef's kiss to my heart. Let's get into it. (This is NOT Spoiler free). 

This week, I've had the pleasure to sit down with my friend, Jessica Hariprasad (She/her), an incredible visual artist, teacher, reader, and lover of the arts, to discuss our times spent with a really special book. Sit with us as we dive into our experiences reading "Into The light" by Mark Oshiro (This is NOT a spoiler free experience!), and reflect on the central theme of queerness and identity throughout this beautifully told story, and what it means to the both of us as individuals. Mark Oshiro (they/them) is an award winning Atlanta based author who's creations include a span of heart-touching books like: "Anger is A Gift," "Each of Us A Desert," "The Sun and the Star: A Nico Di Angelo Adventure," and more.

This week, I'm exploring/recalling my times spent with five special books that have served as "lanterns" in my life so far this year; Feelings by Manjit Thapp, Speak by Tunde Oyeneyin, Finding Me by Viola Davis, I Did a New Thing by Tabitha Brown, & You Matter-a poetry book by Instagram writer Dhiman. These books have held me and encouraged me to stretch from feelings, and toward being my bridge. As I revisit what these reads mean to me, I recall the synchronicities, revelations, and nuggets I experienced during each time. They've supported me during a huge period of inner exploration. Maybe one of these books can do the same for you along your journey! <3 

Fictional stories! Since childhood, I have had a special close relationship with reading and fiction stories. Within the last three years, I have collected an amazing amount of books written by authors who have touched my heart with their stories indefinitely. In so many of these stories, I find my own. In this poetic fictional journey, I invite you to join me for a creative writing session, where we choose one prompt from ten of my favorite fiction stories and use these fragments to construct our own short fantastic moments (or recollect memories of our own). This episode includes stories from amazing authors such as: Vivek Shraya, playwright Sanaz Toosi, André Aciman, Tiffany D. Jackson, Dean Atta, and many more. 

What do we do when the world feels like a heavy weight, larger than life, and intrusive? Where do we go to hear our thoughts? Where do we go to quiet them? If you are in a season of your life that feels hard, lonely, or you can feel change tugging at your chest by an invisible string, so is Darrell (all of these things). There is an album titled  "Love Walks Through Rain" by pianist Ann Sweeten and it sounds like it is about resilience. You are love, even as you may be walking through rain. Let's talk about this, and hear some tender, affirming poetry to brighten our paths.

Have you ever felt like you've been put in a box, put yourself in boxes to be understood, or find yourself constantly trying to dismantle other people's ideas of you? If so, sit down with Darrell as he expresses his journey, so far, in not only stepping out of the box, but doing the work to STAY OUT of the box. After all, this is a podcast about identity. Let's also get into the archival of queer identities in black families, and other environments, and what recovering from feeling othered may be like. 

Underneath the Sunbeams returns for its second Season!! Slow down and feel the cleansing breeze on your skin. Better does not always mean more. Moving too quickly may hurt you more than the silence that you despise; quicker than the familiar you have seemingly grown out of. There is no way to win, truly, when you cannot recognize the simplicities of the minuscule things surrounding you as miracles.

Since the beginning of quarantine, Darrell's been writing, enveloping, and sending letters to himself in the mail. It did feel weird, and perhaps the mail man was confused, but it’s done a great deal for him and his inner artist child screaming to be heard. Sit in with him as the two of you reread letters sent and examine what this cathartic process is like, and what senses of freedom, safety, and protection it grants.

In 2003, a cultural phenomenon had been introduced to the Disney world, inspiring kids everywhere to let our their inner performer (or rather inner Cheetah), and Darrell happened to be one of them. Join Darrell, Shadiyah, and Morgan on this cheetahlicious journey as they recall ways in which this Disney Channel original movie impacted each of their lives, reuniting with Galleria, Chanel, Aqua, and Dorinda, almost twenty years later. If you are a cheetah girls fan, who finds themself still impacted by this important piece of pop culture today, this one's for you. May the free creative child in you live on forever! 

Open up the box with Darrell, as he reads to you a decade's worth of an evolution of his deepest writing, beginning with an essay written at eleven years old, and ending with a poem from just three nights ago about the sound of music traveling through an apartment full of relatives. 

What’s the mental & spiritual cost of giving too much of ourselves to work environments? This week, Darrell, Shadiyah Jai, and Morgan Moxie are discussing their experiences as young black creative people going into work environments before knowing what they know now about self-honoring, as they share their stories with each other, and ways to honor themselves now to favor their creative powers & mental healths over the benefits of others.https://www.darrellspearman.art/https://www.instagram.com/shadi_jai/https://www.instagram.com/morgan.moxie/

The pace is picking up again, but please don't forget about you. Let's take a reflective moment to release.

Who could I be if I stepped out of my own way? What lives on the other side of the door that I've avoided my entire life, assuming that I couldn't possibly be good enough, just waiting for me to say yes? This week is all about Identity and self-perception, and ways that perfectionism and negative self-beliefs blind us from our own senses of potency and possibility that lives beyond our closed doors. Join Darrell for a tea party in a field of flowers as you both journey a bit more to your creative hearts, acknowledging ways in which you can both move forward to those creative dreams that are rightfully yours.

Each of us has a 'jar of hope,' a list of personal items, and/or creative pieces of work that grant us senses of safety. Transitioning into adulthood can often be a confusing, frightening, and weird experience for many of us, and in some of the darkest points in our lives, we are lucky enough to have found some fabulous gems that impact us and will be with us forever. What are some of yours? Sit in, or walk with Darrell as he expresses his connections to three things from his 'jar of hope': Moonlight, a film by Tarell Alvin McCraney, The Little Prince(ss), a film by Moxie Peng, and his all time favorite, British girl group Little Mix.

Hey, take a breather. Your dreams are going to come true. Are there any fears behind your constant need to produce, work, be super productive, or neglect proper rest? What even is rest for each of us as individuals, and why does it save us from becoming self-destructive? Are we self-destructively equating our self-worth to our to-do lists, and how do we find a healthy balance between pushing ourselves to accomplish what we dream of, and still being delicate with our creative inner children who are easily impressed, yet easily bored and tired out?

Have you ever felt like you could only be half of yourself in certain environments, or a modified version of yourself (to the benefit of others) in order to feel safe? It is pride month, and Darrell has a lot to express. What changes are we willing to make in our lives so that we don't have to stuff ourselves deep inside ourselves, suffering in silence for anyone? It is no longer a secret that sometimes we can feel seriously wrong for our identities, and together, let's decide not to. What are the stakes, and why does this world need us? The LGBTQIA+ community is a very beautiful, vast, creative union that lengths from one side of the world to another, and deserve to be honored. In what small, or big, ways are we honoring ourselves? Sit in with your favorite snack as Darrell poetically expresses what his experience has been like, so far, protecting himself in environments that normalize homophobia within the black community, and how crucial it is to find better environments for ourselves (barbershops, creative spaces, friendships, etc.)

What does it mean to give yourself permission in life to follow your dreams? What happens when you do? This week on a very mellow, calming episode of Underneath The Sunbeams, Darrell expresses the changes he’s been able to recognize in his life since granting himself permission to express himself creatively, and how much of himself he’s gotten to meet since then, so far. What is it like like to fear being too ambitious, or to be afraid that you will make a fool of yourself for advocating for yourself as an artist; that you’ll only fall short in the end? Sit in on this episode to explore these subconscious beliefs and how limiting they can be to human nature, and what things could [surprisingly] be like for us learning new ways to view ourslves. 

Returning to New York City, from London, just a week ago, Darrell has come to ponder this specific question: How does your subjected environment affect you, and how different are you when you branch out into the world and find other home bases for yourself in this vast, plentiful world? This week, Darrell expresses the impact environment has on his well-being, and what it really means to be in a place often, when you're a growing individual who needs the room and space to evolve, and the dishonoring of self that comes with spending too much time around people who are choosing not to grow, or evolve in good ways. This week, he also shares stories of moments in his life when adult strangers, during childhood, have provoked his thinking, giving him permission to think and dream bigger when there wasn't much of that around, and how crucial that is for the growth of a young black person. 

In this beginning, I invite you to sit with me, or take me with you throughout your day through your busy city life, or your quiet afternoon of thoughts, and listen to ourselves some more. I introduce myself to you, my creative practice, and ask us both what we want. Who am I when no one is around to see. Who are you? What do you want? What can only you see? Who are you, where are you, and what are you doing in your most wildest, creative dreams?