Untangling Life

We're back and we're talking about reinvention of self. The urge to become someone new. The haircut after the breakup. The identity shed after the big life event. The promise of a cleaner, more disciplined, more together version of yourself that's always just one decision away.In this episode we get honest about our own reinventions and where they've helped, where they've hurt, and where they've actually been unhealthy attempts to escape something we should have processed instead. Andy shares the moment at 16 when he quit football despite all the pressure to keep playing, and how that unlocked a curiosity that shaped his whole career. Hattie talks about the haircut after her mum died, the fringe after last year's breakup, and her complicated relationship with reinvention as a recovering people-pleaser.We land on a distinction that's changed how we both think about this: the difference between reinvention and evolution. Reinvention asks you to be a different person. Evolution lets you keep being you, just more of yourself. One tends to hurt. The other tends to last.Plus we talk about reinvention as a team sport, the multiplier effect of stacking different careers, how to hold your history without letting it cap your future, and why the people who've known you longest are often your biggest cheerleaders and your hardest mirror.In this episode:Reinvention to escape vs reinvention to growAndy on quitting football at 16 and finding his way from "footy to the FT"The hair-cut-after-a-breakup phenomenon and what's really going on underneathWhy identity often gets tangled up in job titles and statusEvolution as a kinder alternative to reinventionCareer reinvention and the "multiplier effect" of stacking experiencesHow family and long-term friends both ground you and risk holding you to your old selfJournaling prompts:When you feel at the edge of a reinvention, pause and ask:Am I trying to escape something I should actually process?What do I want to let go of here (what do I need to unlearn)?What do I want to take forward into the next stage (what do I need to learn)?At my core, who am I, and what are the parts of me that stay the same regardless?Bonus prompt: ask one or two people who know you well - what have you seen in me that you think I could step into even more?

What stays valuable when AI can do so much? In this episode we untangle the skills we believe won't be replaced by AI, and how to actually use AI in a way that sharpens your thinking rather than rotting your brain.We get into why live experiences are becoming more valuable as AI grows, the widening gap between people who use AI well and those who don't, and why critical thinking is the single most important skill to protect. We talk about what's being lost when entry-level and middle-management jobs disappear, why "walk slower to run faster" applies to AI, and the timeless human skills that machines genuinely can't replicate: vulnerable storytelling, designing for feeling, mutual learning, problem-solving, and making work fun.Plus practical prompts you can use today, including how to build a personal budget with AI, how to approach job applications, and our rule that AI-assisted work is only as good as the pre-work you did before you opened ChatGPT.In this episode:Why live events and human experiences are becoming premium in an AI worldThe capability gap between "humans with AI" and "humans without AI"Critical thinking as the #1 skill to protect (and how to train it)Why AI is being used as an excuse to cut middle management (and the medium-term problem this creates)How companies are gutting entry-level roles and what it means for career progressionTimeless skills AI can't replicate: designing for feeling, problem-solving, mutual learning, vulnerable storytelling, making things funThe ingredients of a good prompt, with a worked example (building a personal budget)How to use AI for job applications without losing your voiceWhy "pre-work is the work" when using AI wellJournaling prompts:For the next two days, notice tasks that drain you. Which one could AI actually help with in a way that would reduce your anxiety or save your time?Before using AI on any real task, find two ways to solve the same problem without AI first. Compare, contrast, then prompt.Books and references mentioned:Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel KahnemanGamestorming by Dave Gray, Sunni Brown, James MacanufoAri Emanuel on live events vs AISubscribe to the newsletter for the full journaling prompts, resources and reflections from each episode: https://substack.com/@untanglinglifepod

When did rest become something you have to earn?In this episode, we're talking about the one thing most of us are genuinely not doing well: resting. Not stopping. Not collapsing. Actually restoring. We get into the guilt that sits underneath most people's relationship with rest, the ADHD boom-bust cycle that keeps so many of us in a permanent pattern of sprint and crash, and what it actually looks like to build recovery into your life before you need a holiday to survive it.We also ask the uncomfortable question about AI: now that technology can do more of the work, are we actually resting with the time we save — or just quietly raising the bar for what enough looks like?This episode covers:The difference between stopping and resting — and why most of what we call rest doesn't actually restore usRest guilt in all its forms: the feeling that you haven't earned it, that you should be doing more, or that even sitting still isn't good enoughThe ADHD boom-bust pattern — running until you can't, then stopping entirely — and what small release valves look like insteadYutori: the Japanese concept of living with spaciousness, and why it's almost impossible to build into a TuesdayAndy's emotional audit — a four-quadrant framework for figuring out whether you're performing, burning out, disengaging, or actually recovering (and why you can't skip straight back to the first one)The AI efficiency question: if technology saves you four hours, what will you actually do with them?Rest doesn't have to be still. It just has to work. This episode will help you figure out what that actually looks like for you.Listen now and grab your journal 🧶We share journalling prompts after every episode — sign up to get them straight to your inbox: substack.com/@untanglinglifepod

What if the goals you're working towards aren't actually yours?In this episode, we dig into borrowed goals: the ambitions we absorb from the people around us - parents, teachers, religion, culture, social media - without ever really stopping to ask whether we actually want them. Marriage. University. The promotion. The venture-backed startup. Some of these feel so deeply ingrained it's almost impossible to know where they came from in the first place.We get into why so many borrowed goals are unconscious (and why that's not always a bad thing), plus the idea of 'gifted goals' - the ones that people who believe in us hand over intentionally, opening doors we didn't know we could walk through.This episode covers:The difference between borrowed goals and gifted goals — and why it mattersHow to spot a goal that isn't really yours (wheel-spinning, hollow wins, and that nagging feeling of tug-of-war)The invisibility test: if no one could ever know you'd achieved it, would you still want it?Why we borrow timelines as well as goals — and the pressure to hit milestones when everyone around you is hitting theirsHow to customise a goal so it actually fits your life, not someone else's version of itYour goals deserve to be yours. This episode will help you figure out which ones actually are.Listen now and grab your journal 🧶We share journalling prompts after every episode — sign up to get them straight to your inbox: substack.com/@untanglinglifepod

What if the secret to learning better isn't about absorbing more - it's about staying curious in the first place?In this episode, we dig into continuous learning: what it really means, why most of us arrive in the workplace at about 40% of our true selves, and how we can reconnect with the childlike wonder we all started with.They get into why curiosity gets socialised out of us long before we even enter the workforce — and how the generational gap at work means younger people's curiosity is often treated as an inconvenience rather than an asset. They also explore the difference between directional curiosity (learning with a goal) and expansive curiosity (exploring just because), and why you need both.This episode covers:Why even the most experienced learners can accidentally shut down someone else's learningThe shift from mentoring to mutual mentoring - and why the senior person gains just as much as the juniorHow to figure out how you actually learn best (and why personality tests are useful tools, not life sentences)Why starting badly at something is part of the deal — and why quitting isn't always failureA simple journaling exercise to track both types of curiosity in your own lifeContinuous learning isn't an act. It's a mindset. And this episode will help you build it.Listen now and grab your journal 🧶

Bonus episodes weren't in our series plan - but this one couldn't wait.While recording the latest episodes, we heard about the viral essay by Matt Schumer that's been doing the rounds. His argument? We're in the "this seems overblown" phase of something much bigger than most people realise - and the job displacement is coming faster than anyone is prepared for.So we hit record and reacted to it in real time.In this mini bonus episode we get into:- The pace of AI development and why it's different this time- Who gets left behind and why that matters- The bias baked into these models and why it's a bigger deal than people realise- Practical advice for what to do if you're worried - including if you can't afford the paid tools yetNo clean answers. Just an honest conversation about how to move forward when you don't know what you're moving into.🔗 Read Matt Schumer's original essay: https://x.com/mattshumer_/status/2021256989876109403

Boundaries. The topic everyone’s talking about… and very few of us are actually implementing.In this episode of Untangling Life, we explore what boundaries really mean - at work, at home, and with ourselves - and why we often wait until we’re at breaking point before setting them.From family dynamics (“it’s always me”) to back-to-back meeting culture, from people-pleasing to entrepreneurial overwhelm, we unpack the hidden opportunity cost behind every yes - and what your time is quietly being traded for.You’ll hear:Why we tend to set boundaries in explosions rather than early signalsThe difference between work-life balance, integration and separationHow opportunity cost can reframe your decision-makingAndy’s “2 and 5” rule for protecting family timeThe red / blue / black framework for auditing how you spend your timeWhy strategy time (and thinking time) needs protectingHow managers can model boundary-setting for their teamsAnd how to experiment with boundaries without blowing up your relationshipsWe also get honest about the boundaries we struggle to keep with ourselves - the deep work we avoid, the uncomfortable tasks we procrastinate, and the internal narratives that get in the way.If you’ve ever snapped after saying yes too many times, felt resentful about your workload, or struggled to protect your own time… this one’s for you.As always, we close with practical journaling prompts to help you experiment with boundaries in your own life.

What do you do when life changes… but nothing new has landed yet?In this episodem we’re talking about transitions - the in-between periods where the old version of your life has ended, and the next one hasn’t fully arrived.Whether you’re between jobs, navigating a breakup, grieving a loss, moving house, changing how you work, or simply feeling unsettled without knowing why, this conversation is for you.We explore:what a transition actually is (and why it feels so uncomfortable)why being “in between” can feel like purgatoryhow identity, grief, and self-worth show up during changewhy you don’t need to understand a transition to accept ithow to reclaim agency when a change wasn’t your choicethe idea of the neutral zone — and why you can’t fast-forward through itthe role of community, honesty, and support during uncertain seasonshow play, curiosity, and rest can help you move through transition more gentlyThis episode isn’t about fixing your life or rushing to the next chapter.It’s about learning how to be where you are, without attacking yourself for finding it hard.As always, we share practical journaling prompts you can use whether you’re:currently in a transitionavoiding oneor feeling stable but wanting to prepare for future changeIf you’ve ever felt lost in the middle of something ending and something beginning - you’re not alone.

Money is rarely just about money.In this episode of Untangling Life, we explore the messy, emotional, deeply human relationship we all have with finances - from financial freedom and anxiety, to ambition, guilt, generosity, and the question we rarely stop to ask: what is actually enough?We unpack how money shapes our decisions, our stress levels, our careers, and our sense of self. We reflect on our own money stories - childhood, class, scholarships, saving, investing, avoidance, hustle, fear - and how those early experiences still quietly influence the choices we make today.This isn’t an episode about becoming rich, passive income hacks, or five-step plans to “fix” your finances. It’s about understanding the meaning we attach to money, how scarcity and security show up differently for different people, and how financial freedom is often less about luxury and more about choice.We also explore:• how money mindsets are formed (and how they can quietly hold us back)• short-term survival vs long-term security• why “more” isn’t always the answer• financial avoidance, nervous system safety, and control• what it really means to design a life - not just an incomeIf money feels heavy, confusing, or emotionally loaded for you, this episode is an invitation to untangle it with curiosity, compassion, and honesty.

How much of your life is being shaped by the spaces you’re in… and the people you’re around?In this episode of Untangling Life, we get into the real impact of environment and community - from messy rooms and what's in your backpack (yes, we went there) to the bigger stuff: how where you grow up can shape your beliefs about what’s possible.Andy shares the moments that expanded his world beyond Tottenham - including the stories his dad brought home as a minicab driver, a work experience placement that shifted his view of wealth and belonging, travelling that widened his sense of connection, and the mentor who changed the trajectory of his career.Hattie unpacks why physical space matters more than we realise (especially when life feels tangled), how small “environment tweaks” can make a huge mental difference, and why your village isn’t just something you’re lucky enough to have - it’s something you can build (and be).You’ll leave with a few practical prompts to try this week:How to “play” with your environment so you can work and think betterHow to map your current village - and start building one if you don’t feel like you have it yetBetter questions to ask when you meet new people (because “so what do you do?” is… not it)

In this episode, we’re talking about limiting beliefs - the stories we tell ourselves that quietly (and sometimes loudly) stop us from taking action.We took it to the streets and asked people to describe limiting beliefs in the real world and from there, we break down what limiting beliefs actually look like in practice - including the difference between “I’m not good at this yet” and “I’ll never be good at this,” and how that connects to fixed vs growth mindset. We also talk about where these beliefs come from: other people’s fears, throwaway comments that stick for decades (especially from teachers), and how representation plays into it - because sometimes what gets labelled as “imposter syndrome” is really about being in a space where no one looks like you or shares your background.We share the tools we use when a limiting belief is running the show: grounding ourselves in what’s true, separating stories vs knowns, asking what the worst-case scenario actually is, and finding ways to turn “trying” into play so it doesn’t feel like a high-stakes performance.To close, we leave you with a journaling prompt: write down the things you’d love to do (in and outside work), notice the limiting beliefs that instantly show up, and then look back at what you haven’t done - and ask yourself why. And as always, we’d love you to share what came up for you (and what’s helped you move through it) via the newsletter and on socials.

Welcome to the start of our journey! In this first episode, Hattie Willis and Andy Ayim MBE introduce the show and share why we finally decided to hit record on our deep and messy conversations. We introduce the core idea of Design vs. Drift: the subtle difference between building the life you want versus simply defaulting to the one you accidentally inherited. It's a cosy invitation into the central theme: You can choose your path, even if you trip over a few knots on the way.Want to dive deeper? Checkout our newsletter for journalling prompts and resources with each episode https://substack.com/@untanglinglifepod