What's Your Damage?

In this episode, AJ & AJ dive into the many forms cheating can take—both physical and emotional—and how blurry those lines can get.“J” shares a wild story from her teenage years: her high school boyfriend disappears at scout camp (before “ghosting” was even a term), only for her to later chase closure—literally—by driving 110 mph through mountain roads to win him back after his rebound fizzled. She reflects on how music from Erasure still brings her back to those intense young-love memories.“A” opens up about a past relationship from her New Orleans days, where emotional cheating showed up in quieter but just as painful ways—like withholding key truths, blurred boundaries, and discovering too late that someone staying in their shared space had a deeper history than she was led to believe. She reflects on how, during that time, she looked to the relationships around her—and even on TV—for clarity, becoming especially drawn to Monica and Chandler from Friends as her ideal of what a healthy, supportive partnership could look like. It wasn’t until after she ended that relationship that she fully recognized what she actually wanted—and eventually found it with her “producer.”Together, they unpack what honesty, betrayal, and trust really look like—and how cheating isn’t always as obvious as it seems.

AJ and AJ talk about fame, recognition, and the deeply held childhood belief that being discovered is just a matter of singing loudly enough near shrubbery. As “A” confidently states, “There is no one happier than a child star,” before unpacking her full-blown obsession with All That—aka her weekly pilgrimage into the fantasy that she was Amanda Bynes.Then “J” shares her own grassroots PR strategy: hiding in a bush clubhouse and belting songs in the hopes that a Star Search producer would simply…wander by and discover her raw, leafy talent. Spoiler: no one came, but the commitment to the fantasy was undeniable.Now, as fully formed adults, they reflect on the rude awakening that most famous people are…not thriving. Turns out fame does not fix your problems—it just gives your problems a publicist. A also shares what it was like actually working on set with famous people and realizing they’re basically the same as everyone else—just with more money. AJ and AJ unpack the slow realization that being seen is not the same as being happy.

It’s like no time has passed for the audience—but AJ & AJ are back after “A” gave birth, and they’re returning in EPIC fashion… just like the movie they’re diving into: Titanic.“J” shares the unexpected moment of her theatrical sexual awakening courtesy of James Cameron (aka “Jimmy Cam Cam”), and—spoiler—it’s not the scene you’d think.Meanwhile, “A” recounts watching the film at a sleepover with a friend whose happily divorced parents had her wishing her own parents would just get divorced already. She also confesses her lifelong devotion to Bad Boy Billy Zane… and that iconic eyeliner.

AJ and AJ bring in their husbands this week—because nothing says “strong relationship” like letting your partner publicly assign you fictional character energy. The mission? Decide which movie and TV characters they’re most like… and the answers are a little too spot-on."J" kicks things off with Happiest Season, where her husband compares her to Jane—the sister who takes care of everyone else, keeps the peace, and somehow ends up being the emotional support system for the entire family. Just like “J”Meanwhile, “A” gets hit with a combo that truly covers all bases: Sam—the free-spirited, effortlessly cool Emma Watson character from The Perks of Being a Wallflower—meets Jenny from Forrest Gump. So, we’re talking magnetic, open-hearted, a little wild and unpredictable… with just enough “main character making questionable choices” energy to keep things interesting. Honestly, a full character arc in one person.Expect loving call-outs, a little identity spiraling, and the realization that the people closest to you have absolutely been studying you this whole time.

AJ and AJ dive into some spicier territory this week. As “A” nears the end of her pregnancy, she opens up about her evolving feelings around intimacy, desire, and what’s been sparking her interest lately—including the complicated pull of watching sexy content online. She reflects on the tension between personal enjoyment and concerns about how that content is made.“J”, coming from a recovering Mormon background, shares her own limited experiences with erotic media—highlighting Blue Is the Warmest Color as a formative (and complicated) example of something both artistic and deeply sensual, despite its own controversies.It’s an honest, funny, and thoughtful conversation about desire, ethics, and how our past shapes what turns us on.

AJ and AJ start off hot with a very serious debate: what is the best soda? (This is important journalism.) From there, they pivot into baby shower planning for Baby A—because nothing says “welcome to the world” like a root beer taste test.But in honor of Baby A, the gals take a turn into… daddy issues. Buckle up.“J” shares about losing a close friend and how, in an effort to cope, she and her husband put on Field of Dreams for a low-key movie night. Unfortunately (or maybe fatefully), what was supposed to be a comforting distraction turned into an emotional ambush—because surprise! it’s a movie about dads. After a deeply unexpected, almost spiritual-feeling moment, she found herself crying it out the next day—grieving her friend, reflecting on her dad, and sending a very heartfelt (and slightly tear-stained) Happy Father’s Day text.“A” dives into her own experience growing up with a dad who perfected the art of emotional stonewalling. She connects the dots between that and her life as a performer—because what is comedy if not a lifelong audition for love and validation? She opens up about the hurt of her parents not showing up for her shows, and how that’s shaping her promise to her own child: “I will be your biggest fan, even if you’re objectively bad at something.”She also reflects on an emotional moment watching The Masked Singer, where a performer receives maternal support and it moved her to tears—highlighting everything she hopes to give her own child. "A" also shares a formative high school experience of discovering her father’s infidelity, the emotional weight of carrying that secret, and the moment it all came to a head when she had to tell her mom.This episode has everything: soda takes, baby prep, grief, generational healing, and two comedians processing trauma in the only way they know how—by talking about it on a podcast and making it just funny enough to survive.

“A” kicks off the episode 16 with a second-trimester update and how she’s prepping for baby life—Little A is destined to be a bookworm, whether they like it or not.Then we rewind and get into breakups… the messy, formative, occasionally unhinged kind.“A” shares the story of her ex-boyfriend—an addict she met under chaotic circumstances (he literally couldn’t find his car). What followed was a whirlwind relationship that ended in absolute flames… including a dramatic almost-takeoff on a plane where he very much was not in the seat next to her.Leaning into her belief in signs from the universe, “A” channeled that breakup energy into self-discovery—finding witchcraft, writing her own (very unofficial) thesis on it, and ultimately focusing on herself… which is exactly what led her to the right partner.“J” brings us into her time at Brigham Young University, where the unofficial curriculum felt less about education and more about finding a husband and becoming the “perfect” Mormon wife.And through all the heartbreak, there was one universal coping mechanism: rewatching the volleyball scene from Top Gun. Because somehow, despite being one of the sweatiest, most intense beach scenes ever filmed… they’re out there playing in jeans. And belts. Fully committed to the game and questionable wardrobe choices—and honestly, that level of confidence became its own kind of therapy.

AJ and AJ compare the wildly different ways they were raised.“J” talks about growing up extremely sheltered—so sheltered that when she had to choose a song for a rally in high school, she picked one without realizing what the phrase “midnight toker” meant. Her innocent mistake unexpectedly gave her a kind of credibility at school she’d never had before.“A”, on the other hand, had the opposite experience. Raised by hippie parents who believed in never shielding their child from the truth, she was exposed to things far earlier than most kids—including watching A Clockwork Orange at just five years old. She shares how overwhelming that experience was, and how she escaped into Roald Dahl books to cope with the fear it left behind.Two AJs, two completely different childhood philosophies—one episode about how those early experiences shaped who they became.

In this episode, AJ and AJ dive into the magical, chaotic world of high school theater—the place where many self-proclaimed theater nerds first found their people."A" kicks things off by sharing how performing in Bye Bye Birdie helped her discover two important things: her love for acting and the kind of friendships that stick around long after the final curtain call (and yes, she’s still close with one of those friends today)."J" reminisces about her time in Mother Hicks, where cast bonding, backstage chaos, and extremely memorable inside jokes were the norm—including a running joke about a friend’s crush that somehow refuses to die to this day.Together, they reflect on how trying something new—like theater—can lead to discovering passions, confidence, and a whole community of wonderfully weird people. Their advice to listeners? Go try that random class, club, or hobby you’ve been curious about. Worst case scenario: you get a funny story. Best case: you find your people.

This week, AJ and AJ get honest about advocating for your own needs in relationships. “J” unpacks how hard it has been to ask for help — even from her husband of 18 years. From lying sick on the floor but still struggling to say “I need you,” she recognizes the codependent habit of keeping score: doing good deeds in the quiet hope that someone will notice and reciprocate without being asked."J" connected deeply with the main character in Love, Theoretically — someone who twists herself into whatever shape the person in front of her wants. J shares how she recognized that pattern in herself, how she’s been breaking it, and what it looks like now to speak up in the moment instead of silently keeping tabs.“A“ talks about how her ex’s addictions chipped away at her confidence until she felt completely hideous and unwanted. But one drive, one album (AM), and one song (“Arabella”) flipped the switch. She had a break through. She was not that old! She was hot! She was not the problem. And it was time to get busy.

AJ and AJ talk about growing up in families where cutting the tension wasn’t optional — it was survival. They unpack what it meant to walk on eggshells in their families of origin and the roles they learned to play to keep the peace.“A” shares how she became the family tension diffuser, quoting The Simpsons at just the right moment to break the pressure in the room — unknowingly sharpening her talent for voices and impressions in the process.“J“ reflects on the last time her entire family was together, when a Christmas fondue party spiraled into an all-out brawl. While chaos unfolded downstairs — in a completely non-alcoholic Mormon holiday gathering that ultimately ended with the police being called — she distracted the kids upstairs with The Little Mermaid, using storytelling as a shield against the shouting and physical fight happening below.

In this week’s episode of What’s Your Damage?, AJ and AJ dive into their very different sexual awakening moments — and let’s just say, the vibes were not the same.“J“ spills about her lifelong devotion to Christian Bale (yes, even factoring in the infamous on-set rant) and how her love story really began with the Newsies. Something about scrappy newsboys in suspenders and fireman-adjacent outfits? Formative. She breaks down her very wholesome, theater-kid-coded awakening — complete with elaborate fantasies about various newsboys.Meanwhile, “A”s awakening was… significantly less subtle. She recounts watching the wildly explicit Cruel Intentions and having absolutely no buffer between innocence and full-blown sexual tension. Where “J” had musical numbers and yearning glances, “A” had spit filled make outs, dramatic virginity plot lines, and the undeniable power of Sarah Michelle Gellar in peak ’90s villain mode.Two awakenings. One podcast. Endless damage.

In episode 10 of What’s Your Damage?, AJ and AJ talk about the deep desire to escape into a different family. Growing up in traumatic family systems shaped how both of them turned to art—TV, books, and stories—as a way to survive the painful reality of their home lives. “A” is 13 weeks pregnant at this point and reflects on her childhood, where the TV was always on. As a kid, she escaped into Full House, fantasizing about Danny Tanner as her father—someone safe and kind, who wouldn’t call her the C word just for wanting to watch Friends.“J”, meanwhile, time-travels all the way back to 1868, fantasizing about being a member of the March family. (Let’s be honest—she was absolutely a Jo, the ultimate feminist icon.) The March family was shockingly progressive for 1868—which somehow made them feel more evolved than J’s strict Mormon household in the 1980s. She longed for the kind of sisterhood the March girls shared, something she wished she could have had with any of her sisters—though it hurt most that her closest sister was also her abuser.

AJ and AJ kick off Episode 9 with the choice of a generation: Edward Cullen or Jacob Black? From there, they dive headfirst into the teenage experience — from Levi Lovin’, (dry humping), going to parties, and the longing to be seen and find love and possibly made over!“J” talks about Can’t Hardly Wait and how, thanks to a strict Mormon upbringing (and the whole “appearance of evil” thing), she was never going to parties or drinking in high school. Instead, she lived vicariously through the characters on screen — experiencing the chaos, romance, and freedom secondhand. And ultimately became the life of the party!“A“ shares she was not the cool girl in high school, (she was in the recycling club). She longed for a love that saw her deeply past her nerdy exterior. So she escaped into She’s All That, where a simple makeover turned a geek from invisible to suddenly being stared at by a guy with a jawline that could cut glass. If only that was her experience. 

In Episode 8, AJ and AJ dive deep into what it means to break the cycle of abuse, especially when the harm comes from the people who are supposed to love you most—sisters, friends, and family."A" shares the story of a friendship with a narcissist, beginning with intense love bombing and quickly evolving into something darker: becoming a supporting character in someone else’s carefully crafted social media persona. A finds herself literally and emotionally positioned as the “camera person,” helping build someone else’s image while quietly losing herself in the process. As she unpacks what happened, she realizes the relationship was echoing a familiar dynamic—chasing validation and mirroring patterns from her relationship with her mother. Ultimately, "A" chooses herself: she stands up, draws a boundary, and removes this person from her life—set to the soundtrack of “Walking on a Dream” by Empire of the Sun."J" opens up about growing up with an abusive sister, and how she survived by escaping into Little House on the Prairie—watching herself onscreen through Laura Ingalls Wilder, while her sister became Nellie Oleson in her mind: cruel, entitled, and relentless. Even when her sister offered half-hearted apologies, the bullying continued. "J" shares how she eventually learned to stand up for herself, refuse the cycle, and step away from the role she was forced into—breaking the cycle of abuse for good.

AJ and AJ get real about their first periods — including the awkward, traumatizing and even serendipitous moments that came with them.“J” shares how a trip to a waterpark turned into actual trauma when she was forced to wear a tampon way too early — locked in a bathroom with her mom and sisters, all of them screaming at her to just put it in — turning what should’ve been a fun day into total panic and humiliation. She talks about how "Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret" helped her feel seen for the first time, like she wasn’t the only one going through it.“A” shares her own “this is fate” first period story: she got hers the day she went to an *NSYNC concert, and to her it felt amazing — like she was finally a woman, and therefore officially ready to get pregnant by JC from *NSYNC. Then, in a full-circle twist, she talks about how 14 years later she actually met her childhood crush… and he turned out to be a total jerk, completely destroying the fantasy in the most disappointing way possible.

In this episode of What’s Your Damage, AJ and AJ confront the horrifying realization that sometimes… we are a little bit like our abusers. They dig into how art has a deeply rude habit of holding up a mirror, reminding us that everyone is capable of doing bad things—and that one bad moment doesn’t get to be the whole book. It’s a chapter. A messy one. But still just a chapter."J” recounts losing her cool after her Disneyland flight was canceled and she yelled at a customer service representative who absolutely did not deserve the spice "J" was serving up.   What started as a travel issue quickly turned into an uncomfortable mirror of her father’s explosive anger—clarifying, humbling, and deeply inconvenient. That realization followed her later while watching Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, when she noticed to her horror that she was  identifying with the Empire."A” opens up about discovering her codependency after reading Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and immediately realizing the book was, unfortunately, about her. She talks about a major fight with her producer, quitting drinking shortly after, and how that decision quietly but completely changed her life.This episode is about accountability without self-destruction, laughing at your worst moments, and remembering that a bad day—or even a bad call to customer service—is just a page in the book, not the whole story.

This week on What’s Your Damage, AJ and AJ attempt to Marie Kondo their emotional baggage, unpack the chaos of messiness, and then hurtle straight back to 2020. The team opens up about how they coped with COVID, isolation, and deeply questionable living situations.“A” (who is definitely Anne Hathaway… probably) shares the true horror of being bubbled with her producer’s roommate and his girlfriend. Starved for community, “A” discovers Survivor and becomes obsessed, dreaming about being on the show not for the challenges, but for the social game—alliances, conversations, and any form of human connection.Meanwhile, “J” discovers RuPaul’s Drag Race and reflects on how the show—and the world—has changed since its early seasons. From finding community to celebrating individuality, every queen brings something unique, reminding us all: it’s okay to be exactly who you are. Even if you are a secret CIA spy. Reality TV, radical self-love, and one timeless truth: if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?

AJ and AJ kick off episode 4 by debating which "Friends" characters they relate to, then dive headfirst into the messy, meaningful theme of belonging. "A" opens up about feeling disconnected in college before finding real sisterhood in her sorority—bonding over Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights and The Butterfly Effect. "J" reflects on growing up without a close bond with her sister and the comfort she found in the iconic Babysitters Club series.

In this episode, AJ and AJ take on the theme of obedience—who demands it, who survives it, and what it costs. "A" opens up about the abuse she endured as a child and a devastating Christmas Eve fight with her sibling that brought her to the edge, and how a single monologue line ultimately saved her life. "J" reflects on growing up with the foundations of Mormonism in her home, her father’s rage, and learning that obedience was necessary for both survival and getting into heaven. She also shares how My Favorite Murder—and the mantra “fuck politeness”—helped unravel her lifelong obedience patterns. 

AJ and AJ dive into the influence of ’90s queen, Alanis Morissette and how her music helped shape who they became. "J" talks about growing up without fitting the female stereotype her mother wished for—and how Jagged Little Pill empowered her to show up as herself, from dressing in thrifted men’s clothes to embracing her own identity. "A" shares a stress-inducing dream about Alanis that sent her into a panic about her sexuality, and how that fear eventually turned into self-acceptance and embracing her pansexuality.

What’s love got to do with trauma? In our very first episode, AJ and AJ dig into the theme of love—romantic, religious, and deeply confusing. "J" shares the story of her first marriage straight out of BYU: a supposed eternal bond that fell apart while living above a truck stop in the middle of nowhere, and how binging Ally McBeal helped her believe in love again. "A" revisits her high school years, unpacking an unrequited crush that peaked with an unexpected tongue during a school play—from a boy who, it turned out, didn’t actually like her—and how she escaped into A Walk to Remember.