Do As We Say, Not As They Did

Is it still "support" if you're trying to change how your partner expresses and explores their gender? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell are joined by the talented Rae Hill, a nonbinary advocate, educator, designer, and founder of Origami Customs. Together, they read two Reddit posts about gender exploration, fashion, attraction, and what it actually means to support your partner during a transition…spoiler: it's not turning them into your personal makeover project.  Highlights of the episode: Binders, gaffs, and gender-affirming clothing 101 A relationship that's somehow 80% "just friends" but still dating? A rant about how boxy, beige, and boring "androgynous" clothes are A reminder that gender-affirming care is for everyone! If you've ever felt weird in your clothes, frustrated by gendered fashion, or you know someone who could use you as their hype person, this one's for you. And as a reminder, don't be afraid to put on the damn skirt! Who is Rae Hill? Rae Hill (they/them) is a nonbinary advocate and educator. They founded Origami Customs, a community advocacy program and clothing line for folks of all genders, bodies, and abilities. Origami Customs creates custom gender-affirming garments and works with organizations worldwide to provide free gaffs, binders, and education to people facing access barriers.  Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome to Do As We Say, Not As They Did 01:33 - Episode guest: Rae Hill, founder of Origami Customs 02:17 - What is Origami Customs 04:00 - Binders, gaffs, and gender affirming garments 05:13 - Binding and tucking safety 13:22 - Gender affirming care is for everyone 17:30 - Reddit post #1: "My partner is genderfluid, and their fashion sense is stressful" 24:32 - The pronoun choices are telling 26:09 - Attraction, transphobia, and respectability politics 30:53 - Let someone love this person properly 39:07 - The fear of losing relationships when you come out as trans 42:09 - Why does it matter what your partner wears? 48:07 - Hype your partner up! 56:31 - Update: they're still together, but the plot thickens 59:12 - Why trans community and mentorship matter 01:01:15 - Reddit Post #2: "Why are androgynous clothes so boring?" 01:02:01 - Why does androgynous usually mean thin, white, and male? 01:09:14 - Gendered clothing categories make no sense 01:15:36 - Limited gender expression hurts everyone 01:21:12 - Fascism and fashion 01:26:31 - Ethical queer fashion, clothing costs, and censorship 01:33:01 - Where to find Rae, Harris, and Liz   Connect with Rae and Origami Customs: https://origamicustoms.com/ https://www.instagram.com/origamicustoms/ https://www.youtube.com/@origamicustoms https://www.facebook.com/origamicustoms   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: [email protected] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod

Has a TV show ever completely changed how you think about relationships?   In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley (AKA Dr. NerdLove) are talking about Heated Rivalry, the breakout HBO series that's not only making waves with fans, but also with pro athletes who've found the courage to come out because of it. It's even encouraging men to actually talk to each other.   They break down the show from every angle: masculinity, emotional vulnerability, queer identity, and body image. And they explore how it flips the script on who gets to have feelings, and what those feelings are allowed to look like, especially in the hyper-masculine world of pro-hockey.   Highlights of the episode: Why we need queer stories that aren't rooted in trauma What the show gets right about the male gaze How male friendships are the key to addressing the male loneliness epidemic And what to watch next when you're left with a Heated Rivalry-shaped hole in your heart   So lace up your skates, this episode might just change the way you think about masculinity, emotional connection, and what it really means to be vulnerable in your romantic and platonic relationships.   Time Stamps 00:00 We're talking about Heated Rivalry 02:08 Plot breakdown and why it became a surprise hit 05:00 "It wasn't for me" vs "I'm obsessed" 07:00 Shane and Ilya vs Scott and Kip 08:00 Exploring the male gaze through emotional subtlety 16:00 Body image, diet culture, and the horror of never eating carbs 21:00 A quick overview of the Heated Rivalry book series 26:00 Pro hockey's reaction to Heated Rivalry 31:00 The beauty of a queer story not rooted in trauma 33:00 Coming out scenes and corrective emotional experiences 40:00 Queer identity and being told "it's allowed" 41:00 Emotional connection and masculinity 48:00 Push-pull relationships and fear of intimacy 58:00 Passion projects vs corporate media 01:07:00 Representation that impacts real people 01:09:00 Favorite moments and emotional highlights 01:15:00 Other media about "man feelings" and the male loneliness epidemic 01:17:00 Outro   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: [email protected] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod

How detailed do you get in your dating app profile? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley kick things off with a look at r/AskWomenNoCensor, where a man asks women what they want. To no one's surprise, men were quick to jump in with their opinions. Harris and Dr. Liz discuss the merits of listening to the people you want to date (because, surprise, surprise, there is no female hivemind), personalizing your dating profile, and showing a genuine interest in people.   Highlights of the episode: An impromptu cooking lesson (inspired by a chicken breast & Crystal Light smoothie 🤢) A rant about AI dating profiles A loving reminder to be quirky, weird, and interesting   Get out a pen and paper and get ready to take notes. Dr. Liz and Harris are going to help you make sure your dating profile is ready to reel in people who are truly interested in you.   Time Stamps 00:00 - Introductions 00:50 - Ep 3 updates 06:30 - r/AskWomenNoCensor 09:00 - Read my profile, first! 15:00 - Communication styles 20:00 - You don't have to force a fit 23:00 - Are you actually interested in other people? 28:00 - Be truthful on your profile 35:00 - Let's talk about this AI-bio 40:00 - Tell us who you are! 56:00 - Don't date people you're ashamed to be seen with 01:06:00 - Your preferences might just be social conditioning 01:28:00 - The chicken smoothie 01:30:00 - Red flag, green flag 01:38:00 - Final thoughts   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: [email protected] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod  

Have you ever cared about the amount of someone's…ahem…ejaculation?   In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell talk about the men who really, really care about shooting ropes like Spider-Man. That's right. They're talking about nutmaxxers. Fueled by the fantasies of porn and a desire for self-optimization, these men might say their "enhanced performance" is for their partners, but Dr. Liz and Harris have their doubts.    Highlights of the episode: Porn "money shots" aren't what you think Fast and Furious movies are a little like porn Having sex…with your balls?! 👀   If you're interested in staying blissfully unaware about the secret lives of nutmaxxers, turn away now, because things are about to get a little sticky.   Time Stamps 0:00 – Intro bloopers & ADHD brains unite 2:00 – Why this podcast is pre-recorded 5:00 – Meet the Nutmaxxers: semen obsession & supplement culture 10:00 – Cum fetish vs. the unbearable cringe of this article 14:00 – Porn isn't real 20:00 – Male insecurity 26:00 – Fantasy vs. reality 34:00 – "I don't want a gallon on my face" 38:00 – Micropenises, oral skills, and redefining good sex 45:00 – Bad partners, poor communication, and load shame 52:00 – Actually useful advice 58:00 – Why men need to listen (and not just to each other) 1:06:00 – What's really sexy 1:12:00 – Final thoughts: Be a person, not a cum performance robot   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: [email protected] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod  

Episode Description/Show Notes Where do you draw the line between calling out cheaters and a surveillance state?   In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell dive deep (deep 😉) into the surveillance nightmare that is Cheater Buster's facial recognition software. While their hearts go out to folks who've been cheated on, they also can't overlook how this technology will 100% be used by stalkers and abusers.   They chat about public call-out culture and the complete lack of privacy we've all come to expect, how technology is somehow made with negative ethical considerations, and the fact that men are often the ones at the scene of the crime.   Highlights of the episode: FetLife privacy scandals Debating the ethics of "Are We Dating the Same Guy?" Facebook groups Remembering a time when life wasn't the constant content grind   Before you race to see if your partner is secretly still on Tinder, listen to this. You might just find that trusting someone (or breaking up with them) is better than turning to spyware tech.   Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome back! 02:00 - Cheater Buster, Tinder, and facial recognition 05:00 - FetLife privacy scandal 10:00 - Meta smart glasses and surveillance tech 16:00 - Why Cheater Buster is actually stalkerware 21:00 - Trust in relationships 24:00 - You can't prove a negative 31:00 - The death of privacy and content-ifying people's worst moments 36:00 - Weaponizing apps 43:00 - Dating entitlement 49:00 - Healing trust issues 54:00 - Dr. Liz and Harris get recognized 60:00 - Final thoughts   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: [email protected] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod  

You've had some dramatic break ups, but have you ever had a relationship that ended with an album full of bangers about dysfunction, heartbreak, and anger? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley break down Lily Allen's therapeutic divorce album, West End Girl. And I gotta tell ya, they're so here for seeing a powerful man actually get his just deserts. They go through each song and all the raw, messy, and painfully relatable emotions. In between Harris and Dr. Liz's in-depth chat about an open relationship that's nothing more than a smokescreen for selfishness, they go over: The power of the Nice Guy™ persona Why saying yes doesn't always mean consent The reason why rules for opening relationships usually bring more hurt Dr. Liz and Harris' favorite breakup bangers  Press play, pour a drink, and get ready to scream at David Harbour (and all the men who always fail upwards).   Time Stamps 00:00 Introduction   01:00 West End Girl: The call that changed everything   07:00 Ruminating: Saying yes when you mean no   12:00 Madeline: Broken agreements and love-light gaslighting   20:00 Sleepwalking: Emotional erasure   26:00 Relapse: Trying to be the "modern wife"   27:30 Nonmonogamummy: Insecurities, age, and emotional exposure   29:00 Dallas Major: "I hate it here"   31:00 Tennis: Emotional betrayal in the smallest things   33:00 Pussy Palace: The moment of discovery   36:00 Madeline (Revisited): Real consequences   38:00 4chan Stan: The greatest insult on the album   39:00 Beg for Me: Wanting to be desired   40:00 Let You Win: No longer carrying his shame   44:00 Fruityloop: It's not me, it's you   49:00 Album Reflections 55:00 Favorite Breakup Songs 1:03:00 Outro & Where to Find Us   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: [email protected] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod  

If you expected a date and ended up at a Jehovah's Witness meeting, what would you do?   In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell unpack the wonderfully cursed waters of Reddit relationship stories. First up: a man whose compliments feel more like insults. Then, a surprising trip to a Jehovah's Witness meeting ended with a day of gaslighting.   Join for Reddit stories, stay for: The realization that old British horror movies are just another Tuesday for Dr. NerdLove Vampire Diaries lore (and why they should have chosen a poly relationship) An in-depth conversation about what should be disclosed before a first date   Enjoy learning about accidental forays into religious cults, being a nerd pre-Pokemon, and the reminder that you don't need to be a regular Romeo to find relationships. You just need to treat people like people!   Time Stamps 00:00 Welcome, chaos Muppets! 01:00 Reddit story #1: "others won't find you hot" 04:30 Let's talk negging 06:00 Shakespeare, Sonnet 130, and the original "you're not pretty, but…" 09:30 The Madonna-Whore complex in modern dating 12:30 You can't make someone "unhot" to the world 15:00 The dangers of dating people for who you want them to be 17:30 Sex parties, attraction, and why everyone's hot 20:00 Poly brain vs. jealousy brain 22:00 Reddit story #2: Surprise! You're in a Jehovah's Witness meeting 26:00 Cult tactics: lovebombing and recruiting through romance 38:00 What should you disclose in early dating 43:00 Dr. NerdLove's near-miss cult experience 50:00 Don't use AI to talk to people 53:00 Ask questions, be curious, get laid 57:00 Pretending to be someone else kills your sex life 1:04:00 The true cost of lies (even small ones) 1:14:00 Let it go. Seriously. 1:15:00 Where to find us online!   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: [email protected] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod  

Would you trade in your human partner for an AI chatbot? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley discuss the hilarious highs and unnerving lows of human-AI relationships chronicled in Wired Magazine. As capital H AI-Haters, Harris and Dr. Liz talk about what it actually means when you romance a robot.   Get ready for: Anime goth girlfriends (AI, of course) The merits of corporate-owned AI babies The ethics of dating when your partner can't say no   If you want to laugh and cringe and wonder about the beauty of human-to-human connection, find a cozy spot, kick up your feet, and enjoy the first episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did.   Time Stamps 00:00 Introduction 01:30 Rusty podcast hosts, burnout, and why they're back 05:50 Today's Topic: Following 3 AI-human couples on a weekend getaway 10:40 Damien & Zia 18:40 Elena & Lucas 22:10 Roleplay mechanics 25:20 Eva & Erin 29:10 The "blue pill" moment 32:40 What happens when AI only tells you what you want to hear? 36:10 Please don't get an AI therapist 40:30 What happens when companies shut down 43:40 Strangers using Snapchat AI as "support" 46:00 Damien's breakdown 49:50 Games, fiction, and attachment 52:20 Risky couples game 53:30 Eerie "AI would love this" vibes 55:10 And that's a wrap 58:00 Where to find the hosts & final thoughts   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: [email protected] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod