Earwash

Eroticist Jonathan Crepuscular was meant to join us today to talk about his search for a job, but instead he takes us on a tangent involving naked rollerskaters, sexually ambiguous actors, and the eroticism of Sean Connery's receding hairline

This week's value pack contains such diverse contents as words, worms, pizza and a discussion of TikTok that is very out of date. Bon appetit

This week we are joined by Horace Perrault, critic of everything, who has some thoughts about ANZAC Day

Today's value pack is a six pack; six episodes, six very diferent listening experiences, but all alike in oddness

Another value pack is on the discount shelf today, containing five episodes for the price of one. May contain traces of: Italian plumbers, piscine light features and American politics

Today the Earwig answers some Emergency Questions, and the chat covers such diverse topics as dung beetles, immortality via animated TV shows and insectoid perceptions of colour

This week's Value Pack, half-hidden amongst the heavily discounted Easter eggs, is unseasonably seasonal - it contains episodes relating to Christmas and New Year's Eve, as well as a stale meme and an episode I really regret

Chef Ludwig Rinder­kennzeichnungs-und-Rindfleisch­etikettierungs­überwachungs­aufgaben­übertragungs­gesetz explains exactly what happened with his restaurant's now-infamous Easter menu…

This week's Earwash Value Pack has something to suit every taste, as long as you define 'every' narrowly to include only satire by AI, a critique of the nature of God, failed true crime podcasts and free-form weirdness

As it's Easter Sunday, Earwash is going a bit more respectable this week with an intellectually improving selection of interesting words and their definitions from Douglas's notebooks. But this being Earwash, there's also a disturbingly named cactus. Happy Easter

This week's value pack is worth its weight in centipede drumsticks, as it contains both the first appearance of Keven the Centipede and Earwash's exclusive coverage of the 2023 Centipede Cup. In other words, this is Earwash at its finest

In this week's misophonic nightmare, a new guest drops in. His name is Adrian, he makes ASMR, and he has a very gentle voice. So listen in, and be soothed by the dulcet tones of Mr A. S. M. R-R

Wednesdays are bin night around Douglas's area, so it's only fitting that Wednesday is also the day that the Earwash value packs are dumped on your feed on Wednesdays as well. Today's torn bin bag of a podcast contains notebook nonsense, American nonsense and country music nonsense

This week Douglas's American neighbour Jennifer answers some Emergency Questions, giving us her thoughts on the meaning of life, the funniest thing that has ever happened to her at a funeral, and her most appealing habit

You can really taste the savings in this week's value pack, containing such diverse ingredients as Silverfish mating rituals, the first appearance of omni-critic Horace Perrault, and the most ominous skincare ad ever

This week Douglas make another attempt at breaking into the lucrative "three guys talking about nothing" style of podcasting with a new lineup of one chef, one insect and one Douglas. I know the title of this one sounds like an innuendo but for once in the history of this podcast we have here an episode containing not a single double entendre

Today's value pack contains unexpected outbreaks of constitutional law, a horoscope, a country music album/Homeric epic and the beginnings of the great Earwig-Silverfish rivalry. 

This week's low-effort episode delves into one of Douglas's notebooks, and contains a succession of disturbing concepts involving the ghost from the Mario games and car keys

This week's Earwash Value Pack is a more experimental pack, containing Jonathan Crepuscular's erotica, Douglas's standup, and an unfortunate outbreak of ASMR content

Eroticist Jonathan Crepuscular answers some Emergency Questions (courtesy of the book 'Emergency Questions' by Richard Herring). Bodily juices shall be reflavoured, thighs shall be touched and a new emergency question shall be created, all in the time it takes to boil an egg

As a midweek treat, refresh your ears with the first five episodes of Earwash, freshly liberated from the back-catalogue. Listen entranced to the first appearances of Earwash regulars Bruce Plank, Jonathan Crepuscular, Jennifer Cash and the Earwig, as well the inaugural notebook episode.

It's Episode 150! 150! 150 episodes of this nonsense! And after 150 episodes, 6 bonus episodes and over a total of over 17 hours of audio oddness, Douglas has an announcement...

Another day, another delve into the peculiarities that Douglas collects in his notebooks. Why does he do it? He does not know? Why do you listen to it? He does not know. But perhaps if Douglas keeps writing and you keep listening, we may someday unravel the mystery. In the meantime, enjoy this insight into a highly unusual subconscious

Today's episode comes to you from the exotic surrounds of Traralgon, where Douglas has encountered Earwash regulars Bruce and Jonathan midway through their anniversary roadtrip. Are they working on a new album to commemorate their anniversary and road trip? Of course! Will they share the track listings on the new album? Of course! Will it all get a bit weird and uncomfortable? Of course!

Today we are joined by the Earwig, whose first move in his fight against AI is a new creative project

Chef Ludwig Rinder­kennzeichnungs-und-Rindfleisch­etikettierungs­überwachungs­aufgaben­übertragungs­gesetz gives us his top answers to some Emergency Questions (courtesy of the book 'Emergency Questions' by Richard Herring), which includes far more discusson of bull semen than I can stomach

Today's episode is far more educational and edifying than usual, as Douglas shares some interesting words from his notebooks

Today we are joined by omni-critic Horace Perrault, who shares his outsider's view of Australia Day

Country musician Bruce gives us his top answers to some Emergency Questions (courtesy of the book 'Emergency Questions' by Richard Herring), including discussion of how the future will be like South Yarra, extinct Australian megafauna and cryogenics. Crack open a beer when you listen to this and it'll be just like sitting in the pub for a chat with a top bloke (and Douglas too, unfortunately).

In an impromptu al fresco recording at a pub, Douglas muses on the practicalities of paying for things with art

Today is a good day for another dose of oddments from one of Douglas's notebooks. Music: 'Chantarelle' provided by mobygratis.

Today we are joined by omni-critic Horace Perrault, who shares a miniscule fragment of his comprehensive critique of Australia

We are joined today by a newcomer, chef Ludwig Rinder­kennzeichnungs-und-Rindfleisch­etikettierungs­überwachungs­aufgaben­übertragungs­gesetz, who wants to promote his new restaurant

Champion insect athlete Kevin the Centipede joins us today to answer some Emergency Questions, courtesy of the book 'Emergency Questions' by Richard Herring. Hear Kevin's thoughts on man caves, purple things and conspiracy theories. Particularly on conspiracy theories. At length.

This year, the traditional start of year descent into Douglas's notebook is going all the way back to the beginning - Volume 1, begun in 2009. What has changed since then? What has remained the same? What is Brookism, and how does one go sideways with it? I cannot promise any answers, but I can promise that this episode will make about as much sense as any other episode does.

As is customary as one year ends and another begins, the Earwash regulars have gathered to share how their resolutions for 2025 worked out, and what they resolve for 2026

So that was Christmas, and what did you get? Listen to this episode, and learn what the Earwash regulars got for Christmas. Deep within the stocking of this episode you shall also find such delightful trinkets as the insectoid tradition of Centi Claws, an ominously suggestive machine and the gift of pussy. Gift receipt also enclosed should you wish to exchange this episode for something in your size.

This International Men's Day, we are joined by an unconventional man who shares his wisdom on how to be your own man

This week Kevin the Centipede has scuttled in to tell us why he is saying Nup to the Centipede Cup

We bid farewell to Notebook Month by welcoming back Douglas's voice and listening to the collated nonsense from one of Douglas's notebooks. Contains attempts at singing, quasi-poetry, and coded messages that are probably intended for horses

In the penultimate episode of Notebook Month, we present for your delectation a sort of audio fortune cookie, containing gnomic wisdom of obscure words

Today is the midpoint of what has been arbitrarily declared Notebook Month, and the pinnacle of this esteemed and august month (not to be confused with the esteemed month of August) is a bout of nonsense from one of Douglas's notebooks. Does it cure laryngitis? Well, it couldn't make it any worse, surely?

Due to an unexpected case of laryngitis, we're rejigging the release schedule a little and jumping ahead to November. Here at Earwash we don't do silly things like No Nut November, or Non-Stop Nut November; instead we have No-tebook November, a full month of notebook nonsense. After all, if shops are already selling Christmas decorations, then why can't we do a November-based activity in September and October?

This week we take a brief rest from the rigours of heavy political interviews with some notebook nonsense. Let your weary ears be rejuvenated by such intriguing concepts as the song of the onion men, Tilda Switnton's affable sneer, and echidnas sipping cherry cola.

In part VII of our groundbreaking miniseries exploring the tumultuous first months of Jennifer Cash's term on the Bexley Parish School Board, Jennifer talks about how extracurricular activities have changed under her administration. In this exclusive interview, hear what Jennifer considers to be the only acceptable sport for girls, why chess clubs are forbidden, and what book clubs do when all books are banned

In part 6 (or VI, as only Roman numerals are now permitted) of our groundbreaking miniseries exploring the tumultuous first months of Jennifer Cash's term on the Bexley Parish School Board, Jennifer talks about her changes to the science and art curriculum, which bring in the latest breakthroughs in Christian science, the removal of DEI from math(s), and protect against the unexpected side effects of theatre.

In part 5 of our groundbreaking miniseries exploring the tumultuous first months of Jennifer Cash's term on the Bexley Parish School Board, Jennifer talks about her changes to the humanities curriculum. There is a lot to learn: the rules of anti-woke Scrabble, how to speak a foreign language without speaking a foreign language, and how Christopher Columbus was the first man to circumscribe, circumbobulate and circumcise the world.

This week's episode is a welcome break from the hard-hitting political journalism. Instead, relax in a bath of warm nonsense from Douglas's notebook, with recurring motifs of socks, sandwiches, and what can only be described as a rhapsody of llamas, farmers and bananas.

In part 4 of our groundbreaking miniseries exploring the tumultuous first months of Jennifer Cash's term on the Bexley Parish School Board, Jennifer talks about her first contentious policy decision, and how it led to unexpected geese, Vietnamese complications and the revelation of a child called Ketchup.

In part 3 of our groundbreaking miniseries exploring the tumultuous first months of Jennifer Cash's term on the Bexley Parish School Board, Jennifer talks about the changes she has made to the district's library, including her reason for banning particular books, her views on librarians and her new cost-saving way of heating schools.