English History Fact and Fiction » Podcast

Time for William 4 to shine and demonstrate the admiral qualities of a king. Or not.

George 4 (May he live forever) is sick again but this time it may be real. He’s on the booze, the drugs and lots of tucker so is doing himself no favours. And his pet giraffe will die. Sad.

Caroline has come back to England to be the darling of the people. For a bit.

How on earth have we become a mighty empire? Plus George will get his very own silly hat but will Caroline spoil the fun.

Well the whole family looks pretty dysfunctional so it is hardly surprising that we have unhappy children. Princess Charlotte just wants to have fun but Prinny is not about to let that happen. She is to obey him.

Team Wellesley will finish the job and India will become part of the British empire.

It will be Richard and Arthur working in India. All they want is everything, thanks.

George has a new name for his closest friends to use. Meanwhile, Napoleon has got himself into all sorts of bother by going into Russia. Lots of his brave boys will not be going home again.

Prince George is desperate to take over from his mad dad, but plenty of people would rather he didn’t. On and on it goes. Historical fiction this week will feature a cross dressing lesbian at the court of Ted 2 and that means some Piers Gaveston action.

George is getting there but he will have to be patient and so will we.

It is a long time coming but we are on the way.

Yes it is all still about George. Except the bit about Duke of York Fred’s missus Freddie and her shoes.

I think we have already worked out that this guy is a bit of a dick. Well it is, as usual worse so let us meet him properly. Here he is marrying Mrs Maria Fitherbert without permission.

Yes, the old boy is back on his medications or something or other. He is off with the fairies and oh dear, however will we cope.

Superstar Nelson will knock out the Frenchie navy and that will hurt Napoleon. He will though belt up the Russians and Germans at Austerlitz giving Ridley Scott happy visions of putting that in a movie.

Shall we kick off the new century with war? Why not.

You can alway rely on Bristol for a riot every few years.

In which the Indians lose India. But the British Government can see that the company has gone way too far and so will impeach Warren Hastings. Yes the only decent English guy to run the company is the one to cop it.

It’s not so much as Britain winning an empire as India losing one.

War can mess up all sorts of things including a vote for a new pope.

The Frenchies seem to have their act together and have turned into winners. What we need is a mighty hero. Oddly enough one will turn up but can he do over the Frenchie mighty hero?

More war. Seems to be never ending.

What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. But it’s what we do.

Time to meet Henry 9 (he thinks) – the very last Stuart who will end that line of incompetant kings.

Mobs can be funny old things. The Frenchie mob have decided that industrialised killing would be good entertainment while making France great again.

We all have to come to the end, my dear listener and that includes Elizabeth. But she will not be going quietly or sedately. It will be party to the end.

In which Elizabeth will face a trial of her peers on a charge of bigamy. Bigamy is very naughty for a girl.

For Elizabeth it will all go splendily well until it doesn’t. It then goes bigly badly.

A digression so we can meet Elizabeth who rocked England for a bit. Here she is as a pinup girl.

Yes they are plus George gets better. Charlotte will have her portrait done and here she is.

This year it will be the big guy.

Yes, our king is going a bit nuts. The silly hat might be silly but the silly wig can do your brain some harm.

The English have taken their eye off the ball and will pay a price for that. Here’s a painting of an English square that is about to cop it bigly.

Time to go to war for freedom and liberty and we aren’t too keen on the democracy bit just at the moment.

The English may now wish to try a bit of diplomacy but they have left it too late so it is going to be war. Just not like in the movies.

Continuing the story of the joys of being a colonialist.

So what’s it like in America? Maybe not that good.

In which we find out what the corporate response is to a natural disaster. If you guessed make more money then well spotted.

It is time for our British to effect a corporate take over – of a country. It will be a hostile take over.

She might be a bit dull and boring. Just what George wants.

Let the magnificence begin

George has some rather nice ideas. Just a shame that humans are not always nice. Here’s a picture of his mum and dad for you.

It’s a new king!

Yes, Robert Clive is certainly about to bring home the bacon big time. Then there won’t be much at all to slow down the British merchants from making big piles of cash.

Yes, that would be the one in Calcutta. Some English, led by a stupid Englishman will meet some Indians led by a stupid Indian. It won’t go well.

Yes, he wasn’t much of a role model as a family man. Bit awful really so bring on George 3. I hear he’s a bit of a mad bugger.

Bonnie Prince Wanker more like it.

Here’s Bonnie Prince Charlie to inspire us to overthrow the Germans and get the Stuarts back.

Time to check in with India and those pesky Stuarts.

Not one but two wars in fact. It’s enough to make a Jacobite rebel.