Erotic Reclamation

Theoretically, the idea of sex sounds great. You're into them, you’re not too tired, it sounds like a fun time. But at the exact same time, your body is tensing, stalling, freezing, clamming up.This yes/no mismatch is so common, but we almost never talk about it. Instead, we generally either push through and perform, or shut down entirely. But there's a third option: learning to be honest about where your body actually is at, while also being honest about what you mentally want.In this episode, we get into what happens when your mind and body are on different pages during sex. As two women who have struggled with orgasm specifically, we unpack how the pressure to achieve orgasm (or deliver orgasm to your partner) collides with a body that has its own history — of trauma, of shame, of disassociation — and might need something completely different in order to actually feel good. Not just to orgasm, but simply to be present, connected, and alive in the experience.We also get into:- Why telling yourself "I should be turned on right now" makes it harder to get there- What it means to have desire without attachment to outcome, and why that's not the same as not caring- How to learn what yes and no actually feel like in your body, outside of sexual situations- What happens when you stop treating arousal as a prerequisite for saying yes- How to start listening to your body's signals without making them mean something is wrong with you♥️You can also listen to this episode as a podcast! Find it by searching Erotic Reclamation on your fav podcast player.♥️Chapter Timestamps0:00 — What we're talking about today: when your mind and body are on different pages about sex1:51 — Why your body defaults to being tense, performative, unfeeling during sex14:00 — What changes when your goal shifts from "great sex" to "staying present"15:23 — Why telling yourself you should be turned on makes it harder to get there18:27 — The wild, delicious world of sex that opens up when you stop focusing on orgasm32:46 — You can actually be a fuck yes to sex without being aroused, and how to work that gap38:03 — 'I want sex' means a thousand things, and the more specific you get, the more you'll actually get what you want43:43 — How shame has infiltrated sex-positive spaces, making us feel like we need to learn better techniques rather than learn how to embrace our bodies46:40 — Why and how your body signals it might need things to slow down, even when your mind is fully game48:10 — How and why to learn what yes and no actually feel like in your body♥️Links:Upcoming programs: https://www.eroticreclamation.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/erotic.reclamation/Substack: https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/♥️Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on:- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com.With love,Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Welcome to the intentional, delicious, warm and fuzzy bridge between intimacy and the rest of your life. Aftercare isn’t just a BDSM thing, it’s a common answer to the question why we can end up feeling empty or dropped or vulnerable after sex… even when the sex was good.In this episode, we break down aftercare into pieces that make it digestible for any couple, and any person (because yes, there is solo aftercare!). We walk through different aftercare styles using the love languages as a framework, from physical touch and quality time to words, treats, and acts of service, and share personal stories of how aftercare has shown up in our own lives, sometimes in surprising ways.So stay tuned for a juicy, mushy, vulnerable convo about:* How to figure out what you need after intimacy* The difference between aftercare that creates connection and aftercare that avoids it* Why your aftercare love language might be different from your everyday one* How aftercare works in solo intimacy, casual dynamics, and long-distance relationships* Aftercare for Doms and tops, because it’s not just the receiving partner!♥️Erotic Reclamation is where we have honest conversations about sex, kink, relationships that bring you alive, and pleasure that heals.You can listen to our show on your favorite podcast player, on YouTube, or on Substack.And you can find our programs at EroticReclamation.com♥️Chapter Timestamps0:00 — What we’re talking about today: aftercare, aka a bridge back to real life2:43 — Why knowing there’s a soft landing makes it safer to be vulnerable and deeply connect12:12 — Debriefing as aftercare: replaying the highlight reel together17:25 — Physical touch as aftercare (and what to do if your partner isn’t into it)20:48 — Your aftercare love language might surprise you30:54 — What solo aftercare can look like, after intimacy with someone who isn’t your partner33:51 — Words as aftercare: praise, gratitude, and the debrief that doesn’t turn into a fight37:33 — Self aftercare: writing, prayer, and giving your post-intimacy energy somewhere to go39:53 — Treats and gifts as aftercare: snacks and tea!!43:52 — Acts of service as aftercare: washing, resetting, tending to each other48:24 — When aftercare becomes a way to control intimacy instead of deepen it52:34 — How aftercare can be integrated into a relationship53:32 — What are your tenderest parts asking for after you’ve been that open?58:18 — Aftercare doesn’t have to end when you leave, it can involve checking in days later♥️Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice.We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on:- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here.No experience necessary, but all experience welcome.Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com.With love,Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

This one is for the HSPs, empaths, energetic erotic blueprints, and anyone who feels things they don’t understand… In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on a form of intimacy that doesn’t require touch, nudity, or even proximity. We share how energy shows up in our bodies, our relationships, and our sex lives — from involuntary shivers to full-body ecstasy just because of how our partner is breathing in another room.Specifically, we get into:* What energetic sex actually is and how it shows up in the body* The difference between energetic merging and energetic exchange* Energetic sex as foreplay, as the main event, or anywhere in between* How to start exploring energetic sex — solo or with a partner* Energetic boundaries, integrity, consent, and sovereignty, because when energy is involved, things can be mushy…Whether you’re already energy-curious or deeply skeptical, this conversation offers a grounded, personal, and surprisingly practical look at what becomes possible when you stop limiting sex to what’s physical.**Erotic Reclamation is where we have honest conversations about sex, kink, relationships that bring you alive, and pleasure that heals.Subscribe so you don't miss an episode!**Chapter Timestamps0:00 — What we're talking about today: energetic sex3:48 — Why a stranger’s look can make your skin crawl, or light you up11:10 — A simple way to start feeling energy with your own hands13:48 — When all you can feel during sex is “good” or “bad”, and how to unlock more19:15 — What if you’re not wet or hard… does that mean you’re not turned on?24:34 — What energetic sex actually looks like (it can be so subtle, but so delicious!)26:48 — The shivers and shakes you’ve been holding back might be orgasmic30:27 — How breath alone can create sexual charge between two people32:46 — “I was actually having sex and nobody in the room knew it”: energetic boundaries38:23 — What changes when you practice energy with someone you’re in love with41:16 — If you feel drained by other people's energy, your boundaries might be wide open48:06 — For the skeptics: “My eyes were closed, but my body still rose where his hand hovered over me”51:37 — When your partner’s breath in another room becomes foreplay53:16 — Why deep intimacy doesn’t require losing yourself in your partner1:00:09 — What it feels like to reconnect with someone through energy after years apart1:02:25 — Where to start exploring this — solo, partnered, or skeptical***Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on:- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at eroticreclamation.com.With love,Kari & Nicholette***P.S. If you’re on YouTube, and would enjoy seeing our endless expressions as we talk about all these sexy, vulnerable, holy things, you can also watch this episode here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

What’s actually going on when your partner says “I don’t feel wanted” and you’re thinking “but I text you every day”? In this episode, we dig into the unspoken assumptions that quietly erode intimacy: the projections from past relationships, the vague desires we expect our partners to decode, and the stories we tell ourselves about what their “no” means about us.We walk through what it actually looks like to move from disconnection to communal revelation: slowing down, getting curious about what’s underneath a desire or a boundary, and co-creating something new (instead of defaulting to compromise, which, in the erotic realm, tends to kill the spark). Along the way, we get honest about our own patterns — from Kari’s defensive “here’s my list of receipts” to Nicholette’s vulnerability about being overstimulated by touch — and demonstrate in real time how curiosity can unlock a new, spicy version of relating that neither person saw coming.Whether you’re navigating a desire your partner doesn’t seem to share, struggling to articulate what you actually need, or wondering why you keep finding yourself saying (or thinking), “I already told you what I want”, this one is full of practical reframes for finding a deeper, more satisfying intimacy.***Erotic Reclamation is where we have honest conversations about sex, kink, relationships that bring you alive, and pleasure that heals.Consider liking, subscribing, and sharing this to help our message spread!***Chapter Timestamps1:23 — What we're talking about today: unspoken assumptions as the silent killer of intimacy2:19 — Reality TV as a mirror: what happens when you project your past onto a new partner4:06 — "I don't feel wanted": why vague desires leave your partner guessing6:37 — Getting resourced: calming your nervous system before having an honest conversation10:11 — Reframes that can return you to each other in moments of conflict and/or misunderstanding14:01 — The power of getting specific about what you actually want16:35 — Why compromise is not what we're going for in the erotic realm17:55 — The alternative: using curiosity to find the shared "why" underneath conflicting desires20:59 — Live demo: negotiating between two people with different desires for touch30:18 — The payoff: landing on a new, steamy dynamic neither person expected33:20— When your partner's boundary feels like rejection (but isn't about you)37:41 — Coercion disguised as curiosity: the sneaky question trap41:31 — You don't have to get it right the first time: starting messy and building trust43:03 — "I need more sex": unpacking what that sentence actually means50:48 — How to handle the emotions that can come up when your partner brings a new desire or boundary to you54:42 — How we can help: holding the bigger yes so you can be messy***If you’re on YouTube, and would enjoy seeing our endless expressions as we talk about all these sexy, vulnerable, holy things, you can also watch this episode here.***Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on:- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at eroticreclamation.com. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

You’re curled up in bed with your romantasy, your romance novel, your erotica. Your partner is next to you, but you hardly notice. The heat coming off the pages is taking all your attention. But what is it, exactly, that makes these novels so irresistible, and is any of it actually available to you in real life?Yes. ALL of it.In this episode, we break down the recurring elements that make romantasy and romance novels so addictive, while also making the case that they’re not just escapism. They’re the blueprint, showing us what we are craving, and the exact conditions to experience it.Specifically, we get into:* The slow burn: why knowing glances and deliberate restraint build more heat than anything explicit* Hearts of gold: what the “bad boy with a soft center” trope is actually doing to your nervous system* Power dynamics: how difference creates attraction, and how to find it again in a long-term relationship* Edging: what it is, why it works, and how to use it way beyond the bedroomAnd as a bonus, we unpack the Dominance that these books paint so exquisitely. Because while D/s dynamics may look like control on the surface, for many Doms it’s actually about freeing something in their subs, which the best romance novels understand intuitively.This episode is for the booktok girlies, the befuddled boyfriends, and anyone who wants fairytale romance to exist in real life.(Heads up: there are some internet glitches that cause brief cut-outs during this episode.)***Erotic Reclamation is where we have honest conversations about sex, kink, relationships that bring you alive, and pleasure that heals.Consider liking, subscribing, and sharing this to help our message spread!***Chapter Timestamps0:00 — Intro: romantasy as a cultural phenomenon and why we're talking about them1:56 — From grocery store covers to ACOTAR: a brief history of erotic literature and what it's opened up7:42 — Element 1: The slow burn — sparks, knowing glances, and why restraint builds more heat than anything explicit15:44 — Protagonists aren't waifs: why powerful women still get swept off their feet (and what that permission gives us)16:10 — Element 2: Hearts of gold — the bad boy with unexpected depth, and why complexity is the real turn-on20:50 — High stakes and choosing each other through challenge: how to bring this into a real relationship24:33 — Element 3: Power dynamics — difference, pedestaling, and the flame that ignites when someone doesn't speak to you from below31:28 — Rediscovering difference in long-term relationships — and why starting small works better than going dramatic37:25 — Element 4: Edging — what it is, why it works, and why it's especially powerful for people who can't get out of their heads44:10 — Creating space and tension on purpose: agreed-upon no-touch windows, countdown texts, and the knowing glance from across the room50:12 — It's okay to yearn: owning the desire without needing to fix it***If you’re on YouTube, and would enjoy seeing our endless expressions as we talk about all these sexy, vulnerable, holy things, you can also watch this episode here.***Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on:- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at eroticreclamation.com. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

What does good Dominance actually look like? In this episode we’re getting into the subtle skills: reading a body in real time, making split-second decisions when a scene doesn’t go as planned, and knowing how to press on someone’s tenderest spots without leaving them worse than you found them.Because while Dominance may look like control, for many Dom(me)s it is actually about freeing something in their subs. They’re helping their subs to release things like overthinking, caretaking, or the wound they’ve been quietly managing for years. So a good Dom(me) doesn’t just command. They create a container safe enough for the sub to find a level of pleasure and release they couldn’t have found on their own.We also get into:* What attunement actually means in a Dom/sub dynamic (hint: it’s not giving someone exactly what they expected)* How to alchemize wounds with precision — and why, done right, it can feel like the deepest form of being seen* What to do when the Dom(me) hits their limit mid-scene* Why Dominance, at its core, is an act of serviceWhether you’re curious about power play, just starting to explore what it means to Dom(me), or wondering why being Dommed sounds so appealing — this episode is a real, grounded look at what Dominance actually requires, from two people who have practiced and experienced it.***If you want to learn more techniques for bringing your fantasies out of your head and into real life, subscribe! That’s what we’re all about ;).***Chapter Timestamps0:00 — Intro & framing: we spent the first episodes on submission, now we’re pulling the pin on Dominance1:15 — Dominance as competence, not identity: Kari’s relationship to the Dominant role and why she’s drawn to it3:20 — The sadistic side: why getting license to inflict consensual discomfort is actually freeing5:10 — The receiving side: Nicholette on discovering her masochistic side and the healing pain gives her access to9:58 — The improv of Dominance: treating every submissive response as inspiration15:31 — Attunement: what it actually means to read a body in real time22:01 — Being brought somewhere greater than you could go yourself: surrender begins when the ground falls away24:59 — Alchemizing psychological wounds with precision: an art that requires your own inner work32:55 — When the Dom(me) hits their limit: practical tips for when things go sideways40:59 — Aftercare is non-negotiable: setting up a clear plan that holds both people regardless of what happens45:00 — Repair as intimacy: bumping up against each other and coming back closer54:33 — Dom(me) integrity: holding what you can actually hold, and what the scene is in service of1:00:36 — The gifts of Domming: service, surprise, freeing people up***Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice.We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on:- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at eroticreclamation.com.With love,Kari & Nicholette***P.S. If you’re on YouTube, and would enjoy seeing our endless expressions as we talk about all these sexy, vulnerable, holy things, you can also watch this episode there. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Chatrooms, sex bots, and AI porn are hot, but can they actually satisfy without your body in the mix? In this episode, we wade into the murky, squirmy territory of sexual technology, holding space for both the gifts (safety, access, exploration after trauma) and the shadow sides (dissociation, escalating intensity, sex without care).From early experiences in chat rooms (where anonymity can provide safety and permission to explore) to emerging data on the rise of physically intense porn, we’re asking: What gets lost when we remove bodies, relational friction, and human-to-human care from sex?We also get into:* The gifts and shadows of sexual fantasy (and when it becomes dissociation)* Why care for another person’s body adds an important dimension to real-life sex* A full-body practice for bringing fantasy out of your head and into sensation (breath, movement, sound)* Sexual suppression and how unowned desire comes out sideways (affairs, violence, addiction)* The seductive danger of frictionless pleasure and why getting exactly what you want might leave you empty* How to stay present during sex when your mind wants to wanderIf you’ve ever wondered whether your fantasies are healthy, how to bring their imagined pleasure into your body, or why dissociated sex leaves you hungry, this one’s for you.***If you want to learn more techniques for bringing your fantasies out of your head and into real life, subscribe! That’s what we’re all about ;).***Chapter Timestamps0:00 — Why this conversation makes us squirmy (and why we're having it anyway)8:34 — Chat rooms as training wheels: when technology creates safety to explore11:07 — Can an AI companion meet the same need as a real human body?13:01 — The seductive trap of frictionless fantasy20:22 — The Economist data: choking, intensity, and what's being normalized29:00 — Care towards your and your partners’ bodies is the distinction36:47 — Practice: how to metabolize fantasy through your physical body41:13 — How unowned desires come out sideways and how to own them without acting on them44:04 — Why getting exactly what you want often leaves you empty46:34 — How to bring your fantasy to your partner, rather than using them while being lost in your fantasy***Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice.We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on:- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at eroticreclamation.com.With love,Kari & Nicholette***P.S. If you’re on YouTube, and would enjoy seeing our endless expressions as we talk about all these sexy, vulnerable, holy things, you can also watch this episode there. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Slowing down the practice of desire doesn’t mean more waiting. It means more juiciness, more insight, and more intimacy, with yourself and another.In this episode, we introduce our five-stage desire framework: feeling/sensing, articulating, claiming, negotiating, and giving/receiving. We explore how lingering in the space between wanting and having opens up to realizing what we’re really craving, enjoying the rush of claiming your desire, and relishing in the exquisite ache of simply desiring, whether or not the desire is ever “met.”Along the way, we also get into:* How to start feeling sensation in your body (even if you’re disconnected)* Working with taboo or shadow desires to find the “nutrient” you’re craving* The power of claiming what you want out loud, even just to yourself* Why receiving is actually one of the most generous acts you can give your partner* Small time frames and safe words as tools for staying presentIf you’ve ever felt disconnected from your desire, ashamed of what you want, afraid of being rejected, or stuck in negotiations with a partner, this episode offers practical entry points and a fresh way of thinking about what desire is really for.You can explore this framework, from sensing to claiming to receiving desires, at our yearly retreat, Temple of Yes.***Chapter Timestamps01:29 - What we’re talking about today: the five stages of desire02:57 - Why desire makes a powerful North Star05:40 - Stage 1: Feeling & sensing your desire13:08 - Practical ways to start feeling your desire if that’s hard to do16:10 - Stage 2: Articulating your desire20:55 - Working with taboo desires to find what we’re really craving23:56 - Stage 3: Claiming your desire27:37 - Why and how to practice claiming your desire out loud (with a money example)31:21 - The power of sitting with desire before acting on it33:02 - Stage 4: Negotiating your desire37:41 - How to meet a partner’s conflicting desire with curiosity41:56 - Stage 5: Giving and receiving your desire47:13 - Why you can always say no to something you asked for49:54 - Where you can receive support to go deeper into your desire***Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on:- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at eroticreclamation.com. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

So you crave to be a submissive… but what are you actually submitting to? In this episode, we unpack layers of devotion: to a partner, to life, to the divine, and perhaps most importantly, to your own choice and desire. We explore how submission isn’t a single act but an ongoing practice of returning to your body, the present moment, and to the decision you made to surrender.The conversation also gets real about what happens when submission stops feeling easy — when you’re uncomfortable, in your head, or caught in stories that say something’s wrong with you. We both share personal experiences of fighting our own surrender, navigating physical discomfort, and when “the shitty Dom in your head” gets really loud. We discuss how a simple reminder (”you chose this”) can be a powerful tool for bringing a submissive back to themselves.We also get into:* How physical discomfort becomes a portal (or a block) in submission* The internal voices that can pull you away from the surrender you crave* Navigating the transition from deep surrender back to everyday life* Solo submission as preparation for relational dynamics* Rewriting the story that you shouldn’t desire what you desireWhether you’re in a 24/7 dynamic, exploring solo submission, or curious about what healthy surrender looks like in any aspect of your life, this episode offers honest insight into the active, embodied, sometimes gritty practice of being an empowered submissive.***If you’re inspired by what you heard and want to dive deeper, explore The Empowered Submissive program here: www.eroticreclamation.com/empowered-submissive ***Chapters Timestamps0:00 — Welcome to Erotic Reclamation1:17 — What do you submit to? The divine, your partner, the specific desires of your Dom, etc6:51 — The trifecta of submission: to the self, the other, and the “divine third” of relationship9:31 — “You chose this”: the phrase that can bring submissives back to their bodies12:41 — The paradox of submission: loving being told what to do until it’s not what you want15:10 — The ache of coming back: transitioning from deep surrender to everyday life21:39 — Physical discomfort as a portal: when your body says “I could die” but you’re actually safe25:45 — Staying with sensation: naming it, giving it color, finding what’s on the other side30:23 — Dealing with the internal story that your pleasure and/or desires are broken36:15 — The “shitty Dom in your head”: personifying the inner voices that try to run the show41:05 — Solo submissives: how staying with your own submission makes you an invitation44:44 — Taking ownership of your sex: why you don’t have to wait for a partner to begin***Thanks for reading and listening to Erotic Reclamation!If this episode did something for you—turned you on, made you think, made you feel a little less alone—subscribe, leave a comment, share it with someone who needs it… and then come back for more.Because you get to want more.With love,Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

What does submission actually feel like? Not in the fantasy-land of your imagination, but in your body? In this episode, we dive deep into the raw, sometimes contradictory experience of being a submissive: the exquisite freedom, the moments of resistance, the shadow sides that can hijack the whole thing.We get into:* Why these powerful, capable women love to submit: the exhilaration of submission* The case for solo submission, and not expecting your partner to solve everything* Why the biggest responsibility of a sub is staying connected to and communicating your truth* Nicholette’s “submissive Barbie” mode where she goes numb and performs; Kari’s hyper-vigilance that pulls her out of sensation and into micro-monitoring* Tools for coming back when things go sideways: humor, breath, do-overs, reporting “the weather”* Using shame as erotic fuel that can ignite connectionSubmission isn’t about disappearing, it’s about staying so fully in yourself that your surrender becomes a gift, not a collapse.***If you’re inspired by what you heard and want to dive deeper, explore The Empowered Submissive program here: https://www.eroticreclamation.com/empowered-submissive***Chapters Timestamps0:00 — What we’re talking about today1:21 — What submission really feels like to two women who practice it9:04 — How submission can unlock intimacy and sex by bypassing overthinking12:10 — An ecstatic rollercoaster: what trusting your Dom actually feels like19:56 — Introducing solo submission: why you don’t need a Dom to be a sub34:28 — Shadow sides of submission: people-pleasing, caretaking, dissociation, hyper-vigilance40:35 — Tools for re-aligning: humor, breath, “do-overs,” naming what’s happening, embodying “the brat”41:13 — What it means to take personal responsibility for your surrender47:41 — Abdicating vs. owning your desires: making it the Dom’s “job” kills the dynamic54:17 — There’s always another layer of shame, control, or tenderness to find and unravel as a sub***Thanks for reading and listening to Erotic Reclamation!If this episode did something for you—turned you on, made you think, made you feel a little less alone—subscribe, leave a comment, share it with someone who needs it… and then come back for more.Because you get to want more.With love,Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Submission is one of those things that lives in the cultural imagination: it’s whispered about, fantasized over, but rarely discussed honestly by the people actually living it.In this episode, we share what submission and surrender mean to us. Because in our lives, it’s not role play or a performance, it’s an integrated part of our relationships and identities. Nicholette talks about her 24/7 Dominant/submissive marriage and how sitting on the floor makes her feel more powerful than sitting in a chair. Kari shares how she actually started by exploring dominance, but it wasn’t until she experienced submission that her “true sexual essence came online.”We also get into:- why healthy submission doesn’t include self-abandonment- how to know if submission is something worth exploring for you- what it actually looks like to integrate submission into a busy, powerful lifeIf you’ve ever felt a pull toward surrender but didn’t know what to do with it, this one’s for you.***If you’re inspired by what you heard and want to dive deeper, explore our Empowered Submissive program.***Chapter Timestamps0:00 — What we’re talking about today3:57 — “We’re just weirdos”: normalizing the conversation6:00 — Nicholette’s submissive origins: containment, care, defilement9:45 — Devotion, service, and AOL chat rooms12:55 — The trap of over-giving vs. true submission14:10 — Nicholette’s 24/7 dynamic and why she’s sitting on the floor16:38 — What it was like resisting her own desire to submit18:50 — Losing power by projecting instead of being present24:46 — Kari’s journey: from Dominance to discovering submission28:16 — Exploring submission in committed partnership32:11 — How you can start to explore submission with us. (Learn more here.)32:58 — Stepping in and out: how Kari structures scenes and uses humor38:10 — How and why Nicholette & her partner avoid “default” dynamics46:30 — There is no “right” way to do power play48:30 — Invitation: what’s at the core of submission for YOU?***Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on:- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at eroticreclamation.com.With love,Kari & Nicolette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We’re Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, relationship coaches, kink priestesses, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on:* Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more* Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body’s erotic intelligence* Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries* Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners* Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you’re curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you’ve already been exploring, there’s a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome.Learn more about our upcoming programs at eroticreclamation.com.If this resonated: subscribe, give it a ♥️, and share it with someone whose curiosity might need a little permission slip too. Until next time! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com