Fail Films 101

CW: racism, ableism, overall bigotry throughout the movie, body horror. The Professor is back, this time to talk about 1999's "masterpiece," Wild Wild West with his friend Ricky.

2020 was rough. But 2021 is already better. And now's as good a time as ever to open the classroom back up.

CW for mentions of suicidal ideation and hospitalization. The professor explains where he's been, when he's coming back, and encourages listeners to take care of their mental health.

The Professor is joined by the Movie Morgue's Jess to discuss Jupiter Ascending and go on several ADHD tangents.

The professor sits down with his little sister the week before her wedding day to discuss their favorite movie from their childhood.

The professor sits down with his little sister the week before her wedding day to discuss their favorite movie from their childhood.

In our first episode in quite some time, Professor J and Sarah go back to the catalyst for both our class and for the Bad Movie Club. They also discuss why young children should not be brought to college-age parties, conspiracy theories, erectile dysfunction, and a Snakes on a Plane sequel...again.

It's been a while. And a lot's happened. Like, in the world. So Professor J's going over what's happened since the last accidental hiatus, and what kid material we'll be covering for the time being.

Professor J and Sarah break down their favorite bad movies of the 2010s.

After seeing the single most ridiculous movie he has ever seen in his life, Professor J sits down with John, Ricky, and Jessi to discuss Tom Hooper's disasterpiece, CATS. No description can do this discussion justice.

In our triumphant return from another unplanned hiatus, Professor J tackles his first Christmas movie, and boy, is this one a doozy. He also can't figure out the plural for "shrimp", learns a thing or two about soap operas, and invites his foster kitten and his dog to share their thoughts.

Good news, the Professor got promoted at his paying job. But with the added responsibilities, he's been slacking on the podcast. Class will be back in session next Sunday, 11/24.

In part 2 of our REPO! episode, the Professor goes over the movie's thrilling conclusion. On his phone. On his lunch break. Sorry about that, y'all. It's been a busy weekend.

In our third "The Spookening" movie, the professor covers one of his all-time favorites. He also compares three of the characters to an infamous family, discusses a controversial casting decision, and draws parallels from classic literature.

The Spookening continues with our second (and definitely not last) David DeCoteau movie, "The Great Halloween Puppy Adventure" aka "A Halloween Puppy" aka "A Magic Puppy". The professor also comes unhinged over clip art, loses his shit (in a good way) over a bulldog named Muffin, and admits to never having seen any of the "Evil Dead" movies.

Fail Films 101 returns from hiatus with the first of our Halloween episodes! The Professor goes over literally the only movie he's ever seen about furries. He also warns against the dangers of licking blood, goes on a rant about the science behind a character death, and wonders if the guy who made this movie actually knows anything about furries in general.

A brief update on Professor J's progress with the Romeo and Juliet episode, as well as the announcement of a brief hiatus (and an explanation why).

Professor J spends most of this episode talking about how much better the movie that "Repo Men" ripped off is than "Repo Men" is...so prepare for a lot of that. There's also a lot of apologies. The professor found this movie pretty lackluster and he's absolutely not shy about that opinion, so if you liked the episode where all he did was complain about "Grown Ups", you'll probably love this one. If not...next week will be better, we promise.

In part 2 of our Max Magician and the Legend of the Rings episode, Professor J and John talk about discuss their conspiracy theory that elves have bird bones, try not to get sued by a couple more studios, and marvel as one of their favorite characters becomes a Beyblade.

In another two-parter, Professor J and his friend John tackle a movie with a long-ass title, take precautionary measures to not get sued by a major movie studio, get incredibly extra over an out-of-place sound effect, and wonder why this movie appears to have been filmed at a renaissance fair.

In our second class suggestion, Professor J and his friend Dan discuss Nic Cage's magnum opus, The Wicker Man. They also try to do science, attempt to master Mr. Cage's deadpan yelling, and invent a new movie genre: "porror". Videos mentioned in the episode: "HOW'D IT GET BURNED?!"  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzrDpj6M1ig "NOT THE BEES!" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVCrmXW6-Pk

In our first multi-guest episode, Professor J sits down with his friends Sarah and Dan to discuss the delightful David DeCoteau classic, "A Talking Cat!?!" They also get super philosophical, pitch a movie idea of their own, and demand a film adaptation of one of Chuck Tingle's best-selling "Tinglers". Also, here's that video Professor J mentioned: https://youtu.be/t6q5_7fVjEg

In our first live episode, Professor J covers a movie that made him break a 20-something-year-old promise to himself. It was so bad, and it pissed him off so much, that he genuinely could not make it through the first 25 minutes of the movie. As the episode was originally recorded live, we've opted to leave the recording unedited.

After an unplanned hiatus, Professor J is back to pick up where he left off in the syllabus. Together with his friend Emily, the infamous "Bee Movie" is discussed with an un-bee-lievable amount of bee puns. They also bring up the dystopian bee society implied by this universe, the hierarchy of bee laws, bee airports, and of course, the disturbing implied beastiality that a huge chunk of this movie is about. A huge thanks to our new editor, Sarah Brooks!  There are some points where the professor's mic cuts out that were uneditable, we apologize. The professor is looking into getting a new mic in the near future. 

TL;DR: Sorry for the unplanned hiatus. Shit got weird. We'll be back on a regular release schedule Tuesday, July 11th.

In part 2 of our Foodfight! episode, Professor J and John's brains break from blatant anti-Semetic and homophobic caricatures. They also make some dirty jokes about weasels and delve into a bit of World War 2 history (because it's impossible not to with this movie).

In part 1 of our Foodfight! episode, Professor J and John discuss why this movie took nearly a decade to make. That's right, a decade. They also discuss the line between furries and catgirls and lament over the short life of a bag of chips.

In part 2 of the Jack and Jill episode, Professor J and John discuss the birth of a huge moment in internet history, as well as the movie's only "ally" moment. They also play "Higher or Lower" and vow never to take a Royal Caribbean cruise.

In our first two-part episode, Professor J and his friend John tackle Adam Sandler's "classic", Jack and Jill. They also replace production info with fun facts, tweet a very important question about the movie to the man himself, and develop an intense craving for Coca-Cola.

Please be sure to listen to the content warning before listening to this episode and/or watching this movie. Professor J and his friend Dr. J cover, by far, the most graphic movie that ever has been -- and ever will be -- discussed in class. They also discuss furries, walrus sex, Michael Bolton, and rotten milk. Come smell the rotten milk with us.

In a very special bonus "extra credit" episode that came completely out of nowhere, Professor J recruits his friend Dan (and Dan's pet rabbit, Darth Nihlius) to discuss the announced changes to the design of Sonic the Hedgehog in his upcoming movie. They also discuss furries, the Super Smash Bros. Cinematic Universe, a Sonic/Mothra crossover, and quite a bit more. The links mentioned in this episode: Article announcing the redesign: https://kotaku.com/sonic-the-hedgehog-movie-design-to-be-changed-following-1834488203 Sonic with Chris Pratt poster: https://zodab.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/chris-pratt-and-sonic-in-2019-s-sonic-the-hedgehog-poster.jpg Sonic "leg" poster: https://www.siliconera.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/sonicmovie3_thumb.jpg Sonic the Hedgehog trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvvZaBf9QQI

Professor J has a lot of questions about this one. Join us this week as he discusses a movie with more unrelated song and dance numbers than he's ever seen before, "psychedelic doo wop music", and amateur seaside parkour. He also unironically uses the word "hoopla" for the first time in his life at one point.

 Professor J beholds the glory of Manos: The Hands of Fate for the very first time, and is completely bewildered. He's also decided to refer to every cowboy-hat-wearing cop as "Officer Yeehaw" from now until the end of time. 

Professor J dives into 1973's "The Legend of Hell House" while fondly recalling the first time he ever got drunk. He also accidentally calls one of the characters by his 4th grade teacher's name, and gets a little weirded out by ghost-sex.

Professor J tackles the classic "Plan 9 From Outer Space". He also audibly contemplates why Ed Wood was there way he was quite a bit and forgets the name of basically every character in the movie. Fun drinking game! Drink every time Professor J: - Says 'yup' - Says 'Bela Lugosi' - Refers to a character without using their name

ALRIGHT, TAKE TWELVE. After a multitude of fiascoes with recording and editing, and even publishing the episode with a MAJOR editing error, the long-awaited "House" episode has arrived! For real this time! Professor J has his first guest, Sarah, in class to discuss booties stuck in buckets, bus-trains, dancing skeletons, and so much more.

For our very first Special Holiday Episode, Professor J tackles the first Leprechaun movie. He also tries his best to use his inside voice so his wife can sleep and introduces a new segment: "What Makes This Movie Special?" 

Professor J is reminded of why he doesn't teach science as we dive into the last movie of our first unit.

Join us for the film that broke Professor J. In this episode, the professor talks about a man-child director, bad CGI birds, unintentional raptor screeches, Rule 34 and ship names for the sun and moon, and awkward dancing to creepy R&B songs. He also accidentally calls John Lennon the wrong name and has twice or three times the usual amount of meltdowns.

Professor J talks about the bad movie classic, anti-vegetarian propaganda film Troll 2. He also tries a new method of going over plots, expresses his frustration with unhealthy relationship dynamics, loses his mind over popcorn, and forgets an actor's name until the very last minute.

Professor J dives into Snakes on a Plane. Where did the idea come from? Why are there snakes on the plane? How did the snakes get on the plane? He also passionately calls for a sequel and has a slight meltdown over a snake incident in Phoenix, AZ.

Professor J kicks off the class's very first unit with the most beloved bad movie of the modern age: The Room.

Meet Professor J as he outlines the movies we'll be discussing! Class is in session January 2019.

A brief introduction to Fail Films 101