Hairy Butthole

This week, Youngmi asks Mino Bowien (her son) what he knows about Trump and American politics. She also reflects on the first time Trump was elected president in 2016 and realizes for the first time the positive changes that came in her life as a direct result.

This week, Youngmi processes her emotions about her book coming out next week in real time. She comes to the realizationthat her fear of her parents being angry at her for sharing her account of her childhood is actually misplaced sadness, angerand the feeling of utter unfairness at the realization that she is, in fact, the person who deserves to be angry. She realizes she is the person owed an apology, not the other way around. She also once again touches on how ridiculous it is to feel badwhen something good happens.

This week, Youngmi talks to Sohla El-Waylly (James Beard Award Winning cookbook author of Start Here) about the running internet joke about white people not seasoning their chicken. Sohla explains the definition of properly seasoning food, and how white people are not necessarily in the wrong here. She also discusses all the nuances surrounding her emotions about weight gain during pregnancy and the stress of not losing 'the baby weight' fast enough, leading to a deeper conversation about where unhappy feelings originate from and how they might not necessarily be about the weight.

This week, Youngmi speaks with Jon Kung (content creator, cookbook author) about his practice of hiding his career accomplishments from his parents. Jon traces his aversion to boasting about his success to his childhood, where he felt pitted against his peers in a competition against his will. Jon and Youngmi discuss the confusing rules surrounding boasting in Asian cultures, where one is never allowed to be proud of their own accomplishments, which unfortunately seems to create a lot of passive aggressive "fake humble" behavior. Youngmi explains how the phrase "잘난척하지마!" or "Don't be a show-off!" (direct translation: Don't pretend you're a high born!) is one of the most common insults in Korea whenever anyone is seen doing anything even minimally boastful, due to cultural disdain of show-offs.

Youngmi talks to Nancy Whang (LCD Soundsystem) about her continual journey with taking psychedelics to cure depression. Nancy also shares the story of the passing of her father, which turns out to be the most Korean most-laugh-while-crying story of all Hairy Butthole history.

This week, Youngmi's son Mino Bowien (child) asks to discuss the death of their cat, Donggo. Mino requested to discuss his feelings about the passing of their cat, and includes advice to other children and even adults dealing with the grief of losing a pet.

This week, Youngmi chats with Anthony Hull (filmmaker, founder of Side Projects). Anthony discusses what led him down the path to becoming a storyteller, and largely credits his Korean mom. When questioned about what his sad life experiences are, Anthony deflects the focus to his mother's hardships, and Youngmi questions the impulse to not want to center himself. Anthony also discusses what life is like as a filmmaker/creative who has a successful career in New York City, and how living it is extremely different than how it appears to be to others.

This week, Youngmi talks to Mary H.K. Choi (author) about her essay in The Cut about her recent autism diagnosis at the age of 43. Mary throws a curveball by focusing the conversation on Youngmi's upcoming memoir and the theme of loving and hating Korea. Mary reflects on the strongly negative view Youngmi has about Korea, and discusses how before this, Asian American literature has been almost void of such strong criticisms of our "homelands." Youngmi and Mary have a deep conversation about how a big part of Korean culture is to recognize that love and hate are the same thing and that saying "Fuck Korea!" is the most Korean thing a Korean person can do.

This week, Youngmi reads an essay she wrote about a recent relationship and breakup she experienced with a people pleaser.

This week, Youngmi talks to her anonymous neighbor "Barbara," who coincidentally is also going through a terrible breakup. Barbara and Youngmi discuss the nuances of their relationships, and ultimately find the bond they were searching for in romantic relationships with men, between themselves.

This week, Youngmi discusses the death of her cat Donggo, whose name means butthole in Korean and who was extra hairy. She also touches on the larger topic of grief and how to strike a balance between making room for grief and getting back to living life, and parenting a child experiencing grief.

This week, Youngmi speaks with her close friend, renowned mixologist and cocktail book author, John deBary. John discusses being diagnosed with autism less than a month ago at the age of 41. He dives into a unique experience among people who receive diagnoses as adults: combing through huge events throughout their childhood and early lives and realizing how monumental the impact of their neurodivergence was in the formation of their identities. John discusses two of the most memorable events in his childhood and how they were the direct result of him having autism and his parents failing to realize that.

This week, Youngmi talks to Kate Moran (producer of Asian Comedy Fest, comedian, host of The Witchcast podcast) about her story as a Korean adoptee who succeeded in finding her birth mother. She notes how rare her experience was and discusses the strange feeling of grieving the loss of an imaginary "fairy mother" when meeting her biological mother who was, in fact, a human being with flaws. Kate reflects on how strange it was for her to search for a perfect mother all her life, only to realize no one really has one. But we all have Margaret Cho to look up to.

This week, Youngmi talks to Brittany Carney (writer, comedian, star of That is My Horse) about being part of a race that you do not appear to be. Brittany shares a story about bonding with a Japanese child at a science camp she was teaching at. As a mixed-race person of Japanese and African American heritage, she talks about the rejection she feels when Japanese people have a hard time reading her as "one of them." This is especially difficult for her as someone who was born and raised for a significant portion of her childhood in Japan and speaks Japanese as her native language. Brittany and Youngmi also discuss what the world of standup is like for women in today's world, where standup fans are more extreme and polarized than ever.

This week, Youngmi talks with Jared Goldstein (actor, comedian) about struggling to be one of the "cool kids" in high school. Jared points out that contrary to the popular trope of bullies ending up working in gas stations while the kids they bullied become successful, real-life mean kids are usually rich and subsequently do very well as adults. Jared also talks about how 99 percent of his profession is dealing with rejection and how he's learned to deal with that.

This week, Youngmi talks to Ed Pokropski (creator of Case 84: Adopted in the USA, producer of Asian Comedy Festival) about the one-person show he wrote about his adoption and subsequent return visit to Korea. Ed talks about growing up not wanting to visit Korea because of the resentment he felt about the forced narratives surrounding adoption and the idea of it being his "homeland." He also talks about having an emotional breakdown while visiting an orphanage in Korea and seeing a poster of a Korean baby being adopted by Korean parents. Youngmi relates to the feelings of being abandoned and/or rejected by a collective society because of her biracial identity.

This week, Youngmi talks to Charlene Kaye (musician/actor/creator of Tiger Daughter) about the extremely taboo topic of mother-daughter competition. Charlene talks about how her pursuit of her music/acting career was difficult for her mother to experience as someone who had to give up on her own dreams of becoming a singer as a young girl struggling with poverty in Singapore. Youngmi and Charlene discuss how both Asian cultural practices and misogyny set women and young girls up to feel competitive with each other because of the scarcity of validation. 

This week Youngmi speaks with Umeko Motoyoshi (they/them), the founder of the online home goods store Umeshiso. Motoyoshi speaks about growing up in a cult founded by their father—an environment where the adults in their community had poor boundaries and where Motoyoshi had to take on a parental role as a child. This was coupled with the exhausting masking of their autism, which led them to a suicide attempt at the age of 13. They were court ordered to attend their small town's branch of AA, which was unfortunately a branch rife with abuse, exacerbating their mental health issues further. Motoyoshi also discusses how they started an e-commerce home goods brand fueled by their passion for coffee with the experience they gained working at a tech startup.

This week, Tulika Bose (journalist) joins the pod again to discuss the tense and somewhat terrifying climate of newsrooms following Oct. 7. She talks about how the "punishment" for speaking up has fallen disproportionately on the shoulders of women of color and how journalists are being silenced due to the interests of sponsors. She touches on the ways in which the industry runs now being almost counterintuitive to sharing the truth, while discussing the positives of social media information sharing as well as the downfalls, including the spread of misinformation. Bose also shares her vision for the future of journalism: a blend of old-school investigative research and modern social media savvy. 

This week, Youngmi talks to Oak Laokwansathitaya (@notanothertree). Oak and Youngmi discuss the one year anniversary of their trip to Thailand. Oak discusses what it feels like as a Thai person going to a country known for its foreign tourist industry and how he feels protective of the people of Thailand when witnessing poor treatment at the hands of tourists.

This week, Youngmi chats with Royce Akifumi Wilmot (TikTok content creator, @shoshinboy) about their weird theories on content creation, authenticity, why people just watch other people talk while sitting in their cars, and music. Royce creates content on "classic rock" (music that was popular when Youngmi was in high school) and they discuss how he fell into this niche. He also discusses a sad story centered on his family's personal experience with Japanese internment, and touches on how strange it feels to live in California, among forgotten historical landmarks of that era.

This week, Youngmi talks to Lana Siebel (standup comedian). Lana discusses her childhood as a Ukrainian Jewish refugee. She talks about how her past shaped her into someone who has an immense desire for peace but at the same time someone who is riddled with unrelenting fear. Lana and Youngmi also discuss how strange it is for large groups of people to be grouped together in abstract "teams" based on their religion or race, when other factors of relating to each other seem way more important. 

This week, Youngmi talks to Jes Tom (comedian, writer for Our Flag Means Death on Max) about a seemingly small issue he had in his last relationship, not being posted on main. Jes and Youngmi talk about how small problems in romantic relationships result in us feeling large emotions and how maybe our emotional reactions are indicative of larger important issues. Jes also discusses how it feels as a fifth-generation Japanese American and third-generation Chinese American in reference to his identity as an American and an Asian person. 

This week, Youngmi talks to Mic Nguyen (comedian, host of Asian, Not Asian podcast) about navigating recent events as standup comedians. Youngmi talks about her theory on why Koreans took to Christianity so well and compares Jesus's behavior to all the Korean guys she knows. Mic talks about being a new dad and the fascinating, much neglected topic of Asian son-dad relationships. Youngmi and Mic also touch on the fact that they both come from cultures deeply damaged by war, genocide and trauma and how those wounds that happened before they were even born show up in their behavior to this day.

This week, Youngmi discusses her political beliefs and worldview. She talks about the dangerous idea that public-facing people's opinions matter more than other people. She also touches on why her identity as a biracial person has affected how she views "Us. Vs. Them" narratives that are used by governments worldwide to divide and alienate different groups of people.

This week, Youngmi talks about the momentous occasion of her manuscript being turned in, and as a surprise to no one, it made her depressed. She also discusses the negative impact her busy schedule this past year had on her relationship with her son and the process of mending a hard phase between parent and child. 

This week, Youngmi speaks with Atheer Yacoub (comedian/writer of Denied Entry). Atheer discusses her perspective as a Palestinian on the recent events in Israel and Palestine. She also touches on how her childhood growing up in the West Bank and Alabama shaped her work as a comedian.

This week, Youngmi talks to Joanne Molinaro (cookbook author of The Korean Vegan, TikTok star). Joanne discusses how she got into veganism, the history of veganism in Korea and all the psychology involved with having a restricted diet. She discusses why she believes a lot of people have a negative knee-jerk reaction when hearing about vegans, and reveals she used to feel the same way before becoming one at the age of 35. She also shares a sad story of a time in childhood when she stood up to her parents, which ultimately led to her having a healthier relationship with them as an adult.

This week, Youngmi talks to Kimmy Yam (journalist at NBC News). Kimmy shares a relatable story about a time when she was a child that her parents forgot to pick her up from school. Although this is a common experience among children, she discusses the added stress of being the only Asian family in a small town, and how that dynamic played into every event in her childhood. She also discusses her how her parents coped with trauma in two extreme ways: her mother by developing severe depression and her dad adapting a veneer of unbreakable positivity. Also she gives us her professional journalistic take on the Maui wildfires, with nuance difficult to hear elsewhere.

This week, Youngmi brings on her chaotic daily group chat members: Alex Pemoulie and John deBary. They discuss the modern phenomenon of the group chat and why they think it plays such a huge role in the daily lives of everyone today. They talk about the origins of the rise of the popularity of the medium stemming from older forms of communication from Y2K chat interfaces like AIM, to ancient rituals of tribal gossip. John also talks about the sadness of turning 40 and Alex talks about talking shit!

This week, Youngmi talks with Doyeon You (fashion content creator @yoni0323, founder of C'Est D) about the rigid beauty standards in South Korea. Doyeon is a fashion designer and creator of content based on body positivity. She discusses what her life was like growing up in Korea as someone considered "overweight" by Korean standards. They touch on their shared experiences of being constantly body shamed and scrutinized by the Korean public, and the reasons why they believe this is such a large part of Korean culture.

This week, Youngmi chats with Laura Danger (@thatdarnchat, educator, content creator, author of the upcoming book No More Mediocre). Laura talks about her extremely viral Internet content on the subject matter of weaponized incompetence among men in cishet relationships/marriages and breaks down some of the mind blowing statistics surrounding the distribution of domestic labor. Laura and Youngmi also touch on the celebrity gossip surrounding Ariana Grande and why it's so harmful to reduce the story down to her being a homewrecker.

This week, Youngmi is joined by Laurie Woolever (author of Bourdain: The Definitive Oral Biography), who discusses the loss of her mother to multiple sclerosis. She talks about what it was like growing up while knowing her mother had an illness which was most likely going to take her life. She also discusses how certain sad events caused her to laugh uncontrollably and examines what that reaction meant.

This week, Youngmi talks with Charlie Bardey (comedian, host of Exploration Live Comedy podcast) about the pain of breakups. Charlie and Youngmi touch on their recent breakups and how they deal with the same pain in opposite ways. Charlie explains his impulse to try to keep his exes in his life at all costs and Youngmi explains why she feels the need to block them on everything and never think about them again. Charlie also touches on the unusual experience of "losing a future" and having to move through an unimagined timeline and how the presence of your ex often feels like a ghost.

This week Youngmi sits with KimChi (founder of KimChi Chic Beauty) about the recent surge in homophobia online. She touches on how pride feels different this year than previous years as corporations have pulled away due to online hysteria. She also discusses her upcoming two books: a YA novel about the importance of public libraries to children and a lifestyle book about her travels and food. 

This week, Youngmi discusses a topic suggested by a listener about her relationship with her queer identity. She talks about why it's difficult for her to discuss, as well as the relationships she's had later in her adult life.

This week, Youngmi discusses "people pleasing trauma response." She talks about the realization she had around this trauma response and the work she's done to move away from it as well as experiencing it in someone else and the harm it caused her. Leading her to ultimately realize how manipulative and harmful this response is. She also touches on a bizarre coincidence about the billionaire submersible implosion no one seems to be discussing.

This week, Youngmi discusses how she plots out her work week while living with ADHD, which makes it nearly impossible to set a schedule and adhere to it every day. She also touches on the feelings of inadequacy stemming from a childhood of undiagnosed ADHD, which caused her to internalize the message that there is something "wrong" with her.

This week, Youngmi jokes about the differences between New York and Los Angeles from Los Angeles. Joking aside, she discusses why it's funny but also sort of sad when people make broad generalizations about differences in people who live in different cities. She also discusses the relentless feeling of not doing enough work and not making enough money.

This week, Youngmi discusses an emotional symptom of experiencing negligent abuse as a child. She talks about why she feels the need to always be “ok” and how that has profoundly harmed her. She discusses the importance of pointing out negligent abuse because for most people experiencing trauma around it, it is invisible. She also points out that many of the behaviors of our parents and the boomer generation mirror hers, and are most likely caused by the same sort of neglect.

This week, Youngmi discusses her history with depression. She talks about the events in her childhood that led her to develop this mental illness and the process of ongoing recovery as an adult. She also touches on the reasons why it is so hard to get out of depressive episodes and why it is so hard to reach out for help while experiencing them.

This week, Youngmi shares her real thoughts about the month of May being celebrated as Asian American Native Hawaiian Pacific Islander month. She talks about the good the bad and the corporate.

This week, Youngmi discusses the topic of “having it all” and why women are constantly asked about their work/life balance but men aren’t. She also touches on women who decide to be child-free by choice and why she considers it a revolutionary act.

This week, Youngmi discusses her relationship to jealousy and anger. She talks about how her childhood relationship to her family impacted her emotions as adults. She discusses how people who are socialized female are often made to suppress emotions usually associated with men, such as anger, and how that experience led her to not be able to see her own emotions until well into her 30s. Also she defends nepo babies!

This week, Youngmi discusses the psychological impact she carried into adulthood from growing up poor. She talks about interacting with other adults who shared her past and the harmful messages they seemed to have internalized. She also discusses how Korean and American cultures view poverty differently.

This week, Youngmi discusses what it’s like to date as a single Asian mom. She talks about the negative stereotypes surrounding single moms and how they proved untrue in her experience. She also discusses why she thinks these harmful tropes were created. Also, she touches on how her Asian identity plays into it all.

(TW: ED, child abuse) This week Youngmi Mayer discusses being an overweight child and how the abuse she received from her family led her to internalize the idea that everything bad that happened was because of her inability to manage her weight. Also, she discusses developing eating disorders in her teens and how she manages her eating disorders today with the help of therapy.

This week, Youngmi discusses how sexual/romantic relationships she had in her teens with adult men profoundly shaped her as a person. She touches on how common this type of relationship is, and why she thinks so many people have the problematic view that it is “normal,” when it is far from it.

This week, Youngmi discusses the trauma of pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding. She touches on topics that rarely seem to be discussed because of the stigma of shame of “not being a good mother.” Also, she reads an informative message from someone who lives with ADHD in Korea, who goes in depth about what it’s like to be diagnosed and seek treatment for ADHD while living in Asia, as well as the problematic belief people in the West have that Asia falls behind in the field of psychological medicine. 

This week, Youngmi discusses two topics suggested by listeners: ADHD and friendship breakups. She talks about being diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and how it felt to look back on her life and reassess her childhood. She also discusses how she views friendships and why they seem so different to her than romantic relationships.