Letters from Planet Wrinkly

This month's whinge is about that great 21st century absurdity - IDENTITY checks.Or rather, the endless, relentless, utterly soul-destroying rituals required simply to prove that we are who we’ve always been.You know: Those Verification Codes/Online ID Checks/Facial Recognition software/Finger printing software/ and the new HMRC ONE TAX APPBrace yourselves, Wrinklies.It’s going to be bumpy.

Have you ever been Stuck, Stuffed and Starving on the M5.If Dante were alive today, I swear, one of his circles of hell would be the stretch of the M5 between Junctions 28 and 30 which is permanently accident prone.Between selfish drivers, accidents, roadworks, the rubberneckers, and the ridiculous diversions, it’s a wonder any of us make it home alive, and could somebody please tell me what we’re actually paying Road Tax for??? 

When did we become unpaid cashiers, ticket inspectors, baggage handlers and bathroom attendants?I never applied for any of these jobs. Did you? We're now doing everyone else's work without a contract, staff discounts, or holiday pay, yet here I am, scanning my own shopping like I’m training for a job at Lidl.  Who said going digital was quicker, easier and cheaper. You could have fooled me!!!

Did you know that the Government has instructed British Telecom, through their off-shoot, OpenReach, to do away with landlines and replace them with digital fibre optic phone lines by the end of 2027. It's already started. Our roads are now blocked off throughout the land with OpenReach vans littering the highways and byways - how many Telecom engineers does it take to change a copper cable? and once you are connected you keep getting cut off because the signal is weak. If this is progress, then beam me up Scotty . . .

Pets or pests?Planet Wrinkly's heartfelt tribute to well-behaved dogs, traumatised cats, and the people who’ve turned them into emotional support nightmares!It may be the animals that are the problem, but it's their owners who need to be on a lead!

How come I'm subscribing to 8 streaming services when all I wanted was Gardener's World?Remember when you just turned on the telly and it worked? You didn’t need a remote that looked like a spaceship control panel or spurious accounts with any number of commercial TV channels charging the earth. Like Netflix, Paramount+, Disney+, Apple TV+, Prime Video, Discovery+, and - God help me - YouTube Premium. I didn’t even know YouTube had a premium! 

There was a time when you’d go to a pub, someone would smile, hand you a printed menu, and you’d choose your lunch like a civilised adult. Nowadays you’re expected to scan a QR code with your phone, order online, and hope the kitchen doesn’t mistake your pork belly for a vegan wrap! WHY?

Back in the day, air travel was considered to be sophisticated, with good-looking pilots and stewardesses, dressed in tailored uniforms, offering first-class service to well-dressed, well-mannered passengers, who enjoyed being pampered while flying at 35,000ft. Not any more, Baby Boomers. Today's airports and airlines seem hell bent on treated their customers like cattle, and as for customer service, that went out with melba toast and package holidays.

What happened to Reverend John Mirk's 600 year old saying 'children should be seen, not heard'? In my day, we little ones were made to learn our place in the pecking order and our adults demanded silence and respect from their offspring. Not anymore. Today's kids have rights and exercise them with annoying regularity, often at 90 decibels, and woe betide you if you complain!!!

How are we Boomers supposed to grow old disgracefully if the younger generation and the insurance industry consider that we are past our sell-by date and should be put out to grass.Why are we paying ridiculously high insurance premiums, or worse still, being rejected, to drive, travel and enjoy life to the full because we're seen to be an insurance risk.We have no objection to proving that we're healthy for our age, if that's what is required. Many of us are very active well past our 80's and still have all our marbles, so isn't it time age discrimination included our octogenarian cohort?Damn right it is . . .

Why are most UK motorway service stations the pits? They resemble a cross between cheap shopping malls and amusement arcades instead of places of respite from the vagaries of motorway driving. And what happened to waitress service or petrol forecourt attendants? They've vanished, replaced by Gen Z Baristas and 'do-it-yourself' customer service. If this is progress take me back to the 'Little Chef '. . .

If you want to use a car park these days, you need a degree in digital technology. If you don't own a smartphone, can't use Apps and have difficulty walking more than 50 yards with or without a Zimmer frame, you'd be better off staying at home or using your pensioner's bus pass. Fings 'aint what they used to be, Baby Boomer . . .

This podcast deals with my one woman mission to get rid of that pesky customer greeting of ‘GUYS’, as in, “Morning guys, what can I get you.” We female Baby Boomers are not Guys! Whatever happened to the good old respectful greeting of SIR or MADAM in pubs, bars, restaurants, hotels and shops? Enjoy my lighthearted podcast whinge from one of the ‘over the hiller’s’ generation . . .