Look Good for the Boys

Happy Holidays! Andy and Philip are celebrating by heading to the Vertical Stack to be visited by a trio of Lady Krampuses (Krampi?). Journey with us from England to Austria for some awkward family gatherings, ghosts from the past, and supernatural holiday entities to find out who’s been nice and who’s been naughty in Mother Krampus (2017), Granny Krampus (2024), and Sister Krampus (2022).

Andy and Philip conclude our holiday family therapy season with our biggest and bleakest challenge yet by helping the Enck family navigate a post-apocalyptic wasteland while still trying to provide a positive Christmas experience for their son. So, snuggle up with your dirty blankets, grab a can of beans from your dwindling provisions, and get cozy in your bunkers for I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday (2017).

Andy and Philip’s Holiday Family Therapy Tour continues as we follow the Creed family from Chicago to Maine, where we try to convince them to have some difficult conversations around grief and loss, instead of avoiding it by bringing their loved ones back from the dead. Because sometimes, dead is better.

We survived Turkey Day, but the holidays aren’t behind us yet, so we’re taking our annual tradition of family therapy on the road from gloomy Amityville to sunny SoCal to counsel the (not-so-sunny) Leacock family and their newest addition to the family: A Cursed (read also: Traumatized) Lamp who just needs help shining their light a little brighter.

It may not be October anymore, but that doesn’t mean Andy and Philip are done dishing about the hottest (and not-est) segments in the V/H/S franchise. There are still plenty of Top Drawers to hit rewind on, J. Doe’s to push fast forward to, and Closed Caskets to tape over.

Andy and Philip celebrate spooky season by gossiping about how hot (or not) the segments in the V/H/S franchise are. In the spirit of Halloween, let’s close some caskets, label some J. Doe’s, and slide into those top drawers.

We’ve been hooked by another installment in the IKWYDLS franchise. So, it’s time to reel in the corpses and rank them with our updated list of the hottest (and not-est) victims of the newest film, I Know What You Did Last Summer (2025).

While we may not have been around much lately, we’ve still been creeping up on all the new releases. So, join us as we chat about all the horror movies from the first part of the year.

Andy and Philip are creeping back to celebrate a long-delayed Shark Week! In the spirit of the season, we’re heading into some “universal” waters to bump fins with a trio of Polonia monster sharks: Sharkenstein (2016), Sharkula (2022), and Mummy Shark (2024).

Andy and Philip bring Pride Month to a close by rolling on some protection and going down on a delightful, charming, and progressive gay love story set against the back drop of an outbreak of hungry condoms in New York City. So, put on your harnesses, choose your hanky, and check your rubber for teeth as we get it on with Killer Condom (1996).

Pride is here! So, let’s all don our leather vests and/or sequined gowns (or plaid on plaid on plaid), and head to the local bar to mingle with some fierce queens, baby gays, and questionable allies as we fight back against all the blood-sucking haters (and also the literal vampires) as we chat about the Tubi original Slay (2024).

Happy Friday the 13th and Jason Voorhees’ birthday! To celebrate the holiday, Andy and Philip are finally presenting our live show at Crypticon from Friday September 13th, 2024. But first, we plan our own porn adaptations and follow up about couple’s costume ideas.

We’re back and ready to talk about how hot all the victims are in Final Destination: Bloodlines, and then finally rank the top 10 of the series. So buckle up (but don’t get on a highway) and join us for the ride (but don’t get on a plane…or a roller coaster…or go in a tall building…you know what, just stay home and hide all sharp objects).

It’s that time of the year for Andy and Philip to pause and reflect on the year in horror so far: What has it accomplished? Which goals has it met? Where areas does it feel it could improve? So, join us as we give horror it’s much needed review and close out our seventh season.

Andy and Philip end this year’s couple’s counseling by trying to help a couple whose primary hurdle is the potential downfall of civilization at the hands of green-eyed capitalists and green-faced fascists. Billy and Kate are just doing their best trying to make it in the big city with their dead-end jobs, toxic bosses, and slimy creatures hell-bent on creating chaos (also, gremlins). So, let’s see if we can help them get through these rough, monster-infested times with Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990).

This week in couple’s counseling, Andy and Philip travel across the pond to help a couple (or throuple?) who may have too many skeletons (and ghosts) in the closet to be fixed. We’re talking incest, codependency, daddy issues and how some of us should really just listen to our mothers more when we fail to beware Crimson Peak (2015).

Last session, our counseling got a little rage-y with The Brood, so this time Philip and Andy are lightening it up by accompanying two comedy legend lovebirds on a trip to an old dark house for a spooky wedding weekend of murder, werewolves, and musical numbers with Gene Wilder and Gilda Radner in the frighteningly under-appreciated horror comedy Haunted Honeymoon (1986).

It’s time once again for Philip and Andy to reopen their Horror Couples Counseling practice, and this year we’re starting by acknowledging that relationships are informed by both nature and nurture and you don’t need to gestate rage babies to find out that some are just not built to last (and that some therapists can be the opposite of helpful…not us, of course). So, let’s talk through some generational trauma, weaponized therapy-speak, and good old fashioned body horror to get to the heart of the problems between Frank and Nola in David Cronenberg’s divorce song, The Brood (1979).

2024 was a packed year filled with infections, infestations, mutations, mutilations, slashers, sharks, aliens, werewolves, vampires, drag queens (battling vampires), prequels and sequels that were actually good, and not one but two mysteriously pregnant nun movies. It truly was a great year…for horror. So, Andy and Philip have their work cut out for them sorting through this treasure trove and finding the best of the best (and, of course, killing the few bad apples), but no matter what, we are definitely not spitting this time.

As you look over your X-mas haul today, take a moment with us to focus on those horror movies who might not be getting the love they deserve. In the spirit of the holiday, Andy and Philip want to unwrap some very strange and interesting presents: the low-budget Christmas slashers Christmassacre - AKA Secret Santa (2015) and Nutcracker Massacre (2022).

Art is back for the holidays and he’s brought us a whole new portfolio of work to critique. So, put on your Santa suit and grab an axe, chainsaw, or maybe a tube and some rats to help us examine the messy tableau that is Terrifier 3.

Sometimes families of choice are just as challenging as families of origin…especially if said family involves a bossy vampire, a flatulent frankenstein, a gay werewolf, a problematically sexual hunchback, and a mummy with an abusive parasite. So, Andy and Philip are closing their 2024 family therapy sessions with a unique chosen family of monsters in the regional, low budget horror comedy Franky and His Pals (1991).

This American Colonial Genocide and Overconsumption Holiday, it's important to acknowledge that many people don't have family to spend it with. And some of those people also have to battle mish-mash undead child folk monsters and giant poodles to survive the season. Join Andy and Philip as we take a look at the tradition of Friendsgiving and the nowhere-to-be-no-one-to-be-with folks who find themselves together trying not to become the feast in the 1991 horror-comedy The Boneyard.

Bonjour, et bienvenue à Paris! Andy and Philip have travelled across the pond to provide family therapy to a father and daughter (and a secretary with boundary issues) who have often-conflicting struggles. He’s neglecting her needs while trying to perfect his surgical skills. She’s coming of age and wants to find her place in the world. Also, she doesn’t have a face, which becomes a point of concern in the French classic: Eyes Without a Face (1960).

The horrifying non-spooky holidays are fast approaching which means Philip and Andy are once again taking a look at some horror families in need of help. We're kicking off this especially awful November with the legendary Wes Craven's fittingly prescient tale of toxic gender roles, is-it-or-isn't-it incest, and community-versus-capitalism: The People Under the Stairs (1991)

It’s the Big Day and we’re concluding our Very Vertical Stack Halloween by giving notes to the upstart icon Art the Clown on his controversial pieces (and pieces). Pop that nose ring back in and get your grad school vocabulary ready as we take a stroll through the gory galleries of Terrifier (2011), Terrifier (2016), and Terrifier 2 (2022).

We’re getting closer to the big day, and what better way to celebrate than to spend some time with a couple of killers who are putting on their own Halloween showcase of costumes, props, and murder. In the spirit of the holiday, let’s party with Mark and Eddie from Hollow Gate (1988) and Hauntedween (1991).

It’s that special time of year where we dust off the cobwebs just to add more, and Andy and Philip want to visit some films that may have a thicker layer of dust than others, but are just as excited about the holiday season as we are. From small towns to the suburbs, we’re embodying that Halloween spirit with some cozy Vertical Stack creature features: Jack-O (1995) and The Barn (2016).

Trick or treat suckers! We’re here to crash the 30th anniversary of Angela’s SECOND party-gone-wrong (or right, if you happen to be a demon), and we’re bringing a sampler platter of Halloween snacks for the table: Hot or Not…Alive, Costume Contest, and Party Rescue. So, somebody better distract Sister Gloria because: Angela, your party guests are here!

We’re heading into fresh waters this week as we show some love to an often neglected aquatic predator: the alligator. So, let’s wrestle them through the sewers of Missouri, the streets of Florida, and a sheriff’s station in Louisiana with: Alligator (1980), Crawl (2019), and The Flood (2023).

Whether they’re breaking into a plane, chomping their way through a bridal party, or messing up Paris’ Olympics plans, sharks are having a busy 2024. So, join us as we celebrate our favorite predator with: No Way Up, Something in the Water, and Under Paris.

Andy and Philip close their PriDEMONth celebration of queer vampires with a sapphic trip through Europe, from London to Transylvania (with an extended, off-season stay in Osten), to honor the lesbian vampires of Dracula’s Daughter (1936) and Daughter’s of Darkness (1971).

The PriDEMONth celebration of queer bloodsuckers continues as we head to the Bi-Curious SOV Era for a Bi-Coastal look at a Gay Old Count in West Hollywood and a Sapphic New Jersey Queen of the Night from Outer Space in a Vampires-Looking-For-Love Softcore Double feature with Love Bites (1988) and Caress of the Vampire (1996)

It’s June! The sun is out and so are we! Join us for a priDE-MONth celebration of the gayest monster in the parade: The Vampire. Andy and Philip kick things off by debunking some hateful myths and searching for their chosen ones among the Vertical Stack with Vampire Boys (2011) and Vampire Boys 2: The New Brood (2013).

We’ve reached 100 episodes! And to celebrate their high body count, Andy and Philip watch a threesome of films with similarly impressive numbers - and since it’s Pride Month we found it fitting that all three are about groups of people under siege from evil forces of conformity!

It’s a certain somebody’s special day and Philip and Andy are celebrating with a track meet, a science experiment, and an aerobics slumber party. Join us on this triple feature as we say happy birthday to the scream queen who keeps us looking good for the boys, the one and only: Linnea Quigley.

We kick off this summer (and season 7) by reminiscing about what YOU did last summer, because WE know. So, while it may not be the 4th of July yet, it’s never too early in the season to rank the hotness of the victims from the I Know What You Did Last Summer “trilogy”.

Andy and Philip wrap up their 2024 couples counseling sessions (and season 6) by heading to Lake Havasu via London Bridge to sit down with one of their strangest (and hottest) couples yet: Michael and Olivia (or is it Jenny?) from Uli Lommel’s 1983 genre-defying character study, Olivia.

Andy and Philip finds themselves a bit overwhelmed with their client roster this week, as they try to counsel multiple couples ranging from boring to problematic to toxic with the ill-fated friend circle that stumbles on the monster-infested mansion of 1986’s Spookies.

February may have come and gone, but that doesn’t mean horror couples are done being counseled. This week, Andy and Philip really have their work cut out for them as they attempt to solve the problems of George and Kathy Lutz of The Amityville Horror (1978), and surprisingly, living in a notorious possessed house is the least of their problems. 

It might be May, but Andy and Philip aren’t quite ready to leave 2023 behind yet…or maybe we just sat on this one a little too long. Either way, let’s take a little trip back to the “good ole days” of last year as we shuffle through the horror that was, whether we wanted it to be or not.

Everyone is busy making their lists and checking them twice, but Andy and Philip are more concerned with the movies that might not even be on Santa’s radar. So, we’re spending our Christmas with some misfit films that deserve extra holiday cheer - Krampus: The Christmas Devil (2013), Mrs. Claus (2018), and Santa Isn’t Real (2023).

Not everyone has a place to go this season, so Andy and Philip are inviting the sisters of Mu Kappa Epsilon for an orphan holiday dinner. Let’s put down those petitions and don our most empowering Santa costumes as we (try) to say only nice things to a movie that has its share of haters: Black Christmas (2019).

Philip and Andy whip up some morgue nog and get set to have a Messy Christmas by loudly telling anyone who will listen that they were wrong about Glen Morgan and James Wong's misunderstood 2006 remake of a holiday horror classic.

Concluding this year’s family therapy sessions, Andy and Philip head to the midway to talk to the chosen-family-within-a-chosen-family of circus sideshow performers in Tod Browning’s cult classic Freaks.

We're back a little early with a black friday surprise befitting this sickly comforting and low-key evil holiday where Andy and Philip work hard to set aside their grievances, and try to find some gratitude for the little things in the holiday movie that was given, but not chosen: Thanksgiving (2023).

Thanksgiving - a holiday stuffed with toxicity, violence, anxieties, and delicious food - and with those traditions in mind, Andy and Philip pile their plates a little too high by trying to provide therapy to the Simmons family of Blood Rage(1987). We definitely have our work cut out for us as we attempt to chew through this feast of generation trauma, complete meltdowns, gleeful psychopathy, and definitely not cranberry sauce.

It’s that time of year again where many of us feel an obligation to spend time with people we never chose to be around, AKA our families, so Andy and Philip want to soften the holiday season by providing some much needed counseling to horror families in need. First up, we sit down with the Le Domas family of Ready or Not (2019), to encourage some honest communication about the trauma of growing up in a household that has an inconvenient pact with Satan.

It’s been 35 years since Angela’s infamous Halloween party at Hull House, but that doesn’t mean Andy and Philip are done dishing about it. In fact, we have so much hot gossip that we had to ensnare some guests to sort through it all. Erin from Manic Movie Monday helps us rank all the hot victims, while Greg from Fright Court brings his discerning eye to our costume runway, and finally we re-form our party planning committee for some seriously needed party rescue. So sit back, and relax, because we just wanna look good for the boys!

Andy and Philip bring Saw-toberfest to a close by passing judgement on the newest film in the franchise, Saw X, and finally putting the man behind the pig mask himself, John Kramer, to the test. With an impressive inventory of traps leftover from all the people we have freed, surely we can find a game befitting the petty and vengeful Jigsaw and his angry horde of acolytes.