Lunchbox Envy

Why shouldn't you snap your asparagus in half? Who was known as The Giant Asparagus? How can you make a knife out of asparagus?

What's the difference between dagging and redding? Why are doner kebab spits cone-shaped? What makes mint go so well with roast lamb?

Who was the Indiana Jones of mangoes? What's the best way to mail a mango? Do you know the Mango Man? 

Why are the forks in Buckingham Palace placed face down? Are spoons making us uglier? How do you flirt with a butter knife?

What does a Victorian girl dinner look like? Why is the plough to blame for gender inequality? What's gay about quiche?

Why did the Romans decorate their dining rooms with leftovers? How do you sell a banana for $6.2 million? Where can you eat dirt for fun? 

Why would you inject coconut water directly into your bloodstream? How can a coconut help in brain surgery? What do octopuses use coconut shells for?

Why is it good idea to smear yoghurt on your windows? Whose testicles grow when you feed them yoghurt? Which animal would give you the highest protein yoghurt?

Which food do you need a licence to prepare? When are you at risk of Margarita burn? Why should you never accept marzipan from the Pope?

What does Catherine of Braganza have to do with marmalade? How do you hypnotise pâté? If Marmite...what about Pa?

How do you cure a floppy carrot? Why would you feed carrots to a chicken? Who sabotaged Hitler's carrots?

What are the benefits of a beef broth bath? How do you turn a cow into a tennis racket? Would you chow down on some chewy arse-tongue? 

What can you do with a boiled orange? Which medieval king do we have to thank for Jaffa Cakes? Why does orange juice taste so bad after brushing your teeth?

Where did the Ancient Greeks stick their loaves? What's so sexy sbout sitting on a cake? Why is the green M&M so sexy?Happy Valentine's Week from Lunchbox Envy 😘

Which chain feeds 5% of the UK every day? Why would you send a spy into a pizza factory? What would you do if you found a thumb in your chilli?

What's the best way to smuggle vodka onto a space station? How do you make rocket Huel? Why do astronauts love shrimp cocktail so much? 

Would you try Lancashire calamari? What did Mrs Beeton cure with tripe? Where could you get arrested for cooking a haggis?

Who built a car out of beans? Can you put out a fire with beans? How do you measure the fartiness of a bean?

How many calories are there in a gram of uranium? What is the Sleeping Beauty diet? What do you have in common with a doughnut?

Why would you order a brick sandwich? What does a Peekaboo Meatball taste like? What was the mysterious Third Condiment? 

One more for the road? Merry Christmas!

What is a live fish doing in your bath on Christmas Eve? Who tried to cook their turkey via electrocution? Where can you find roast reindeer on the menu?Merry Christmas from Lunchbox Envy! 

Why would you oven bake a laptop? Which day of the week can your oven switch itself on? Who cooked himself in a bread oven just to see what would happen?

What do you get when you mix vodka with gunpowder? When will a doctor give you vodka? Who got paid in vodka?

How do you Twizzle a Turkey? Where did Ancient Spartan kids get their packed lunch from? Who used to give their schoolchildren wine?

How do you make a Frogeye Salad? When was eel on the Thanksgiving menu? Who can you call when your turkey won't defrost?  

Why does your honey have bubbles in it? How do you eat ant honey? What does purple honey taste like? 

What's the point of a bacon window? Who's using a bacon dating app? How do you make bananacon?

How do you make a Diamond Shreddie? Which cereal accidentally invented computer hacking?  Why are some cereals magnetic?

What is a Pumpkin Spice Latte really made of? How do you you sail a pumpkin? Who was Stingy Jack?Happy Halloween! 

Why would you want a mushroom to eat you? Which country has specially-trained mushroom chemists? Was Jesus actually a mushroom? 

Who was the original King of Cool? Where are the world's dirtiest fridges? How are you using your fridge wrong?

Did a digestive break up The Beatles? Are you chomping on your Hobnobs upside down? What biscuits were on offer in the Titanic lifeboats?

How did herring nearly start World War 3? When did fish have fingers? Is there such a thing as a fish? (Yes, and it's delicious).

How can a movie be spoiled by an apple? When do apples break the sound barrier? Why are some apples better for cooking with?

What is that scum on the top of your tea? Why were the first automatic tea-making contraptions so dangerous? Are you a MIFFY or a TIFFY?

How did squirrels help invent the microwave? Why don't ants mind microwaves? What's the big problem with microwave clocks?Dedicated to Nigella <3

Why shouldn't you tilt your glass when you pour a pint? Which city has an underground beer pipeline? Why did the Ancient Egyptians drink their beer through straws? 

What’s the saltiest place on Earth? How can salt win a war? And why does some salt taste like egg?!

How do they put the holes in swiss cheese? Who eats the world's hardest cheese? Why would you put Parmesan in a bank?

Which 12-year-old boy do we have to thank for all the vanilla we have today? What links vanilla to a beaver's anus? What hack lets you use your vanilla pods more than once?

How did butter cause the Catholic Reformation? Where does extra-yellow butter come from? Who wants a buttershag?

Why would you eat a cotton wool sandwich? What is an earth sandwich made of? Who once ate a $275 sandwich containing over 8000 calories? 

What on earth is a Piecaken? Why are some croissants curvy and some straight? Which pastry was invented by a literal idiot? With special guest Edd Kimber. 

What does the opposite of a strawberry taste like? Who liked to bathe in strawberry juice? What have strawberries got to do with a beaver's anal glands?

Happy Wimbledon everyone! Who's got room for an extra-creamy second helping this week? 

When is Dairy Milk not chocolate? Whose chocolate taste like vomit? Where can you use KitKats as postcards?

Why would you tattoo an avocado? Which bird has to vomit up the avocado stone before it can fly? How did avocados spark a row between Sainsbury's and M&S?

Who paid their rent in pizza? Where would you need a 3D-printed pizza? How do you make pizza with beer? 

What did we use olives for before we ate them? What is the SPF of olive oil? Why should Americans be suspicious of Italian olive oil?