Nuts on the Road

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls, the titular nuts on that long, long road, return with a special...which was really recorded in 2013. Honest.

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls, the titular nuts on that long, long road, return with a special...well, it's very special.

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls, the titular nuts on that long, long road, return with a holiday special that was in no way recorded back in July.

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls, the titular nuts on that long, long road, return with a piece of unimitigated something or another that will probably manage to offend someone, somewhere.

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls - those titular Nuts on that likewise titular Road - bring you their 2009 charity single, where the charity is that you listen to it.

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls - those titular Nuts on that likewise titular Road - return with their holiday spectacular, which isn't particularly spectacular, but it is the holidays. So there's that.

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls - those titular Nuts on that likewise titular Road - return with an episode of bizarre zombie, vampire, werewolf, and Jeff Goldblum-centric roleplay which makes no sense whatsoever, so don't bother trying to understand it.

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls - those titular Nuts on that likewise titular Road - bring The Christmas Bear to life in throat-destroying song.

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls - those titular Nuts on that likewise titular Road - return with an episode that delves into the festive, heartwarming holiday legend that is The Christmas Bear. Wait... Did we say heartwarming? We meant disturbing.

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls - those titular Nuts on that likewise titular Road - return with an episode that disturbs even them. Seriously. There's corpses, and role-playing, and motion-sickeness, and mutant boars. And more. Scarily more.

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls - those titular Nuts on that likewise titular Road - return with a catch-all holiday special spotlighting a miracle grilling product with a presidential pedigree before tearing into Christmas with a Santa-based listener plea.

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls return from wherever it is that they go to deliver a slice of whatever it is that they do.

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls - those titular Nuts on that likewise titular Road - return from an extended bout of exhaustion just in time to spend an ungodly amount of time discussing Widgett's hypothetical transformation into a celebrity salt lick in a sad version of Indecent Proposal.

Ken and Dana return - Well, Ken was already there, facing down the DragonCon audience with only Widgett Walls and Aaron Poole by his side, when Dana makes his triumphant arrival, straight from the bathroom.

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls find themselves stranded at DragonCon in front of an audience out for their blood, with their only defence being a few karaoke tracks, an Irish drifter known as Cabineer Aaron Poole, and the imminent arrival of one Dana Snyder.

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls return return from their weekly putt-putt sabbatical to delve deep into their psyches and extract the mystery behind some childhood food traumas.

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls return from walkabout to find that one of them has become addicted to that most holy of chickens - a realization that spawns not only a giant Cosby battle, but also Muppet deathmatches. Wokka wokka WOK-KAA!

Ken Plume and Widgett Walls - those titular Nuts on that likewise titular Road - return just in time to take a special trip to visit redneck Oz, discuss upcoming DragonCon plans, veer wildly into a monstrous mash-up between the painter of light and the king of all monsters, recover enough to send Bob Ross to Middle-Earth, and then just give up completely before skidding to the end.

Ken and Widge return. That about sums it up.

Ken and Widge return. That about sums it up.

Here we have a very special episode of Nuts on the Road. Oh, one last thing: we're very, very sorry.

As we careen towards the night of Christmas Eve, Ken and I thought that it would be a good thing if we all stopped to consider what Christmas was all about. Namely, World War I aerial dogfights.

And as a very special warning: this episode was recorded live in the car on our recent trip to Miami. It's very, very, very long.

Discussed: What you should not do with the wind. Ken's jammies. Tiny. Wikipedia and its clique. Nerdspeak. Chaotic evil assholes. The AssGuard. Dinosaurs and their tails.

Discussed: Harmonicas. Double harmonicas. Bass harmonicas. Mental steel drums. Gangs. The Grand Conspiracy. The Vatican. The Templars. Vampires. Really terrible accents. Pasta. Really terrible pasta. Singing.

Discussed: Magic. Boxers. Briefs. Monkeys. The iPod Challenge. Editing. The destruction of cherished childhood memories, all of them yours.

Discussed: The creation of the Official Nuts on the Road Shitlist; Ken's affections for beef stew; Widge's affections for pizza; thin crust vs. not; singing in a round; why Widge is an escapee from an 80s cartoon. And more. But yet, less.

Discussed: The disappointment of "Crystal Skull," the complete lack of Sallah in said film, and the vocal stylings of Bob Dylan.

"Nuts on the Road" is the latest timewasting podcast from the people who brought you the year 1978. It's a whimsical search for the inner child in sliced ham everywhere. Enjoy.