Out of All Doors

 Everything's back to normal, for better or worse. Get ready for many more episodes exactly like they were before the accelerationism and the hyperaccelerationism.

 The final nail in the coffin. Or maybe the second-to-final. No editing whatsoever. That sound is my wall-unit air conditioner, or maybe my refrigerator. 

 Down, down, down, down, down, down, down, faster, faster, faster. Also, these are releasing early-ish in the month now, not crammed in right at the end.

 Either dead or dying, you decide. Also, I'm gonna start aiming to release these early in months, not late. Like, the 1st, 2nd, 3rd. Dates like these. You know the dates I mean. This doesn't have anything to do with the accelerationism.

 In decline, a shadow, wandering in the wilderness. Only an instinctive adherence to instinct can save us.

 The shortness I have long promised is really here this time, in preparation for the month with the shortest day: December. Carols for caroling, Listener becomes Contributor and yes, he's real. He IS real!

 In the intro, I say the episode is shorter than an hour but it's actually longer than an hour. There's a tale of terror from my real life. Atypical organization. We do not condone occult practices.

 It's short. They're short now. Get used to it. Listen, I explain in the episode. If you know of any contributors who have died, let me know.

 Shortness as a virtue. I postponed the Waders segment for at least another month, get off my back. A trap is sprung.

 This is a bonus Special Out of All Doors Eclipse Special. Do not click "play" expecting great, great length.

 The origins of names, a welcome review, surprising professionalism, road-trip essentials, skippings, Bonus: Guild Wars III: Rites of the Titans: "Every piece of legislation is battleworthy!"

June has the longest day and now also the shortest episode of Out of All Doors, I think. Cousin Ben and Dwayne push their luck. Greng will probably be dead soon. Priests buy lemonade. Batteries you can't conceive of.

Everything back in its proper place, many unhelpful emails spread across two segments, light-hearted talk of castration, Greng gets yelled at.

Am I supposed to write something here?

LC dictates much of the content, The Saint joins Bird Parliament, one true Scotsman, impersonator impersonations, Hobo Skool, a sad new low for a certain segment, Greng endangers us all.  

 Formatting purists are going to "give birth to a cow." Skip the Underappreciated Nature segment, it's a disaster. If you listen to Regarding the Dawn, you may be asked to testify in court on their behalf. Greng's Des Moines delusion breaks me down.

 Sometimes if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself, but then Greng calls in from "Mexico" to be a fly in the ointment. This is my second attempt at posting this. It didn't show up on iTunes the first time.

Don't let anyone limit your shepherds. A Campfire of...something surprising! Dickensian again but give it a chance! People you'd meet on the taiga if you didn't die first (you would).

 Our bold war on inanity begins here, mostly in the intro. The Gentlemen encourage dark consumerism. An aged art teacher wants to believe he's made a difference but hasn't. Casey and Jason search in vain for a reality that suits them.

 Welcome to Watch Your Step, the future home of allllllll of my Lofty Longings fan fiction! This is just an introduction to Lofty Longings to help the ignorant among you catch up on the source material.

Feel free to call it "a comeback." The Gentlemen bring you more costumes, hobos do as they do as do dawn regarders. Is Fall real?

 All of The Battery segments from Episode 1 through Episode 22. No Greng, no flood poems, no Let's Call the Whole Thing Off clips. Only...The Battery.

 This is not an episode of Out of All Doors. This is a 2.5-hour telling of the history of Seriously Books with Squall, Matt, and me (Adam). Not for the faint of heart.

 This episode is enormous. I don't even want to tell you how big it is. I'm too embarrassed.

 Talk of gifts for all, hobos enter the fray, a possible on-air death, and stay tuned after the credits for the genesis of the legend of SeriouslyBot 8000.

 No one believed in us, we assume. NO one (we assume)!

 You disgust us, Jeremy.

 It's our longest episode ever as everyone tries to find a way into listener Andrew's heart except Greng, who isn't allowed to try.

Write to us, please. PLEASE! And Greng almost doesn't blow it, which is a miracle in itself.

Harrison the fugitive (not THAT Harrison The Fugitive), the Ghost Bat Queen is sad, and 10+ minutes of Gentlemen's Mills Snowchums Figurines.

Possum plays, the end of Corndog, Mediumline is a rip-off, never use it.

 Now HERE is a real episode of Out of All Doors made by living humans. Cousin Ben makes peace, Harrison overshares, the hermits are stirring, you make an ill-advised wager. 

 try to hear this epsode very veru very soon its real and must be heeded

We celebrate our One Year Anniversary in style: by releasing our September episode on the first day of October!

We put the "out" in "cookout." Well, we didn't put it there, but we noticed it there. Eldon Langley pursues the mysterious Stump Ape or something. And the Multiverse gets too confusing. 

The Saint is alive, an "apology" almost happens, melodious protest, lies, and I promise steps will be taken to deal with the flood-poem situation.

Adam doesn't keep a diary, isn't getting married, and Cousin Ben can't think about anything except floods.

It's The Birthday Month and Out of All Doors has a birthday fever of 112 Fahrenheit! To be clear, it isn't Out of All Doors's birthday.

 I found a rainstorm sound effect and I did not hesitate to deploy it. Liberally.

Returns and absences. Harrison's computer broke. A tribute to a fallen "comrade." But, on the other hand, a revealing glimpse into The Saint's peculiar methods. It seems like an air of hopefulness should be hovering over this episode, but is it? Listen and decide.

This month, focus on what Out of All Doors has and not on what it doesn't have, like The Saint and Matt and Squall and Woodsman Wisdom. They'll be back in due course. In the meantime, have some of that Greng you've been clamoring for.

Adversaries, usurpers, treachery, and the repeated use of a non-word that I will not use here nor anywhere.

This episode features many of your favorite segments, but with a "chilly" twist. If you're wondering why, look outside. It's winter, you dolt, Merry Christmas.

At Out of All Doors, we love the season of the harvest. We want you to listen to this episode, yes, but don't forget to harvest, especially crops.

 I ran out of space listing segments last time, but there's a bunch of them again this time, many of them seasonally appropriate.

 Intro, Welcome, Indoors vs. Outdoors, Frankly Frank, 5 People You Meet on the Trail, Diary of a Dust Bowl Farmer, Outdoor Pet Peeves, The Battery, The Saint's Bestiary, Featherwood Frames, The Campfire of Chills, Gentleman's Mills, Woodsman Wisdom, Squall Takes the Bait, Visualization Exercise, Contact Info & Sign-Off.