over explained

I reflect on the podcasts I’ve done so far. The inspiration I began with was met by the reality of recording, listening over, doing retakes and editing episodes. I had to find a new kind of motivation in order to keep going. I was rewarded at the end with a grounded sense of what I’m capable of right now. Maybe I can find a way forward from here.01:10 driven by inspiration04:17 grinding 07:35 space to reflect
09:15 seeing what I’m capable of

Anxiety in dating can appear as this child part of us wanting to know it’s going to be okay. It sees the person we like or our partner as someone who can meet this need for reassurance. However, it’s a lot to put this on someone else, for both parties.It puts us in this situation where someone has a lot of influence over our emotions and inner space. This can be heavy and agitating, and over time cause us to feel out of control of our lives.Seeing this, it can be easy to dislike or reject this part of us. However, if we learn to relate to it, to see it for what it is, it can teach us how to live with greater vulnerability and openness. It’s a hard road, but it’s worth going through.00:00 intro02:17 the tension in dating03:46 anxiety as a need for reassurance06:03 accepting our situation and learning to soothe ourselves09:04 learning to relate to the child who seeks reassurance10:50 it’s okay to make mistakes12:20 why we bother relating to our anxious self

When our desire for connection twists on itself it becomes social anxiety. We become focused on the thing we said wrong, if we look weird or are being too awkward, rather than the connection in front of us. It’s a real shame.Though, we’re not stuck here. There’s three main spots our social anxiety crops up. If we can question it, point our attention back to the present, and soothe our worries, we can move forward.00:10 relating better to anxiety02:15 what is social anxiety04:12 anxiety before an interaction07:34 anxiety during an interaction
11:04 anxiety after socialising
14:35 summary

We get anxiety when our fear response goes haywire. Fear is there to protect us from danger, but in modern life it can become the danger. We start to fear our own fear response, that’s anxiety in a nutshell.If we can’t find a way forward, it might be good to take a step back. With this distance, we can develop mental skills and confidence. Then we can re-engage when we’re in a better position.This episode we learn the skill of enquiry, which is to bring curious skepticism to what our mind says to us.01:50 what is anxiety?03:33 how did we get here?08:05 summary of how did we get here?09:23 the way forward10:48 inquiry meditation15:12 summary17:01 guided meditation

In modern life, it seems harder to chill and relax than it is achieve and do more. Why is that? As we go about our day, we experience many emotions, and when we face tough situations we don’t get the time to process them. They pile up and up, and when we finally get time to ourselves, we become overwhelmed by just how many emotions there are to process. This makes it really difficult to relax.The mental skill of expanding awareness can help us with processing our emotions so we can find a space in us where we can relax.01:30 how did we get here?04:40 how we accumulate emotions06:54 clear expectations about relaxing08:50 the mental skill of expanding awareness
13:35 summary

Overthinking is when we spend more time in our thoughts trying to make the perfect choices for our lives then actually living our lives. The reason we over think is complex, but the mental skill of catching ourselves lost in thought can help us better see what is going on.01:26 refresh on meditation for mental skills04:28 mindfulness meditation, catching ourselves lost in thought07:03 noticing the quality of thought09:14 noticing how we feel when we overthink
11:20 how this applies to over thinking
13:03 summary

We may have missed learning some mental skills as we grew up Skills  such as noticing when we're distracted, managing our emotions or introspection.As the world has grown more challenging, not having these mental skills has begun to cause surprisingly gnarly internal problems like anxiety, rumination and an inability to focus.Meditation creates a space for us to train the mind. There, we can overcome the deficit in mental skills which has led to these internal problems.

Warmth to me is something I love. It’s this sense of reassurance, of comfort and cosiness. So what makes something stay warm long after you’ve encountered it? This is what I get a new perspective on through the short story ironically named “Not Warm at All” by Banana Yoshimoto. It’s about a writer reflecting on her first love.

Some warm and cosy things fade away and some seem to seep into us and are stored as if in a room inside us. Encountering this concept made me question the experience of warmth and the sense it gives.

I shaved my hair. I felt relieved but it is quickly followed by terror. I could no longer use my appearance to get validation. I had to find a new way.

I was hiding. I knew something about myself but I wasn’t able to confront it yet. I used an image of my life to avoid the truth. It worked for awhile, but I couldn’t keep it up forever.00:00 hiding and background02:00 hair loss03:43 anxiety06:51 coming out of hiding

I’ve had a few “wait, that’s it?” moments in my life. It’s when years of struggle suddenly dissolve into a simple truth. My biggest one taught me why I couldn’t handle modern life, and why I felt out of control of my own path.00:00 wait, that's it?02:01 my biggest "wait, that's it?"06:30 becoming the person I need