Phil and Lisa Ruin the Movies

Phil and Lisa dive into the oeuvre of Ben Stiller and can’t sanction his buffoonery. Plus, gangster movies! Comic book movies! Evan Hansen! And an extended visit from Harvey Keitel and his… um…. accoutrement. Movies ruined: Lansky, Dear Evan Hansen, The Eternals, Zoolander, Ran. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Unplug your brain and enjoy the lava-stained madness of Skyfire, a big-budget Chinese action picture that throws some work Jason Isaacs’ way. Also, we look at two trailers featuring far less enjoyable mayhem and absolutely no Lucius Malfoy. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Randy Newman may love L.A., but he doesn’t love it as much as Phil and Lisa love movies about L.A. Best of all, there is no actual Randy Newman in this podcast. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

With no trailers to watch, Phil and Lisa turn their attention to Disney’s Fairy Tale Weddings, proving there’s no joyous occasion they can’t ruin. Movies Ruined: Jurassic Park, The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, Singin’ in the Rain, The Thomas Crown Affair (1968). Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Lisa confuses her world wars, Phil strips people of their Oscar nominations and William Shatner stops by to share his favorite 19th century works of literature. Plus, we battle pandemics with a song in our heart and fluffy musicals on our TV. Movies Ruined: “The King’s Man”; “1917”; “Little Women” (2019); “Footlight Parade”; “Finian’s Rainbow”. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa cope with the hysterical blindness triggered by “Cats.” But fortunately, there are many new trailers to ruin, including several from the thick-knuckled lummoxes at DC Comics. Movies Ruined: “Cats”, “Dolittle”, “Birds of Prey”, “Wonder Woman 84”, “Layer Cake”, “Dolemite Is My Name”. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

In this spoiler-filled episode, we give The Rise of Skywalker a thorough going-over. Plus, we discover a not-as-terrible-as-you-might-think addition to our carousel of bad holiday made-for-TV movies. And Phil has a nasty break-up with Jennifer Lawrence. Movies Ruined: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Avengers: Endgame, The Irishman, Black Widow, Turkey Drop. Host Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

In this crossover with episode 480 of The Incomparable, Phil and Lisa break down the draft choices made in the X-Men draft. It not you, it Gambit. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Send in the clowns. Those murderous clowns. Let’s put them in movies and shows. Those thrice-damned clowns. Movies Ruined: It, Chapter 2; The Joker; Little Women; Becket; Angry Birds 2; Kung Fu Hustle; Ip Man Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

This episode is better than Cats. You will listen to it again and again. Movies Ruined: Cats, Baby Driver, Inglorious Basterds, Hateful Eight, Mask of Dimitrios, Scott Pilgrim, first Monday in May, Wendy Whelan: Restless Creature. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Lisa prepares a video essay on what’s wrong with the Marvel franchise while Phil sees children’s movie after children’s movie. Also, let’s get woke, in-flight movie-style! Movies Ruined: Ralph Breaks the Internet, Dumbo (2019), Hotel Transylvania 3, Avengers: Infinity War, Avengers: Endgame, Captain Marvel, Battle of the Sexes, Ocean’s Eight. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa are back to discuss a trailer of a movie they haven’t seen — tough luck, Mary Poppins — and several movies they have. And Phil feuds with beloved Twitter philosopher Lin-Manuel Miranda. Movies Ruined: Mary Poppins Returns, Blade Runner 2049, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri, Edge of Seventeen, The Gringo, Yellowstone. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa return, with a journey into the horrors of independent cinema, a brief rundown of movies you can watch on planes and the actors Phil can’t bear to watch (an abbreviated list). Movies Ruined: Death of Stalin, Flower, Unsane, Ghost Stories, Rampage, Wind River, Darkest Hour, Battle of the Sexes, Tomb Raider, Ramenheads, Itzhak. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

In a shocking departure from their brand, Phil and Lisa stop talking about movie trailers to get real about Oscar-nominated songs from the 1980s. Is there singing in this episode? Not if you’re one of those busybodies from ASCAP, there’s not. Movies Ruined: “Mom and Dad”, “Against All Odds”, “Fame”, “Dirty Dancing”, “Top Gun”, “Working Girl”, “Rocky III”, “Princess Bride”, “Arthur”, “Tootsie”, “Do the Right Thing”, “Aladdin” Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa take on “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” in a spoilerific episode filled with your daily recommended allowance of Porgs. They also discuss popular blockbusters “Film Stars Don’t Die in Liverpool” and “Death of Stalin”, while shining some light on obscure cult favorites “Ready Player One” and “Avengers: Infinity War.” Host Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa return to mull over the Wrinkle In Time trailer, talk about movies they saw on airplanes and figure out who this generation’s Peter O’Toole is. Also, can you name Pittsburgh’s three rivers, because we sure have trouble. And Mickey Mouse returns for his cut. Movies Ruined: Wrinkle in Time, The Post, Red Sparrow, Coco, Hell or High Water, Fences, La La Land, Dancer Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

In this episode we take on “Blade Runner 2049”, shake our heads at “Marvel’s Inhumans”, and sing a song of “Top Cat”. Plus, everyone’s favorite X-Man drops by for a visit. Movies Ruined: “Blade Runner 2049”, “Marvel’s Inhumans”, “Jumanji”, “The Greatest Showman”, “Top Cat Begins”, “The Friends of Eddie Coyle”, “Crimson Tide”. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

We should be talking about trailers for “Black Panther”, “Flatliners” and “Only Living Boy in New York”, but Phil and Lisa have a bone to pick with Tom Cruise and “Valkyrie” first. Also: Songs we loved ruined by movies! And late 80s/early 90s pictures we hope Hollywood reboots next. Movies Ruined: Black Panther, Flatliners, Only Living Boy in New York, Valkyrie, Diggstown, The Verdict (1946), Silence of the Lambs, Sleepless in Seattle. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Wonder Woman proved that someone can make a good DC movie. Justice League looks like someone doesn’t want to make a habit of that. But what other delights await you at the cineplex this summer? Movies Ruined: Wonder Woman, Justice League, Spiderman: Homecoming, Atomic Blonde, Rough Night, Murder on the Orient Express, The Mummy. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

It’s a very Charlie Hunnam episode as we look at the “King Arthur” and “Lost City of Z(ed)” trailers, followed up by “Boss Baby” and “Alien: Covenant.” One of those is about a parasitic lifeform who terrorizes a crew of humans; the other is about space explorers. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

While the rest of you were watching sportsball this weekend, Phil and Lisa paid extra-close attention to the many movie trailers that debuted during the big game. Their verdict? Stick to sports. Movies Ruined: The Road to Wellness, The Fate of the Furious, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Life, Ghost in the Shell, Transformers: The Last Knight, Baywatch. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Instead of just complaining about trailers for movies they’ll never see, Phil and Lisa go next level to complain about award nominations for films they’ve not watched. Also, a haunting rendition of college fight songs. Movies Ruined: Dunkirk, Trainspotting 2, Logan Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa share their thoughts on the latest Disney animated movie, skewer two upcoming releases from Pixar and Disney and tempt violent retribution from fans of Lin-Manuel Miranda and Mandy Patinkin. Movies Mentioned: Moana, Cars 3, Beauty & The Beast (2017), The Journey, The Outlaw, True Grit (1969), Red River, Lego Batman. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Excited about all the movies based on funny books that had people talking at Comic-Con this past weekend? Well, let Phil and Lisa sneer at your joy. But at least there’s a tender rendition of “It’s Raining Men” to put a song in your heart. Movies ruined: Justice League, Wonder Woman, Dr. Strange, Kong: Skull Island, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, Snowden. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Blake Lively battles a shark, and who wins? You do, America. Also, we return to some animated children’s movies and talk Pixar sequels, before Mickey Mouse stops by to wet his beak a little bit. And finally: Musicals! Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

The upcoming “Pete’s Dragon” remake sends Phil and Lisa on a trip down memory lane about the terrible Disney live-action pictures of their youth. Also, Lisa freaks out Phil about “The Rescuers,” and we assess the career of cinematic giant Tom Cruise. Movies Ruined: “Pete’s Dragon” (both of them), “Jack Reacher: Never Go Back.” Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Lisa talks up the terrible trailers she saw before watching Popstar, while Phil wonders why so many movies about sports icons are so very terrible. Also, Miles Teller gets renamed Ol’ Slappy. Plus, a pledge break! Movies Ruined: Magnificent Seven (2016), Pele: Birth of a Legend, Race, Purge: Election Year, War Dogs, Sausage Party, Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Bad Moms? More like Sad Moms once Lisa Schmeiser gets through ripping it. Also, Phil reminisces about fits of pique by Charlton Heston and Dennis Boutsikaris. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Thanks to the generosity of a listener, Phil and Lisa watch “Burnt” and then resolve never to ask anything of listeners again. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Maybe Melissa McCarthy should just skip this episode. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa ruin The Jungle Book and Gods of Egypt and hope against hope that Zoolander 2 and Hail Caesar will warm their curdled hearts. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Ruining “X-Men: Apocalypse”, “Suicide Squad”, and “Captain America: Civil War.” Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa ruin “The Martian”, “Spectre”, “Jobs”, and “In the Heart of the Sea”. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa ruin “The Finest Hours,” “Everest,” “The Martian,” and Kevin Costner’s career—or wait, maybe Kevin Costner did that last one himself. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa ruin “Jem and the Holograms” and “Ant-Man.” Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Paul Rudd goes method and builds an ant farm. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa ruin “Magic Mike XXL.” Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Superhero movies and old actors and tangents. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa ruin Batman movies, Batman TV shows, plus other superhero things. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil hasn’t seen any of the Oscar nominees, because he hates watching movies with other people. Lisa has seen a few. But that isn’t going to stop them from ruining all the Oscar nominees. They’d ruin the Oscars themselves, but the Academy seems to have done a good job of that on its own… (Apologies for the echoey audio quality of this episode. We’re working on improving the Schmeiser-Michaels home studio for future podcasts.) Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

In this issue, Phil and Lisa talk about “Into the Woods,” based on the musical. Phil is a big musical theater fan, and enjoys Sondheim, so this puts him in a difficult position. Plus, the presidents sing “Annie.” Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa ruin Christmas with their critiques of holiday movies from the Hallmark channel. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa refuse to ruin “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” because they refuse to acknowledge teaser trailers, but… they still spend 10 minutes talking about it. Then they ruin “50 Shades of Gray.” Lisa explains to Phil that the book started as “Twilight” fan fiction, which leads them down a deep, dark hole of “Twilight” details. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa ruin “Jurassic World,” a movie nobody’s even seen! Also fantasy casting a “Day the Clown Cried” remake. Phil recalls women soccer players while Lisa admits to being a dinosaur nerd. Then Lisa uses her biology and business knowledge to debunk the entire premise of “Jurassic Park.” There is also singing. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Phil and Lisa ruin “Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill For” and “Lucy.” Also: the original “Sin City,” “V” the miniseries, the politics of Latveria, “Dark Angel,” Walter the muppet, “Rock of Ages,” “The Last Starfighter,” “She’s Crafty,” Peanuts, Orson Welles, “Her,” “Match Point,” “Dancing With the Stars,” and fish sticks. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.

Philip Michaels and Lisa Schmeiser have spent hours speculating on the details of the movie “The Purge.” On the special occasion of the release of the sequel film, “The Purge: Anarchy,” we bring you a discussion about the logic of “The Purge” from two people who have not seen it, but will not let that stop them from ruining it for everyone else. Lisa Schmeiser and Philip Michaels.