Pour It On

In this episode of Pour It On, Chris recounts his recent 30-year reunion with his fellow submarine officers from the USS Trepang. The trio explores if/how "shared intensity"--whether in the isolated, high-stakes environment of a fast-attack submarine or the high-pressure "bubble" of the White House--creates a permanent, unique bond that survives decades of silence.The conversation dives into the pragmatic challenges of maintaining these connections as we age, the "ROI" of social investment, and the profound fulfillment that comes from being truly witnessed by those who knew us before we became who we are today. From the logistical hurdles of "scheduling hassle" to the emotional payoff of vulnerability, Chris, Shaun, and Ben offer a heterodox look at why we often resist reunions yet find them life-giving once they occur.Key Takeaways:[05:30] The Shared Intensity Factor: How high-stakes environments like the military or the White House forge bonds that may differ from standard relationships.[15:10] The "Moment in Time" Trap: Ben reflects on the advice he received about leaving the White House--embracing a marvelous experience without constantly chasing that same high.[25:30] The Logistics of Connection: Shaun and Ben discuss the friction of "scheduling hassle" and why someone must step up as the "instigator" to make reconnection happen.[32:45] Vulnerability and Aging: The hosts consider whether men may find it easier to be "beautifully vulnerable" later in life and the power of "real talk" over trivial conversation.[36:00] Being Witnessed: A look at why it is uniquely fulfilling to be seen by people who knew your "formative" self.Resources Mentioned:USS Trepang (SSN 674): The Sturgeon-class fast-attack submarine Chris served on.USS Iowa (SSN 797): The second newest submarine in the fleet that Chris’s group toured during their reunion.Fr. Michael Himes: Referenced regarding the fulfillment of being witnessed or seen (link is to the If You've Come This Far episode)

In this episode of Pour It On, Shaun, Ben, and Chris gather on a Saturday morning to explore the elusive nature of wisdom. Moving beyond simple definitions, the trio discusses how wisdom differs from mere intelligence and why it is so often rooted in humility and lived experience.The conversation starts with a classic analogy—knowing a tomato is a fruit versus knowing not to put it in a fruit salad—and evolves into a deep dive into how we apply what we’ve learned to help others. From the boardrooms of New York to the bleachers of Yankee Stadium, they reflect on the moments when "knowing" takes a backseat to "understanding".TakeawaysWisdom vs. Knowledge: While knowledge is the accumulation of facts, wisdom is the contextual application of experience to help others navigate their own challenges.The Humility Factor: True wisdom is not about dictating "the way" to others; it involves respecting different perspectives and remaining curious rather than becoming a "mentor bully".Cross-Generational Learning: Wisdom isn't strictly tied to age. Younger generations often offer profound insights by focusing on the "why" and prioritizing connection over convenience.Vulnerability as a Tool: Sharing stories of past fears and mistakes—like Ben's "car-chase" story—can be a more effective way to transfer wisdom than simply listing successes.The Power of Curiosity: A wise approach to leadership and parenting involves asking "what ails you?" and being genuinely curious about another person's reality.Chapters00:00 Saturday Morning Check-in: Brooklyn Geography and Palm Springs Highlights02:12 The Tomato Analogy: Knowledge vs. Intelligence vs. Wisdom03:55 Contextual Counseling: How Wisdom Shows Up in the Workplace07:06 EQ vs. Quant: The "Kelloggian" Perspective on Leadership08:50 Avoiding the "Mentor Bully": The Role of Humility in Being Wise10:48 Vulnerability at 80 MPH: Sharing Lessons with the Next Generation14:50 Wisdom and Love: Asking "What Ails You?"19:34 The Wisdom of a 14-Year-Old: Lessons from Yankee Stadium25:45 The Only Question That Matters: Why the "Why" is Everything28:34 Closing Reflections: A Future Kid-Led Episode?

In this episode, the trio dives into the multifaceted nature of life transitions, sparked by Ben's recent move to a new job at age 55. They explore the emotional spectrum of change—ranging from the initial spark of excitement to the "deep gulp" of uncertainty that comes with stepping into the unknown. The conversation contrasts the feeling of being the instigator of change versus having transitions forced upon you, while also reflecting on how generational views on career longevity have shifted. Finally, they touch on personal milestones, such as children growing up and the "superpower" of asking for specific help during times of flux.TakeawaysTransitions often mirror the arc of grief, moving through waves of excitement, hope, and worry.Actively seeking change can provide a sense of control and intentionality in one’s life.Even with extensive experience, new transitions can still trigger a "deep gulp" of fear and the need to relearn behaviors.Change serves as an energy source, helping to build "new muscles" through adaptation to different environments and cultures.While previous generations found stability in 40-year careers at one company, modern transitions often offer necessary intellectual stimulation.Personal transitions, such as children leaving for college or getting married, are significant shifts that require emotional recalibration.Admitting the need for help and being specific about that request is a crucial tool for navigating difficult transitions.The support found in "affinity groups" or close friendships is invaluable because most transitions are not unique to the individual.Chapters00:00 Introduction and Chris’s recent swim meet03:52 Introducing the Topic: Life and Career Transitions05:13 The Emotional Trajectory: Excitement to Worry06:36 Being the Instigator vs. Forced Change08:08 The "Deep Gulp" of Starting Over10:14 Building "New Muscles" Through Change13:58 Generational Shifts in Career Longevity17:58 Personal Transitions: Empty Nesting and Growing Children21:55 The "Superpower" of Asking for Help26:12 Closing Reflections and Seeking Specific Support

In this episode, we delve into the profound topic of grief, sharing our personal experiences with loss and exploring the complexities of navigating emotions associated with it. We discuss the different models of grief, the impermanence of life, and how children perceive and react to loss. The conversation emphasizes the importance of open dialogue about grief and the necessity of support systems during difficult times.TakeawaysGrief is a complex and personal experience that varies for everyone.The first year after a loss can be particularly challenging.Grief can manifest not only from death but also from other forms of loss.The five stages of grief are not a linear process and can vary greatly.It's important to allow oneself to feel and express grief in a healthy way.Children may not fully understand loss but can provide valuable perspectives.The concept of impermanence can help in processing grief.Life continues to grow around grief, allowing for healing over time.Open conversations about grief can foster understanding and support.Modeling emotional honesty for children is crucial in their understanding of loss.Chapters00:00 Introduction and Personal Updates01:52 Navigating Grief: Personal Experiences09:57 Understanding Grief: Models and Perspectives19:53 The Impermanence of Life and Grief29:53 Children's Perspectives on Loss37:46 Conclusion and Reflections on Grief

In this episode, Shaun, Ben, and Chris discuss the difference between being alone and feeling lonely. They share their experiences of cherishing alone time and how it can be a source of joy, the impact of the pandemic on human connection, how technology can both help and hinder connection, how loneliness can be exacerbated by societal expectations and the importance of intentionality in maintaining real connections, and more.

Ben is the host for the latest episode and he asks the question, "What makes a healthy life?" The guys explore the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of being healthy. They discuss joy, connection, hiking, stress management, mindfulness, push-ups and cold showers, cocktails, Baskin Robbins ice cream (Banana Marshmallow?), the power of discipline and routinization, balance, and more.

Chris hosts this episode exploring the Henry Ford heuristic, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." The guys delve into mindset as a factor for success and personal growth, taking on cooking (brownie pudding!), being in a slump, Monty Python, Ina Garten, Yoda, directing traffic and more.

In the first episode of 2026, hosts Ben, Chris, and Shaun discuss their experiences with fame and legacy. Prompted by Shaun's wife and daughter's attendance at the Palm Springs International Film Festival, the guys discuss the lure and the "bubble" of fame. They share anecdotes of run-ins with famous folks and Ben's work in the ultimate bubble, the White House. They debate the impact of fame on personal lives, emphasizing the importance of genuine human connections and the desire for a meaningful legacy.

In this episode, Ben, Shaun, and Chris discuss the concept of life's chapters, reflecting on past experiences and current reflections. They explore how men of a certain age navigate life transitions, emphasizing the importance of being aware of one's current chapter and when it's time to move on. The conversation highlights the value of continuous improvement, personal fulfillment, and the importance of embracing life's journey, both its successes and challenges.

In this episode, Chris is the host and the topic is time. The boys discuss the importance of time as the real currency of life, sharing personal anecdotes about how they prioritize their time. They delve into the value of being present, especially in family and work contexts, and how their perspectives on time management have evolved with age. The conversation highlights the significance of intentionality and the impact of long-term relationships, emphasizing the need to make the most of limited time.

In this episode, the guys explore "gambling on life," risk-taking, and its impact on society. The conversation delves into the broader implications of risk, including its psychological and societal effects. They share personal anecdotes and the importance of taking calculated risks in life and career. The discussion emphasizes the balance between risk and reward, and the value of taking chances in personal growth and connection.

In the 10th episode, Ben, Chris, and Shaun discuss the challenges of turning big problems into manageable ones. Ben reflects on his children's book, "Big Problems, Little Problems," and its impact on his life and others. They also explore the concept of role modeling problem-solving and the significance of empathy and resilience. Each of the guys share personal anecdotes, highlighting the importance of small wins and the value of community and support in navigating life's challenges.

Chris hosts this episode and focuses on the concept of essentialism, as outlined in Greg McEwan's book of the same name.. They discuss people pleasing, learning to say no to non-essential tasks, the challenge of essentialism in a culture that glorifies busyness, the importance of prioritizing tasks, setting boundaries, and aligning personal and professional goals, and more.

In this episode, Shaun hosts and is wondering whether every "conversation" is either one based in love or based in fear and can you love everyone. With this theme, the boys explore the nuances of love, fear, the impact of small acts of kindness, a great day of football, the definition of love, the value of genuine connection and selflessness, and more.

In this episode, hosted by Chris, the guys discuss the issue of "social capital" the focus of Robert Putnam's book "Bowling Alone" and Pete Davis' documentary "Join or Die." They share personal experiences and insights on the importance of community and authentic connections. They explore how technology, particularly social media, has disrupted traditional forms of social interaction, the need for intentionality in joining groups, and the courage to commit to real connections.

In episode 6, Ben tees up the issue of "bro culture." They explore the difference between being a man and a bro, defining bro culture as hyper-masculine behaviors. They cover the x-y axis of masculinity, being male vs. being human, quiche, the power of conditioning, Superman, and more.

In episode five of "Pour It On," Shaun, Ben, and Chris discuss the pressures and challenges of living in a monetized world. Ben emphasizes the importance of financial security and the stress of comparison in New York City. Chris shares his struggles with the "arrival fallacy" and the pressure to maintain status. They all agree on the importance of balancing financial stability with personal fulfillment and the need to prioritize basic needs over material possessions. The conversation highlights the complexities of money, success, and personal value.

In this episode of the "Pour It On" podcast, hosts Ben Feller, Shaun Emerson, and Chris Lozier discuss the pressures and expectations men face in their daily lives. They explore how societal and personal expectations can impact mental health and well-being. Ben shares his struggle with daily tasks and the pressure to be productive, while Shaun and Chris emphasize the importance of living in the moment and practicing gratitude. They also touch on the benefits of meditation and mindfulness, and how these practices can help manage stress and improve overall well-being. The conversation highlights the need for men to acknowledge and address their expectations to lead healthier, more balanced lives.

In this episode of Pour It On, Chris, Ben, and Shaun dive into the timeless question: What advice would we give to our 10-year-old selves? Join us as we explore personal stories, lessons learned, and the wisdom we've gained over the years. From embracing freedom and relaxation to fostering a positive mindset, we share insights that we hope may resonate across generations. Tune in for a heartfelt conversation that encourages reflection and growth. #LifeLessons #ReflectAndGrow.

In episode two of "Pour It On," hosts Shaun Emerson, Ben Feller, and Chris discuss the importance of male friendship, life's challenges, and the value of intentionality in relationships. Shaun shares his experience hiking the Nietzsche Path in France, reflecting on the poem, Zarathustra, and its themes of friendship. Ben emphasizes the need for reciprocity and authenticity in friendships, while Chris highlights the challenge of balancing new and existing friendships. They also touch on the significance of managing time and effort in maintaining friendships, the importance of self-grace, and the joy of unexpected connections.

Ben Feller, Shaun Emerson, and Chris Lozier introduce their new podcast, "Pour It On," focusing on male friendship, life challenges, and joys. Ben, a father, writer, and former White House correspondent, emphasizes the importance of authentic male conversations. Shaun, a principal at Men Living, highlights the need to normalize deeper discussions among men. Chris, a former submarine officer and bluegrass musician, shares his excitement about the podcast. They discuss the significance of genuine check-ins and vulnerability, touching on personal topics like fatherhood, mental health, and recent life changes. The podcast aims to foster real community and connection among men.Learn more about Ben hereLearn more about Chris hereLearn more about Shaun here