Salt and Light Marriages

Join us for an up close and personal guest visit to our vow renewal. 20 years of “marriage” but a lot of those years as a checklist.Growing up together turned into actually growing old together and learning what it means to choose each other.

Either you’re growing or you’re dying. That applies to you individually and to your marriage. Growth is to be celebrated and something to look forward to. That doesn’t mean it comes without pain. No matter how long you are together, there is always something to learn and you always have to keep your expectations in check because you didn’t marry you. Bottom line: do you want the best for your spouse? Always? And if not, are you ready to find out why?

Join us this week as we catch up! Life has been lifeing and it brought up all sorts of feelings and a reminder that everything is not always sunshine and rainbows- even good things. Society makes you think it shouldn’t be so hard if it’s the right job, house, person… But the truth is that’s not that truth. Some things are hard. Some things are worth fighting for and your relationship is one of them.

We’re back for another season. We had a summer that was anything but normal. We learned new lessons about ourselves, our marriage and gained perspective we never knew we needed.

As we close out season 1 of the podcast we decided to end on a truth some people aren’t loving. You have 2 choices: Change or stay the same. So many couples have come to us saying they want to know how we healed? How we saved our marriage? How do they get where we are? They love our words, not many love the commitment that went with it. The commitment to the heartache, the struggle, the pain, the change. But that is what got us here and we want you here with us!

Leadership and vulnerability on their own sound like they don’t go together. How can you be a man, be a leader, and be vulnerable with your wife? We want to offer the perspective that the two actually work together to make a man a leader and actually filter into other traits men desire like respect and trust. What happens if a passive role in your family has become the standard? This week we talk about how men take on leadership in the home or how they don’t. We also dig into how being a leader creates the space for vulnerability or how it should. Join us!

To “TRY” requires action. Seems obvious, except in marriage. So many people think they are trying. They tell us I tried, my spouse didn’t. But they never have any actions to back up the “try” If you are trying to save your marriage or trying to have a better marriage take a step back and see what actions are supporting your “try” We discuss what action looks like and how we personally realized we weren’t actually trying.

Sharing your “screw ups,” your mistakes, your testimony is not easy, but there is ONE.One person, one marriage, one family, one child whose life will be changed by your story. Your experience is the hope one person needs to know they aren’t alone. It will get easier, but it won’t always be easy. Will you be judged? Yep.Will people see you differently. Yep. Will everyone like you or appreciate you? Nope. Share it anyway.People are going to think and feel what they think and feel no matter you do. So be you! Like it or not everyone has a story and you learn best from someone who has walked that path and come out on the other side.

Like it or not, it takes two to make AND break a marriage. No one is ever showing up as their best self 100% of the time. Sometimes we recognize that in ourselves and sometimes not so much. Here is what’s 100%- Marriage will show you exactly who you are, how you react under stress, what you carry (even unrelated to your spouse), and what you try to ignore. Good or bad.And it takes work to get to that place for yourself and a lot of self reflection, ownership and self awareness.

Comparison isn’t just “keeping up with the Joneses’” and all of their stuff. It goes way beyond what you see online. It’s the small thoughts that creep on when you compare someone else’s behavior to your spouse. How someone dresses, talks, laughs. Or when you judge someone else because if you were their spouse, you would appreciate them better. You wouldn’t do xyz. It’s easy to commiserate with someone when you only get one side. Often we forget there are two sides to every story. You don’t see the sacrifice being made, the tears cried, the words spoken, the life lived behind closed doors. Or what someone is carrying for unhealed trauma months or years ago and how their spouse has had a front row seat to that. Comparison is the thief of joy and the downfall of the life you say you want.

PSA: Ian’s mic went out towards the end - ugh. So we apologize in advance for that inconvenience, but appreciate your continued support in our very real life, authentic life. We hope it helps! This week we talk about how much words matter in your marriage! Not just the words you speak out loud, but the ones you repeat in your head. The stories we continue to tell ourselves that draw a battle line we didn’t even know we were facing. Or one step further- when you say the words out loud what is the tone you use? Who are you sharing it with? Do you find yourself being more critical than uplifting? If you want a real marriage and not just a roommate then listen to this episode on how making small changes in your approach with words can really build the team mindset in your marriage… or break it if you don’t.

The question that plagues everyone after a betrayal situation. If you are the betrayed spouse you want to know why didn’t they just leave you? If you are the family and friends, you want to know why the person who got betrayed didn’t just leave? How did it even get to a point where this conversation is being had and why does it exist more than any of us know or want to admit? We dig into and more on this episode. You don’t want to miss it.If you or someone you know would benefit please share. This is happening so much more than most of us realize.

It’s “easy” to see what you missed after you went through it. That’s where we come in. If not us, find someone to help you walk through the most important relationship you will have because hindsight is 20/20.Join us this week as we recap what we learned during the Salt & Light couples retreat and not just the retreat, but over the last few months. The same roadblocks in marriage and relatives coming up from all different kinds of couples: not just the empty nesters, or those with a house full of kids, but all walk of life- even singles!

We are on retreat this weekend & we couldn’t be more excited & humbled. We have an amazing rescue & redemption story that we get to share.As we prepped for retreat we couldn’t help but look back on how far we have come. From the absolute darkest, most hopeless marriage to living and loving the life we always dreamed of. So we are doing a replay of our first episode “I want out.” Maybe you don’t have our exact situation, but you know you aren’t happy & this is not what you signed up for. Or you know a couple that is in that situation. We know how alone it feels at the bottom, but we know there is light just on the other side & you have to claw your way out to see it. We want to walk along side you to remind you that no matter where you are or have been, you are enough. It will get better & it is a choice. Love is an action word. It all started here. God took what we broke & madesomething beautiful & we will share that with anyone who needs the reminder. It can be you and your marriage too.

You often hear the road to hell is paved with good intentions. What about the road to a happy marriage? Or anything worth having is worth working for, but then if it’s meant to be it shouldn’t be this hard? The reality is everything in your life takes intention which is work. It doesn’t just come naturally and easy every day. We believe the road to a happy marriage isn’t paved at all. It’s gravel and full of potholes, for every single relationship. It takes self reflection, awareness, and a whole lot of grace on the journey, but it is so worth the effort.

It’s not just the expectations you have for your spouse that affect your marriage, but also the ones you have for yourself. Often this causes your pride to take a hit and instead of saying “I need you” we begin to get more critical of ourselves and in turn, our spouses.It also can cause us to project assumptions of what we think their reaction could be or even should be and there is the reason not to say anything… or so we think. Not to mention the issue of if we do tell them and they don’t do it the way we would do it- what a let down! And we tell them how wrong they are- especially when it comes to loading the dishwasher, folding the towels or helping with the kids. It’s not how we would do it. Clearly they are wrong. But how do those small moments add up and erode the relationship with the person we are supposed to be the most connected too?

Is there someone in your life that is always taking care of everyone and everything? Maybe your spouse, best friend, mentor? Part of making meaningful connections is the give and the take. It’s creates intimacy and vulnerability and a relationship that will stand the bad times and the great times.We discuss how we not only hope we are pouring into others, but how we have learned to let others pour into us too.And how this actually affects your marriage.

The first step in cultivating great relationships is creating the space for great communication. Join the guys for the second half of their conversation. The touch on faith, having kids Vs not, standards for themselves and others and much more.

Yall. There are not enough words to describe this episode! It’s so good and it’s only part 1!! Join Ian and two of our close friends in a guys side of the story. The guys sit down to discuss marriage as a newly wed, divorced and remarried and of course, recovering from a betrayal husband. Get the guys perspective on life, marriage, kids, how to be a leader, friend, provider… So many things. This is good!

It’s so important to be on the same page as your spouse. To be a team. But what happens when you don’t agree or have the same goals? We discuss how we have incorporated our “meeting of the minds” time into our marriage. It has been a game changer in so many ways. And it’s not some lovey dovey conversation we discuss our values, goals, expectations, and more. 10/10 recommend

During the interview with Shannon’s parents, Shannon’s dad said loosing his wife and his marriage was not worth any one else. This is something that hits different when you are in a marriage that has walked through betrayal, especially in the beginning stages of healing. Whether you stay or whether you leave, there is that lingering question of “why wasn’t I enough?” “Why wasn’t I worth staying faithful, being fought for, why didn’t our family matter?” We discuss how these questions and our personal value systems, or lack of, played out in the broken marriage we had and the redeemed marriage we have today.

This week we continue the conversation with Shannon’s parents on not only their marriage, but the front row seat they had to the destruction of ours. They will share their perspective on how they not only knew we weren’t in a good place, but also their reactions when they found out just how bad we were. They will also share how they dealt with Ian’s betrayal, us getting back together and moving forward. You don’t want to miss it!

Your in-laws. You either love them or hate them. There is just as much stereotype built around that relationship as there is around marriage itself. But what about after broken vows, a betrayal of trust, hurting somebody’s “little girl” or “momma’s boy” Then what? In this two part series, part 1, we dive into Shannon’s parents’ perspective on how they have made over 40 years of marriage not only a goal to be attained, but coveted and they actually enjoy and love life together.

This one is super short and sweet. A reminder to learn from our mistakes. Your presence is the best present! As cheesy as that sounds it’s true. Especially when you look back and realize all you missed out on. Have a Merry Christmas!

Now that you have decided you want more for your marriage and everything is out in the open everything will be easy! Sunshine and rainbows!! The hurt goes away, the unmet and unsaid expectations go away and it’s like a fresh start! Or is it??

Why are we doing this? Why put our business and lives out in the open? Because it matters- it matters more than we will ever know. It matters more than you may know. We believe vulnerability and authenticity are the key to amazing relationships and we want to create the space for that to happen. Not just in your marriage, but for men to have comrades to lean on when things suck. For women to have a sister to lock arms with and say how can I help? For each of us to be held accountable to higher standards to go from good to great! To be able to say the hard and scary things. To know you are not alone. Because we are called to plant the seeds so that’s what we are going to do.

In this episode we talk about the expectations of what doing a podcast about our personal life would mean and how shocked Ian is at the feedback. We also talk about how easy it is to open yourself up to sticky situations in your marriage with the opposite sex- especially if you aren’t in a great place. And how sometimes the best thing you can do with a negative person is Bless their heart and move on!

75 Hard- a mental toughness challenge meant to bring out the best in you… or does it? We both committed to this challenge at different times for different reasons and learned so much about ourselves in the process- good and bad.It also created the space for conversations around topics or situations we had never discussed.

The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of year. However, sometimes we fill up our calendars, rush around, eat and drink too much, all the things we’ve just always done. Which often means we forget to even check in with who matters most- our spouse. Not to mention if you are in a place of healing where memories can trigger you out of the blue. Or in a place of disconnect, dislike, and disdain to just faking it til you make it. We cover it all in this episode!

What roles you play in your marriage don’t necessarily add up to a great relationship. Sometimes it’s just the unsaid, unmet expectations. Join us we dive into what it looks like when you can’t show up in the energy that makes marriage not only thrive but fun!

Actions speaks louder than words especially after betrayal. God is in every story, but so is free will. You always have a choice and so does your spouse.

Everyone knows the biggest marriage vow, the one that says forsake all others. But, we tend to gloss over all the other vows that go along with that one. Not many people get married and say their vows with the intentions of one day breaking them, yet it happens all the time. Join us we dive into all the broken vows and what we have learned from it.

In this episode we dive deeper into why we think trips and getaways together are so important in a marriage. We discuss what has changed from our past trips to now and why they used to be an area of disconnect and expectations. We also talk about the planner and the non planner and how that plays a role in resentment.

In this episode we talk about the importance of getting away. Short and sweet, just like a getaway weekend should be… or a night not at home! It gives you chance to forget about household responsibilities and just be husband and wife.

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer… or not.The 5 people you are around the most is who you become most like. How you act is what you attract… We have all heard these sayings but rarely do we really think about them. In the process of rebuilding our marriage, we revamped our entire lives. We found out how important it is to have good people at your table. To have people that call you on your crap, hold your hand when things get real and also say I don’t know, but I’m here.

You often hear the phrase “happy wife, happy life,” basically do what she says and all is well. But we found that was the exact opposite. We dive into how not speaking up about your true feelings, on both sides, for the greater good actually make things not good at all, build resentment, and break trust. Join us we dive into this saying and how making assumptions leads down a path you never thought you would go or intended to be on.

We will forever preach how important date nights are to us and our marriage. But they weren’t always fun or easy. Now they are our favorite day of the week! We get into all of that this week and how we didn’t even date much before we got married!

Have you ever thought about how happy your marriage or life would be if only your spouse would do this one thing? Or maybe many things? Did you ever consider it’s not them, but you? In this episode we share our experiences that not only helped us find our way back to a better marriage, but as better people.

It is often said that”trust is gained in drops, but lost in buckets.” That is never more true than when there is a betrayal in your marriage. In this episode we dive into the months following our separation as well as what not having boundaries did to contribute to us getting there.

Our marriage was over. We both were done. This episode is interview style to introduce you to who we were, how we got where we were, and the start living the life we always dreamed. We just had to hit rock bottom to get there. His side. Her side. Here we go!