Sanity Optional

Alexis has a bone to pick with ChatGPT. She works through the most googled mental health, sex, and dating questions and makes the case that most of what people are searching for has nothing to do with information; it’s about wanting to know that someone else feels the same way. She also gets into burnout culture, why community has quietly disappeared from modern life, and why the simple act of talking to a stranger might be more healing than anything you will find on a screen. Timestamps 00:00 ChatGPT vs. Therapist 01:36 ChatGPT’s Offense: Therapist to Therapist 04:00 Is What I’m Feeling Normal? 06:56 Coping with Stress: It’s Not That Serious 08:11 Sex Drive and Body Normality 09:37 Feeling Stuck and Burnt Out 12:12 Dating: Why Can’t I Find Someone? 14:31 Funny Questions and Texting Etiquette 16:40 The Fear of Human Connection 17:50 ChatGPT as a Tool, Not a Replacement 21:07 Bringing Back Community and Connection ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves. It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud. Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back. Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist. This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind. Welcome to the rabbit hole. Show Links Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

The sex episode is here, and it goes somewhere unexpected. Alexis starts with performance anxiety, orgasmic disorder, and why we are all so weird about sex in America, before pivoting into the conversation she really wanted to have. The one nobody wants to have. She gets into sexual safety, predatory behavior, how to talk to your kids about body safety, and what she learned from the years she spent working with some of the most dangerous people she has ever encountered. She closes with a reminder that whatever happened to you does not leave a mark you cannot heal from, and that you deserve to thrive, not just survive. ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves. It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud. Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back. Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist. This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind. Welcome to the rabbit hole. Show Links Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

In this episode, Alexis gets into dating habits, and she does not hold back. She starts with a quick history of how we got here, from property arrangements and goats to situationships and Instagram story surveillance, and makes the case that nobody ever actually taught us how to do any of this. From there she gets into why dating apps are burning everyone out, why meeting in person is worth bringing back, and what it actually means to date with intention instead of just swiping into a void. She also works through a list of the most Googled dating questions out there, from ghosting to breadcrumbing to whether liking someone's story counts as a personality disorder. Timestamps 00:00 The Struggle of Modern Dating 03:36 Life Updates and Celebrations 05:13 Evolution of Dating Habits 11:36 Defining Modern Partnerships 14:14 Dating App Burnout and Honesty 21:58 The Art of In-Person Connections 26:07 Dating with Confidence and Values 31:22 Intentional Dating and Self-Worth 35:00 Become the Person You Want to Date 37:13 Exclusivity, Standards, and Pace 39:59 Handling Rejection and Commitment 43:19 Signs of Wasted Time 43:38 When You Like Someone More 44:14 Decoding Vague Communication 45:54 Emotional Avoidance vs. ADHD 48:00 Why You Become Irresistible 49:12 Dealing with Non-Committal Behavior 50:29 Avoiding Breadcrumbing and Unresolved Trauma 52:17 Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners 54:51 Healing Makes Dating Better   ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves. It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud. Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back. Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist. This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind. Welcome to the rabbit hole. Show Links Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

The Women's Episode is finally here. Alexis comes in with a lot of coffee and a lot to say about the generation of women she sees behind closed doors every week. Women who are running companies, raising kids, doing everything right, and still standing in the mirror telling themselves it is not enough. She gets into where that perfectionism comes from, why so many women have repressed rage they have never been given permission to feel, and what it actually looks like to stop letting the world evaluate you and start evaluating yourself. She also gets into shadow work, the rules of your kingdom, the pizza order, and why she is officially retiring the word boundaries. Timestamps 00:00 Introduction & Allyship Statement 03:18 The Pressure of Perfectionism 06:26 Historical Conditioning and Emotional Intelligence 12:28 Constant Evaluation & Generational Trauma 22:08 Healing Perfectionism with Shadow Work 31:52 Trusting Yourself & Releasing Repressed Anger 38:58 Queen Bitch Energy & Kingdom Rules 43:48 Metamorphosis Moment: Redefining Identity 47:32 Dating: The Pizza Order & Merging Kingdoms 53:49 Honest Dating: Beyond Trophies and Fear 57:34 Confidence and Self-Belief   ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves. It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud. Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back. Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist. This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind. Welcome to the rabbit hole. Show Links Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

In this episode, Alexis scraps her original plan and gets into something more pressing: what actually happens when life is going great and then suddenly, for no obvious reason, it isn't. She talks about the difference between a sad wave and a real regression, why spirals happen and how to interrupt them, and why your brain is not actually trying to destroy you even when it feels like it is. She also gets into thought stopping, media sensitivity, social media doom scrolling, and why calling your funniest friend might be better medicine than you think. Timestamps 00:00 Embracing Emotional Waves 03:41 Impact of Media and News 07:02 Weed and Sadness Triggers 09:43 Understanding Mental Spirals 12:46 Thought Stopping Techniques 16:00 The Power of Communication 20:15 Self-Care and Distraction 24:08 Acknowledging Sadness Before Distraction 26:00 Comparison and Social Media 30:42 Conditional vs. Authentic Happiness ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves. It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud. Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back. Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist. This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind. Welcome to the rabbit hole. Show Links Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

The Men's Episode is finally here. Alexis has been teasing it for a while, and she does not hold back. Drawing from a decade of working with male clients, she gets into the fears and insecurities that don't get talked about enough, and why so many men are suffering in silence when they don't have to be. She covers body image, height, porn, performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction, and the financial pressure that gets mistaken for masculinity. She also makes the case that “average” is not the insult some people think it is. This episode is honest, a little unhinged, and exactly what it needs to be Timestamps 00:00 Introduction to Men’s Episode 03:10 Humor, Empathy, and Healing 07:12 Seeking Advice & Female Friendships 11:50 Therapist-Client Dynamics & Trauma 16:11 The Language of Attraction & Vulnerability 20:41 Shared Sexual Insecurities & Honesty 24:12 Debunking Male Insecurities 29:50 Societal Teasing, Porn & Sex Styles 35:10 Consent and Performance 40:11 The Art of Sexual Connection 42:45 Historical Roots of Financial Dependence 45:43 Modern Relationships and Expectations 48:09 Trauma, Money, and Partner Choices 49:28 Overcoming Fear and Rejection 51:01 Redefining Average and Leadership 53:58 Call to Action: Future Generations   ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves. It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud. Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back. Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist. This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind. Welcome to the rabbit hole. Show Links Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

In this episode, Alexis tackles anxiety and makes a case that it's not the enemy most people think it is. She breaks down why anxiety is really just your body's alarm system, why ignoring it only turns up the volume, and why the brain's obsession with worst-case scenarios tends to make everything worse. She gets into why anxiety spikes at night and after drinking, why so many people confuse it with intuition, and how social anxiety quietly drives a lot of binge drinking. She also covers panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, and why doom scrolling is basically a slot machine for your nervous system. This one has a panic attack on a plane, giant Mr. Rogers posters, and a seven-minute voice note sent on acid… because the best lessons usually come with a story. Timestamps 00:00 Depression as a Strength 04:10 Supporting Someone with Depression 07:58 Understanding Anxiety 11:06 Anxiety, Trauma, and the Body 14:12 Overthinking and Anxiety 17:00 Night Anxiety and Panic Attacks 21:13 Social Anxiety and Hypervigilance 27:26 Anxiety Disorders and Self-Sabotage 34:24 Anxiety and Life Milestones 39:35 Intrusive Thoughts and OCD 43:58 Managing Anxiety at Work or School 45:38 Anxiety, Caffeine, and Alcohol 48:51 Social Media, Avoidance, and Medication 51:01 Recovery and Building Confidence 53:41 EMDR and Brainspotting Explained   ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves. It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud. Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back. Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist. This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind. Welcome to the rabbit hole. Show Links Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

In this episode, Alexis picks up where she left off on relationships, and gets a little more personal along the way. She gets into why the person who seemed totally fine in the first few months of a relationship suddenly disappears. Why calm can feel more threatening than chaos. Why the fights that never get resolved are almost never actually about what you think they're about. And why so many people are having less sex, not because the attraction is gone, but because nobody ever taught them how to talk about it. This one is a little all over the place, in the best way. Note from Alexis: This episode is dedicated in loving memory of my Uncle Gary, Uncle Ben, and Uncle Tom. Though you’re no longer here, your soul and impact will always live on through the people you loved and who loved you. It is also named after my dear friend Eddie Spaghetti. Thank you for not only giving me insight, but for allowing me to approach the grief in this episode with grace through your honesty and vulnerability. Sam is always here, always with you, never forgotten and forever loved. #balls Timestamps 00:00 A Moment of Silence for Grief 05:06 Communicating Needs in Relationships 09:09 Anxiety and Vulnerability in Love 14:37 Understanding Relationship Compatibility 18:23 Authenticity and Relationship Endings 25:05 Maintaining Intimacy and Sex Life 34:32 Overcoming Relationship Fears and Breakups   ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves. It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud. Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back. Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist. This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind. Welcome to the rabbit hole. Show Links Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

In this episode, Alexis gets into why so many people crave connection and then panic the moment they actually have it. She breaks down the nervous system roots of self-sabotage, why you lose interest when someone is finally kind to you, and why you keep choosing the same person with a different face. She also gets into the difference between gut instinct and anxiety, and why vulnerability is actually the fastest way to find out if someone is worth your time. This is part one of a two-part series on relationships. Next week, Alexis gets into breakups, the fear of leaving, and how to know when it's time to walk away. Timestamps 00:00 Why we fear relationships 04:12 Recognizing true intuition in relationships 08:55 Sabotage, insecurity, and resume dating 12:06 Dating for soul vs. status 17:12 Dating patterns and self-abandonment 22:00 Healing yourself and generational trauma 26:01 Trauma, validation, and confident dating 31:46 Vulnerability and conflict in dating 39:56 Overthinking and emotional regulation 44:26 Why leaving toxic relationships is hard 48:10 Fighting for relationships and dating the soul   ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves. It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud. Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back. Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist. This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind. Welcome to the rabbit hole. Show Links Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

In this episode of Sanity Optional, Alexis takes an honest look at depression and the many ways it can show up in our lives. Drawing from personal experience and years of therapeutic work, she explores the different roots of depression, including burnout, trauma, nervous system patterns, and the pressure to constantly perform. Alexis breaks down the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses and how each one can shape the way people experience depression, from overworking and people-pleasing to emotional shutdown and anger. She also talks about emotional numbness, the shame many people carry around feeling “lazy,” and why our culture’s obsession with productivity often makes healing harder. Alexis shares pieces of her own experience with burnout and recovery, along with the therapies and practices that helped her reconnect with herself. Editor’s Note: During the conversation, Alexis refers to the “Shame Conditioning Process.” The correct term is the Shame Hardening Process, which describes how men are often socially conditioned to suppress emotional expression. We wanted to include this clarification for accuracy. This episode contains discussion of depression and suicidal thoughts. If you are currently struggling or in crisis, please consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional or a crisis support service in your area. Timestamps 00:00 Understanding Depression: An Introduction 01:46 Depression’s Diverse Manifestations 03:10 Self-Abandonment and Hidden Benefits 04:45 Flight Mode Depression 10:39 Fawn Mode Depression 14:31 Freeze Mode Depression 19:42 Fight Mode and Healing Modalities 26:25 Recognizing and Addressing Numbness 33:51 The Role of Therapy in Healing 35:44 Causes of Depression and Self-Compassion 38:50 My Depression and Healing Journey 43:42 Understanding Addiction as a Friend 45:34 Depression is Not Laziness 48:56 Explaining Depression to Others 52:30 Navigating Parental Judgment and Support 55:30 Depression, Sleep, and Trauma 57:44 Effective Depression Treatments: Therapy, EMDR, and Medication 01:01:28 Recovery is Possible: Embracing Authenticity ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves. It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud. Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back. Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist. This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind. Welcome to the rabbit hole. Show Links Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

In the very first episode of Sanity Optional, Alexis introduces the show and the reason it exists. She’s tired of mental health being framed like a grind, and she wants this to be a place where the taboo stuff can be said out loud without shame. Alexis shares her own story, including moving through depression, fear, and a long search for what actually helps. She talks about why “getting it” intellectually is not the same as feeling safe in your body, how shame keeps people stuck, and why healing can be approached with more compassion and even a little play. We’re happy that you’re here. Hope you enjoy the show, and we’ll see you next episode. Timestamps 00:00 Sanity Optional: A New Approach 02:37 A Journey of Healing and Gratitude 05:32 Embracing Playfulness and the Present 07:29 Beyond the ‘Work’ of Wellness 09:47 Life as a Play, Not a Journey 12:10 The Fear of Self and Taboo Topics 13:54 Mind, Body, Soul: Somatic Healing 15:05 Breaking Free from the ‘Shoulds’ 18:38 Embracing Being Lost and Course Correction 21:28 Inclusivity and Unconditional Acceptance 24:02 My Qualification and Love for Life 26:07 Continuous Learning and Community Feedback 28:47 A Playful Approach to Sensitive Topics 31:28 Mindful Engagement and Protecting Listeners 34:39 Upcoming Topics and Guests 39:37 From Trauma to Unhealthy Achievement 46:05 Healing from Psychosis and Addiction 50:11 Medicine from the Hell of the Mind ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves. It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud. Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back. Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist. This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind. Welcome to the rabbit hole. Show Links Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/