Semiautomagic, Inc - EVERYTHING

A school visit to the museum goes terribly awry, we discuss Percy’s role in the invasion of Iraq, and learn UP TO THREE new words or your mattress is free! All this and more in our field trip through The Lightning Thief, Chapter 1: I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher!The Jackson Two are William Mills and Casey Hills, who rhyme but are not relation. Editing and production is also by Casey.Our intro music is Good Evening Loop, and our outro is Weekender, both by Serge Quadrado.Find us on Twitter @The_Jackson_Two, email us at [email protected], and find us on Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/Semiautomagic for early episodes and exclusive preshows!

Thony and Casey decided to watch every episode of Hey Arnold! and make a podcast about it.These are their jellybean-factory-inheritance stories.The Gerald Field Report is created by Thony Moore and Casey Hills. Like all of our shows it can be found at semiautomagicinc.com and at @TheGFReport.

WELL WE'RE TFP, AND WE'RE BACK FROM THE DEAD to tell you what's been up with us and also read you An Poime! Also, Nick finally admits the Joker was right, the true source of all bad jokes is discovered and we learn about Casey's shocking ties to a dinosaur nobody's ever friggin' heard of!The Final Podblem is cohosted by Nicholas Cohen and Casey Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, follow our twitter @TheFinalPodblem, email us at [email protected] and find our Patreon at patreon.com/semiautomagic, where you can become a patron to support the show, get early episodes and exclusive content!

Content Warning: There is a brief, cartoonish shotgun kaboom in an obvious joke set-up in this episode. No hosts were harmed.Thony and Casey decided to watch every episode of Hey Arnold! and make a podcast about it.These are their spy stories and love stories.The Gerald Field Report is created by Thony Moore and Casey Hills. Like all of our shows it can be found at semiautomagicinc.com and at @TheGFReport.

HOW does the PTA exert such an iron grip over the sleepy hamlet of Spencer’s Folly without so much as breaking a pressed-on nail?WHY does everyone in town seem to think it would be best for all involved if the search for wee missing Carly Figueroa were abandoned?WHAT DO a Marshall, Deputy and Dogputy need for breakfast to start their mornings right, AND WHY CAN THEY ONLY HAVE IT WHEN THE BEES ARE ASLEEP?The answers to these and more with a LITTLE UNEXPECTED HELP from the Mean Girls Wiki, this week on Peculiar Objects, sponsored this episode by Dick Van Patten's Hobo Chili For Dogs!Peculiar Objects is run by Thony "Two Boxes Of Plot Donuts" Moore and played by Nigel "The Daredevil's Way" Collins and Casey "Strudel Spit-Take" Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, and follow our twitters @Semiautomagi and @The_PO_Box!

CW: This episode contains a depiction of verbal spousal abuse that some listeners may find upsetting.Filled with chicken and investigative spirit, Oddie and Kitt set off to confront the true power holding Spencer's Folly in its manicured grasp: The PTA.CAN your favorite boy sleuths stand up to the most influential organization in town, ONE EVEN MORE POWERFUL THAN THE ONE THAT HAS A COOL CLUBHOUSE WITH CHICKEN AND BILLIARDS?WHAT is the connection between the Parental Township Authority and the children that vanish from town with EVER-INCREASING FREQUENCY?WILL Oddie's Golden Girls-themed poems make the finals in the school paper's submission contest, AND THAT LUNCH WITH ESTELLE GETTY AND BURT REYNOLDS FINALLY BE HIS?All this and a special celebrity guest stops by to give us home maintenance tips, this week on Peculiar Objects!Peculiar Objects is run by Thony "Why Did It Have To Be Dinosaurs" Moore and played by Nigel "Sic Semper Tasty" Collins and Casey "Only Found Three Potential Episode Titles This Week" Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, and follow our twitters @Semiautomagi and @The_PO_Box!

Thony and Casey decided to watch every episode of Hey Arnold! and make a podcast about it.These are their campfire stories.The Gerald Field Report is created by Thony Moore and Casey Hills. Like all of our shows it can be found at semiautomagicinc.com and at @TheGFReport.

Join Oddie as he embarks on one of the most important nights of any young man's life: when he brings his Marshal to dinner to meet his father. AS IS SO OFTEN THE CASE, it goes poorly but MUCH IS LEARNED regarding the LOCAL SPOOKLEPATION and ELDRITCH NONSENSE that lies at the heart of the Benevolent Order of Beaters. Also the line between fatherly protectiveness and PHYSICAL ASSAULT OF A MINOR is blurred even further than the 80's standard, an UNUSUALLY HIGH number of firings occur even for this show, and Oddie participates in a little good old-fashion GRAND THEFT CHICKEN.This episode only, the first ten listeners will be entered into a drawing for a Genuine Imitation Evel Knievel action figure!Peculiar Objects is run by Thony "Dam Zero, Damn Straight" Moore and played by Nigel "The Sexy Goblin Hat-Trick" Collins and Casey "The Great Sanduskys" Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, and follow our twitters @Semiautomagi and @The_PO_Box!

Thony and Casey decided to watch every episode of Hey Arnold! and make a podcast about it. These are their spooky stories.The Gerald Field Report is created by Thony 'The Hard Milk ' Moore and Casey 'I Got The FOMOOP' Hills. Like all of our shows it can be found at semiautomagicinc.com and at @TheGFReport.

Doreen and Nancy go clubbing and Tomas is a BAD FRIEND right in front of everyone! Squirrel Girl turns to a life of crime and perpetrates an IRON HEIST! The curve factor increases by a staggering NINETY-EIGHT PERCENT! All of this PLUS: Tippy's extremely upsetting new outfit! EXCITING NEWS from the Squirrel Observatory Network! And does anybody know what old floppy-disk game Andrew is half-remembering?Squirrel Scouts of America is hosted by Nick "Our Pirate Laureate" Cohen, Andrew "The Gig-Gag" Orsie and Casey "Hunk Factors" Hills, who also edits and produces it. It can be found on semiautomagicinc.com along with the rest of our shows or @Squirrel_Scouts on Twitter!

Holmes and Watson are hired to suss out the source of a stock-sorceeror's spouse's sudden and suspicious skulking and skulduggery in their secluded summer seat, and end up asking the question that all men must face eventually: How much is that monster in the window?Also, we delve into the Great Horse Factory Explosion of '82, the inevitability of being Nicholas Cohen, and how this story is an instance of Arthur Conan Doyle implementing the Scrappy-Doo Gambit.We apologize in advance for Casey confusing the Michael Keaton and the Val Kilmer; when asked to defend his actions he threw a smoke bomb to the floor and hid behind a nearby potted plant.Free e-text of this week's story: https://sherlock-holm.es/stories/pdf/a4/1-sided/yell.pdf Free audio of this week's story: https://librivox.org/the-memoirs-of-sherlock-holmes-version-2-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/ The Final Podblem is cohosted by Nicholas "Oops, All Lasers" Cohen and Casey 'Cause of Death: Horse Factory Explosion' Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, follow our twitter @TheFinalPodblem, email us at [email protected] and find our Patreon at patreon.com/semiautomagic, where you can become a patron to support the show, get early episodes and exclusive content!

Thony and Casey decided to watch every episode of Hey Arnold and make a podcast about it.These are their stories.Play ball.The Gerald Field Report is created by Thony 'Camembert And Ernie ' Moore and Casey 'Base-Ballroom Blitz' Hills. Like all of our shows it can be found at semiautomagicinc.com and at @TheGFReport.

Oddie ventures where EVEN THE HARDIEST Moose-Scout troops fear to tread: THE PLUTONIC TIMBER, deep in the heart of the forest! WILL he find Carly Figueroa--or what's left of her--in the depths of that OTHERWORLDLY ARBOR? HOW can he and Kitt get to the fried chicken buffet before all the friggin' tenders and popcorn chicken get taken BY JERKS WHO HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THE HUNGRY LAW? And WHAT on SOME OF OUR GOD'S green earth leaves footprints the size of a ten-year-old girl??? All of this and instructions on how to build your very own utility-cast on this, the last episode of Peculiar Objects to feature Casey Hills! Peculiar Objects is run by Thony "The Thing About Moosewood Trees" Moore and played by Nigel "The Groove Is In The Heart" Collins and Casey "A Snack-Dense Environment" Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, and follow our twitters @Semiautomagi and @The_PO_Box!

Thony and Casey decided to watch every episode of Hey Arnold and make a podcast about it.These are their stories.    The Gerald Field Report is created by Thony 'The Original Child Suicide' Moore and Casey 'Gremlin-Manuel Miranda' Hills. Like all of our shows it can be found at semiautomagicinc.com and at @TheGFReport.

Andrew, Nicholas and Casey discuss the first issue of The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl (2015!) What can three dudes learn about friendship, positivity and achieving consistency across distributed database systems from a dame with partially-squirrel blood, unstoppable optimism and a best friend named Tippy Toe? WHO is the man in the jaguar jeggings, and what does he want with entirely-normal Empire State University student Doreen Green? IS there a pair of pants so torn that even Hulk won't save them in a box in the attic "in case Hulk need them one day"? HOW MANY TIMES will Casey say "Here's the thing" before he has to forcibly excise it from his vocabulary like he had to do with calling things "wild"? DARE YOU TAKE THE PLEDGE, DON THE EARS AND JOIN THE SQUIRREL SCOUTS OF AMERICA? Squirrel Scouts of America is hosted by Nick "Eska Pism" Cohen, Andrew "#1 Nancy Fan-cy" Orsie and Casey "Mugger Just Wanna Mug" Hills, who also edits and produces it. It can be found on semiautomagicinc.com along with the rest of our shows or @Squirrel_Scouts on Twitter!

Tess and Ali once again endanger themselves to join a battle they are not equipped to fight. Is an old man gonna drown tonight?

Special guest Paul Thomas Miller of the Watsonian Weekly podcast joins us to discuss one of the wildest tales we've encountered yet, and also tricks us into agreeing to start another podcast, buying his book and playing a cruel new game that takes advantage of our American weakness toward dipthongs, resulting in double damage and the 'illiterate' status effect. WHO stole the Crown Diamond, and can they be stopped before melting it down in Royal Crown Cola? HOW does the architecture of 221B Baker Street seem not only to accommodate but to anticipate Holmes' every camouflage need? WHERE can one get waxen busts of Jeremy Brett, preferably in bulk, this question purely research and Nick definitely didn't ask me to include it? Answers to some, fake lies to others and spaghetti for everyone await in this week's episode!The Final Podblem is cohosted by Nicholas ‘Borderline Canadian’ Cohen and Casey ‘Here To Talk About 'Stache Wax’ Hills, who also edits and produces it, and they're joined in this episode by Paul "Sherlofty Aspirations" Miller. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, follow our twitter @TheFinalPodblem, email us at [email protected] and find our Patreon at patreon.com/semiautomagic, where you can become a patron to support the show, get early episodes and exclusive content!

WHAT are Oddie and Kitt going to do now that the youths have completed their DARK RITE? HOW can they retrieve Carly from a place whence none return? WHERE is the after-ritual meetup hang-spot, like Denny's, or is it more of a casual fro-yo thing? THE ANSWERS TO THESE AND ALSO AGGRAVATED SASSING OF AUTHORITY FIGURES on this week's episode!Peculiar Objects is run by Thony "Mr. Funanamé" Moore and played by Nigel "Bread Sandwich" Collins and Casey "Jebediah What-The-Hell" Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, and follow our twitter @Semiautomagi or @The_PO_Box!

Thony and Casey decided to watch every episode of Hey Arnold and make a podcast about it.These are their stories.The Gerald Field Report is created by Thony 'The Best Peanut Slinger In LA' Moore and Casey 'Super Sketchy Scalper' Hills. Like all of our shows it can be found at semiautomagicinc.com and at @TheGFReport.

Oddie and Kitt do their best to infiltrate an ELDRITCH RITE only to discover that all may not be as it seems! WHO is Chad McChad?HOW MANY CALORIES are in a Dinkie?WHY do cultist robes only come in one size?Peculiar Objects is run by Thony "Not The Eye Of Nyarlathotep" Moore and played by Nigel "Stealth Snacks" Collins and Casey "We Didn't Build The Pyre" Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, and follow our twitter @Semiautomagi or @The_PO_Box!

The empty halls of the Northern Fort ring with Tess and Ali's imminent departure.

ESCAPE FROM PORKY’S!Kitt and Oddie make ready for their stealth mission to investigate the secret skulduggery taking place in Towne Centre AND ALSO for tomorrow’s big math test!CAN the two of them figure out what this apparent cult is up to without getting caught?WHAT is this group of youths up to, and why do they seem so scared to fail at it?WHO is the Best Dog, and WHY IS IT KATT?Answers to these and more await you in Spencer’s Folly, Alaskanadia!Pods & Ends:-The Empty Bowl-Staying In With Emily & KumailPeculiar Objects is run by Thony "Always Fade Out In A Montage" Moore and played by Nigel "Even Stuntmen Love Their Mamas" Collins and Casey "Mistakes Were Made" Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, and follow our twitter @Semiautomagi or @The_PO_Box!

Thony and Casey decided to watch every episode of Hey Arnold and make a podcast about it, and also argue a lot about MasterChef in such a way that will severely date the episode, apparently. These are their stories. The Gerald Field Report is created by Thony 'Wrecking Bill' Moore and Casey 'That Stupid Thing You Always Wearl' Hills. Like all of our shows it can be found at semiautomagicinc.com and at @TheGFReport.

The weathered old Magnus points Tess and Ali at their sparse provisions as they prepare to embark. http://www.semiautomagicinc.com

THE INFILTRATION OF PORKY’S BEGINS.HOW will Oddie and Kitt bamboozle their way past a ticket-taker and into the raunchy teen smooching-comedy wherein a CLANDESTINE MEETING is taking place?WHAT is the nature of the event that the teens of Spencer’s Folly speak of in hushed, afeared tones, but which they also cannot escape?WHY is it so cuss-darned hard to get a nice paper bag full of hot, buttered peas or a flagon of stew at a cinemadrome these days?The answers to these and more, and also Oddie just kicks some ASS at Pac-Man, this week on Peculiar Objects!Peculiar Objects is run by Thony "#1 Talking Heads-Head" Moore and played by Nigel "Leader of the Pac-Man" Collins and Casey "Aladdin Up To Trouble" Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, and follow our twitter @Semiautomagi or @The_PO_Box!

Thony and Casey decided to watch every episode of Hey Arnold and make a podcast about it. These are their stories. The Gerald Field Report is created by Thony 'Positive Portrayal of the Foster System' Moore and Casey 'School Doesn't Come To The Stoop' Hills. Like all of our shows it can be found at semiautomagicinc.com and at @TheGFReport.

Tess L'Coil and Mohobbit Ali get a lot of cryptic nonsense pushed onto them, and they take it like champs, really just rolling with it.

STRANGE THINGS are afoot in Spencer's Folly: WHERE has wee Carly Figueroa gone, and how the crap is Oddie supposed to do his science fair presentation without her? IF Johnny the soda-jerk is a vampire, how has he left the Four Corners Soda Fountain? AND ALSO HOW IS HE A TWICE-MAN? WHAT is Porky's, some kinda barbecue joint?The answers to some of these and more, and also a SHOCKING REVELATION about the true origins of volcanoes! Your suspicions were correct all along!Peculiar Objects is run by Thony "Polybiamorous" Moore and played by Nigel "Cast of Thousands" Collins and Casey "The Third Nickname" Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, and follow our twitter @Semiautomagi or @The_PO_Box!

Thony and Casey decided to watch every episode of Hey Arnold and make a podcast about it. These are their stories. The Gerald Field Report is created by Thony ' Sushi Chef Not Grata' Moore and Casey 'The Little Pink Bookie' Hills. Like all of our shows it can be found at semiautomagicinc.com and at @TheGFReport.

ProTAGonists, you’re ITgonists! Come meet Eddie ‘Oddie’ Oddwards and Kit Russell: JUNIOR LAWMAN and how they came to be partners, protecting Spencer’s Folly from all manner of spookum, bespecterment and goblination!Peculiar Objects is run by Thony Moore and played by Nigel Collins and Casey Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, and follow our twitter @Semiautomagi or the one specifically for Peculiar Objects when we get it set up!

Thony and Casey decided to watch every episode of Hey Arnold and make a podcast about it.These are their stories.Dings provided by Doug Dingadome of the Dingsdale Dingadome Ding-Depot.The Gerald Field Report is created by Thony ' Zamboni Jones' Moore and Casey 'Heimliches Be Trippin' Hills. Like all of our shows it can be found at semiautomagicinc.com and will be findable at its twitter once we get one for it.

The SECRET PILOT of our new show is here, all our buddies, brought to you specially in this TIME OF PLAGUE! Join Nigel and Casey as Thony guides them through a tabletop adventure in the Kids On Bikes system! There're STRANGE DOINGS afoot in Spencer's Folly, a small town in Alaska and/or Maybe Canada in the year 198X, and we're gonna get to the bottom of it! WHAT is the secret of the moosewood grove that everyone avoids without knowing why? WHO is the eccentric outsider the business council installed on the island in the middle of Lake Goose Pond, and IS HE, as some have claimed, a MAD FURNITURE SCIENTIST? And the oldest question of all: if you slip the guy at the box office in the Ramones shirt a fiver, WILL he actually let you sneak into an R-Rated movie, and WILL IT BE BARTON FINK? Answers to SOME OF THESE AND MORE await in Peculiar Objects!Peculiar Objects is run by Thony Moore and played by Nigel Collins and Casey Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, and follow our twitter @Semiautomagi or the one specifically for Peculiar Objects when we get it set up!

Hahaha what do you mean, listener, OF COURSE this was all recorded in the same session, why would the world DISSOLVING AROUND US impact our ability to maintain a recording schedule? Nick was simply inside an old pineapple can for the first half, as is the way of his people!Anyway THERE'S BEEN A MURDER at the Abbey Grange, but ALL IS NOT AS IT SEEMS, even though it SEEMS THERE WAS A MURDER Okay it's--it's PARTIALLY as it seems??? SOME things are as they seem, including the Sinister Silver Swan, our Fantasy Dad Rosters and everyone's favorite good-time club bop, an extended discussion about moral and ethical philosophy! ALSO hear about a real-life steampunk Ocean’s 11 jailbreak heist that very nearly happened!Free e-text of this week's story: https://sherlock-holm.es/stories/pdf/a4/1-sided/abbe.pdfFree audio of this week's story: https://librivox.org/the-return-of-sherlock-holmes-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle-2/PODS & ENDS: Omnibus Episode 79: The Saint Helena Submarine PlotThe Final Podblem is cohosted by Nicholas ‘It Always Comes Back To Crabs’ Cohen and Casey 'Boom, Church of England' Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, follow our twitter @TheFinalPodblem, email us at [email protected] and find our Patreon at patreon.com/semiautomagic, where you can become a patron to support the show, get early episodes and exclusive content!

Ali conducts what he calls "negotiation," though some contend it's a loose definition of the word, and things go downhill pretty quick.

***CW: This episode contains a brief instance of airhorns and also of Hello! Ma Baby***It was only a matter of time. A young lawyer learns he’s a murderer in the midst of his commute: ARE WE NOT OBLIGATED TO ASSUME IT WAS WHILE LISTENING TO THIS VERY PODCAST?Lestrade tries on a new look: THAT OF SOMEBODY WHO DOESN’T SUCK AT HIS JOB.Nick and Casey bring you: UNSOLICITED FACTS ABOUT FAMOUS MUSICALS including SECRET VOICE-DOUBLING and the SHOCKING SHARED ORIGINS OF SWEENEY TODD AND FIDDLER ON THE ROOF.We also do our best to thoroughly intimidate BELOVED DERANGED MERCHANT-PRINCE Brad Kefauver, who has had it TOO GOOD FOR TOO LONG.PODS & ENDS:-Firemen: they’re hunky, and it’s safe to say they would be with British accents too.-Creative Home Engineering, for all your secret passage, oubliette and hidden laboratory needs-House of Leaves, Mark Z. DanielewskiFree e-text of this week’s story: https://sherlock-holm.es/stories/pdf/a4/1-sided/norw.pdfFree audio of this week’s story: https://librivox.org/the-return-of-sherlock-holmes-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/The Final Podblem is cohosted by Nicholas ‘Muscle Gay Genie’ Cohen and Casey 'Flawless Cake Of I-Told-You-So' Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, follow our twitter @TheFinalPodblem, email us at [email protected] and find our Patreon at patreon.com/semiautomagic, where you can become a patron to support the show, get early episodes and exclusive content!

Ali conducts what he calls "negotiation," though some contend it's a loose definition of the word, and things go downhill pretty quick.

Tess and Ali take it upon themselves to negotiate on behalf of Ironside and its citizens.

WHERE has an independently wealthy NOMADIC DAME gone? WHOMST is the BESTIAL, BYRONIC BRITON stalking her across Europe’s naturally-occurring hotels? WHY’M’STD’VE would Holmes stay home and send Watson on a romantic train ride ALL BY HIMS LONESOME when he could be sitting right beside him, pointing out which sheep had clearly been born on Tuesdays? Come join Nick and Casey as they discover the answers to these PUZZLEMENTS, as well as exploring DARING AND NEW donut shapes, enumerating the THREE KINDS of Twilight Zone episode, and the INCREASINGLY IMPROBABLE ways in which their lives have intertwined without their knowledge, featuring on this occasion A CATHEDRAL IN SWISSERLAND, it’s wild.PODS & ENDS: Smoke Gets In Your Eyes: And Other Lessons From The Crematory by Caitlin DoughtyThe Detective Soup of the Week is: Your choice of HOTEL HAM or BURIAL-SHROUD BISQUEFree e-text of this week’s story: http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/2348 Free audio of this week’s story: https://librivox.org/his-last-bow-version-3-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/The Final Podblem is cohosted by Nicholas “The King of Casketball” Cohen and Casey 'Dracula’s Realtor' Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, follow our twitter @TheFinalPodblem, email us at [email protected] and find our Patreon at patreon.com/semiautomagic, where you can become a patron to support the show, get early episodes and exclusive content!

The Dragon Trent pleads the court on behalf of Aker Sulf while Ali tries to repair the trust he's just betrayed.

It’s true what the old adage says: THOSE WHO LIVE IN EMPTY HOUSES SHOULDN’T THROW WEIRD OLD MEN SELLING BOOKS.Holmes returns from his watery grave and HAS HE GOT A BUST TO PICK WITH YOU, an INNOCENT GAMBLESMAN lies DEAD AS THE DAY IS LONG, Nick examines the HANDSOME-TO-EVIL RATIO, and the Baker Street Bois face off against a foe that just in this moment I realize I am BAFFLED we didn’t compare to Kraven the Hunter like we did that other guy, MAN what a missed opportunity.The Detective Soup of the Week is: HOLMES ALONE HUMMUS (Hummus soup is a thing, we checked, we take our weekly novelty soups seriously)Free e-text of this week’s story: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/108/108-h/108-h.htmFree audio of this week’s story: https://librivox.org/the-return-of-sherlock-holmes-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle-2/PODS & ENDS: Night Watch by Sergei Lukyanenko.Tiger Time was brought to you by special guest Vaun Warbear, who can be found SMOOCHIN’ ON NICK or, when the weather’s nice, out in the woods letting the moss grow over him. More information about tigers and the saving of them can be found at SaveTigersNow.org! The kerning in this font when it’s bolded makes Ti look like the pi symbol! ACCIDENTAL LIFE OF PI REFERENCE??? We are not in a position to turn such a thing down and will TAKE THE POINTS, YOUR HONOR.The Final Podblem is cohosted by Nicholas ‘The Extremely Difficult To Embarrass, Like For Real, Don’t Even Try’ Cohen and Casey 'CW' Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, follow our twitter @TheFinalPodblem, email us at [email protected] and find our Patreon at patreon.com/semiautomagic, where you can become a patron to support the show, get early episodes and exclusive content!

Ali and Tess find their dragon pal at the Rockwell Cafe, but on their way in to see Trent, some Punk shows up with some dragon business of his own.

Tess and Ali are sprung from the slammer and requested to give testimony at the trial of one Aker Sulf.

TO LISTEN TO EPISODE, SET YOUR DECODER-PANTS TO CONSTELLATION PERFECT RED PRINCE, CALIBRATE YOUR THIRD NOSTRIL AND RECITE THE OATH OR PAY THE PRICEThere's TROUBLE IN THE VALLEY and its NAME IS--its--w--ah; our legal team is advising us not to finish this sentence, BUT SUFFICE IT TO SAY: herein lies a TALE OF TRAGEDY, MURDER and COUNTERFEIT COUNTERFEITING. We also find out what percentage of the world is made of crime! The answer may surprise you!The Detective Soup of the Week is: FRATERNAL FRENCH ONIONFree e-text of this week's story: http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/3289Free audio of this week's story: https://librivox.org/the-valley-of-fear-version-3-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/The Final Podblem is cohosted by Nicholas Cohen and Casey 'CW' Hills, who also edits and produces it. Find it and more of our shows on the Semiautomagic Podcast Network at semiautomagicinc.com, follow our twitter @TheFinalPodblem, email us at [email protected] and find our Patreon at patreon.com/semiautomagic, where you can become a patron to support the show, get early episodes and exclusive content!

Tess, Ali, and Punk, wrap up their fight with the Homunculus Thief, and it takes f o r e v e r.

DESPITE THE BEST EFFORTS of 2019 and A LITERAL CRIMINAL, we are BACK and here to tell you about A THPOOKY VALLEY, which is presumably where that gross ranch dressing comes from. Who murdered this gentle yuppie in his gaudy forest castle? Which network will be brave enough to give us a sitcom about My Three Detectives sharing an apartment? WHEN WILL A WOMAN IN ONE OF THESE STORIES GET A FRIGGIN' NAME?Free e-text of this week's story: http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/3289Free audio of this week's story: https://librivox.org/the-valley-of-fear-version-3-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/The Detective Soup of the Week is: Drawbridge Duck Broth

A brief update from your favorite we two guys except it’s just one of them, except wait, there’s also a Jasper the Cat and he’s ten pounds of trouble in a one-pound ham. Explanations! Expositions! Book recommendations! PROFESSIONAL-GRADE CAT-FANCYING, featuring NONE of your favorite cats from the recent BAFFLING cinematic extravaganza!

We're joined by delightful goblin Andrew Orsie of Good Game Great Game to discuss a story in which GARRIDEBS AS GARRIDOES, we finally find out what America did with all the U's it took out of the British words it brought with it, and a criminal accidentally sets up a charity while trying to do crimes!(Did we use the apostrophe correctly up there? Is that how one refers collectively to plural instances of individual letters? We mean, otherwise it'd just look like "all the Us", which sounds a lot like a depressing movie of a depressing YA book written by a middleaged white dude with a name like Roseph Blomfzt, right?)Free e-text of this week's story: https://bakerstreet.fandom.com/wiki/Story_Text:_The_Adventure_of_the_Three_GarridebsFree audio of this week's story: https://librivox.bookdesign.biz/book/111099The Detective Soup of the Week is: Chicago-Style Chili, served in a cowboy hat.

LET’S GET STUPID FOR SCIENCE, GANG. WHAT has brought the Devil himself to rampage upon the Cornish moors? HOW is Jeremy Brett personally responsible for 90% of drug paraphernalia beach pollution? WHERE the cuss can WE get a pair of those jaguar jeggings? THE ANSWERS TO ALL OF THESE AND MOOR, this week on The Final Podblem! The Detective Soup of the Week is: Cornish Chowder with a slice of Bedeviled Vicar Free E-Text Of This Week’s Story: http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/2349 Free Audio Of This Week’s Story: https://librivox.org/his-last-bow-version-3-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/

The Baker Street Bois are called upon to find a letter that has the power to break the world as they know it! Which one was it?! Was it G? WE NEVER TRUSTED G, IT COULD BE KEEPING ANYTHING UNDER THAT LITTLE SHELF. Also a shoutout to a legitimate publication whose good graces we have SOMEHOW lucked into, Nick demonstrates the process by which capitalism drives the translation of everything creative and unique about a person into sweet lucre, and Casey never finishes telling us what he learned about Bees. Free e-text of this week's story: http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/108 Free audio of this week's story: https://librivox.org/the-return-of-sherlock-holmes-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle-2/ The Detective Soup of the Week is: Lentil Lestrade

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