The Microsongs of Honky D

Life is short. I can't think of a time when it ever felt like it shorter. Make the most of it. I'm not fucking kidding.

It's a song for our times, about a little dog I live with who kind of lacks social skills named Lily. If you're not distant enough, she will probably bark at you.

I made up this microsong while on my first successful Lime scooter ride (I'd tried before and either didn't "get" it or got a bum scooter). I was pretty happy about it, so I rang the little bell on the handlebar while I tooled down the street singing this dumb tune. Anybody in earshot probably thought I was insane. So be it!

This is one of the "original" microsongs, by which I mean it appeared on a collection I distributed about 20 years ago called "Cook A D: The Microsongs of Honky D" (on high fidelity audio cassettes!) Featuring guest talent (a rarity) from Tim Koch, John Seymore and Robert Topping, it's a stultifyingly simple ode to doin' it.

Okay, this song sounds sexual, and I went ahead and left that ambiguity in, but that wasn't actually the inspiration ... It's actually a song from the perspective of a heaven-sent piece of chocolate. But take it however you like.

Inspired a little by Kraftwerk I suppose, but in the dumbest possible way -- it's a little theme song for a proud, probably German villain.

At long last, I'm uploading more microsongs! Been too long. Here's one that poses an age-old question, but that seems more relevant now than ever. If you'd like to make artwork to accompany this or any microsong that doesn't have artwork yet, let me know and I'll make it so.

I can't remember exactly what inspired this song. I think mostly I was just mocking songs with dumb lyrics. This silly little ditty got better artwork than it could have ever dreamed of thanks to Certifiable Maniac, Kenny Pittenger! Wowzers!

After a long hiatus, it's time to start uploading microsongs again! Here's one from last year. It's just me braggin' about my mad game. Check the anatomically accurate self-portrait, complete with scrawny limbs and beer gut!

This song came to me in a flash while driving. I recorded it on my phone when I got to a stoplight. I could not improve on this; it is exactly what I wanted it to be. But the illustration is even better! I particularly like the potted plant in the background. Mad props to kris.w for the funny funny drawing.

This one's for kids. Adults, you can enjoy it too if you wish. Thanks to William Wilson for the sweet hippo doodle.

This is a song about being almost broke ... and then, after you've finally knuckled under and paid that last bill, being actually broke. A good song for our troubled times, I suppose. Thanks to Jeff the Gill for the superlative artwork!

There is no suitable explanation for this. Certainly no excuse for it. You must take it and like it! Thanks to the honorable Mr. John Seymore for an illustration that really puts it where it goes.

I sang this song to my dog, Rosie, as we sat at a light, on Laurel Canyon maybe at Riverside or Moorpark. There was a lot going on in the street -- people shopping, driving by, walking their dogs, all moving and making all kinds of sounds -- and Rosie's attention darted around spastically, like a tasered insect. I offered her this song, not so much to calm her down, but to distract her with a basic truth. Worked pretty well! Thanks to William Wilson for the strangely perfect artwork!

This is a song about a friend being hurt, and what to do about it. It could mean, "You lost some blood, and I'm going to get you a transfusion" or "Somebody hurt you, and I'm going to get you some payback." Or, ideally, both. Thanks to kris.w for the avenging illustration!

Here's a song that celebrates a simple pleasure, with perhaps just a little bit of gloating. Ideal illustration courtesy of Mr. Kenny P.

This song is ... uh ... self-explanatory? There's not really a good way to explain it. More of a feeling than some actual thing. I think the artwork, by Paul Tibbitt, is doing it more justice than my feeble verbiage. Watch your head, and let the mighty eagle soar!

While I'm a very politically minded individual, I tend to avoid politics in my microsongs -- usually. This one is a bit of an exception. This song was inspired by a real thing -- the "Gaza Community Mental Health Program." I thought the very existence of such a thing was itself pretty "mental," as if Palestinians' problems were just all in their minds. They just need someone to talk to! That, and maybe not living under occupation might help. Before I stir up a hornet's nest, I think I'll just let the song, in which I was kind of channeling Elvis Costello, and the deft artwork from Mr. Kenny P, do the talking. Soon: more.

I think this microsong might be better left open to interpretation. It could mean a lot of things. I probably thought of it as descriptive of annoying people, or worse. But for Andy Goodman, who provided me with this firm artwork, it might have meant something else. Use as directed.

Every day, we are constantly bombarded by media that is trying to channel our thoughts, govern our opinions, and even dictate to us our own inner voices. I offer you this microsong as a meme of protection against such treachery; a counter-spell, if you will. Sing it and make the puppet master sweat! Thanks to kris.w for the illustration.

Occasionally, a microsong is a cover of someone else's song. This is the first of those, a re-imagining (yes I'll go there) of ZZ Top's "Sharp Dressed Man." I could try to explain it but actually the brilliant artwork from the artistically well-endowed Kenny Pittenger does the job so much better than my feeble words ever could. By the way, we used to prank people with this song. The prank goes like this: compliment a guy on his clothes, "Wow, you look really good in that, I like that shirt," etc. Then one prankster says, "You know what you look like? You look like a ..." The "Sharp Dressed Man" annoying chant begins, and the victim suddenly realizes all those compliments were insincere after all! The chanting continues until the victim appears ready to explode. Truly delightful. I hope somebody does it to me someday.

For my second installment, I offer you this microsong from maybe ten years ago or so. This song was inspired by General Zod from Superman II, when he ominously utters the two lines of this song to a servile Superman. Just looked it up on imdb; I didn't know Terence Stamp played General Zod. That guy is cool! Anyways, enjoy the shit out of this. It's made all the more enjoyable by a great illustration from my man kris.w.

Hello, Microsongs fans! It is a pleasure, after all this time, to finally get this up and running. Over time, many microsongs will be published here. I decided to start with one of my most popular microsongs, a little (and I do mean little) ditty called "Booty." You will find that some microsongs are funny; some aren't. Some have lyrics; others don't. All of them will include accompanying artwork. Today's "art" is by yours truly. Honky D. Sing this song to someone you love in a prurient way. I did for my fiancee, and she became my wife. Perhaps this is why. I doubt it, but who knows.