The PDA Parenting Podcast

After a break for health and recovery, Amy returns with a powerful conversation on boundaries, unpredictability, and nervous system regulation.If you’ve ever felt like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster - hopeful one moment and overwhelmed the next - this episode will help you understand why unpredictability feels so destabilizing and how to stay steady through it.Amy explores the connection between control, codependency patterns, and parenting, and reframes boundaries as internal anchors that help you stay regulated without losing connection to your child.You’ll walk away with a new perspective on capacity vs. consistency, letting go of control, and becoming a grounded, safe presence your child can return to.If you’re wanting support in actually applying this work in your real life, I’d love to invite you into my 4-month small group coaching program. The summer cohort begins in June, and we start by working through Raising Kids With Big, Baffling Behaviors - guided by Amy and thoughtfully adapted for PDA families.From there, we continue together with small group coaching, where you’ll get ongoing support as you practice staying regulated, holding boundaries, and navigating the real-life challenges that come up in your family.This space is designed to help you move from understanding the concepts to truly living them - with guidance, community, and compassion along the way.Click here to find all the details and join the summer cohort:4-Month Coaching ProgramAmy references insights similar to those taught by Dr. Brad Reedy and frameworks like Al-Anon, alongside the work of Robyn Gobbel.

If you’re parenting a PDA child or teen and food feels scary right now, this episode is for you.Many PDA kids experience food preoccupation, binge-like eating, weight changes, or rigid food preferences - often as a response to stress, loss of autonomy, or nervous system overload. In this episode, we explore food and eating through a nervous-system-informed, non-diet-culture lens, so you can respond with clarity instead of fear.You’ll learn:Why binge-like eating and food rigidity are coping strategies, not character flawsHow restriction, pressure, and “fixing” increase threat for PDA nervous systemsWhy felt safety must come before behavior changeHow dopamine, sensory regulation, and stress relief intersect with eatingThe subtle ways diet culture fuels parental panic, even when we think we’ve rejected itThis episode is especially supportive for parents familiar with nervous system parenting and concepts from Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: A Course for Parents by Robyn Gobbel (the base of my now-open PDA parent program!) but who feel activated, scared, or stuck when food and weight concerns arise.You don’t have to solve this today. Regulation, curiosity, and compassion matter much more than control or perfection.Scope & Safety NoteThis episode discusses eating patterns that can emerge as nervous system responses to stress and demand, particularly in PDA children and teens.This conversation is not intended to diagnose or rule out eating disorders and is not a substitute for medical, nutritional, or mental health care. Some children do experience eating disorders and require individualized, professional support.If you have concerns about your child’s physical safety, growth, or medical risk, please seek appropriate professional care alongside listening.Resources MentionedEllyn Satter Institute – Feeding relationships & division of responsibilityKatja Rowell, MD – Child feeding & body trustSOS Feeding Therapy – Nervous-system-informed feedingSTAR Institute – Feeding therapy & sensory integrationInterested in deeper support? Enrollment is opening next week for my 4-month nervous-system-informed program for parents of PDA children and teens. This is for parents who want practical guidance, regulation support, and low-demand strategies - without pressure or “fixing” their child.The core of this program is Raising Kids With Big, Baffling Behaviors: A Course for Parents (created by Robyn Gobbel and adapted for PDA by Amy Kotha).You can learn more and see if it feels like a fit by clicking HERE.

Traditional parenting programs often don’t work for PDA families - not because parents aren’t trying hard enough, but because the structure itself creates pressure.In this episode, I share why I stopped offering a weekly parenting class and what flexible, PDA-informed support can look like instead.What if the problem isn’t you - or your child - but the structure of the support you’ve been offered?In this episode, I’m sharing why I stopped offering a traditional weekly parenting class for PDA families - and what I created instead.After listening closely to PDA parents, it became clear that rigid schedules, fixed weekly meetings, and pressure to “keep up” often make support inaccessible - even when parents deeply want help.Here, I talk about:Why traditional parenting programs often don’t work for PDA familiesHow nervous system safety impacts a parent’s ability to access supportWhy flexibility and autonomy matter just as much for parents as they do for kidsHow I redesigned my parent education and coaching program to fit real lifeWhat it means to look at the environment - not the child or parent - when something isn’t workingThe educational foundation of this work is the Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: A Course for Parents by Robyn Gobbel, which I offer under license and integrate through a PDA-informed lens with coaching support.This program is offered on a rolling enrollment basis, with space for up to 12 families at a time. When the program is full, families are invited to join a waitlist until an opening becomes available.Whether or not this program is the right fit for you, my hope is that this episode offers reassurance, permission, and a reminder that needing a different structure doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.To learn more or check current availability, visit my website: www.amykcoach.com/parentcourse

What happens when learning shuts down - at school, at home, everywhere?In Part One of this two-part conversation, I’m joined by educator and consultant Danielle Rodda to talk about why learning becomes unsafe for so many PDA and neurodivergent kids.In this episode, we explore:Why compliance-based education doesn’t work for PDA nervous systemsHow school trauma and chronic pressure shut learning downWhy “more supports” still aren’t enoughThe emotional weight parents carry when nothing seems to helpThis episode is about context and permission - understanding that when learning stops, it’s not because you or your child are failing.Note: This conversation continues in Part Two, where we shift into rebuilding safety around learning, unlearning harmful narratives, and what learning can look like once pressure is removed.Support for Parents: 12-Week Course Now OpenIf this episode resonates, I want you to know you don’t have to navigate this alone!Registration is currently open for the 12-week parent course: Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors, created by Robyn Gobbel and adapted specifically for PDA families and led by Amy Kotha.✨ Bonus Session Included: Danielle Rodda, Neurodivergent Consulting, will join us for a bonus session focused on PDA + learning, unlearning, and the return to learning. 🔗 Registration is open now:  Click HERE for details!To connect with Danielle Rodda:@danielleroddaconsulting IGSubstackdaniellerodda.ca 

The holidays hit PDA parents harder - and it’s not your fault. In this episode, we break down why judgment, comparison, overwhelm, and the “good mom” myth intensify this time of year - and what’s really happening inside your nervous system and your child’s.You’ll learn: • why your child’s overwhelm triggers your own • how identity friction fuels shame • why holiday environments activate threat states • the parallel process between your nervous system and theirs • how comparison becomes a safety strategy • the difference between belief work and crisis work • how SOOTHE supports in-the-moment connectionAnd if you already know you want deeper support, the 12-week January program  (created by Robyn Gobbel) is the next step - where we get deeper, turn these nervous system tools into lived, everyday practice and gain parenting confidence. Registration opens this week!  Limited enrollment.Click HERE for Details + Registration!* Mentioned in episode: 'Echolocation for worth' concept comes from the work of Kara Loewentheil

In this episode, Amy explores why some kids - especially adopted, autistic, or PDA-identifying kids - avoid talking about their story, whether it’s adoption, trauma, or a new diagnosis. Using personal experiences from raising her two daughters, she explains how these conversations activate the nervous system and why avoidance is often about safety, not refusal.You’ll learn how to share your child’s story without triggering demand avoidance, how to “drip in” information gently over time, and why honesty paired with safety builds stronger identity and self-esteem. Amy also introduces her SAFE Story Framework to help parents approach disclosure with confidence and connection.Mentioned in This EpisodeFocus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior workshop (created by Robyn Gobbel, adapted for PDA and led by Amy Kotha) - December 5th @ 12 PM ETRaising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors  - a Parent Course (created by Robyn Gobbel, adapted for PDA and led by Amy Kotha) the 12-week parenting experience beginning January 12th, 2026         Doors Open!!  Click HERE for details + registration!

In this episode, Amy speaks directly to the part of every parent that whispers, “You’ve got to fix this.”Drawing from her own journey - from years of researching and even attending graduate school to understand her child’s behavior - she shares what she’s learned about the nervous system, safety, and why trying to “fix” our children keeps both parent and child stuck in a cycle of stress.Listeners will hear how Amy reframed her approach to parenting a neurodivergent, PDA-profile child - and how understanding safety as the foundation for behavior can transform family life.This episode is a powerful reminder that parenting isn’t about control; it’s about connection, curiosity, and co-regulation.In This Episode, Amy Shares:Why the “fix-it” mindset is so common (and so exhausting) for parentsHow understanding the nervous system changes everything about behaviorThe role of safety and connection in regulating both parent and childHow parents can step out of fear and into curiosity - even on hard daysWhat it means to create “cues of safety” for both yourself and your childMentioned in This Episode:Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors – A Parent Course Developed by Robyn Gobbel, MSW, and adapted for PDA parents/led by Amy Kotha. ➡️ Click HERE for details + registration!Bonus Session inside the January 12-week course with Danielle Rodda, Neurodivergent Consulting: Exploring unschooling and homeschooling for PDA kids - how to lower pressure, rebuild trust, and make learning feel safe again. Connect with Amy:Instagram → @amykcoachWebsite → www.amykcoach.com

In this heartfelt episode, Amy opens up about a recent family crisis that brought her to her knees - and the quiet resilience that helped her rise again. Through personal reflection, she explores the science of co-regulation, the role of community in healing, and what clinical psychologist Dr. Matt Zakreski calls “psychological capital” - hope as something we can actively build through small acts of connection.You’ll leave with compassion, clarity, and a practical 5-step plan for crisis moments - so you can respond with love, not fear.Resources Mentioned:Dr. Matt Zakresky — In the Business of Hope: How to Keep Believing When Things Feel ImpossibleDr. Mona Delahooke — The Developmental Iceberg: Looking Below the Surface of Challenging BehaviorsCrisis & Suicide Lifeline (U.S.) — Call or text 988Find a Helpline (International) — findahelpline.com📄 Download Amy’s ND-Accommodating Family Safety Plan - a neurodivergent-affirming guide to help you stay grounded and prepared during emotional storms. ❤️ Get your free copy by clicking HERE Join the waitlist for Amy’s new 12-week parent course: “Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors - a course for parents” - created by Robyn Gobbel and led by Amy Kotha.  Adapted for families raising sensitive, PDA, or neurodivergent kids who need a new kind of understanding. Join the Waitlist → Click HERE

 Why is hygiene such a struggle for PDA autistic kids? And why does pushing only make it harder?In this episode of the PDA Parenting Podcast, Amy explores the real reasons behind resistance to toothbrushing, showering, and other daily self-care routines. You’ll learn how nervous system responses, sensory sensitivities, and demand avoidance all play a role, and why it’s never about laziness or willfulness. Amy shares practical, creative strategies that ease the pressure, support autonomy, and restore connection - so parents can move away from shame and toward compassion. Whether it’s silly characters like “Ms. Helga,” salon visits, or scaffolding with small steps, this conversation offers hope, empathy, and tools for families walking this path.Want more support? Join the waitlist for my upcoming 12-week parent course, Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors (developed by Robyn Gobbel, led by me, Amy K). You’ll be the first to know when doors open! 👉 Join the waitlist here:  https://amykcoach.myflodesk.com/bafflingbehaviors

Parenting a PDA teen means our role is always evolving - and nowhere is that more clear than during big life transitions like starting college, a first job, or moving away from home. In this episode of The PDA Parenting Podcast, Amy Kotha shares how scaffolding, cues of safety, and collaborative strategies can help PDA teens and young adults navigate overwhelming changes without collapsing under the weight of demands.Drawing on neuroscience, polyvagal theory, and her own experience supporting her PDA autistic daughter as she transitioned into college life, Amy explores:What scaffolding really means for PDA kids, teens, and young adultsWhy cues of safety* (sensory, emotional, relational) are not extras but nervous system essentialsHow to lower demands and support autonomy through collaborationWhat these transitions mean for parents, whose nervous systems are also adapting and shiftingWhether your child is starting a new school year, leaving home, or facing any big change, this episode will help you reframe scaffolding as a strength - a bridge toward growth, safety, and connection.Because while this path is hard, your presence, your love, your being - is enough.* Gobbel, R. (Host). (2020–present). The Parenting After Trauma Podcast [Audio podcast]. Robyn Gobbel, LLC. https://robyngobbel.com/podcast

In this powerful episode of The PDA Parenting Podcast, host Amy Kotha is joined by Diane Gould, LCSW - a veteran therapist, late-diagnosed autistic woman, and Director of PDA North America. Diane shares her personal journey to discovering her neurodivergence and how it informs her professional mission to amplify PDA awareness and advocacy across the continent.Together, Amy and Diane dive into what it truly means for neurodivergent individuals - especially those with a PDA profile - to find their voice in a world that often misunderstands them. From school struggles and masking to identity, self-advocacy, and parenting with presence, this episode is rich with insight, validation, and practical wisdom.Highlights:Diane’s late autism diagnosis and the surprising story behind itThe founding and mission of PDA North AmericaThe power of lived experience in supporting PDA familiesRethinking behavior through the lens of curiosity and nervous system regulationWhat it means to scaffold our kids' voices — not replace themA vision for a truly neurodivergent-affirming worldResources & Contact:📚 Navigating PDA in America by Diane Gould & Ruth Fidler🌐 PDA North America  www.pdanorthamerica.orgPEERS®-Inspired Friendship & Relationship Program  https://dianegouldtherapy.com/peers/📧 Email: [email protected] or [email protected]✨ To learn more about Amy’s work or to get coaching support, visit www.amykcoach.com

What is it really like to grow up with a sibling who has PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) autism? In this powerful episode, I sit down with my daughter Devika -an autistic, ADHD teen herself - to talk about her personal experience as the sister of a PDA child. Devi shares openly about the emotional ups and downs, how family dynamics were affected, and what helped her feel seen in a home where one child needed constant support.This heartfelt conversation touches on the invisible sibling role, neurodivergent family dynamics, and the unique challenges of being both a support system and a child navigating her own needs. If you’re a parent wondering how to support your neurotypical or neurodivergent child alongside a PDA sibling, this episode is a must-listen!• Growing up with a sister who struggled with leaving the house for school created early confusion and stress• Feeling the need to stay quiet and not express needs because they "weren't as important" as her sister's• Taking on the "mascot" role in the family – using humor and distraction to cope with difficult situations• Finding school to be a crucial escape from home life struggles• The importance of discovering "safe people" outside the family who see you as an individual• Learning that PDA outbursts aren't personal: "They take it out on you because they know you're somebody who will never leave them"• How sibling relationships can evolve positively over time with understanding and communication• Advice for siblings currently living through difficult family dynamics with PDADownload the free guide "Invisible Roles in PDA Families" through amykcoach.com to explore the roles your children might be taking on and find ways to better support all family members.

How does growing up with a PDA sibling shape a child’s identity, needs, and voice? In this episode of The PDA Parenting Podcast, Amy Kotha explores the often overlooked experience of siblings in families raising a child with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA autism).Drawing from her own family’s story and her experience as a parent coach, Amy shares:How PDA shapes family dynamics and sibling rolesPersonal reflections on her daughter Devi’s journey as the sister of a PDAerA breakdown of common survival roles and how they show up in siblingsGentle, actionable ways to name, validate, and repair sibling experiences in high-stress homesThe concept of survival roles—like the Hero, Mascot, Lost Child, and Scapegoat—has its roots in family systems theory. But in the context of parenting neurodivergent or trauma-impacted children, I lean on the work of Robyn Gobbel, especially in Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors. She reframes these roles as nervous system adaptations, not character flaws—helping us see them with more compassion and flexibility.Whether you're a parent carrying guilt, a sibling seeking understanding, or a professional supporting PDA families, this episode offers compassion, clarity, and hope.🎧 Tune in to learn how to better support all the children in your home - not just the one in crisis.🔗 Free printable: “Invisible Roles in PDA Households” available at www.amykcoach.com🟡 Next episode: A powerful conversation with Amy’s daughter Devi on what it’s really like growing up with a PDA sibling!Resource/Citation:Gobbel, Robyn. Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: The Neuroscience of Connection and Communication.Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2023.

In this powerful and deeply personal episode, Amy is joined by her daughter Maya - who shares her lived experience as a PDA autistic teen. Together, they explore the PDA experience of feeling trapped: at school, in the medical system, and inside her own mind.From second-grade meltdowns to high school shutdowns to hospital sensory overwhelm, Maya speaks candidly about what “feeling trapped” really means for someone with a PDA profile. Amy and Maya discuss nervous system overwhelm, the importance of autonomy, why being heard matters, and how PDAers often struggle to express what’s happening internally. This episode is a must-listen for parents, teachers, and professionals looking to better understand and support PDA kids from the inside out.If this episode helped you, please subscribe and leave a 5-star review—it helps other PDA parents find this podcast!

In this episode, Amy Kotha explores the powerful theme of feeling trapped - a core experience for many PDA autistic kids and a familiar reality for their parents, too. She breaks down what “trapped” looks like at different ages and shares five ways to help everyone in the family feel more free.For PDAers, trapped doesn’t just mean physically stuck - it’s about a lack of autonomy, emotional overwhelm, and a nervous system in constant survival mode. Amy walks through how this shows up in kids, teens, and parents alike, and offers strategies to break the cycle: scaffolding with care, shifting expectations, balancing power, and watching for learned helplessness.If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and leave a 5-star review—it helps other parents find this support!Resources/Sources Mentioned:Amanda Diekman, Low Demand Parenting  https://www.amandadiekman.com/

In this reflective solo episode, Amy Kotha shares a deeply personal story about parenting her PDA daughter through a major life transition - and how her daughter’s struggles unexpectedly derailed her own plans.Amy explores what happens when parenting a child with PDA autism pulls us off our own path and into their emotional storms. From delayed podcast launches to insights about co-regulation, enmeshment, and grace, this episode offers validation and practical wisdom for parents feeling stuck. You’ll learn how to stay grounded, reframe guilt, and remember that your needs matter too.If this resonated with you, please subscribe and leave a 5-star review—it helps more PDA parents find this podcast!

In Part 2 of our introduction to Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), host Amy Kotha explores the social characteristics that make this autism profile so complex - especially masking, fluctuating social skills, and the surprising ways demand avoidance shows up in relationships.Amy shares personal stories and expert insights to help parents recognize common PDA traits like masking at school, social burnout, resistance to hierarchy, and people-centered obsessive behaviors. Learn how PDAers can seem socially skilled yet struggle deeply with internal demands and regulation. Understanding these patterns is key to providing brain-based, empathetic support at home.If this episode helped you, please subscribe and leave a 5-star review—it helps other PDA parents find this podcast!

In this inaugural episode of The PDA Parenting Podcast, host Amy Kotha - parent coach and mom to a teen with PDA autism - introduces the concept of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). Learn about the key characteristics of PDA, its impact on children's behavior, and why understanding this profile is crucial for effective parenting.Amy shares her personal journey navigating the complexities of raising a child with PDA, shedding light on the challenges and breakthroughs along the way. This episode covers:An overview of PDA and its distinction within the autism spectrumThe neurological underpinnings of PDA behaviorsThe "can't, not won't" phenomenon and its implicationsStrategies for fostering connection and empathy in parentingWhether you're new to PDA or seeking deeper insights, this episode offers valuable perspectives to support your parenting journey.If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe and leave a 5-star review to help other parents discover this resource!Resources/Sources mentioned:PDA North America  https://pdanorthamerica.org/PDA Society  https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/"Elizabeth Newsome...""...an obsessional avoidance of the ordinary demands..." https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4820467/