To Be Continued: The Coming Out Saga

Amber returns to finish the year with a final extended episode, joined by their partner, Bryn. The two chat about how they met and launch into a many layered, candid conversation about aging and perimenopause - all from a nonbinary lens - and what they're learning about loving their bodies and each other through it all. TW: physical and sexual abuse are mentioned

Amber returns to the large & looming topic of coming out to unsupportive family members, breaking down their process of arriving at a no-contact boundary and how, ultimately, they uphold this when it gets really hard. They address some misconceptions and judgments around setting a no-contact boundary, reflect on the definition of a boundary and provide backstory as context for the larger conversation. For anyone who is struggling with setting and holding (or even deciding upon) having no contact with family, this episode aims to offer validation, comfort and empowerment.

A reflection, confession and invitation to love our past selves more deeply where we've been, to claim what is ours, to let go of what isn't, to thank & release past loves and to run where the light calls. Special thanks to Luca Fogale, the author of the song shared in this episode - "Run where the light calls." **TW: Suicidal ideation mentioned in this episode.

Amber is joined by their dear friend, River Lotic, for a candid, verbose - sometimes rabbit trail - conversation that aims to explore love outside different binaries. Together they grapple with how to define romance, the sweetness and blurred lines of queer platonic love and nonmonogamy, while Amber continues to question how labels serve them overall.

Amber pre-celebrates their 42nd birthday in classic form: deep reflection and storytelling. From a recent loss and celebration of a life, to more recent gender exploration, to the word Amber chose as their companion for 2023, this is a multilayered episode. And spoiler alert: a pronoun update is announced.

Amber takes a stab at recording an entire episode off-the-cuff, totally unscripted - Yippee! How does imposter syndrome manifest for them? What's the latest scoop on pronouns? What parts of themselves are popping out of the woodwork to surprise them these days? All this and so much meandering solo conversation to be had in this episode. Ideal for the fellow gender-questioner and would-be imposter: step on up, you're in good company.

In storyteller form, Amber reflects on the last 5 weeks of their life - from wrapping up on the farm to beginning a brand new book of life in the city - and what it's been like to live into a dream they didn't realize had been growing in them for a lot of years.

We're unceremoniously kicking off season two with some loss, some history with Grief, some ways Amber has learned to sink into Grief's invitation to feel the fullness of pain, some song lyrics and choked up poetry reading - and some hope for each of us (also, some intermittent background noises from Amber's housemates).

Amber shares the one ritual that steadies them, to honor not only the Autumn Equinox, but our own seasonal shifts in life. Part update, part remembrance, part encouragement for anyone who finds themselves discouraged by the lengthy process of healing old wounds - hopefully there's something for everyone here.

Amber celebrates their first year out as queer and shares the nine big takeaways of what queerness means to them at this point in their journey.

Through their telltale love of metaphor and a generous dose of vulnerability, Amber unpacks her last two months: what it's like to be in the thick of deconstructing and transformation, navigating all this for the first time with a partner. She contemplates what it means to pursue a Big Love, and ultimately, comes around to offering a very queer invitation to all.

Amber takes a deeper dive into their tendency towards offering disclaimers, unpacking when disclaimers serve and when they are actually dis-claiming oneself. They share some critical moments in their queer journey around gatekeeping, language policing, dealing with imposter syndrome and moving towards greater intentionality in claiming themselves - including a part of themselves they are newly welcoming out in the open.

Amber is joined by their oh-so-special guest, Camille (hint: joyfriend) for an intimate peek at conversation between the two. They explore the nuanced world of transitions, shifting identities, authenticity and more fully inhabiting ourselves - including what led them to each other. Camille shares from the heart about coming into their transness, what being non-binary means to them and what it's like to navigate these changes as a parent.

Amber shares her struggle to sink into joy from a place of deep acquaintance with grief and life in long-term crisis mode. With a number of rabbit trail stories, they offer a reflection and invitation to rewrite new narratives on top of the old. And, spoiler alert: a boyfriend is mentioned... With a post-recording addition of the MOST ironic story of Amber's life.

What could be more queer than a conversation involving both polyamory and a witchy way of honoring the seasonal shifts (well, adding astrology, naturally, but that's not included in this episode)? What this episode does contain, however, are Amber's reflections on the roundabout path to clearing space in her life for new love, discovering how to date and learning, yet again, never to say never. Instagram: follow @to_be_continued_podcast and/or @kiss_the_earth_amber for links to published writings.

Amber reflects on their word for this year, while reviewing the word that shaped 2020 & 2021. If you need a gentle (un-obnoxious) "pep talk" as we step into this next calendar year, this is for you. Find them on Instagram: @to_be_continued_podcast. Album referenced in this episode: Nothing is Lost, by Luca Fogale.

Amber talks about finding themselves caught in a paradigm shift with regards to the concept of family - and how they define it now. She explores the work of rewiring the brain towards this new orientation, definition and story of family, while continuing to give space to the old. And finally, introduces their nearest and dearest who are "home" and family now.

Per their usual style, Amber infuses a lot of introspective angst into a topic that might be more light to others - casual dating - and learns emotional catfishing is a thing. The whole point of casual is, well, that it's easier, right? Amber sets out to prove otherwise in a thorough examination of why casual, as she defines it, is a maddeningly deceptive concept, but maybe also, a necessary teacher.

Amber shares off-the-cuff thoughts on being "straight passing," grappling with the "privilege" that's often assigned to passing and ways they've played around with "queering up" their look. They share how the world perceives them vs. how they perceive themselves, what this feels like and how it's evolved since first coming out.

Amber's first time of many firsts: talking publicly about sex (and sexlessness), pussy, their love of hands, queer dating and, oh yes, tick checks. Follow on Instagram: @to_be_continued_podcast

Amber revisits her "first" adolescence and grapples with the unexpected angst of a second adolescence. She dives more deeply into the identity labels that initially resonated with her upon coming out, and now, how they're shifting - culminating in a pronoun change (or expansion).

Amber is joined this week by a dear friend and member of the queer community, Meagon Nolasco. The two friends chat for an hour on the topic of labels within and outside the LQBTQIA+ community - how labels both help and hinder, personal stories with identity labels in the workplace and dating arenas. To follow Meagon, find her on Instagram: @meagon_nolascowrites and Facebook: Meagan Nolasco.

Amber weaves recollections from childhood with reflections on heteronormativity and gender identity, using her present lens of understanding queerness to see it all afresh - all the while, attentive to the question: What does changing feel like? She opens up about her recent haircut and how it has been the catalyst for deeper unconditioning.

Part two of the backstory of coming out: once you have your knowing, what do you do with it, if anything? Amber talks about what she had to reckon with to make her choice, how she told people, the boundaries she set in doing so, the losses she faced and how showing up for herself has helped in her grief.

Amber opens with a welcome, a thorough disclaimer and the Why behind this podcast. She dives into answering questions she received about her coming out process and weaves in backstory of before she "knew." She talks about her catalyst for reckoning with her sexual orientation and where she went from there. The episode wrap-up offers a glimpse of what's to come in the next episode.