When Depression is in your bed

What happens when empathy helps your partner feel deeply understood… but quietly keeps both of you stuck?In this episode, I explore what I call The Empathy Trap in Relationships, a dynamic where understanding your partner’s pain can sometimes make it harder to respond to the actual impact that pain is having on you, the relationship, and the family system as a whole. Drawing from my own marriage and years of professional experience, I talk about how empathy can unintentionally turn into over-functioning, imbalance, and staying in unhealthy relational loops for far too long.Empathy matters deeply. Feeling seen and understood helps create safety, connection, and healing. But when empathy only focuses on someone’s story, without also paying attention to both nervous systems in the relationship, it can unintentionally reinforce patterns that no longer serve either partner. In this episode, I introduce a more expanded version of empathy, one that includes compassion, accountability, boundaries, and nervous system awareness for both people in the relationship.Because true relational safety has to be co-created.In this episode, we explore:• What The Empathy Trap in Relationships actually is• How empathy can unintentionally reinforce unhealthy dynamics• The difference between understanding behavior and accepting it• Why over-empathizing can lead to over-functioning• How nervous system awareness changes relational patterns• The importance of including both nervous systems in empathy • Why safety and healing must be co-created in relationships • How expanded empathy creates the conditions for growth and changeYou can deeply understand your partner… without abandoning yourself in the process.If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat! For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

What if perfectionism doesn’t make you shut down… but makes it impossible to stop pushing?In this episode, I explore the overachieving side of perfectionism, the version that looks productive, driven, high-functioning, and constantly in motion. The version that says, “I’ll just try harder,” “I’ll keep pushing,” or “If I can just get this right, then I’ll finally feel okay.”This conversation builds on last week’s episode about showing up imperfectly through a more avoidant perfectionism pattern, the kind that pulls back when things feel overwhelming. But perfectionism doesn’t only show up through avoidance. For many people, it shows up through striving.Through a nervous-system-informed lens, I explore how both avoidant perfectionism and overachieving perfectionism are rooted in the same thing: a system trying to find safety.For some people, safety came through shutting down, withdrawing, or avoiding. For others, safety came through doing more, pushing harder, and staying constantly mobilized. While these patterns can look completely opposite from the outside, both are adaptive responses shaped by overwhelm, stress, and self-protection.I also share how these patterns can exist within the same person and how they can shape relationship dynamics over time. In my relationship with my husband Ben, when his system moved more toward shutdown, mine often moved toward striving and over-functioning in response.This episode explores how showing up imperfectly matters not only for the person who avoids, but also for the person who over-functions.Because for the overachieving perfectionist, showing up imperfectly may actually mean learning to do less.In this episode, I explore:• The difference between avoidant and overachieving perfectionism• How perfectionism develops through different nervous system survival strategies• Dorsal shutdown vs. sympathetic striving responses• Why overachieving can look healthy while still being driven by self-protection• The hidden cost of constantly pushing, striving, and over-functioning• How perfectionism can disconnect us from our body, limits, and needs• Why overachieving and avoidance can exist in the same person• Common relationship dynamics between shutdown and over-functioning partners• Why showing up imperfectly matters for both perfectionism patterns• How imperfect action for overachievers may actually mean slowing down, resting, or doing less• The connection between awareness, regulation, and self-trustYou do not have to get rid of your patterns to begin healing.The goal is not perfection.The goal is awareness, flexibility, and learning how to stay connected to yourself while you grow.If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat! For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

What does it actually look like to build self-trust, not when everything is going well, but when it’s not?In this episode, I share a real-time experience from a physically challenging week and how it brought me back to something I’ve been actively working on: learning to show up imperfectly.As a perfectionist, I’ve often found it easier to show up when I feel clear, capable, or confident. But showing up when things feel messy, unclear, or “not good enough”? That’s where I’ve historically pulled back.What I’m learning is this: self-trust isn’t built in perfect moments. It’s built when we choose to show up as we are.This episode explores one way I’m beginning to shift that pattern, by redefining what it means to show up and allowing it to be imperfect, flexible, and aligned with my actual capacity.Because showing up doesn’t mean pushing past your limits or ignoring your body. It means finding a way to show up that’s honest and sustainable.  In addition to this being significantly less taxing to your system, a bonus here is that showing up in a "small" way may have a big impact.We also look at how the nervous system plays a role in moments when we don’t show up. What can look like inconsistency is often overwhelm or protection, not a lack of care or laziness.This is one piece of how I’m learning to build self-trust. In future episodes, I’ll share other ways to deepen this process.In this episode, I explore:• Why perfectionism can make it hard to show up• How showing up imperfectly builds self-trust over time• The connection between consistency and identity• Why small actions matter more than getting it “right”• How to show up in ways that match your capacity• The role of the nervous system in overwhelm and avoidance• Why “something is better than nothing” can be a powerful shiftYou don’t have to be perfect to be consistent.You don’t have to feel totally ready to show up.You just have to find one way to show up as you are.Because that’s how trust is built.If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat! For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.