Wise Up

GUESS WHO'S BACK?! Yeah, its us, you guessed that right, how'd you know? We're returning with another Queen of First Dates appearance, however the Queen brings news! Also... more eps pending, they will be old and outdated now but they will go up.. y'know, for the craic. ok miss u luv u byeeee

Medical histories, health care scares, historical tragedies, we have it all at Maddie and Ashleigh's wondrous emporium of nonsense!

The episode title says it all. Love u nerds xo

The title betrays the chaos that lies within. That is all. Lots of love, cherubs xo

Down with landlords. That is all.  love u chickens xo

Welcome sweetie pies! Well, did you enjoy your holidays? Back to work is it? Awk aye well sure you'll be glad of a bit of routine again. NOT - everyone knows the only routine you superstarsluts are hungry for is this podcast! This week, your girlos had a long chatty catch up before a high stakes game of 20 questions. And naturally, it wouldn't be a Wise Up Podcast episode without a tragic and horrific news story to close us out, well would it? Run it, Jeff! Later punks xo

STEP INTO CHRISTMAS WITH YOUR FAVS! This week your gals take the longest fucking Christmas quiz in history. That's it, nothing else happens. Except for a lengthy chat about cancel culture, statues and pedos in the art world? Honestly, what is happening out there. Lastly, the two troublemakers list off some of your best and worst gifts - how festive! So grateful! What angels! Anyways, hope you all have a peaceful xmas period. Do rest well young ones, for the girls will start this new year off with a bang the only way they know how... another podcast episode of course! You're all invited to spend xmas in the wise up insta dms and ring in the new year with a quiz about this past hell-scape, sorry, 12 months. So do tell, what have you done this year amidst the fucking madness? Write in, spill ur guts and c u on the other side of 2021.

Friends, colleagues, strangers, enemies, welcome one and all! The lads are back again with their nonsense - isn't that just the gift that keeps on giving?! This week, the boyos discuss their university experience, despair over women's magazine articles from the 00's and continue to be appalled but, yet, not shocked by the current events of our time. Does anyone know whats going on, anymore? Your girls certainly do not. On the bright side, its christmas eve in a week, so until then - stay festive!

Well well well, we meet again listeners. Ashleigh and Maddie have returned from their 2 weeks of annual leave to catch up with you all as well as each other. It's been a busy few weeks so the gals have a lot to discuss, naturally, always, when do they ever not? Life updates abound along with a pretty depressing discussion about Christmas traditions and an even more depressing news segment. What can you do, the world's on fire! But, welcome back lovelies - get ready for celebrating the festive season with your favourite podcast duo of 2021!

Welcome to a slightly different podcast format this week, little gemstones! Patron of the podcast, Queen of First Dates, suggested that Ashleigh and Maddie ask each other the infamous 36 questions to fall in love... needless to say, love was not found in this episode. The gals extend their sincere apologies for the lack of energy, our hosts were rather tired and considerably irritated by the entire premise of this episode (blame QOFD). Anyway, enjoy this change of pace and throw out any suggestions for radically alternative podcast episode formats / segments. Same time same place next week, lizard children!

Welcome back chickens! Lil late podcast this week as SOMEONE decided that it was NECESSARY to take a business trip to Paris of all places ffs. Absolutely ridiculous! But here are your fav girls back and ready to soothe your Sunday with terrible personality quizzes, depressing news and diarrhoea! What else brings one joy after all? Enjoy you little nuggets.

The tangents continue - welcome back! This week, Maddie and Ashleigh discovered their Hogwarts House, their wands and their patronus charms, not that any of those mean anything in the slightest but sure, this wouldn't be a millennial podcast without a Harry Potter themed quiz, now would it? Ashleigh brings outdated news of magic soil in Ireland while Maddie tries to make a child abduction sound positive. Lastly, the girls rank your Halloween costumes and share boring, sad, uplifting as well as just plain ridiculous Reddit stories with each other to close out the episode. Keep coming back for more nonsense!

GET UR PARTY POPPERS OUT FOR THE LADS! No, that's not a euphemism, its our half birthday! And we're celebrating the only way we know how - invasive personality quizzes, depressing news and freaky stories we found on the internet. But for real, we can't really believe we've made it this far, thank you all for following us along for this rather bizarre ride, we hope you enjoyed it as much as we have. Also, lets not forget that it's spooky season this weekend so get involved in the halloween spirit and tag us in your outfits / celebrations - we wanna party with youuuu! Happy halloween, happy birthday, stay safe and let the mayhem continue xoxo Ash n Mad

Oh sweet listeners! Welcome back to another week of over stimulated brains vomiting into a microphone. This week, Ashleigh and Maddie found out their attachment styles and were instantly shamed for their own unresolved childhood traumas. Capitalism, amirite? (idfk) This week's news revolves around IRL Kermit the Frog puppet man, Nigel Farage, celebrity heritage reality tv and the death penalty! Such fun, such fun. Stay tuned and keep your ears pricked because next week ITS OUR GOD DAMN HALF BIRTHDAY U BUNCHA FUCKS. Thanks for sticking with us gang xo

Howdy folks! This weeeeeek the girls figure out their apology languages - what would your ideal apology be? The news spans entertainment to striking bin men, UP THE BIN MEN! And of course, the gorls unload all of the listener submitted irrational fears and mercilessly ridicule you guys. As per usual, sure what else is this podcast for?! Read the title!

Another trans-national podcast recording just for you, dear listeners! This week Ashleigh and Maddie take the conflict styles quiz and the results are... exactly what you'd expect. The gals bring you news of celebrity heartbreak and a glimpse into the fall of our undemocratic technocracy which will bring with it the inevitable apocalypse. FUN. Next week, keep your eyes peeled, for the girls want stories about your ridiculous fears. Get submitting lovelies!

Stuck for choice between rainy cafe ASMR youtube videos and your favourite podcast? Well, look no further, this episode provides both! Enjoy the stormy vibes while the mindless chatter unfolds. This week, Maddie and Ashleigh take the colour personality test and blow smoke up their own arses. CUTE. The news consists of Fuel-gate and misogynists in Texas getting their comeuppance, classic good news bad news. The gorls also reveal their worst ghosting stories, but of course, nothing compares to the shit you can find on Reddit. In normal tangent fashion, the episode closes with a sprinkling of true crime. Buckle in, folks!

Don't listen to this hungry, welcome to the first foodcast! The Great British Bakeoff starts this week and honestly, these two just couldn't resist the chance to indulge in dessert. The time has finally come to axe the beloved, fan favourite (lol) third host of this podcast, Miss Co-Star. Its been a wild ride, but after 21 weeks, a new way to check in with your gals is what everybody rly wants- its about time you heard ever more exposing details! So, this week Maddie & Ashleigh kick us off with a little insight into their Enneagram type and suffer some mild trauma as a result. Of course, it wouldn't be these two without sprinkling in some leftist propaganda into the news segment and repeatedly shouting "Fuck you, U.K!" (no, seriously). Lastly, Maddie closes us out with her nightmare day at work and both come to a final conclusion that neither are any way inclined to defecate on another human... yes, that's how the podcast closes these days; swiping left or right on torture methods. Anyways, tuck in and enjoy!

This week, Ashleigh and Maddie, i.e. international fashion icons, dissect the MET Gala's hottest looks and weigh in on your controversial opinions. One half of the dynamic duo has been struck down by illness so send well wishes and enjoy the head cold ASMR. Love u chicas x

Oh boy do these two lunatics have a treat for you. Pls enjoy the extended cut of a 40 minute domestic over rom coms xo

A much quieter rendition of the podcast graces your devices this week for our gals Maddie and Ashleigh are on the come down after all the excitement of the previous episode. In fact, they've almost forgotten how this whole podcast thing works altogether but, as always, this delicious slice of audio brings with it life updates, co-star analysis, a news briefing and some truly tragic Tinder profiles. Here for the tea? Ever fancied buying a €1 house? Are you in a moral dilemma over fast fashion? Have you encountered some shocking online dating profiles? Well then, you've come to the right place. Fix yourself some tea, or grab a take out coffee, and join us for a wee yarn xo

In this strangely transport themed episode, the girlos are joined by none other than the infamous and completely anonymous Queen of First Dates. As you can imagine, all hell breaks loose - welcome to a night in with Maddie & Ashleigh. From planes to trains to boats to post (?) almost no method of transport is left unscathed by our in house logistical fanatic. What obscurities are you passionate about and why should everyone care about them? If you would like to guest host an episode and tell your fav duo all about your niche interests then send  a dm on instagram to @wiseuppodcast!

Wow, 4 months have flown by. And what better way to celebrate an anniversary than with your v. talented hosts forgetting their own podcast format all while ranting about the origins of the Taliban, the lack of art education, ghosting and circumcision! Just another standard episode really.  P.s. feel free to aggressively dm the Wise Up instagram if Maddie and Ashleigh forget to upload pictures of the briefly mentioned, yet notorious, scarecrow colouring in drawing or the ugly Marble Arch Mound k thx bye!!1

Your fair maidens are spicing things up a bit this week - recording on a Monday, what madness! The ever controversial news segment does not disappoint, who knew that Gezza Adams was a bad guy?! You learn something new every day. Also this week, your gals take a quick crash course in ironman triathlons and recall some awkward moments that could only occur in the digital age. Remember facebook wall arguments? How humans made it to the top of the food chain is a mystery. LIKE, RATE, STREAM, DOWNLOAD AND SEND US INSTA DMS BC WE'RE CLINGY OK????

What a week it has been! Your favs have had a chaotic few days (as per) so settle yourselves in! Co-Star has been ditched and The Pattern has taken its place, will this celestial app become a sponsor? Probably not tbh. The news segment starts off with a wish to stay away from the heavy  news stories that have been floating around the headlines this week and yet the gorls continue to discuss hunger strikes, child abduction, infanticide and the futility of life - but it wouldn't be Ashleigh and Maddie without some disturbing news topics, would it? In this episode, the terrible twosome share stories related to childhood and the shit kids come out with because, let's be real, they do spout some shit. Stick around for the rest of August to listen to our reunion after two and half years as well as our first ever guest! Love ya'll. Stay spicy.

Dear listeners, your impeccable taste in podcasts has led you to one hosted by two high flyin' gals who are always moving around. This ensures for premium story telling but also sometimes brings with it technical difficulties - this episode is one of those episodes, so bare with the sound at times, the stories are worth it as always. This week ya gorls done found themselves a new life prediction app to play with, Co-Star wasn't putting out. Will they ever accept the futility of human existence and let go of trying to unravel the complexities of the human mind by tracking the movement of celestial bodies? Probably not, and sure isn't that half the fun?! The notorious news section touches on the brilliance of Lil Nas X and  serial killer in training Dominic Cummings - balance. The theme of this episode is bodily fluids, think piss, shit, vomit and periods. Hold onto your stomachs and maybe don't listen while eating. Enjoy u little sprinkles of angel dust!

In this week's marathon episode, your favourite podcast hosts tackle themes of holiday fun and the burden of gender roles - swings and roundabouts, right? As always, the gorls get open with a sassy horoscope reading before delving into the shark tank that is Love Island. This dissection leads into a discussion centred around some feedback from a gorgeous listener regarding the gendered association of the term 'guys' in everyday speech. What do you think, is it masculine, feminine, neutral? Submit your alternatives! Lastly, this jam packed episode closes with some holiday mishaps that are sure to tickle your fancy. Until next time, C**ts! xo

Another instalment of your regularly scheduled complain-fest! It's health concerns that have got the girls' goats this week. Acid reflux is a bitch. Co-Star was feeling particularly mystical and ambiguous this episode so brace yourselves for the usual nonsense. And of course, the phenomenal audience submitted sex stories surpassed all expectations, you lads are filthy and this pair of hella citrus gals love it. This week's news segment could potentially be quite triggering as it consists of issues concerning racism, assault and details that pertain to specific events during The Troubles, so be cautious in listening, feel free to skip through it altogether and take care your sweet selves.

What a week, the stars are refusing to mind their own business and your fav podcast hosts can't seem to keep tabs on any of their topics so enjoy this episode full of twists, turns and tangents! Ashleigh's news story has kindly been donated by her mother while Maddie has turned to instagram in the hope of finding little rays of light amongst the shit show that is the news. Our audience contributions centre around the theme of celebrity encounters, do you recognise any of the niche references? If you've stuck it out through all of the meandering, chaotic thoughts for the past 10 episodes, you're a gem stone - three cheers for double digits!

The nonsense returns! This week Maddie and Ashleigh engage in a fascinating debate regarding the nominative status of diluting juice / squash. Riveting as always. The two go on to talk about the topics that are on everybody's lips this week: Matt Hancock, the toxic relationship between white British men and football and #FreeBritney. Your favourite podcast duo are throwing it as they take a trip down memory lane to revisit their silly school stories and read out audience submissions. Now, let's promise to never speak of these incidents again.

The podcast was turned on its head this week as Maddie & Ashleigh's Australian alter egos make their debut! Amongst the silliness, the pair make fun of their own horoscope readings, update you on some VITAL (lol) Northern Irish news and discover a new British national holiday that makes their stomachs churn. In this episode, the beloved listeners shared their housemate horror stories with the duo and boy, were they spoilt for stories! Hold on to your seatbelts and let the chaos unfold.

Last week Ashleigh & Maddie used the horoscope segment as free therapy but this week it features personal life updates. Oversharing? Never heard of her. In an effort to keep listeners up to date with N.Irish political news, Ashleigh chats about the current imploding situation at Stormont but of course, the situation has already changed five more times since the episode was recorded. So much for topical. To balance out the despairing political news, Maddie tries to add a lighter tone before realising that perhaps her story isn't so cheery after all. This week, the pair disclose some ridiculous lies they've told and have a giggle over some listener contributions. Stay safe, stay secret & dissolve yourselves.

In a sudden twist of fate, Ashleigh & Maddie's notorious horoscope check in quickly descends into a free therapy session that they both clearly needed. This week, the pair switch things up as the news segment instead morphs into a selection of must-watch recommendations consisting of a mental breakdown scored to 80's synth ballads & a slimy French man getting slapped in the face; there's an option for everyone. So, what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you at work? Tune in to hear your favourite twosome purge themselves of their horror stories related to this week's highly anticipated theme and commiserate with the dear listeners who submitted their own trauma inducing experiences. And of course, don't forget to stay fancy!

Its week five, where does the time go?! This week the dramatic duo experience some technical difficulties but power through to bring you the latest news stories and a smörgåsbord of nightmare dating stories. Ashleigh chats about the most unlikely celebrity / political crossover you'll ever hear of and Maddie regales us with the downfall of a notorious (cheese loving) Liverpudlian gangster. A very valued friend of the podcast donates a generous amount of first date fails for the pair to dissect and the Tinder outreach program makes a return!

In this week’s instalment, Ashleigh & Maddie talk all things red flags and reflect on their tinder research over the past week. The pair are once again victimised by their horoscope app and lament the injustice that took place at Eurovision. On an important note, there is a discussion of the current situation in G a z a; if you are in a position to donate please do so, there are many organisations that are raising funds for medical aid such as MAP which you can find at map.org.uk .

This week, Ashleigh and Maddie turn to alcohol as they bemoan the lies in their horoscopes and the current nonsense surrounding Northern Irish politics before delighting in science's most important discovery to date: recreational drug use in dolphins. The listener contributions follow a thematic thread of drunken mishaps involving a one night stand gone wrong and the leaking of confidential company info. The tipsy twosome round off the episode with some drunken stories of their own, providing detailed analyses of their drink induced vomiting - now who doesn't want to hear that?!

In this episode, Ashleigh and Maddie breakdown their birth charts, the Turner Prize nominations and the French fisherman siege of Jersey. The pair take a moment to reflect on the pressure placed upon women to maintain romantic relationships, before diving back in to dissect this week's listener contributions.

In the debut episode, Ashleigh and Maddie introduce themselves with a horoscope reading, a trip down memory lane and some truly TMI tales. Ashleigh provides some extremely contemporary commentary on Northern Irish politics from 1921 while Maddie defends the right of a 4-year old to be crowned the Ultimate Josh.