You're listening to Women in Feues Radio, where women in the marketplace connect to the purpose and spirit, where the conversation covers all things women, business, and fascinating fame. And now, your host, Kristi Lynn Olson. Hello and welcome to the Women in Feues Radio podcast. I'm Kristi Lynn Olson, and I'm the CEO and founder of Women in Feues, a faith-based personal development and business success organization, helping you, a woman in the marketplace, define your value, your voice, and your vision for business and life.
You are listening to episode two in the series called Unveiled Voices and the Power of Your Calling. Today's episode is all about reclaiming your true identity, committed to walking in alignment with the truth, revealing and removing the veils that keep you from introducing yourself to the world. In step one, you took some time to ask those soul-level questions, identify your values and beliefs in the process of uncovering your signature voice, and the voice that is unique to you. No one has your voice.
Today, you're going to learn how to reclaim your identity in step two. Notice I said, reclaim because you haven't lost your voice, it may have just become hidden or buried for a season. The dictionary definition of reclaim is something that I looked up the other day and I just love what I found. Reclaim is to bring uncultivated areas or wasteland into a condition for cultivation or other use.
Or to recover discarded articles. What areas in your life do you maybe need to reclaim or cultivate your dreams and vision? What things you love have you discarded or lost along the way? What areas of your life or business have become a wasteland where nothing can grow or nothing is happening to move you forward?
In this step of reclaiming your true identity, you need to keep asking yourself questions, continue to seek clarity of your calling, and then commit to walk in alignment with what you're learning to be true about yourself. True for you, not for someone else. So this is a step that can bring up what I call a lot of stuff, maybe even stuff we've been putting off dealing with. Relationships, job, activities that distract us from our purpose, things we are tolerating as opposed to fully accepting.
Now I'm not talking about settling for less than when I use the term accepting here. I'm talking about fully and joyfully accepting whatever it is, a relationship, a job, a situation, and being at peace with it. And here might be a great place to introduce the question that you need to ask yourself now. Are you living the dream?
And if so, whose dream are you living? Let's be honest about that. Let me give you a sample scenario of what I mean by that. There's a woman, let's call her Jill.
Jill is married to Jack. And they have three beautiful children. They have a nice house, they have a car, that they love, they're active in their community and church. But Jill is frustrated because she's working hard and trying to make everyone happy.
She's cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, yard work, picking up after her kids to make sure her house is always neat and orderly. And oh yeah, she's also working a full-time job. Not the career she really wanted when she got out of college, but a job that was convenient for the rest of the family. Sound familiar?
All noble things, but she's getting frustrated with Jack because he doesn't seem to have any dreams to do more or want more. And when she tries to talk to him about his dreams or goals, he says he's got everything he wants and needs and he's happy. And she just can't figure out why because she knows there's so much more for them. Here's the truth.
Of course he doesn't want more or need more because he is living his dream of having someone else do all the work and take care of him. And guess what? She's living his dream for him. She's enabled that and silenced her own dreams maybe.
It's maybe just for a season or quite some time, probably even without knowing that that's what she was doing. I think we all fall into that trap sooner or later if you have a family, especially even if you're single. We kind of get so comfortable in doing the things that we do that at some point we realize we're living somebody else's dream. So you need to communicate that dream to your spouse if you're married, to other people if you're single that are important in your life.
And at the very least, talk about what you each value and believe at your core. Hopefully, you did this before you got married. But I also know that doesn't always happen when you're caught up in the passionate romance of your early relationship. Now I know firsthand and for those of you who are married, that marriage is hard and it's not always about living the dream.
But I also know that if you pretend you don't have a dream or your dream just doesn't matter anymore, it's not going to work in the long run. It will just sit there and stew but eventually boil over into anger and possibly even resentment of the relationship. And that works both ways. Just like Jack and Jill, you both will eventually tumble down that hill and find yourself in a place that you never thought you'd be if you haven't had these communications at some point.
Personally, that has been a real struggle for me in my relationships and sometimes that conversation has even reached a tipping point and some hard and heartfelt decisions have to be made. Just don't let yourself get stuck here in the land of unfulfilled dreams and mediocrity. Reclaiming your true identity doesn't mean someone has to lose if you are in a relationship. But it might mean things need to shift a bit and there can be many blessings on the other side of that shift.
So whether you're married or not, it's still important to ask yourself if you are living in alignment with your dream and how you're calling. Or are you living under someone else's expectations? It could even be the expectations of someone that you work for. This step is really important and it takes a determined woman to walk through the stuff of life and decide what's not working and maybe even what needs to go.
Please don't skip this step. Not all of the things we fix our attention on are necessary bad, but they may not be the best activities or relationships to focus on if they keep us from stepping up and reaching that higher calling that God has for your life. Don't let anyone, anything or any circumstance keep you stuck. You are an overcomer and God loves you enough not to let you stay stuck forever.
Please remember that. He wants you to rest in his love, get to know him intimately and let him whisper to you that purpose that he has planted in your heart from before the beginning of time. And if you're not ready to deal with some hard decisions here, you may need to go back to step one and uncover some more clues about yourself and that's okay. Everyone has their own timeline.
But I also believe that we as women not only desire to step up into a higher level of our calling at some point, but many of us get to a place where we know it is more painful to stay where we are than it is to get a little uncomfortable and move ahead with a bigger vision. To remove the veil and to see our purpose in higher calling from a new perspective and perhaps on a much bigger plain field takes a lot of courage. This is God's promise for you. And it might be new to some of you listening today, but this is God's truth for you.
My favorite verse sometimes that I go back to when I'm feeling like I just don't know where I go anymore. One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29 verses 11 through 14. I'm going to read it to you out of the message Bible now. If you're not familiar with that, you're probably familiar with the Bible, but there are a lot of different translations and the message translation is more of a modern day language translation.
And I just love how this shows us the promise that God has for us. Verse 11 says, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed. This is God's decree.
I'll turn things around for you. Isn't that just an amazing verse? What things do you maybe need to get back to? He said he wants to bring you back home.
What has caused you to maybe lose your way in business or life? Think about that. Have you compromised your self-identity or values? He has plans to give you the future you hope for.
Isn't that amazing? What do you really hope for? Ask yourself that. Then pray to him daily.
Have a conversation with God. You don't have to worry about saying the right words because he knows. The Bible tells us that the Holy Spirit will intercede for us. If we're not sure what to say, just pray, sing.
Do whatever you need to do to just worship God and the rest will come. It says that last verse says, I'll turn things around for you. How many of you need a turnaround? It's time to go for it.
Turn around. Make a small shift and keep going toward your dream and don't stop. Step back into alignment with who you were designed to be and what you were purposed to do. So today I want to walk you through two specific areas that you might be out of alignment in.
The first area are the roles that you play in life. Take a minute to think about all the roles you play in this life. Wife, mother, daughter, employee, neighbor, friend, activity director, ATM machine for your kids, dishwasher, financial CEO, mentor, sister, roommate, caregiver, ex-wife, step-mother, community leader, whoo, and those are only a few. What are the most challenging roles that you play?
What roles are so difficult right now, if any, that make it hard for you to even get out of bed in the morning? What roles are you playing because you think you have to? Let that one sink in for a minute. What roles are actually leading you closer to your calling?
Frankly, that's a hard one to answer sometimes because I truly believe that all the roles we have teach us something that we will need to learn at some point to lead us closer to our higher calling and our larger vision. But there is a secret that I want to share with you. The secret is knowing when it's time to release a role that you are no longer suited to play. Ouch, I know that that just hurts someone.
If it did, don't feel bad. It happens to everyone at some point. Let me give you a few examples of what that might look like. Personally, I think women are more susceptible to this than men because we are naturally caregivers and to some extent we are wired for relationship, which can get a bit sticky when it comes to letting go.
So here's one of my favorite personal examples. And actually, I think I'm pretty good at letting go of things when I look over my life, but that doesn't mean that it wasn't hard at the moment and that there wasn't a lot of emotion involved. It was a very difficult way to live in a way that we could do, because we have to learn to walk through it in a balanced and healthy way. But once I make a decision that's right for me, I have total peace.
And that's how I know. It's a great indicator. Peace versus confusion. And I always say, if you're thinking and struggling over a decision, if there is any confusion when making that decision, just wait.
Because God is not a God of confusion. And so I want to make sure that as we talk through some of these things and some of these examples, think how they might relate to your own life. And is that a choice you need to make is their confusion, is their peace about it. Just kind of weigh those two opposite.
So, I was a single mom and my son was probably, oh, I think about third grade. into the family room one day and he was holding up two pieces of his clothing and he's like, Mom, I have told you before, do not wash my dark clothes with my light color clothes because they end up looking all gray. I just looked at this child and I'm like, is he really telling me that I'm not doing laundry the way it's supposed to be done and that he is making demands? Actually, it was kind of funny but I was also mad at the same time.
So here's what I did. I walked him right into the laundry room and I'm like, get a stool here. This is how we do laundry and I showed him the basic steps of how to do laundry. And you know what?
That child was thrilled because he was taking ownership of his own clothes and he was making sure that it was going to be done properly and guess what? It was one last thing that I had to do and all the things that I was doing every day. You know, in the second day, he said the same thing about the bathroom. He's like, Mom, these mirrors and the counter are not as clean as they should be.
I can do it so much better than you. And I just smiled and I'm like, great. Here you go. Knock yourself out.
And to be honest, he actually did clean that bathroom cleaner than I've ever done. So here's the deal. I released two roles in one week. It was fabulous.
And mamas, let me tell you, give your children the gift of responsibility and independence early on. It is going to suit them in the long run so much better than you trying to do everything for them. Believe me, there's going to come a point in your time when you're going to have this conversation and you really owe it to yourself and your children more importantly. Now here's another part of releasing and deciding what roles you need to be in or let go.
And here's one for all my church girls. You don't have to do everything or you don't have to do maybe more importantly. You don't have to do things you're not suited for or gifted for. That is such a lie.
Now, the local church is light years behind where I believe Jesus intends for it to be in relationship to how women are treated and what roles they are allowed to undertake. Not all churches. Some churches do it brilliantly. But in my experience, unfortunately, I felt a lot of guilt for doing the roles that I knew I wasn't suited for.
And let me back up a minute. There is a place in a time where we all need to serve and do a few things that maybe aren't our natural giftings. But if we do it from a place of heart-centered servanthood, it's going to go a lot easier. But there are so many things that we want to do and then we're told we can't do and then we get frustrated.
And so many women that I know myself included who have incredible leadership skills and marketplace experience and a very strong presence have been relegated to nursery duty or the kitchen. And those roles are commonly asked to serve are not less important in and of themselves. But for these women including myself, like I said, it was never a good use of my time or a use of the rich reservoir of talents that most of us carry with us. And it's such an untapped resource.
And so we either we or we just become silenced or complacent because we don't like sitting in the nursery or don't like being in the kitchen. So the biggest example for me again, I should not be in the kitchen. But I have friends who flourish in that space. And if you stick me in the kitchen, they might look at it as well.
They've got plenty of help. They don't need my help. But this is how that person might be wired. And if she's going to shine in the kitchen, and believe me, that is a gifting and I can name a couple of names that it is definitely their highest gifting.
And when you release yourself from that role of doing it all, especially the things you're not gifted for, it many times will allow someone else, like I said, the opportunity to step up into their strength and be of value. So think about this, if you are remaining in a role that you no longer are called to play, are you standing in the way of another woman who is just waiting to be released into her calling? So what happens to many of these strong women in the church? So since I brought it up, I want to finish here a little bit.
I want to address this topic. We go out as women. We start businesses. We become involved in politics.
We run successful organizations. And we find a place to use those talents that God has given us. And we find roles or we create them just so we can feel valued and accepted and be active part of a community. But there still remains a void in our spirits, allowing in for the sacred, allowing to have our voice heard and accepted in the faith that we hold so dear.
So my prayer partly in starting this podcast is to bring light to this disparity of role assignment in the faith community, and also to bring on some incredibly accomplished and faithful women who have navigated this space to share with us what their journey looks like and help those of you who are feeling rejected or wounded by the church. Many of these women have learned to release themselves in roles in the church that no longer serve them and have found ways to successfully walk out their faith in the marketplace where they can really feel a value, a place where they can shine and be of service in fulfilling roles that play to their unique talents and strengths. And I'd love to know your thoughts on this. So if you are a woman who has struggled either in the church or in the marketplace with using your talents, connect with me on Facebook and help me lead the conversation.
Because we're all in this together. And I really, my heartbeat is to let women know that there are so many more places than just the church that you can use your gifts and talents and potentially have more impact. Most of the people who come to church, I believe, are saved, they're healed, they're whole, and if they're not, they're getting the resources that they need. But my heart is for the women who are sitting out there in the marketplace, and they really maybe feel lost or alone.
We can have such an impact there just by showing up and showing the love of Christ in the daily things we do in our job. So we're going to be talking more about that in the weeks to come. But I want to get back to the roles that I was talking about playing. Now another role you might play is that of employee.
Morals or values maybe have been compromised, but you need to take the high road. You can't fix everything. And sometimes you just have to shake the dust from your sandals and leave. The battle isn't always ours to fight.
One of my favorite verses in a time of complete distress in a really painful work situation for me, I really felt like the Lord gave me a verse from Exodus 14 verse 14. And it was, be still, Yahweh fights for you. In that moment, I knew that it was time to let God do the heavy lifting, and I needed to get out of the way and move on. Now that can be a really painful thing, and I'm not saying that you need to drop the role of your job if it's not going the way you want it to be.
But I can tell you from experience, you will know that you know when God has released you from a position. And I just want to encourage you that if you know you've been released and you know that it's time to be still and let God do the heavy lifting, let Yahweh fight for you, you need to let go. So I'm not saying give up, but I'm saying release it if you know it's time to leave. So I want to finish up talking about roles by leaving you with this thought.
Spend some time to get some insight into what God may be trying to accomplish in your life through your roles, or ask him where you need his guidance right now. And be still, ask him and he will answer you. And let each difficult role bring you closer to God as you learn to rely on his power and faithfulness to fulfill his purposes for your life today. Now the second area that is commonly out of alignment, especially for women, is this area of value.
Now we already talked about our core signature values in episode one. So if you need to go back and kind of recheck that, please feel free to check out the show notes. There's a link to episode one. But this is all about how you value yourself and your abilities and the incredible value that I know you bring to the table.
And incidentally, the struggles with our value a lot of times are related to those roles that we can't seem to release when the time has come, or those roles that have been forced upon us by someone else. And we're just doing it out of duty or obligation. And we're not doing it with joy. And we can't take care of everyone all the time.
And if we are true to our personal identity, we start to understand that who we are has value, and we have something to contribute that extends far past our family obligations. Family is important, yet honestly, we are also called to reach out and do so much more as women of faith. We have inherent power and potential through the working of the Holy Spirit in us, and anyone who squelches that potential will be held accountable before God. And I know that sounds a bit harsh, but there is a biblical basis for that truth, and I'm going to deal with that directly in another episode, so stay tuned.
It's going to address false humility and biblical submission, and spoiler alert, it's probably not what you've been taught. There are three culprits that ship away at our value when we are feeling less than purpose driven, shame, guilt, and insecurity. So let's talk about the first one. Shame speaks to not feeling worthy or good enough.
Who we are is not good enough. And it's a lie that the enemy or Satan wants to tell you. It's a lie from the pit of hell, literally. Now, shame can have powerful effects on our esteem, and it can manifest itself in many ways.
Carl Jung told us, shame is a soul-eating emotion. Shame is the feeling of being something wrong. And he goes on to talk about what he calls for manifestations of shame. So I want to briefly go through them and see if you can picture yourself ever having experienced some of that.
Sometimes shame can manifest itself by feelings of inferiority. Now, by definition, shame is a deep sense of inferiority. Feelings of inferiority can result from prolonged patterns of failure, or can stem from others in our lives having low expectations of us, or even just plain old expectations of us based on their values and beliefs. A second way that shame can manifest is in passivity.
Refusing to invest any part of ourselves in relationships and responsibilities for ourselves. We may become compulsive perfectionists in some areas of our lives, but we avoid taking risks in relationships or circumstances. And we convince ourselves that becoming grossed in the mundane excuses us from the reality of relationships and situations. And sometimes women especially may dig ourselves into cleaning, baking, organizing, over volunteering, things like that.
So it may seem like we're active, but it is that passive aggressive approach to our relationships and responsibilities. And I also want to make a point here. I know so many strong women who are so good at what they do. Yet they are determined that the only thing that's going to make their life better is if they find this perfect man in their life.
So I hate to break it to you. A, there is no such thing as a perfect man and B, God designed you yes to be in relationship, but that doesn't necessarily mean a co-dependent relationship. And so if you're looking for someone else to solve all your problems, it ain't going to happen. And I really want to encourage you to stand strong on your own giftings, your own skills, your own abilities and quit looking for that thing that you think is going to make it all better because ladies on the other side, it is not always all better.
And sometimes you compromise just to be in that relationship. So okay, I'm going to get off my self box about relationship, but we are going to circle back to that at some point. A third way that shame can manifest is in isolation and withdrawal. Isolation often accompanies forms of passivity, avoiding both the risk of rejection or failure.
Some of us withdraw from virtual all meaning interaction. We develop facades so that nobody can see our hurt. We may be socially active, but may not allow anyone to get really close to us. And we are often afraid that if people really knew us, we would again experience that hurt and rejection that we become so accustomed to.
The fourth way that shame can manifest itself, if you're struggling really with it, is a loss of creativity. And then I talked about co-dependent relationships. They're also associated with feelings of shame and unworthiness. Don't let anyone steal your creativity.
The God of the universe, the most creative one I know, he formed you in his image to be exactly that, to be creative and bring creative solutions to the world who needs you. And please always remember this, in Christ you have been made complete. It's a done deal. And when you begin to fully trust him and experience new life, forgiveness and love, your life will begin to change.
And we can choose to act in ways that reflect our new lives and values in Christ. Ephesians 4, verses 23 and 24 says, be renewed in the spirit of your mind. Put on the new self, which is the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth. There's a book called, I think I'll put it in the show notes, called The Search for Significance by Robert McGee.
And he puts it this way, we are to put on or envelop ourselves in this new self that progressively expresses Christian character in our attitudes and behavior. We are marvelously unique, created to reflect the character of Christ through our individual personalities and behavior. Each believer in a different and special way has the capability to shine forth the light of God and know to reflect his light in exactly the same way. Now let's talk about the second culprit that I think attacks our value is guilt and specifically guilt versus conviction.
So guilt is the feeling of doing something wrong. Remember shame was the feeling of being something wrong. But guilt says, okay, I'm doing something wrong. And conviction will deal with our behavior.
It won't condemn us, but it'll just be that little prick saying, you know, I think I need to do this differently. And it does not affect your status before God. He loves you no matter what. He can never think less of you.
But conviction is the Holy Spirit's way of motivating us in love, correction and protection. And guilt will bring depression and despair, but conviction enables us to realize the beauty of God's forgiveness and to experience his love and power at work in our lives. The agent of guilt is Satan. There's no other way around it.
And the agent of conviction, that's the Holy Spirit. I want to make sure you understand the difference between the two. Both guilt and shame can lead us to feeling insecure and worthless at times. But here are three triggers that you might relate to.
One, not living up to your own standards. Two, not living up to the standards of someone else. Or three, maybe even a difficult or new circumstance with uncharted territory that you may be facing. And so in those situations, we can easily become people, pleaseers and work for the approval of others, hoping that they'll see our servants heart and that we will finally then be loved and notice the way we've always envisioned.
Or we are insecure enough to keep our mouth shut telling ourselves that no one really wants to hear what we have to say or what's really on our heart. And we can easily become suffocated by insecurity. The author of the book Untangled, Kerry Scott says it best. And the enemy targets our womanhood because he wants us to be ineffective.
As women, we hold a great deal of power and persuasion. We are wives and moms, daughters and friends. We have jobs and run companies. We are so often the glue that holds relationships together.
And if the enemy can shake our confidence and make us second guess our own value, it can have ripple effects now and for generations. I just love what she said there. And I did put a link in the show notes to her book as well. I highly encourage you getting that book.
And as to begin to walk through the second step in the Unveiled Voices process, learn to walk in alignment with the truth of who God designed you to be fully alive in of infinite value. Now as a woman of faith led by spirit and purpose, we have to constantly be infusing ourselves with the word of God directly from the source, the Bible, the inspired word of God. One of my favorite verses is from Hebrews chapter four verse 12. For the word of God is living and effective and sharper than any two edged sword, penetrating as far as to divide soul, spirit, joints and marrow.
It is a judge of the ideas and thoughts of the heart. So that's why I want to include the word Unveiled section in every one of these six steps because I really think not only listen to the truths that I believe God has laid in my heart, but always check everything you hear against the word of God using the sword of the spirit. So for this step number two, Ephesians four verse 10 really spoke to me and it says, then we will no longer be like children forever changing our minds about what we believe because someone told us something different or has clearly lied to us and made the lie sound like truth. That's what I want you to remember today.
As you start reclaiming your true identity, make sure you understand that you're not listening to the lies of Satan, that you're not listening to what someone else is telling you who is trying to lie to you and make it sound like truth. Deception can sound so close to the truth. Someone you stand to the word of God we know as in that Hebrews verse, the word is living and effective. He is going to share with you exactly the truth of who you are and who he made you to be.
So here's an action challenge that I want to give you today. What do you need to reclaim this year? What's the legacy you want to leave this generation? Take an honest look at any veils that might be covering who you really are and holding you back from introducing yourself, your whole and complete self to the world.
This has been Women in Feues Radio, connecting women around the globe with purpose and spirit. And we want to connect with you and get your free gift, unveiled voices, six things you need to do to define your value, voice and vision. For more information on the free gift and links to join the conversation on social media, visit us at christylandoffson.com