003: How to get your partner to listen

Welcome back to The Communicate & Connect Podcast! I'm your host, Elizabeth Polinsky, a military marriage counselor passionate about helping military and veteran families strengthen their relationships through better communication. In today's episode, we're tackling a challenge that many couples face: how to get your partner to listen. Have you ever felt like you're speaking, but your words aren't being heard? Or like you're stuck in a cycle of miscommunication and frustration? You're not alone. We're diving into why this happens and how to change it. In this episode, we'll explore destructive communication patterns, known as the "four horsemen," a concept developed by renowned relationship experts John and Julie Gottman. These patterns—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—often create barriers in communication and, if left unresolved, can predict relationship failure. Understanding these behaviors is key to unlocking better communication and learning how to get your partner to truly listen. But awareness alone isn't enough, so I'll share actionable strategies to help you break free from these negative cycles. You'll learn how to cool down when emotions run high, express your feelings using "I" statements, and foster a connection through active listening. Real communication isn't just about making your point—it's about understanding your partner's perspective and feeling understood in return. This episode is packed with practical tools and tips to help you express your needs more effectively and create a culture of mutual respect and understanding in your relationship. I'll even share a special listening challenge to help you take these skills to the next level. Plus, don't miss details on our free email course designed to provide even more support in your journey to improve communication. Whether you're struggling with feeling heard or simply want to deepen the connection with your partner, this episode will equip you with the tools to bridge the gap and figure out how to get your partner to listen. And as always, a quick reminder: while I'm a therapist, this podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy. Make sure to like, review, and subscribe to get all the future episodes and help the podcast be found by others who would benefit the most.  You can sign up for Elizabeth's FREE 10-week relationship email course here.  Read the show notes for this episode here.    Free Relationship Pattern Assessment Are you having the same conversation over and over? Many couples assume they have a communication problem when they're actually stuck in a relationship pattern that keeps creating the same conflict. Take the free Relationship Pattern Assessment to identify the pattern that may be keeping you disconnected and learn what to focus on next. 👉 https://pages.communicateandconnect.com/relationship-quiz