003 – Surviving Divorce Podcast – Dating After Divorce

In this episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast I will cover dating after divorce.One of the questions I am asked most often is "When can I start dating again after divorce?"  I've covered this topic in the blog but thought it deserved a podcast episode as well.It's only natural to want a new relationship after a divorce.  You want to know if you've still "got it", you may want revenge, and you just want the pain to go away.Unfortunately there are significant dangers to dating too soon.  You may be having a rebound relationship which come with a host of problems and very seldom last.So when are you ready?If there is a chance of reconciliation with your ex-spouse then dating will only confuse matters.  If you still have strong feelings for your ex, either good or bad, you likely aren't ready.  If you are overwhelmed by life after divorce you probably don't have the emotional energy to invest. And, if you haven't worked through the stages of grief you will probably bring baggage into the relationship that will sabotage it.There are also spiritual considerations to consider when choosing to date.  Please seek the counsel of a pastor or spiritual adviser before jumping in.So how long will it be before you're ready?There is no easy answer, but there are some guidelines that I have seen hold the test of time.Most experts agree that you need to wait at least one year before dating.  Beyond that, opinions vary widely.  The DivorceCare material that I taught for years suggested that it takes 1 year of healing for every 3-4 years of marriage.My personal experience closely mirrors this timeline.  I was married for nearly 13 years and started dating after about two but I was not really ready for a serious relationship until about five years after my divorce.So please, don't rush in to a new relationship.  Second marriages have a divorce rate of over 60% and for third marriages this raises to over 70%.Only you can know if your ready.  If you think you are then begin slowly but don't be afraid to pull back and wait awhile if you find you aren't.If you have feedback or questions for the Surviving Divorce Podcast please call 347-433-7664 and leave a message.You can find some recommended resources here.