005: The Cost of Belonging: Tanya Saroj Bakhru on Assimilation, Voice, and Identity

In this episode, Parul speaks with Tanya Saroj Bakhru, a social scientist, professor and author whose work asks a deceptively simple question: who gets to belong, and under what conditions?Tanya’s thinking was shaped early by family histories marked by displacement, migration, and survival. Those experiences did not produce certainty. They produced curiosity. A lifelong attention to how power operates quietly. Through politeness. Through expectations.Tanya challenges the idea that assimilation is neutral, or that belonging should require self-erasure. Together, they explore the emotional and psychological cost of fitting in. How exclusion is often subtle rather than overt. How it lives in praise, compliance, and silence. And what it really takes to make a choice when fear and truth pull in opposite directions.It’s an honest, expansive dialogue about power, voice, and what becomes possible when you stop waiting for permission to belong.Explore the Conversation00:00 Who Gets to Belong and at What Cost03:05 Growing Up Between Histories10:57 A Father’s Story of Survival and Responsibility14:36 Violence, Trauma, and Intergenerational Impact19:57 Becoming “Other” and Learning to Speak Up24:39 Finding Language Through Feminism38:35 Foster Care, Adoption, and Family Separation42:53 Expanding Reproductive Justice Beyond Abortion49:24 When Choice Is Not Enough01:03:46 Choosing Courage, Moment by Moment Explore more:Connect with Tanya Saroj Bakhru on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/tanya-bakhru-a87a1b8b/]