0063: The Impact of Loss on Couples and Families

The Impact of Loss on Couples and Families | Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z ft. Perlyn Severe   Dr. Christina Zampitella hosts Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z and welcomes Perlyn Severe, a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Center for Grief and Trauma Therapy with advanced substance abuse certification, to discuss how grief and trauma impact couples and family systems. Sever shares her background and explains how loss can intensify existing relationship patterns, from closeness that becomes insular and ruminative to distance, imbalance, resentment, and conflict, including how codependency and enabling can emerge when substances are involved. They describe signs that outside support may be needed when problems surface through work, children’s behavior, or worsening functioning. The conversation also highlights healthy grieving in families—open communication, flexibility, and tolerance for each other’s pain—and notes differences in grieving styles, including intuitive versus instrumental grieving, and how expanding emotional vocabulary and coping skills can help couples adapt.   00:00 Welcome to Phoenix Rising 00:41 Meet the Guest Therapist 01:33 Why Grief Hits Couples 03:36 Training in Family Therapy 04:35 Family Trauma and Attachment 06:05 Career Shift to Addiction Work 07:41 Personal Path to Grief Work 09:56 How Loss Exposes Patterns 12:11 Cocooning and Rumination 15:01 Secure Team vs Us Against World 15:54 Codependency After Trauma 16:56 Couple Culture and Systems 17:48 What Enabling Provides 18:37 Gendered Protection Patterns 20:26 Grief Creates Imbalance 22:12 Resentment and Distancing 23:30 Healthy Family Grieving 23:57 Flexibility and Tolerance 25:28 Building Resilience in Therapy 27:53 Different Grieving Styles 29:16 Expanding Coping Repertoire