007: Survive and Advance: Brandon Hayes on Getting Through Divorce One Day at a Time

Podcast Show Notes: Surviving Divorce Together with BrandonEpisode OverviewHost Gabe McManus sits down with Brandon, a certified financial planner who went through his own divorce at 50 with four kids. This one's different. It's two dads who've walked the same road, comparing notes on guilt, grief, and finding their footing again. Brandon shares the mantra that got him through and why hiding his emotions from his kids is his biggest regret.Key Topics DiscussedThe Day Everything ChangedThat kitchen table conversation you dread and can't sugarcoatBrandon's four kids were 9, 7, 7, and 5 when it happenedThe overwhelming fear of doing it aloneThanking God all the way home after getting the kids on the school busWhat Nobody Tells YouThe weight loss, the depression, the year it took to let goWhy Brandon regrets hiding his emotions from his kids"They didn't get to see me vulnerable. I wish they had."Kids mimic what they see. Stiff upper lip isn't always the lesson you want to teach.The Guilt TrapWanting to say yes to everything so the kids don't miss out"We all need just a yes right now. We'll untangle it later."Drawing the line: each kid gets one activityThe $700 Lego Titanic storySurvive and AdvanceBrandon's March Madness mantra for getting through"Let's not worry about growing. Let's just survive this season."If you're putting away 10% for retirement during this phase, you're winningThere will be time to build laterA New Kind of NormalThe empty chair at the dinner table and why he bought new furnitureCreating routines and consistency as a single parent"It's not ever going to be normal. But there's a new normal that's also satisfying."What Suffering Teaches YouRomans on suffering, perseverance, character, and hopeKids showing compassion because of what they've been through"You had a great life before. You had a great life during. You'll have a great life after."Dating After DivorceEach child launches their own relationship rocket on their own terms"This is not your mom. This will never be your mom."Giving kids space to feel what they feelMemorable Quotes"I would just thank God all the way home. I did it. That sounds so stupid, so small. But when you're doing it by yourself, the self-doubt is huge.""We're mourning the loss of the childhood we thought they would have. They're just happy to have us still in their lives.""Survive and advance. One day at a time. I had that taped to my mirror.""You had a great life before him. You had a great life with him. You're going to have a great life after him.""If you're putting 10% away during this phase, you're winning. There'll be time to do 20% later."Key TakeawaysGive yourself grace. This is about surviving, not thriving. Growth comes later.Let your kids see you struggle. Hiding emotion teaches them to hide theirs.Don't let divorce taint the good memories. Your kids need to hear you celebrate what was.About the GuestBrandon is a certified financial planner with 25 years of experience who went through his own divorce at 50 with four children. He brings both professional expertise and personal experience to the conversation.https://www.ameripriseadvisors.com/brandon.l.hayes/Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | YouTube Connect: [email protected]