You're listening to Women in Peace Radio, where women in the marketplace connect with purpose and spirit, where the conversation covers all things women, business and fascinating fame. And now your host, Kristi Lynn Olson. Hello and welcome to the Women in Peace Radio Podcast. I'm so glad that you came to join me today.
We're going to talk about stress-free living on purpose. I'm going to be giving you 10 strategies for de-stressing your life. I know you probably think that that's not possible, but it is, believe me. And there are a lot of ways that we can do that.
You know, some of the top five stressors in life can be, and you probably already know us, but sick family members, money, financial issues, your own health issues, children, relationships and work. And I know from my own experience that some days you frankly feel so overwhelmed and you can't even see it all right at the end of the tunnel that you just think there's no end in sight. But after we talk about these 10 strategies for de-stressing your life, even if you only pick one or two and start practicing that on a regular basis, I know you're going to be successful. So strategy number one, resist over commitment and start eliminating.
Now, how do you do that? First, I want to talk to you about, I'm going to be referencing a story in the Bible about Jesus and how he started eliminating the stressors in his life, because he did have a human experience on this earth. Even though the Bible says he was without sin, that doesn't mean he wasn't without experiencing the emotions and the stressors of everyday life, especially once he started his ministry. So I'm going to be referencing a little bit of that story from Mark chapter 6, starting around verse 4.
Jesus told them, a prophet has little honor in his hometown, among his relatives, on the streets he played in as a child. You see, Jesus wasn't able to do much of anything there. He laid hands on a few sick people and healed them. That's all.
He couldn't get over their stubbornness. He left and made a circuit of the other villages, teaching other places. So you see, even Jesus got stressed and overwhelmed sometimes and he had to figure out what can I eliminate so I can start feeling more successful and not be so stressed. Now one thing you can do is sometimes what causes over commitment is we get over committed to something that will take more effort than it's worth.
How many of you can think of something about that right now? Or sometimes we try to do someone else's work. Or maybe we're trapped in a project that just saps all of your energy. And you know, that's a key.
If you're doing something that is taking all of your energy, that is probably a clue that you shouldn't be doing it. You've taken on too much. Now, also, I'm going to ask you this question. Is your own stress self-inflicted?
We are so good at putting pressure on ourselves, putting demands on ourselves. And no one else has asked us to do those things. I think sometimes we get that twisted in our mind and we think everyone is demanding things of us and that could be true. But a lot of times I bet if you really challenge yourself, you might find that a lot of your own stress is self-inflicted.
So what are some things that you can start eliminating? Or what are some, what I like to say, lost causes that you can start eliminating? And again, if you're demanding too much of yourself by doing more than one person's job, that may be something you just have to set some boundaries on. Or sometimes an example of that could be out of all and good intentions you volunteer for an organization, but they never seem to have any work for you to do or you're never quite sure how you fit in and nothing gets communicated and you just keep going back and going back and getting frustrated.
Sometimes you just need to stop over committing and volunteer work is good, but you can't do everything all the time. Also, I think a huge thing about over commitment is we try and do all of these things and we're not truly in line or aligned with our values or our purpose. And so one thing you can do is to start eliminating those things that are not aligned with your purpose. So if you don't know what your purpose is, that's a whole other conversation.
But one of the things I do with my clients is we do a two day intensive life plan retreat, or you can get a coach, you can find people to talk to you, ask some of your friends and just really kind of hone in on what is your purpose and then make some goals around that. So that was number one, resisting over commitment. Number two strategy that you can use is to resist over controlling. Oh my goodness, how many of us try and over control?
Now let me pick up on that story that we just talked about Jesus leaving because he really couldn't do a whole lot in the town that he was at. Verse seven goes on to say, he then went and called the 12 to him. He began to send them out two by two and gave them authority over evil spirits. Those were hands.
These are his instructions. Take nothing for the journey except a staff. No bread, no bag, no money in your belts. Wear sandals but not an extra shirt.
Whenever you enter a house, stay there until you leave that town. And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave as a testimony against them. They went out and preached that people should repent. They drove out many demons and anointed many sick people with oil and healed them.
So here is the key for to resist over controlling is delegating. To whom can you delegate? Maybe that means giving up your need to get things done exactly the way you would have it done. Can you think of things that you always think, well, there's a certain way it has to be done and no one else could do it as good as I can?
Here's a good example in my life. I grew up where we had to iron our bed sheets and our pillowcases. And I think we only did it because my mom probably wanted something for us to do. But I saw my mom ironing pillowcases.
I saw my grandma ironing pillowcases. And I got to a point and I'm like, well, why are we ironing the pillowcases? And no one really could come up with an answer other than it was just a way that they can control the things in the house and they had something to do. Another example of that for me is loading the dishwasher.
I think one of the biggest conversations and disagreements my husband and I have is, is there a proper way to load a dishwasher? I don't think there is. My husband does think there is. So if I'm going to load the dishwasher the way I want to, I can't get frustrated when he goes the dishwasher the way he wants to.
If I do, that's over controlling on my part. Anything like that. Cooking laundry. Clearly I have a domestic goddess issue problem because I do not like doing any of the household chores.
But there are certain things that I kind of like certain ways. And if I want it done that way, then I'm going to have to do it. If I get to a point where I'm doing everything and I think no one else can do it better than me, I need to release some of that. So I want to challenge you to think daily or weekly.
What are the tasks that you can start delegating either at home or at work? Now I gave you examples of at home, but at work, same principle applies. Sometimes we think we have to do everything because we have a certain way we want it done. That doesn't mean it's the only way and that doesn't mean it's the best way.
And sometimes we have, that's why we have teams at work. We need to allow people to step up into their giftings, but we also can't do everything ourselves. And so we really need to learn how to delegate and how to release control over that. So here's a caveat.
You cannot delegate and then tell them exactly how to do it. That by definition is not delegating. That is still over controlling. So number two, we need to resist over controlling.
Number three, we need to resist overactivity and maybe learn how to rejuvenate. So back to our story in Mark chapter six. So Jesus said, come with me by yourselves to acquire a place and get some rest. Sometimes during tragedy, during exhaustion, stressful times, it's important just to take time out to rest.
Even in the midst of a busy season of life, you still need to take care of yourself mentally, spiritually, physically. And I know you probably know that. This is not rocket science. But how do we take care of ourselves mentally, spiritually, and physically?
How do we resist being overactive, over busy? I want you to think of ways that you can schedule times of rejuvenating. And again, I know that sounds like a luxury to some of you, but it really isn't. I think it's really something that you have to figure out how to do on your own and you need to do it regularly.
There's the book character makeover by Katie Brazeltin. She has a great example. And I'm going to give you a few of the highlights of it about how to build in a Sabbath rest. Now the Hebrew word Shabbat or Shabbat means to stop or to desist, to cease from doing.
Do you have regular time built into your schedule to cease from doing? Observing a Sabbath doesn't mean going to church and sitting down being quiet and reading your Bible. Now that could be part of it. But when we talk in the next few examples about what the God the Father and God the Son did on the Sabbath, you might get a picture of what that Fifth Commandment really means.
Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy. One thing God did is he enjoyed his accomplishments on his day of rest, on his Sabbath. You can look back and find something to celebrate in your own achievements for the week. Another thing God did is he says he delighted in his creation.
So why don't you go out on a picnic or a hike or enjoy nature? You can create something. You can do a craft. You can bake a pie.
You can paint. You can do something that calms you down. I love to knit. I tried watercolors and I might pick it up again, but I took a watercolor painting class and I realized I'm a type of a personality that was not a good fit for me because I didn't want to put any paint on the paper until I knew exactly what it was going to look like at the end and what brush strokes should I use.
So you have to find what works for you but find something that you can be creative and that you can create doing. You have something Jesus did on a Sabbath. He actually healed people physically and spiritually which brought them joy. So maybe you make your Sabbath day a day of joy.
Plan activities that are going to relax you or refresh you or just give you some personal healing. Do a fun project with other people or start a tradition of giving affirmations to people over a Sunday lunch. I have a friend who has a gratitude box. It's called Grateful Box and she's teaching people how to write down every day something that they're grateful for and then maybe you can reread them at the end of each week or at the end of the year and just realize how grateful you really are for the small things.
Or one of my favorites is to spend time writing in my spiritual journal. I have a separate journal just for spiritual times and that has been a real blessing to me because I can go back over it and see how God has answered prayer and listen to how the Holy Spirit is speaking to me and there's just a continuity and a pattern and a rhythm that I get into. Jesus also pointed people to God on the Sabbath. So you could focus on God by telling others about him and about how he's made such a difference in your life and that's just one of the ways we can do a mini Sabbath.
I also have some really great resources on how to take quite time or to do a Sabbath. Both of them are by the same author. Her name is Ruth Haley Barton and I'll put this link in the show notes but one of her books is called Sacred Rhythms, How to Arrange Your Life for Spiritual Transformation. That to me was just worth it's a short read but it gave me so many opportunities to understand what it looks like to create a spiritual discipline that will open you up to God's transforming love and power and the change that only he can bring about in your life.
Another book that she wrote is called Invitation to Solitude and Silence. That one a lot of people say well I can't go on a silent retreat because I like talking to people. If that's you maybe you really need a silent retreat and it's not because you should be punished but think about maybe there's some things you're trying to avoid dealing with and we'll talk about that in one of our other strategies but the practice of solitude and silence really are radical because they will challenge you on every level of your existence when you have to sit still especially in this Western culture if you live in the Western hemisphere. Everything around us says you shouldn't be sitting still you should always be doing something and there's all this information overload and so this time of quiet could really confront you on so many different levels if you really need to sit down and be still with yourself.
So I'll put those links in the show notes but that's one thing that you can do to rejuvenate. Look for a quiet place look for some quiet time and start practicing the Sabbath rest. Strategy number four one of the de-stressers you can employ is to resist frustration and focus on your passion. I'm going to pick up again Mark chapter 6 verse 31 to 34 it says for there were many coming and going and they did not even have much time to eat so they departed to a desert, sorry not a desert place they departed to a deserted place and many knew him and ran their own foot and Jesus when he came out saw a great multitude and was moved with compassion for them.
Well this is where we have to remember in the midst of frustration when we're feeling stressed to focus on our passion. Don't become an adrenaline junkie who thrives on drama and pressure. When the stress escalates don't get frustrated don't get caught up in it intentionally look for ways to be moved by compassion. You know what that old saying when you take the focus off yourself and focus on something else your problems don't seem so worrisome they don't seem so big and you can you can move beyond pity that's what Jesus did when it says he looked on them with compassion.
He moved beyond pity and went to supply a need so sometimes if we just get activated and focused on someone else's needs it takes the stress of our own daily life and it takes the stress off the things that we think are so bad. You can ask yourself some questions why am I here who do I love why am I truly passionate about and also start looking at the triggers that tend to trigger your frustration for example with me anything that has to do with technology constantly frustrates me just when I want to print something the printer doesn't work just when I need to send an email my wire was goes down it's always something else sometimes we need to pray against it because we know that the enemy is the prince of the airwaves and so we have to shut that down we have to pray against it but a lot of times it's just those little things and we just get super dramatic about it we feel super pressured and we think we have to fix it right now and we have to tell 30 people why it's not working and then we have to tell 30 more people why we're frustrated instead maybe just look outside of yourself and take a note from Jesus and move by be moved by compassion go beyond pity look to supply a need for someone else I actually got to hear a speaker who was the sister of Michael or from the blind side Collins to me and she said something that will always stick with me she said you know sometimes we a way to be moved by passion is to look for the value in others especially others that seem to be overlooked and undervalued so maybe when you're feeling frustrated and everything seems to be going wrong take the focus off yourself look for someone who appears to be undervalued or overlooked and see if there's something you can do to supply a need there number five is to resist avoiding your problem that's one that I bet a lot of you didn't think I was gonna say in our story marked chapter six picking up at verse 36 Jesus said send the people away so that they can go to the surrounding countryside in villages and buy themselves something to eat or actually Jesus didn't say that sorry the disciples said that but Jesus answered no you give them something to eat now the disciples thought there was a problem all of a sudden people were crushing in on them and they're like hey Jesus we need to get these people to go somewhere else go get some dinner because we need some time alone and we don't have any food so that's their problem not our problem and Jesus totally flipped it and he said you can't resist or you can't avoid the problem so avoiding your problem might delay the immediate pain or the immediate need but it's never gonna solve it they could send all of those people away but they're just gonna come right back especially if they can't find anything to eat and they were looking for the food in the word of Christ and so even if they didn't know that they would have to keep coming back because they didn't have everything they needed now your own problems sometimes you need to deal with them head on but we always like to resist you know another thing is some of you I noticed like to wear your woundedness as a badge of courage and I'm just gonna tell you right now you need to stop it's frustrating for the rest of us but honestly it is gonna be the most frustrating for you in the long run if you continue to wear your woundedness as a badge of courage and avoid dealing with the problem head on nothing is ever going to change you need to own up to it face it and deal with it and believe me I know that is not easy that is hard an example would be you're having financial problems or you're having problems in your relationships or you're having severe health issues or you're having a crisis of faith those are all things that are very important and probably have a delicate solution that you need to employ but you can't be an ostrich and just dig your head in the sand leaving someone else to deal with your mess is not gonna help anyone especially yourselves and sometimes I know you're just playing worn out and you think I can't deal with one more mess and it's easy to say I'm just going back to bed or I'm gonna be an ostrich and put my head in the sand but once we own up face and deal with our own problems that's when you start seeing real transformation that's when you can avoid that whole issue of being frustrated with problems that keep circling around especially the ones that keep circling around one of the best things I can remember about this is I used to know someone who had certain she couldn't eat a certain food let's just she had a food allergy and every time we went out to eat as a staff she would eat that food that she knew was gonna give her an allergic reaction or not make her feel good for the rest of the day and so not only would she eat that food but she took a time to tell us why she has to eat that food and why she shouldn't eat that food and it makes her sick but you know I think she just needed someone to listen she was just looking for attention but I just wanted to say well don't eat the food if the food makes you sick don't eat the food don't keep telling us why you can't eat it or why you're frustrated that everyone else can eat all the food and you can't and I know this sounds harsh but I just have to be honest I get so tired about hearing people that like to wear that woundedness like a badge of courage and that's what I mean by that if there's something you know you shouldn't be doing or there's something that you know you need to stop get some help if you need help get some encouragement but don't dig your heels in and expect everyone else to change the world for you because that's not going to happen you need to be part of the change you need to be the one to step up and own that problem number six one strategy that you can use is to resist overreacting don't react by I'm gonna use this word in air quotes catastrophizing your problems maybe you missed the deadline but there's always another way and ladies panic is not a strategy some problems are not yours to solve and some problems are gods to solve so break down the details of your problem and see who really owns it that's something that I do a lot and honestly if I look at who really owns the problem probably 80% of the time it's not me who owns the problem but I stick my nose in somebody else's business thinking I can fix everything and don't always do a knee jerk reaction take some time sometimes you just need a time out you need to reprocess you need to reevaluate and don't always solve all the problems for your family members sometimes family members need to sit in their own stuff until they can figure it out it's kind of like a toddler learning how to walk you know you don't want them to fall and get hurt but sometimes they need to take that stumble before they understand what balance is all about and the same goes for us sometimes we need to stumble sometimes we need to own up to our own issues so we can understand what that looks like so talking about resisting overreacting you know that Jesus said hey you feed all these people and the disciples then said to him well that would take almost a year's wages are we to go and spend that much on bread and give it to them to eat well of course Jesus answer will find out what what he said to that but that was a perfect example of saying don't catastrophize your problem maybe we can work together and panicking and blaming other people is not the best strategy so we need to take a look at that the next strategy is resist getting overwhelmed and I know these sound similar and they are but you can overreact and then you can also number seven get overwhelmed so we want to resist getting overwhelmed and one of the strategies that Jesus used was to prioritize and evaluate so when the disciples said well how are we going to feed them and we don't have any food and even if we did it would cost a lot of money so Jesus said well how many loaves do you have go and see so that was a simple answer Jesus basically said prioritize and evaluate your situation so he said how many loaves do you have and then break it down into smaller tasks go and see and then the next thing that Jesus wants to talk about is he's going to help them stop getting overwhelmed but sometimes it just starts the answer is starting with a simple task or doing the big one first if you heard the phrase eat the big frog first sometimes you have to do that thing you've been putting off put it first on your list and just get the stupid thing done but above all remain calm also you know not only can you prioritize and evaluate a problem but I always say what's the worst that can happen how can you be prepared in advance especially if it's something that you tend to see over and over again and it may not be you doing it but somebody else is doing it so you know like hey every time I want Mary comes over she's going to talk about her foot surgery and I'm going to get frustrated so maybe I'm just going to get us ready to play a game and we're totally going to take her off guard and do something fun and she won't talk about her foot you know who knows but when I do this I can boil most of my problems down to worst case scenario no matter what it is I can always boil it down to the worst case scenario is I'm going to die and then I get to be with Jesus in heaven no I say that kind of tongue-in-cheek but honestly if you think about it the worst thing that could happen to me if that's the worst thing I'll take that and that kind of gives me perspective and helps me remain calm at the end of the day by saying you know what if I totally screw up this presentation at work what's the worst thing that can happen to me they can fire me I can lose my job I can lose my home I maybe my family members leave me I get put out on the street I don't have anything to eat I lay down on the sidewalk and I die of starvation but because I'm saved because I've given my life to Jesus I get to be with Jesus in heaven so at the end of the day what's the worst that can happen you get to die and you get to be with Jesus in heaven now I know that I'm over exaggerating on that which probably was one of the points I shouldn't over exaggerate but stop getting overwhelmed with so many things and worrying about things that probably won't even happen number eight strategy for de-stressing is to resist overworking and that's what Jesus did so he said how many loaves do you have go and see and then the next verse says Jesus directed them to have all the people sit down in groups on the grass and I think he actually organized them in like groups of twelve so get organized create a strategy organize your environment organize your team get more people involved in accomplishing the goal create order in your world that's basically what it is creating order in your world I think there's even a book by that but what do you need to sort out or organize ask yourself that and who can help you and what is your first step in going forward this is a lot of times where we play that martyr syndrome just like Mary and Martha did where Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus and Martha was saying hey I got a cook for all of you and I need some help and my sister Mary is just sitting there listening to Jesus I need some help here so I need to organize but Martha went on to just ramble and ramble and ramble and tell people about how overwork she was instead of just looking for a solution it also is a good place to think about who else can help you you know maybe there are some other people that can do the grocery shopping for you do the cooking for you how can you set boundaries so that you're not wasting your time on tasks that you could delegate remember delegate was never to we talked about how can you delegate start making a list you know what day we to do list I used to think that I could put six things on my to do list today I'm telling you the older I get and the more the busier I get I'm lucky if I get three things done on my list so now I'm just focusing on three things because I'm a big list maker and I like to see things crossed off and if I have six things on my list and I only get to three I get frustrated so I've only put three things on my to-do list and actually I think I just read an article in Forbes or Forza magazine that said most successful people only list three major to-do is a day so you can at least get those accomplished and not be frustrated at the end of the day so strategy number nine for not feeling overwhelmed and overworked is to resist slipping away from good habits so what does that mean well I'll tell you what it means we need to stay praying stay healthy and stay on schedule nurture yourself first it's really about the oxygen mask theory you know if you're flying an airplane and oxygen mask comes down they always say put yours on first and then help someone so we need to remember what are the good habits that we can instill in our lives that are going to keep us healthy body mind and spirit and sometimes frankly staying on a schedule is the only sanity I have in my day when life seems totally crazy if I can keep on a routine keep on a schedule know what's going to be coming up that helps me get through the rough parts so Jesus said to these disciples after they assessed the situation put everybody in groups he said now take taking the five loaves and the two fishes and looking up to heaven he gave thanks and broke the loaves they all ate and were satisfied and we know at the end of the story that there were even more leftovers than they could even use so think about good habits that can just give you a sense of well-being and continuing to pray what's important to your general well-being what refocuses you or re-energizes you what's your oxygen mask I know for me it's a regular sleep it's also time out at a prayer cabin or someplace that I can go and be alone and be quiet it's plain worship music or reading something that is just going to calm you down you know they talk about harp music is angels music it's totally going to calm you down family mealtime so that was something that was really important to my family talking about no matter how busy we got growing up family mealtime was non-negotiable as I was growing up and I also did that when I was raising my son family mealtime is non-negotiable even to this day my husband and I take time out mealtime is non-negotiable that's where we can check in with each other and when I was young that's where I learned the art of conversation in politics that's where we talked about current events so it wasn't just about what did we do in our day which is important in checking in with each other but it was talking about bigger issues at hand and just really learning how to have a conversation so then when we were older and with adults we could really be intelligent and have a conversation so I think getting away from good habits when you're frustrated is the worst thing you can do keep praying stay healthy stay on a schedule all right strategy number 10 for being stress-free resist becoming over anxious first 48 in mark chapter 6 talks about Jesus seeing the disciples being totally stressed and they were on a lake in a storm actually and it says he saw the disciples for draining at the oars because the wind was against them shortly before dawn he went out with them walking on the lake he was about to pass them by but when they saw him walking on the lake they thought he was a ghost they cried out because they all saw him or were terrified immediately he spoke to them and said take courage it is I don't be afraid then he climbed into the boat with them and the wind died down they were completely amazed I love when I read that verse because I suppose I would be amazed but why are we constantly amazed when we cast our cares on Jesus and he gives us that peace that peace that passes all understanding but we have to do it over and over again so when your day is stressful and it takes on a crisis remember that Jesus cares deeply about you and he cares about your stress level it's really faith it's where rubber meets the road and it's about having spiritual eyes to see Jesus in the midst of your crisis and what can you do to reclaim peace and security so that you don't capsize in the crisis you know I was talking about heart music it really is therapeutic if you can just get something that you can play that just really is soothing if you find yourself being stressed a lot of people use essential oils breathe in deeply just breathing the conscious action of breathing can cause you to just not be so anxious but at the end of the day remember that God is sovereign and even in the furnace of affliction he will not let you burn that's from Daniel chapter 3 verse 1930 is a still whole story about the fiery furnace and just remember God did not set you up for failure God did not set you up to burn in the fires of crisis he really is looking for you to deepen your faith stay close to the shepherd the winds are always calm when Jesus is in your boat but you need to call on him that was the big lesson I learned in those verses you can be afraid and you can get totally wound up in your own stuff but if you focus your eyes on Jesus invite him into the boat with you that's when you can find that peace that passes all understanding that's what you can find that that one common thread that is just gonna de-stress your life and give you the refreshment and the renewal you need to move forward so I just want you to remember that staying close to the shepherd not getting stressed out take some time to think about the things that you can start illuminating think about the daily the weekly tasks that you can start to delegate find time to create a little mini Sabbath or a day of rest find the things that can rejuvenate you and just speak to your soul don't get caught up in everybody else's business focus on your own but own up and face your own problems I really believe that God has so much more for you when you're not stressed when you're not anxious and frankly most of your crises if you just stop worrying about them they're gonna go away they're gonna take care of themselves but we need to constantly pray constantly stay healthy stay on a schedule and nurture yourself so thank you so much for listening and I hope that you'll have a de-stressed week hey everyone this is Kristi Lynn Olson have you downloaded the new women infused app it's available both on the Apple Store and Google Play my passion is to see God's daughters take back territory stolen by the enemy and empower them to live healed and whole in every area of their life I'm gathering the most amazing women in this community of broadcasters to help teach marketplace women what they need to know about living out their best life in health and in wellness and in their faith in the workplace more networks are going to be added as we grow you see our goal is to reach one million women around the globe through this free app and you can help by telling all your friends about the app and downloading it yourself so go to your favorite app store either Apple Store or Google Play and download our free app today make sure you tell your friends and join this sisterhood of Spirit Filled Women of Influence thank you so much and we look forward to seeing you on the app this has been Women infused Radio connecting women around the globe with purpose and spirit and we want to connect with you get your free gift unveiled voices six things you need to do to define your value voice and vision for more information on the free gift and links to join the conversation on social media visit us at christylinnelson.com