010 – SDP – Facebook Stalking and Baggage

Facebook Stalking:I recently read an article detailing a study conducted by Dr. Tara Marshall of Brunel University in London where she studied the effects of ongoing  monitoring of an ex's activities via Facebook (Facebook Stalking).She "sought to fill this research gap by examining whether remaining Facebook friends with a former partner and checking his or her Facebook profile is associated with continuing breakup-related distress, negative feelings, desire for the ex-partner, and inhibited personal growth."She studied two groups of people.  The first group were those who de-friended their ex after the break-up but continued to monitor his/her activities using Facebook.  The second were those who remained Facebook friends.Her results were not exactly what she expected.  Those who "stalked"  were associated with "greater current distress over the breakup, negative feelings, sexual desire, longing for the ex-partner, and lower personal growth."  And "people who remained Facebook friends with an ex-partner were lower in negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the former partner than people who were not Facebook friends but still exhibited lower personal growth."My take on this is that continued interest in your ex's activities often indicates a continued attachment or jealousy, either of which would indicate that you have not moved through the grieving process and reached the acceptance stage.You may be stuck in any of the four previous stages and continued monitoring of your ex's activities just keeps adding new things to your list of losses that need to be dealt with.BaggageDiane called in with a question about how to avoid bringing baggage from her previous marriage into a new one.  My advice is to make sure you have grieved and forgiven your ex.  Also don't project your feeling for your ex onto your new partner.  Talk things out and if that doesn't work seek out professional help.QuestionsIf you have a question you would like answered on the show, please call the listener feedback line at (347) 433-7664 or just click on the feedback tab to the right and leave a message with your computer microphone.Leave a comment in the comments section and start a conversation.