You're listening to Women Infused Radio, where women in the marketplace connect with purpose and spirit, where the conversation covers all things women, business, and fascinating faith. And now, your host, Christy Lynn Olson. Hello, and welcome to the Women Infused Radio podcast. This is episode 12.
I'm Christy Lynn Olson, and today I'm going to be your strategist. I want to help you plan and map out proven strategies in all areas of your life to help you walk out your divine destiny, encouraging you every step of the way. Today, I'm giving you strategies that will take your life from ordinary to extraordinary. I want to encourage you to be fearless, relentless, and intentional about leaving a legacy and finishing well.
It's not too late. You can still finish the year strong and set yourself up for success in the new year. I want to encourage, inspire, and motivate you to identify and take steps to release your beautiful power, the beautiful power in your life and business, so that you can be fully aligned with the destiny God has for you. I coach and consult from a biblical perspective, always using a spirit-driven process to really get to the heart of the matter quickly, authentically, and effectively.
My goal is, and always has been, to help you move forward in your life and to live boldly, beautifully, and with purpose, seeing all your hopes and dreams fulfilled. You will experience transformation and revelation as you identify your voice, your strength, and your beauty to the world. My gift of coaching and consulting with women reflects my authenticity as a flawed but fabulous woman of faith who stands on God's truth, who will be faithful to complete the work he has given me to do, as I inspire beauty and purpose in the lives of those around me. The reason I'm so excited about what I'm going to share with you today is because of the complete transformation it has created in my life, as I have struggled with my own search for purpose and making a difference in the world.
I have always had big, God-sized dreams, but for some reason, I came to a point, and to be honest, more than once, where things were just not happening as quickly as I wanted them to. And I realized that there were some stumbling blocks to my purpose that I kept falling over again and again. I realized that there were some areas in my life that needed a little refining and renewing before I could move forward with my life and my purpose. And that God cared more about my character than he did about my strategic life and business plan at the time.
I'm going to share with you the eight stumbling blocks that every woman needs to avoid to successfully live out her life purpose, so that you can start recognizing them right away and implement a few strategies to get going in the right direction. Okay, are you ready to start taking notes? Because we have a lot of ground to cover. Here we go.
The eight stumbling blocks every woman needs to avoid successfully living out her life purpose. Stumbling block number one. Can you guess what it is? Pride.
The problem of being me-centered as we misvalue ourselves and others. Now, here are four ways that we tend to act prideful if we are out of balance. See, because it's all about balance. One way is if we're exalting ourselves.
This is when we overvalue ourselves by trying to work overtime on building ourselves up in front of others. Here are some examples of that. Are you constantly showing off the accomplishments of your children? No, I don't mean you can't talk about your children, but are you constantly bragging and showing off about the accomplishments of your children?
Think about that. Or are you exaggerating because the truth might not get you enough of a reaction? This is for all the drama queens out there. We're always exaggerating when we're looking for a reaction.
Or maybe we're serving to be noticed. That's false humility. That's what I also call the church lady syndrome or the martyr syndrome. Or are you feeling entitled because you're working so hard and you want everyone to recognize it?
Are you maneuvering for a preferred position in your family, your community, or even the workplace? Looking for attention because you're not getting your basic needs of protection, provision, and acceptance met. Another way this shows up is if you're belittling yourself. So sometimes we exalt ourselves, but then also we belittle ourselves or tear ourselves down.
Worthlessness is the most deceptive form of pride. It's really a false pride because on the outside it looks like humility, but it's really a covert way of attracting attention. Many women undervalue their worth and tear themselves down in hopes that someone will notice and build them up. Women who overwork and let others take advantage of them or also can be known as a doormat.
That's sometimes how it shows up. Or women who have a difficult time accepting help, gifts, compliments because they don't feel worthy or they live in a shame-based reality. Now, you have to know something. Shame versus guilt.
Shame is who I am is not good enough versus guilt, which is what I did was not good enough. Shame always condemns. Guilt convicts, but it's up to us to course correct. So you need to know the difference.
Don't let shame override you. Sometimes we do feel guilty and we have to course correct, but shame is never from God. Another way it shows up is perfectionists who secretly try to prove that they are worthy by controlling some area of their lives. For example, they might have an immaculate house, but their family is actually being torn apart by alcoholism or by children who are less than perfect, and they want everyone to think that their life is perfect.
Now, attacking others is another way that this can show up. It can be a judgmental spirit, a spirit that devalues and tears others down. Women often who are critical, irritable, and intolerant, or argumentative, or feeling self-righteous, that's the way that it can show up is attacking others. Also attacking others or trying to change them.
Girlfriend, they don't need you. They need a savior, and you are not it. So be careful when you start attacking others. Ignoring others.
That's another way that pride can rear its ugly head. When we undervalue the input of others, and also it may be that we're ignoring others, and we're too proud to receive input ourselves. Here are a few examples of that. If you're not being teachable, and you can be saying, I already have my act together, and you won't let others speak into your lives, but you feel the license to speak into the lives of everyone else around you.
This is what's also known as the advice giver. Another way that shows up is if we're remaining stuck in our past instead of realizing that we can choose to stay the same or change our behavior. This is what I call the victim's badge of courage. It's that badge that says, you need to accept me exactly the way I am because life's been hard on me.
That's really just an excuse to avoid change, change at all costs. Or if it's never our fault, always someone else's fault, not taking responsibility for our own behavior. Now, overcoming pride, you can overcome pride by discovering the inner beauty of true humility and not false humility. That's really what we've been talking about here with pride.
Now, stumbling block number two that you have to look out for is insecurity. Sometimes our self-esteem is based on what we believe the most important person in our life thinks about us, and our confidence suffers when that message has been negative. Now, examples of insecurity can show up as, I feel stuck when problems arise. I see mistakes as embarrassing, so I hide them.
Failure is proof that I'm unworthy. Or, I fear failure and avoid risk, and then remain stuck in the process. Or, when I'm in a new group, I'm self-conscious. I put myself down.
I'm driven by what I think will make others happy. I conform in order to be accepted. I feel out of control, incapable, or inadequate. Or, my self-esteem is based on the approval of others.
Now, three of the biggest confidence dealers that create insecurity that you need to watch for are this. The first one is not knowing who you are. It's getting firm in your identity. If you are around negative people who are constantly critical, you start feeling like a failure and a nobody.
If you constantly compare yourself to others and feel like you're never measuring up, that's another way that we can just steal our identity. Number two is not knowing why you are here. You have no sense of purpose. If you are confused or unsure about your purpose, you may be more susceptible to fatigue and failure, and those feed into these feelings of insecurity.
The third confidence dealer is not knowing what you're truly worth. Oh, my goodness, women, we have to get over this one. Your value to the kingdom is invaluable. It is priceless.
And some of us who have a low sense of value or worth, and I know I'm guilty of this, there are three ways that we can self-sabotage for experiencing self-worth. One, we talked about it before, but it shows up a lot. Perfectionism. Trying to make yourself perfect.
If I could just be perfect, everyone will like me. If I'm not perfect, I will be a failure. That's that negative self-talk that goes around in our heads. I have to tell you, being perfect is unobtainable on this planet.
You're just setting yourself up for failure, which then becomes a convenient excuse. Remember this, you have worth because God created you, redeemed you, and loves you. Period. No more, no less.
It can also show up by control issues. Trying to make your world perfect. If your self-image relies on being right all the time, or looking right, or parenting right, that's going to strip you up. If it's forcing people and things in your life to line up exactly with your expectations, it's going to only succeed in alienating those around you who you're trying to control.
Now, low self-esteem and self-worth can also show up in forms of depression. In depression, you are actually attacking yourself. It's chronic insecurity. Now, we can feel trapped and hopeless.
And if that's you, I really want you to reach out for help. Depression is not a healthy response to life. And there are so many amazing people who can help you work through that and get you out of that season of life. So please, I don't take depression lightly.
Get help if you need it. So overcome insecurity by discovering the inner beauty of confidence. Simply block number three, fear. Fears that can keep us trapped and powerless.
Who or what do you allow to have power over you? Fear blocks creativity, productivity, and relationships. It can also lead to health issues or psychological problems in extreme cases. Here are the three most common companions that I have found that I've struggled with the most when fear comes to play as a stronghold.
The first thing is worry. And I come from a long line of warriors. Worry. The root that we get worry from comes from the term to strangle.
Like an out-of-control vine, it needs to be cut off at the root. Worry happens when you rehearse your fear about a past or future event over and over and over. Eventually, you can become strangled emotionally. People who worry about the past have a hard time forgiving themselves.
And whether you worry about the past or the future, the time you spend worrying is keeping you from living in the present. My theory about worry is this. It's the upside of worry. Most things we waste time worrying about never come about.
Or in reality, they are much less devastating than we imagine them to be. So stop worrying. It's a huge waste of your time. Now, another way fear can show up is in anxiety.
Anxiety is worry without boundaries. Worry is usually event-specific, but anxiety is a constant sense of foreboding or uneasiness. It can also show up in claustrophobia. Another way that fear can show up is in lying.
Lies that cover up something you're afraid will be found out, like maybe your shortcomings. And all that is going to do is have a snowball effect. Once you start with a little lie, then you have to tell another lie to cover the first lie. Then you have to tell a third lie to cover the first and second lie.
Do you see what I mean? Eventually, you're so deep in lies, you don't even know what the truth is anymore. Now, examples of fear. Sometimes there's real fear.
Fear of danger, ridicule, criticism, abandonment, rejection, embarrassment, attention, failure. Yes, I've experienced fear of rejection a lot in my life. And you have to remember that God did not give you a spirit of fear, but he has given us a spirit of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and self-control. So fear or worry and faith can't coexist.
So we walk number four, stress, uncontrolled emotions. We need to gain our own self-confidence and maybe even control our own schedule sometimes because that is where a lot of stress comes from with women. We have to set up boundaries here. Boundaries are meant to protect us.
And if we can be in control of our own time and our own schedule, you will experience less stress. Here are some negative emotions that might show up if you're experiencing constant stress. The first one is fatigue. Fatigue can make us short-tempered and irritable by the end of the day, and we're already exhausted.
Your cup is empty, and it's hard not to lash out to those closest to us. It's kind of like kick-the-cat theory. You know, the man came home, and he was mad at his life, mad at his job, and the first person who came across his path was a cat, so he kicked the cat, so sometimes we're just angry at the first thing that walks in our path. Another way that stress can show up is through frustration.
This type of stress or anger can be directed inwardly because we feel we have personally failed, or it can be expressed outwardly because of a certain frustrating circumstance, and then we lash out at someone even though it's not their fault. Another way that stress can show up is through rejection, and I talked about that before. I've dealt with that a lot. If we're deeply wounded in an area of our lives, it can cause us to lash out when something triggers that hurt, and hurt people hurt people.
I've had to check myself on that one many times throughout my life. Now, it can also show up through embarrassment. Sometimes we can overreact in anger if we are embarrassed, so we lash out to attacking or by running away in order to get the attention off of us and onto another person or thing. So overcome stress by discovering the inner beauty of self-control.
Assembly block number five, impatience. Jumping the gun and being impulsive all the time. The Bible is all about waiting. Have you noticed that?
Sometimes even under the most difficult circumstances. Waiting for a healing. Waiting to fulfill a vision. Waiting to start a ministry.
Waiting to be rescued. Waiting for a spouse. Waiting for children. God's timetable is usually different from ours.
No, it's always different from ours. And the process of waiting is a God-ordained experience that he uses to prepare us for what he has in store for us. Like in the story of Abraham and Sarah, we want to make sure that we wait on God's timing so that we give birth to an Isaac, not an Ishmael. We want something birthed out of the Spirit of God, not birthed out of the flesh of man.
There's usually a lot of backtracking to do when we impatiently take things into our own hands instead of waiting on God. Here are some things to remember when you feel yourself getting impatient with people around you. Don't assume you know everything about the situation. Seek first to gain clear understanding from the other person's perspective.
Ask clarifying questions. Listen before you speak. That's why we have two ears and one mouth. And then give the person a break.
You have no idea what they maybe have been dealing with. Now here are things that can come up if you're an impatient person. Little pet peeves. Being frustrated by things that are sometimes beyond your control or frankly not that important to get all worked up about.
Things like losing your keys or having a spouse that loses their keys or a child who loses their keys. Rush hour traffic, a kid's messy bedroom. Sometimes you just have to let go of your preferences and expectations. All you do is make yourself miserable.
Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. That's from 1 Corinthians 13 verse 5 from the Living Bible Translation.
When we just can't wait any longer, remember this. God will provide. God is on schedule. And God is in control.
And we overcome impatience by discovering the inner beauty of patience. Stumbling block number six. Envy. Do you remember her?
The trap of being jealous, discontent, and living without peace or joy. It's about letting our circumstances dictate our emotions. Happiness is an emotion. Did you know that?
But joy is a state of being. We can have joy and peace in our circumstances because we trust God completely. And know he is sovereign and Lord of our life. In the kingdom of heaven, and right now we are experiencing heaven on earth, there is righteousness, peace, joy, and the Holy Ghost.
So if you aren't living with joy or peace, you're missing out on two-thirds of the kingdom. I don't know about you, but I want the whole deal. Now here are some joy thieves. The daily drudge.
Like living with an Eeyore. Remember Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh? They steal your joy and they suck the life right out of you by their chronic negativity. If you let it, your daily duties feel like drudgery or chores.
In life, there are just certain things that we need to do, like taking care of aging parents, taking care of children, doing the laundry, doing grocery shopping. We have to start living from a position of joy and peace instead of envy and discontent. See all your work as a holy calling. The peace thief.
That's the other one. First we talk about the joy thief, and now when envy roars, it's like we have the peace thief can come in. This is the theory of the grass is always greener on the other side. We're never fully able to enjoy the present when we're always focusing on the if only I had dot dot dot.
You fill in the blank. Here are some examples of things that we tell ourselves that keep us living in a state of envy. The career season. I'll be fulfilled when I get that promotion or that degree, but not until then.
Or in a marriage season. I'll be fulfilled when I find a husband. I would be happy with my husband. husband were different.
I wish I didn't have a husband. That can be an extreme. Or, I wish I had a husband like so-and-so's husband. Remember, we don't always know the whole side of the story, and the grass is always greener on the other side.
Or the motherhood season. Sometimes we tell ourselves, I'll be happy after we have our first baby. Or, if only my child would obey. Or, I can't wait until my kids grow up and I can pursue the things that I finally put on hold for them.
See, that's being envious. So stop being envious, and stop being caught in a cycle of dissatisfaction in all the seasons of your life. Start knowing that your work today has worth, and start enjoying the journey that you are on. Delight in today's adventure is a gift from God.
Remember, Jesus always met people where they were at, not where they wanted to be. Just learn to rest in him for a season or two. Overcome envy by discovering the inner beauty of contentment. And here we go, stumbling block number seven.
Greed. Avoid living with a scarcity mentality and impure motives toward helping others. The many faces of greed are like this. God gives extravagantly and from a position of abundance.
But when we struggle with greed of our time, our talents, and our possessions, we are really telling God that he won't have enough for us. Greed can be craving for more, such as food, wealth, possessions, sex, power, love, control, etc., and not knowing when to stop. Another form of greed is hoarding. Holding on tightly and not letting go to things.
Here's a little self-test to see if you might be a hoarder. Do you have a hard time sharing your possessions? Are you usually too busy to spare the time to serve others? Are you so protective of your agenda that you resent interruptions?
And, by the way, miss the God's sightings or opportunities for divine appointments with people that he sent into your path for a reason? Do you close out people by guarding your personal space? Trust issues from past hurtful relationships often involve this one. And I know I've dealt with this one a lot.
And the interesting thing is when I took this inventory the first time, greed would have been last on my list, but it actually showed up first because I was withholding my time and talents because of trust issues. And I really had to learn to get over that. Greed can also show up in a sense of entitlement, such as I deserve that, or the world owes me, as we justify always putting ourselves first. And it can show up in believing that you have suffered greatly and have a right to be rude to others.
Or by thinking that someone who is just trying to do their job is inept if they make a mistake, and then making sure that you point it out to them and ridicule them in public. Or sometimes it shows up by thinking that my needs trump your needs. My circumstance is worse than yours, so give me a break. I deserve it more than you do.
Those are all examples of how greed can show up. Results of greed can be squeezing God out of your life and shutting others out of your life. It brings out insecurity because it's ego-driven. And greed steals your peace because you're always anxious or always pursuing more of something else and never being satisfied just with what you have.
Greed for things can often mask a feeling of hidden pain. Thinking more things will make you happy. I'm not against acquiring things. I love to get my things just like you do.
But if you're avoiding facing your own pain in some area, that stuff isn't going to make it go away. Now you just have more problems with taking care of all those things that you probably didn't really need in the first place. So overcome greed by discovering the inner beauty of generosity. Here we are at stumbling block number eight.
Quitting. Giving up too soon and allowing your dream to die. God is the ultimate dream giver, and he doesn't want you to quit. Has God given you an idea, a dream, an inspiration, or a heart-spurning desire?
God has designed a dream custom-made for you, and no one is going to be in competition for your dream because it's your dream, not someone else's. So don't give up because you have work still to do on this earth, and that is a precursor to the work you will be doing in heaven for eternity. This, here on earth, is where you get to aware of two of the biggest dream killers. Number one, if the dream seems too big and you get intimidated by it, or number two, people around you are unsupportive.
And in order to overcome the dream killers, you need to do these three things. You need to cover your dream with prayer, pray about the problem, pray for protection, pray about the strategies, and get into the habit of prayer from beginning to end. I always have a prayer team or a team of intercessors covering me in prayer whenever I'm stepping into a new level. Remember how God has helped you in the past.
God is the same God yesterday, today, and tomorrow. And he is no respecter of persons. What he does for one, he'll do for another. It just might look a little different.
And the third thing that you can do to overcome the dream killers is to have the courage to fight for your dream. God will inspire you for a specific purpose, but you need to stand your ground while working on your dream, because your God-sized dream will certainly be a huge threat to Satan. Be prepared to defend your dream and call upon God when you come under attack. Overcome quitting by discovering the inner beauty of perseverance.
Life is a race, and there's a prize at the end. From an eternal perspective, the real adventure is going to be spending eternity in heaven. So my dream for you is to run the race, leave a legacy, and finish well. So train yourselves to start focusing strategically on the opposites of the eight stumbling blocks that I just shared with you.
Focus on humility, confidence, courage, self-control, patience, contentment, generosity, and perseverance. Take a grace-filled, Holy Spirit approach toward truth in your own life. It has you develop an inner transformation of character qualities that will carry you through tough seasons of life with an ease and a flow of true peace and joy, not one of defeat. This soul work is not for the faint of heart.
It's for real, authentic women of God who are ready to be bold, stand up, and make a positive change in their lives in order to get a step closer to discovering their unique calling and life purpose. I have a free quiz that you can take to help you identify the top three potential stumbling blocks, or some people call them strongholds, that might be keeping you from walking out all God has for you. You might also like to learn more about these character traits by reading the book Character Makeover, 40 Days with a Life Coach to Create the Best You. I use this book with all of my clients, and it really helps you take an honest look at your life in a very grace-filled way.
To get the free quiz and links to the book, all you have to do is download the Women Infused broadcast app for Apple or Android. Then go to my Women Infused podcast channel and click on episode 12. There you will find this recording plus all of the links. I'd love for you to leave a comment on my podcast channel and let me know what three potential stumbling blocks showed up for you after you took the quiz.
Let's encourage each other along the journey. Remember our motto, no woman left behind. This has been Women Infused Radio, connecting women around the globe with purpose and spirit, and we want to connect with you. Get your free gift, unveil voices, six things you need to do to define your value, voice, and vision.
For more information on the free gift and links to join the conversation on social media, visit us at christielinolson.com. Thank you.