016: Listening, Growth, and Lifelong Resilience

Have you ever wondered why your child acts up?  Is it because they really want to annoy you or because they’re trying to tell you something?   In this conversation Dr. Claudia Gold helps us to understand that what we call ADHD – an extreme example of a child’s “acting up” – is not a known biological process but rather a collection of behaviors that often go together.  We might call them “symptoms,” but they aren’t symptoms in the way that a cough is a symptom of pneumonia.   Instead, Dr. Gold argues that by medicating the symptoms (i.e. the “difficult behavior”) we ignore the underlying problems that are causing them which ultimately doesn’t help the child – or the family.   Whether your child has been diagnosed with ADHD, whether you suspect it, or whether you’re struggling with run-of-the-mill behavior problems, Dr. Gold has practical advice to help you.   Taming Your Triggers If you need help with your own big feelings about your child’s behavior, register for the Taming Your Triggers workshop. We’ll help you to: Understand the real causes of your triggered feelings, and begin to heal the hurts that cause themUse new tools like the ones Katie describes to find ways to meet both her and her children’s needsEffectively repair with your children on the fewer instances when you are still triggered Click the banner to learn more!     Dr. Claudia Gold's Book The Silenced child: From labels, medications, and quick-fix solutions to listening, growth, and lifelong resilience - Affiliate link   Jump to highlights 00:30 Introduction to the episode and guest Dr. Claudia Gold 01:20 Why 30-minute ADHD visits weren't enough for Dr. Gold 02:44 Hidden factors that can look like ADHD 04:28 Behavior as a form of communication 06:42 A troubling example from child psychiatry training 09:55 When does a child become a person with feelings? 11:41 What a toddler's out-of-control behavior is really asking for 12:51 Repair: what to do after a moment goes wrong 15:09 How conflict between parents can show up in a child's behavior 18:50 What a "holding environment" means, and where the idea comes from 23:11 Why staying present through a tantrum matters 26:04 Concrete tools for supporting a toddler with a new sibling 28:24 Is there ever a place for ADHD medication? 31:32 A story about a hidden family crisis behind a child's diagnosis 33:51 What parents can do: trust yourself and look at the whole child   Reference Gold, C.M. (2016). The silenced child: From labels, medications, and quick-fix solutions to listening, growth, and lifelong resilience. Boston, MA: Da Capo Press.