043 - Nice Guys Aren't Good Men

For the Nice Guys reading and listening to this - I feel you. Because I've been you.⁠⁠ ⁠ 100% self-confessed recovering nice guy here. ⁠⁠With honest reflection, feedback, clarity, and some sobering acknowledgements I saw that some overarching motivations were because I needed to be liked.⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Insecurity yearned to feel like I was important to and valued by others so I could convince myself of the same thing.⁠⁠ ⁠⁠What a shit-sandwich that was!⁠⁠⁠⁠ One I kept making and eating.⁠⁠ Yuck. ⁠⁠ This is the Nice Guy: hope that by being nice, people will like them - see them as a good nice guy. ⁣⁠⁠ ⁣⁠⁠On the surface - "So what, who doesn't like being liked?"⁣⁠⁠ ⁣⁠⁠Intent matters.⁠ ⁣⁠⁠'I'll Be this way and do this for you, and then in return, you like me and give me reassurance.'⁣⁠⁠ ⁣⁠⁠That's not nice, brother. ⁠ It's a subtle form of manipulation. ⁣⁠ It's transactional niceness.⁠ ⁠Yuck. I know this can be a tough pill to swallow, it definitely was for me many years ago.⁠⁠ But the thing with swallowing some pills is they can create a new reality.⁠⁠ ⁠⁠This pill can shed the patterns that sit beneath the nice guy persona; the need for the approval of others so that you can feel ok about yourself.⁠⁠ ⁠⁠That's a bottomless pit of resentment, frustration, self-abandonment, and hopelessness.⁠⁠ ⁠⁠When we can learn to accept ourSELVES as imperfect humans that some people just won't like, we can actually move beyond our old nice guy software and into actually being a GOOD MAN.⁠⁠ ⁠⁠That's the aim; an internal compass for self-assurance.⁠ ⁠ In this Episode: That is what we cover in today's podcast - a deeper look into the key differences between a Nice Guys and a Good Man. I share some for comparison as well as expand on some of the points and give a little of my own experience and examples in some of them For Nice Guys listening to this and resonating let me be clear on one important point: you can change this. You can be nice AND have boundaries and self-respect. You can be ok with people not liking you without being an arsehole. But it takes work. And I invite you into exploring that work with me in EVERYDAY LEGENDS ACADEMY via a simple clarity forming conversation with me. You have ZERO to lose in doing so - click here to find out more on ELA and book a call. If you're reading and listening thinking "Shit, maybe I am too nice" then you can take a quick 3 minutes quiz to find out here: 'Are you too nice?' I trust you take something valuable away from this episode. Please share it with a man you think could benefit from it also. And if you can prioritise 2 minutes, I ask you to do ME a solid and like and rate and review this podcast on iTunes - it supports us in getting this podcast in front of more Nice Guys who want to become a genuine good man but don't yet have this information. Other Ways To Consume this podcast: iTunes Spotify Mike's site YouTube Get Involved: Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Follow on Spotify Sign up for Mike's LEGENDAILY Emails to help you with a daily shot of loving straight talk direct to your inbox Want to explore DEEP coaching support and guidance with Mike? The Everyday Legends Academy is now open for enrolment applications. Book a call here with Mike to see if it can be the full and remarkable solution for you like it has been for so many men before you.