055 – Breakthroughs in Confrontation

Do you struggle with confrontation? How does it make you feel? Does it hold you back from expressing yourself? In this episode of Creativity Excitement Emotion, David shares about the challenges he’s experienced in confronting others. Download the PDF Transcript Sponsors: Productivity, Performance & Profits Blackbook: Get a free copy of the “Definitive Guide to Productivity for Artists and Entrepreneurs.” Highlights: 00:17 – Labels 01:17 – Sensitive-intuitive 02:16 – Avoiding confrontation 06:11 – You need to speak up Transcript: I'm not a very confrontational person and I have a feeling it's one of those things that has held me back in my life. My friend Maveen Kaura always said, “Don't give yourself labels.” You might've heard a little bit of that kind of conversation on Using Your Power. And I agree with him. I never labeled myself as something permanent. We’re not all fixed. We're all changing. The only reason a label would stick is if you’re telling the story over and over. Even as I say that I think I'm kind of realizing the insanity a little bit in what I'm saying, which is helping. I'm trying to identify or distinguish something in the way that I've been so that I can be freer. And I think that's what today's conversation is about. Why I’m sharing this with you, is because of what I understand about being a sensitive-intuitive… I'm not saying that description fits me to a T or exactly. All I'm saying is there was a period in my life where that was something that I needed to hear and it helped me heal in a very difficult situation where I was feeling very depressed and I don't use that word casually at all. It was the summer of 2014, and my prayers were hitting the ceiling, and I didn't feel like living anymore. So, I was in that state and that's when I discovered “sensitive intuitive,” what that meant, and that made a difference for me. So that's where the identification originally comes from. Like I said, it doesn't have to be set in stone and it doesn't even have to be permanent. It's just something that helped me through a period of my life. But what I know about being sensitive-intuitive is we have trouble with confrontation. There is something physical that happens. When the need for confrontation arises, usually it's in our gut. We feel pain when there's something that needs to be said to another person. Now, throughout my life and my personal development journey, I have gained a lot of ground in terms of self-expression. I'm more self-expressed than I've ever been. But if there's a part of me or there's an aspect of myself that has held me back from being everything, I think I'm capable of being, and from being totally and completely free, it's probably this – confrontation. Now, when you hear “confrontation” you might immediately think to yourself, “Okay, so like yelling and shouting matches and that types of scenarios.” And yes, that can apply, but it can be something as insignificant as “There's something I need to tell someone,” but knowing that you have to go and tell them makes you feel nervous. So, that's the physical reaction that I'm talking about. It’s not just some minor butterflies in your stomach. You feel pain. That's the kind of physical reaction that I'm talking about. So, are there situations where I've stepped through pain, the butterflies, the fear to tell people things? Absolutely. That's a deviation from the norm. That's a deviation from how I've described myself. That’s why I say, “Labels are a moving target.” So, at times, I have been able to be fully self-expressed in these scenarios, but there've been scenarios where I also wasn't able to express myself in the way that I needed to. I have tended to get away from those scenarios as quickly as possible. And there are situations where maybe I wasn't fearing for my life, but a little bit. At least fearing for my possessions and my finances because of the people I met who are sociopaths, psychopaths, drunkards, and people with chemical imbalances, no doubt. And I'm not judging by saying that. I think there are people close to me who've struggled with various conditions. So, I understand. I would consider myself very compassionate, or at the very least understanding of people with different conditions. In situations where you feel as though you could be in harm's way, getting away from the situation is the right reaction. You can confront crazy people if you wish, but it’s not always a great decision. You could put yourself in danger. I also think I’m a pretty likable guy. Maybe because of that, some people hate me. I've sometimes been told, “You're too smart for your good.” I'm like, “I have no idea what that means,” but people didn't like me for those reasons. Anything can come up. We can have any reason we want for not liking people. It doesn't make it right. It just means that you're going to feel what you're going to feel. But I think I'm beginning to realize there are situations in life where you do need to speak up for yourself. I think that's what I'm working on. And, I know there's nothing to work on because there's only something to transform. Transformation is instantaneous. Working on something suggests that it's going to take time and effort, and we have to figure out what specific steps we're going to take, and where transformation can come from discovery. But this is what I'm out to discover for myself: What do I do in situations where I need to confront? Is that something I can face up to? And what would I need to have distinguished in my life such that I’m free to express myself?