091: Do I have privilege?

This episode is part of a series on understanding the intersection of race, privilege, and parenting.  Click here to view all the items in this series.   Each time I think I’m done with this series on the intersection of race and parenting, another great topic pops up!   Listener Ann reached out to me after she heard the beginning of the series to let me know about her own journey of learning about her White privilege. Ann and her husband were a ‘normal’ White couple who were vaguely aware of some of the things they could do to help others (Ann works at a nonprofit) and saw politics as an interesting hobby.   Then they adopted a Black daughter and had a (surprise!) biological daughter within a few months, and Ann found that she needed to learn about her privilege – and quickly. She’s had to learn about things like the features of a ‘high quality’ daycare for both of her daughters, how to keep them safe, and we get some feedback from Dr. Renee Engeln about how to help Black girls to see and be confident in their beauty.   Ann is openly not an expert on this topic, and does not speak for adoptive Black children, or even for all White adopting parents. But she finds herself far further along this journey of discovering her privilege than the vast majority of us – myself included, until I began researching this series of episodes.   Jump to highlights 01:24 Introduction to this episode and how the series on race and parenting grew 03:35 Introduction to listener Ann, mom to Alice (Black) and Audrey (White) through adoption and birth 06:33 How not having to think about race shows up as privilege in daily interactions 09:15 Visiting predominantly White areas: strangers touching Alice's hair and "othering" through over attention 13:29 How the search for schools has shifted from test scores toward diversity as the top priority 16:50 The discomfort of being the only White family in the room, and what that teaches 20:54 Rethinking books, clothing, and toys so Alice sees herself represented 28:14 Why parenting advice about discipline and behavior needs different consideration for a Black child 30:42 Beauty and body image: Ann's approach so far, and deferring to Black mothers' expertise 40:23 How the research on beauty and "mom beautiful" shaped Ann's thinking going forward 46:36 Closing thought: White privilege hurts White people too, in the form of missed connection and diversity   References Bates, K.G. 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