099. From Fear to Freedom

A food addict from New South Wales, Australia, I am the youngest of three who grew up with a strict, abusive father and a hardworking, protective mother. My childhood was filled with deep-seated fear, including night terrors, fear of the dark, and fear of my father. Despite having a large, extended family around me, I felt totally alone and alienated. As a child, I was trained by Olympian swimmers to be on the national team, but I got scared and quit the sport. Then I found dancing and went off to the UK to study ballet. Once again, fear led me to drop out. I realize now that opportunity frightened me, so I kept saying "no." Amid personal struggles with identity and acceptance, including abuse and familial disapproval, food was my constant source of comfort. At times, I would wake up at four in the morning and start cooking before leaving for work, only to start cooking again when I got home. My eating grew worse, and I started using bulimia and extreme dieting to control my weight. Thankfully, despite initial skepticism, I attended a meeting of Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), which provided a pathway to recovery and self-discovery. I have embraced my true identity as a gay man and embarked on a journey of healing and personal growth. I never thought I would live past forty, but today I am sixty-one, with dreams and hopes for the future. I thought I was too damaged, too broken, and too far gone, but FA proved me wrong. I thought it wouldn’t, but this program absolutely works.